second: imaginary blood-red flowers
...
Kotomine Kirei was right; he was right the smudges that appeared on Tsuyuri Kanao's hand was the traces of Command Seals. But the seals itself haven't emerged fully, so she wasn't a full-fledged Master yet, a participant of the coming Holy Grail War, a battle royal event that will take place in two years.
"When did you get this?" Tohsaka Tokiomi asked, surprised when she finally mentioned it that morning when she came back to the study with Kirei. "Did the Association knew?"
"This wasn't here when I was on the airport. Maybe I got this on the way at the airplane," she replied, "No. They don't know."
Kirei had made his way and was now standing behind his master, silent and unmoving. Tohsaka Tokiomi doesn't seem to notice his presence, and only continued to question Tsuyuri. "Are you sure about that?" he asked.
"I'm sure," said Tsuyuri.
Tohsaka Tokiomi fell into silence, his eyes was distant and contemplating. "Do you want to participate in this war?" he asked eventually.
Tsuyuri looked at Tohsaka Tokiomi searchingly, and glanced down at her hand. "Are the marks on my hand a condition to join the war?" she rebounded the question.
"If it completely appears, you would become a Master. If you are chosen, then that is the will of Holy Grail."
"Will?" asked Tsuyuri, confused. "It's a person?"
"Sentient," said his master, "it has a will on its own, and that mark is the proof of it."
"But why me? Why did the will of Holy Grail chose me?"
That question made Kirei open his eyes, as he listened intently.
"Those with desires within their hearts, a wish they wished to be granted—the Holy Grail chooses these people as participants, giving them a chance to make the impossible possible," his master told her, the same way Kirei had been told before. "Unless with some exception, perhaps you have the reason to wish for a miracle."
"But I..." she faltered, "I don't have a wish I wished to be granted, nor a desire within my heart, nor have a reason to wish for a miracle."
"Maybe," His master said, "but even so, the Holy Grail has chosen you."
"I'm not," refuted Tsuyuri, "not yet," she added.
"Not yet," agreed Tohsaka Tokiomi, "but potentially, you already are."
Tsuyuri lapsed into a thoughtful silence, looking down at the smudges in the back of her hand.
"I still haven't heard your answer, Kanao," his master continued, "would you participate in this war?"
It took her a while to reply. "If I have no choice," said Tsuyuri eventually.
"I see," His master replied after a moment of silence. "I suppose in your perspective, you didn't expect this at all."
"I didn't," she agreed.
"Nor has heard about the Holy Grail War."
"I didn't," she lied. Kirei glanced at her. She didn't returned his look.
Tohsaka Tokiomi smiled his gentlemanly smile. "You can rest now, Kanao. You must be tired from all the ride."
Tsuyuri didn't reply, and only stood up promptly. She bowed in courtesy after she directed her lilac eyes on Kirei and left the study. His master sighed. "How troublesome," said his master, "Her potential participation is either beneficial or an obstacle to us."
Kirei stayed silent. His master noticed this. "You have nothing to say in this matter?" he asked.
"I do," Kirei said, "I think Tsuyuri was rather hesitant to join as a participant."
"Obviously," his master said matter-of-factly, "But I'm a bit worried if she did. Kirei, you know your role of our plan, isn't it? When your Command Seals will allegedly appear?"
"I, Kotomine Kirei, will leave your apprenticeship," he replied promptly.
"And how does Tsuyuri Kanao fit in all of our plan?" mused his master.
Kirei doesn't have to think long enough of his master's intention. "You wish to make her join into our...?"
"Her decision to become a Master lies in her Command Seal," said Tohsaka Tokiomi, "Even though she has no intention to join the war, she will be forcibly dragged if it appears. She's just a pawn waiting to be used."
A familiar desperation and insistence; once again, Kirei heard it tinging the words of Tohsaka Tokiomi. It was the same subtleness when Kirei asked why he had been chosen by the Holy Grail as a Master. "Would ask her before or after her Command Seals appear?" he asked calmly.
"It would be better if your father see to this, Kirei," his master suggested instead, "Since your father is the Supervisor, Kotomine Risei is obliged to see the potential Master."
"As you wish." Kirei knew the tone Tohsaka Tokiomi used. It left no arguments. "I shall call my father tonight." He paused as he remembered suddenly, "Master, what do you mean Tsuyuri would be an obstacle?" he asked.
"Ah," his master realized, "I meant the Mage's Association," he told him simply.
Kirei immediately knew what his master meant. "I see," he said, nodding. If the Mage's Association found out about her Command Seals, there's a possibility they would make her became another representative Master for the Association. But, in this war between mages, there's also a possibility that she would lose at the first round seeing she was no mage. But then again, Kirei recalled, her training to become an Enforcer...
"I hope you still remember your other responsibility, Kirei," Tohsaka Tokiomi said suddenly, "About her," he clarified.
"I haven't," Kirei assured.
"Good. I was afraid you had."
Kirei clamped his mouth down to prevent his unvoiced answer. I haven't. Even if I wanted to, I can't.
...
A single candlelight was his only source of light in the darkness-ridden workshop. Despite no longer being taught, Kirei still continues to read the mysteries of magecraft, holding an old book in his hand as he stared and trailed his eyes repeatedly in a certain passage written in it.
Breathing and Walking, he read. Kirei never expected to come across such a passage in a mage's book. He was merely skimming through the dozen books until this particular term in a worn-out book caught his attention. The book told him it was one of the key concept in magecraft, including martial arts. It is a high-level secret that can't be easily imitated nor learned, and in turn, not valued by the western mage who simply used incantations instead. But those who are simply born with this (the proper way of breathing and walking), it caused their body to act as a one pure and natural Magical Circuit, and they could create greater miracles than any mage even without any prior knowledge about magecraft. A rare instance, but not impossible to find in a person, it told him.
It is a rare find indeed, thought Kirei, since they found Tsuyuri Kanao who happened to possess these kind of skill. Kirei remembered that his master told him she was an orphan, and the name, Tsuyuri Kanao, was given to her as an identification of distinction. Other than Tsuyuri, it implies there are other orphans like her taken in the organization she was connected with. And the reason why she was offered to become a Special Enforcer, Kirei realized. The Mage's Association was clear as transparent about the intention why they gave the offer to Tsuyuri, planning to hunt them down for their own interest, or for incarceration. Either the former or the latter, nevertheless, the fact they have their attention to these people was too obvious to see.
Kirei closed the book with a snap, slipping it to its former place in the bookshelf. Breathing and Walking — the book doesn't provide enough information about it, but he supposed it was fine. After all, Tohsaka Tokiomi, through and through, followed the teaching of Western magi and must've thought he should never give his attention that wasn't worth of his time, something that was out of his reach. His master even confessed at some point — Kirei forgot when — that he was never an extraordinary mage, and would stay at the bottom rung as the average among the exceptional. But despite his inability to rise, he thought it would be better to be diligent what he was good at, rather than being an outstanding in everything, and in turn, as Tohsaka Tohsaka said satisfyingly, his diligence was answered. He was even blessed with exceptional daughters who carried great potential within them.
And then — to his confusion but otherwise accepted it — Kirei found out the truth about the adoption of Tohsaka Sakura to the Matou family. He didