Indie's aunt was apologetic. Deeply apologetic. So apologetic that Indie felt bad for burdening her with in the first place.
"I can't believe I turned my phone off, I usually always turn it on vibrate." her aunt said to no one in particular as she drove Indie home
It wasn't until just a little bit after lunch started that her Aunt Charlotte finally returned Indie's phone calls. Aunt Charlotte knew about Indie and her history of panic attacks, so when she heard the voicemail she insisted Indie leave school early.
"Aunt Charlotte, I swear I'm okay."
The lie rolled off her tongue like water on a leaf. Indie was never okay, but that was for no one to know about but her.
"Indie, you don't have panic attacks when you're okay." her aunt said, stopping at a red light
Indie said nothing, fiddling with the bracelets on her arm. Part of her wished she could actually open up to her aunt.
Charlotte had stepped up as a mother figure when her mom walked out and her dad became a workaholic. It was Aunt Charlotte who had told Indie it was okay to be upset about her mom's departure and her father's new all work mentality.Indie remembered Aunt Charlotte being the one she ran to when she found out about Sophia moving. Aunt Charlotte had been the one to reassure her that their friendship wouldn't change and that everything was going to be okay. When it was determined that her friendship with Sophia was definitely over, Aunt Charlotte was the one that came over to spend the night with cookie dough ice cream and some of Indie's favorite movies to cheer her up. And when Indie could no longer wear a smile on her face, it was Aunt Charlotte who allowed Indie to lay in her lap and sob.
"It doesn't-"
"Don't you dare say that it doesn't matter because it does matter." her aunt scolded, "Something happened to make you react the way you did. And when you're ready to discuss it, we will, okay?"
Indie nodded, resting her head against the window.
"Okay."
Indie could tell her Aunt Charlotte was resisting the urge to squeeze the truth out of Indie. She'd never do that though, she respected Indie's feelings.
Her aunt parked her black Lincoln in the driveway of Indie's house. The older woman pressed the button to unlock the door allowing Indie to get out. She closed the door behind her and was walking towards her door when she heard her aunt raise down her window. Indie walked back towards the car.
"Don't worry about your father or school or any of that other stuff right now."
Indie opened her mouth to ask a question, only for her aunt to dismiss it with a wave of her hand.
"I'll handle anything that arises, but trust me, nothing will. Go up to your room and get some sleep before I have to bring your sister home."
Indie nodded, pulling her beanie farther down on her ebony curls.
"Thanks for bringing me home." Indie said, before walking towards her front door again
"Indie." her aunt called out
Indie turned to look at her aunt, not moving.
"I love you." her aunt professed
The look in her aunt's eyes combined with her tone sent a guilty feeling in her stomach.
Indie looked down before meeting her aunt's gaze. "I love you too."
Indie locked the door behind her before going upstairs to her room. She threw her book bag down and stripped from her school clothes into clothes more comfortable. It wasn't until she had looked at herself in the mirror that she broke down.
She stumbled to the ground, sobs racking her body. She couldn't believe she had allowed all the events that happened today take place. She absolutely hated herself.
You actually knocked a person down. When did you get that fat?
She should have never tried to get her textbooks from her locker. She should have went straight to class. Perhaps if she had, she wouldn't have knocked into that boy. She hated herself for how fat she was.
Don't forget the fact that you allowed yourself to have a panic attack in class. Guess who's the school freak now.
Indie dug her sharp fingernails into her arm, not caring about the little marks they were imprinting or the stinging it caused. She was terrified to think of what her classmates probably thought about her now. How could she have been dumb enough to have one in front of people?
Gawd, you're hopeless. her inner voice taunted
She yanked at her hair, crying harder. Why was she so fat and stupid? What did she ever do to deserve any of this? Was she that bad of a person? Was she being punished for some crime she did in another life?
Indie continued to cry, tears staining her face, until she was unable to. She then picked herself up and got under her covers. As if knowing she was upset, Wren came in the room, hopping into the bed with her. Indie sniffled, wrapping an arm around her dog.
"I messed up again, Wren." Indie choked out, her voice broken
Her dog whimpered in response.
She fell asleep, wishing she'd never wake up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luke was on his way back from the bathroom when he noticed Sami and Ashton standing by a row of lockers talking. From the expression on Sami's face, it didn't seem like it was a friendly conversation either. Curious, Luke walked over.
"Look, I know Lyla is the reason, she's been a real bitch to Indie lately. It wouldn't surprise me if she overstepped her bounds, she always does."
"You don't know if that's what happened. You can't just go punching people on assumptions and past actions!" Ashton argued
"Um, is everything okay over here?" Luke interrupted, causing the two to jump in surprise
"Luke, er, hi." Ashton greeted him. Sami gave him a small smile and nodded, before glaring at her cousin again.
Luke didn't exactly know what to say, he probably should have thought of something when he decided to walk over.
"Um, didn't Indie leave early?" Luke questioned
Luke recalled not even being in the library with Indie for more than a few minutes when Indie got a phone call from her aunt. He hadn't been able to hear all Indie's aunt said on the phone but from what he did hear, he knew that panic attacks weren't something new for Indie. It made him even more curious to know what happened.
"Yeah, her aunt picked her up." Ashton confirmed, causing Luke to focus his mind back in the present
"I think it's good she went home."
Which he did, Indie didn't need to be at school anymore. But of course, this was just another time where his chances of being able to talk to her had been soiled. Not that his chances of Indie actually talking to him were that high to begin with. He probably would have done most of the talking anyway.
"Oh, so do I." Sami said to him,"But I also wanna know the person that caused the panic attack in the first place."
"Assuming it's a person." Ashton pointed out
"You're really annoying," Sami informed him,"You know that?"
"Shouldn't we just allow Indie to talk about what happened in her own time?" Luke interjected
Sami immediately started shaking her head. "There's no way she'll tell us."
Luke opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Ashton sighing and running a hand through his curly, brown hair.
"She's probably right, actually." Ashton admitted,"Indie doesn't really open up with us as much as I wish she should."
Luke frowned. If Indie wouldn't even confide in her two best friends, did he really even stand a chance? Besides Indie had probably grown up with Ashton and Sami, while Luke had barely been attending the school for a month.
"That's why I'm taking it upon myself to scope out the person." Sami said
"Luke, please tell her how much of a bad idea, this is." Ashton pleaded exasperated, looking at his cousin like she was hopeless
Luke blinked, unsure of what to do. He wasn't a fan of taking sides and with the way Sami was acting, he wasn't sure she wouldn't take it that way.
"Just don't do anything that will make more upset than she already is." he decided with
The blonde girl huffed and crossed her arms. He must have said the right thing.
"You forgot to add in don't do anything stupid." Ashton responded, giving her a pointed look
Sami rolled her eyes, mumbling something under her breath. Luke was pretty sure it was language his mother strongly advised against.
"It just bothers me." Sami said, shaking her head upset
"What?" Luke asked, curious
"She's probably hurting so much right now, but we won't be able to help, because she'll refuse to talk about it with us. We never know how she feels."
"So what do you guys usually do in these situations?" Luke asked, hoping he wasn't prying too fair into the trio's friendship
"Hope that she'll open to us about it."
Luke bit his lip, before asking the question he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to.
"Does it ever happen?"
Sami and Ashton exchanged sullen glances before Ashton finally answered, defeated.
"It hasn't happened yet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indie woke up feeling just as hopeless and tired as she did when she fell asleep. She turned on her side, fiddling with the bow tie on her teddy bear. She wished she could just stay in her bed forever. Lock her door so that no one could never bother her. She'd be all alone for the rest of eternity. She was convinced that was the only way (besides death) that the anxious and paranoid feeling lingering in her mind and body would cease.
She weakly raised her arm to grab her cellphone. She groaned when she saw that it was past 3:30. Cami was bound to be home soon. And if Cami caught I Indie looking sad, she was bound to tell their father. And that would just make things worse. Sure, her father would ask her many questions, but she knew he really didn't care her mental state. He just wanted to make sure it was nothing major to where he had to call off of work. Because work was way more important than his fat and depressed teenage daughter.
Indie sat up in her bed when her phone started to beep, notifying her of a text message. She unlocked her phone to see Sami and Ashton had messaged her, but the most recent one was from her Aunt Charlotte. Indie decided to ignore her friends' messages for now and tapped on the one sent by her aunt.
I took Cami out for some froyo, we'll bring you back some, xoxo-Aunt Char
Indie exhaled and placed her phone back on her nightstand.Just as she was about to lay back down,her phone beeped again. Her eyes lingered towards the phone. She bit her bottom lip before picking her phone back up. A message from Sami appeared on the top of the screen. She exhaled, running a hand through her (without a doubt) messy curls. She tapped on the message, making it go to full display.
She let out a sigh, knowing that she needed to text her friends back. They just wanted to make sure she was okay. She bit her bottom lip again and began typing a message. Not being able to do it, she deleted the words she had wrote. She then erased Sami's message along with the ones from Ashton. She just couldn't do it. So she opened the music player on her phone and listened to Trouble by Halsey until she fell back asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indie was relieved (and slightly confused) when her father announced to her the next morning that Aunt Charlotte would be taking Camila and Indie to school for the rest of the week. She would have asked her father why, but she didn't want to get on his bad side so quickly.On one hand it meant she didn't have to be afraid of showing up to school three minutes before the bell rang.
But, to Indie's discomfort, it was obvious why her Aunt Charlotte was doing this. Pity. Her Aunt Charlotte felt bad for what had happened to Indie yesterday. She was doing this just because she thought it would make things better. There was no doubt about it in Indie's mind. And it made Indie want to scream.
Indie was very aware that she was a broken and helpless person, but she couldn't stand it when other people noticed and felt sorry for her. It made her stomach twist in knots and intensified the urge to lock herself away to never be seen again.
If Indie had even felt slightly better than the day before, it was dashed now. But there was nothing that could be done about it. She was just going to have to shove her emotions down, something she had grown accustomed to when her mom left. It wasn't like her feelings mattered anyway.
"Girls!" her father yelled from downstairs,"Hurry up, your Aunt Charlotte will be here soon, you won't have time to eat breakfast if you don't get a move on."
Indie placed the black and yellow Batman bow at the top of her little sister's ponytail. Camila looked up with a wide smile, all teeth showing. Indie couldn't help but smile back, the little girl's smile was infectious.
"You're gonna wear your Batman bow too, right?" the little girl asked, her eyes wide
"Absolutely." Indie promised,"Now get downstairs, so you can eat some breakfast before Aunt Char gets here."
Camila nodded before bolting down the stairs, Indie automatically reminding her about the no-running-on-the-stairs rule.
Indie examined herself in the mirror. She had on one of her varsity jackets with a black v-neck under it paired with jean shorts and her Batman knee socks (one of her favorite pairs). She frowned at her midriff. Why couldn't she be flat like the pretty girls in Vogue magazine? Why did she have to have a fat stomach and wide thighs that made boys gag and girls laugh?
Indie jumped, her thoughts interrupted, when she heard her the familiar call of her name. She quickly placed the Batman bow on her side ponytail. It matched her Batman knee socks. She swung her backpack over one shoulder, turning off her bedroom light as she exited her room.
She (quickly) took the stairs two at a time. Her little sister was putting on her backpack as her father opened the door. Aunt Charlotte must have just pulled into the driveway. The caramel toned girl grabbed a blueberry muffin and a Vitamin Water, barely listening to whatever her father was saying.
"See you when I get home, daddy?" the youngest daughter asked
"And not a minute more, sunshine." the older man replied, planting a kiss on her daughter's head
Indie stiffened, resisting the urge to point out that when she would ask her father to come home early when she was younger, he would always say that he would try and give some excuse about something going on at work.
"Alright you two have a great day at school." he said, shooing the two out of the house
"Bye daddy!" Camila ran out of the door to Aunt Charlotte's car
Indie walked out of the front behind her sister, not giving her father a response. It wasn't like he would care, he never did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you want, you can catch a ride home with your friends, that's fine." her Aunt said to her just as she was about to get out of the car
Indie winced. She didn't know what made her feel worse, her Aunt's pity or the fact that she had to face her friends after ignoring them all last night.
"I didn't tell Cami but she has an eye appointment after school today." Indie looked back at her aunt after being ripped from her thoughts,"Your father doesn't get off in time for the appointment and since I get off early today, so your father asked me to take her."
"Yeah, okay." Indie mumbled, opening the car door
She had one leg out of the car when her aunt called her name. Indie paused looking at her aunt who had a frown on her face.
"You're gonna be okay today, right? Do you want me to bring you something? I can come by on my lunch break or-"
"Thanks," Indie cut her off,"But I'll be fine."
"Okay." her aunt was still frowning,"Have a great day, okay."
Probably not. Indie just nodded before exiting the car and walking up to the school entrance.
Indie kept her head down as she walked to her locker. She was almost glad the hallway was busy because hopefully everyone would be so caught in what they were doing, they wouldn't even see her. She wanted to be invisible to everyone.
But it could never be that easy.
She didn't even have time to avoid Sami and Ashton because they were already standing at her locker waiting for her.
She hesitantly walked up to the two of them. Ashton shuffled his feet and looked at his shoes while Sami maintained eye contact. Indie's eyes shifted to the ground as she cleared her throat to speak. But before she could, Sami enveloped her in a hug.
"Oh my god, you're the worst." the blonde girl muttered, hugging her best friend tightly
Indie stood there confused. That wasn't exactly the reaction she had been planning for. Yet, it felt really good to be hugged, so she allowed herself to hug the lean girl back.
The blonde let her go after a few more moments, both hands on her shoulders. Indie squirmed, feeling uncomfortable under her best friend's gaze.
"You fucking scared us! I was so worried. I must have left like a million text messages and voice mails."
Indie frowned, guilt settling in her stomach. She remembered laying in her bed, ignoring every notification she got of a new voicemail or text message.
"I get that a lot happened to you, yesterday. And if you don't wanna talk about how you're feeling that's fine, but next time, just send me a fucking message saying you don't wanna talk. Don't ignore me, you know how anxious it make me!"
"She's not the only one." Ashton mumbled with a shake of his head, from behind her
"You, shut up." she snapped at her cousin,"I'm trying to have a serious conversation here."
Ashton rolled his eyes walking up to the two girls casually knocking Sami's hands off of Indie's shoulders resulting in a scoff from the younger cousin. Ashton ignored her, looking at Indie.
"What she's trying to say is, just don't do that again, yeah? And by that I mean almost give Sami a heart attack again and drive me insane."
Sami snorted, mumbling something under her breath. Ashton turned his head, opening his mouth to respond when Indie cut him to it.
"You're right, I'm sorry." Indie apologized, biting his lip
The two looked at her while she shuffled her feet, knowing she should say more but not really wanting to.
"I should have answered back, I'm sorry for worrying you guys." she settled on, looking back at the both of them,"Forgive me?"
The two exchanged glances before nodding, Ashton opening his arms for a hug. Indie smiled, hugging the brunette tightly.
"We love you, Indie." he murmured, squeezing her
I don't know how they could love you. Can't they see that they deserve better than you?
Indie bit her tongue, ignoring her cruel inner thoughts. "I love you guys too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luke twirled the bathroom pass around his index finger. His legs had been about to fall asleep from just sitting there and hearing his teacher lecture, so he lied and saying he had to use the restroom. He just wanted out of there before he died to boredom.
"Hey Luke."
Luke stopped walking to see Lyla by a row of lockers. She appeared to have been checking her makeup. She closed her compact mirror, sliding it in her purse before walking up to him with a huge smile on her face. Being the kind person he was, he gave her a warm smile in return.
"How's it going, Lyla?"
"Oh, you know," she exhaled,"the usual, school, drill team, boyfriend drama."
Luke noticed that they were the only two people in the hallway and that they were just randomly standing there.
"Is your class down this way, too?" he asked her
The olive skinned girl nodded, tilting her head in confusion.
"Wanna walk back to class together?" he suggested
The girl's whole face lit up at the suggestion. She flipped her hair over one shoulder, before linking her arm with his which confused him. All he suggested was that they walk down the hall, not go to a wedding together.
Luke dismissed it though, walking with her. Starting the conversation back up, he asked her.
"So you and your boyfriend are having issues?"
"Well, we were. He's my ex boyfriend now." Luke could see her looking at him rather suggestively out of his peripheral. It was kind of weird.
"Sorry to hear about that." he moved his arm so he could put both hands in his pockets
He stopped walking when he saw that she had stopped and was frowning at him but she quickly got rid of it, replacing it with a small smile. "It's okay." she began walking again,"Maybe he wasn't the one, you know. Maybe there's someone better."
Luke had stopped paying attention at the sight of Indie sitting in the office looking bored out of her mind. He had been secretly hoping she would come to school today.
Without hesitation, he turned to face Lyla who was still walking and talking.
"Hey, Lyla," the girl stopped and looked at him with a questioning glance,"I have to get something from the office, so I'm gonna stop by there first."
Lyla furrowed her eyebrows in confusion before looking towards the office to see Indie sitting there, doodling in her notebook. Her eyes narrowed at the obviously less prettier girl who was taking all of Luke's attention.
"Oh, okay." she nodded, fake smiling before continuing down the hall, internally seething
Luke didn't bother to say goodbye, heading into the office instead. At the sound of the door swinging closed, Indie looked up to see who had entered. It stung when her shoulders sank and a small frown etched on her face at the sight of him.
"What can I get for you?" she asked, avoiding eye contact
"You came to school, today." he walked up to where she was sitting,"That means you're feeling better, I hope?"
She simply shrugged, before tapping her pencil against her notebook. "I guess so."
So, in other words, no. Luke felt like blurting out.
Luke stood there for a few moments, wishing he had rehearsed what to say in his mind, before coming in here.
"I know why you're really in here." she blurted out, catching him off guard,"You just wanna know what happened to me yesterday."
"That's not true." Luke protested. Well not completely.
She looked at him in disbelief.
"It actually isn't. Look I," Luke sighed, before talking again,"I was just wanted to make sure you were okay and," he lowered his voice to a mumble," I was hoping maybe you would want to just talk. About anything."
"Sometimes the best thing for me to do is just be silent." she responded, looking back at her notebook
Luke thought over her reply for a few moments. It bothered him. The hurt expression on her face. The fact that she felt like she didn't deserve to let people know how she felt. All of it bothered him and he deeply wanted to change all of it. Because Indie deserved better.
"I'm sorry someone ever made you feel that way."
Indie raised her head up at that. Luke could tell that wasn't the response she was expecting.
"I'm sorry that you feel like you can't open up to anyone." he continued,"And yeah you don't really know me. And I know I can't expect you to trust me this fast." he paused, before letting out a breath,"But I want you to feel like like you can."
"Trust me," she said, her voice broken,"I'm not that special."
"Yeah, you are."
And damn it, he was going to prove it to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N:I love that Zoe Saldana gif. Hell, I love Zoe Saldana. She portrays Aunt Charlotte because Aunt Charlotte is bae and so is Zoe.
Anyway...
Ayy, I finally updated. Woo! One day, I'll probably go back and change this chapter because it truly sucks [well some parts], but it's been like three months since I've updated this, and you guys love it so much, that I just couldn't keep you guys waiting any longer. Thanks for being so patient and continuing to read and comment and vote. YOU GOT ME OVER 3000 READS. THAT IS SO FLUFFIN INCREDIBLE. I TRULY LOVE YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
You guys are just so hella rad and I really appreciate it. Let me know you still care by voting and commenting, like I hope I didn't lose you guys. I'm off tomorrow so maybe I can update again, we'll see what magic I can transpire.
P.S. I gave a little bit of the backstory between Indie and Sophia. It's gonna develop more as the story progresses. Next chapter shall be Lindie af [HE THINKS SHE'S SPECIAL GUYS] and I'm excited.
Stay tuned and I love you guys forever.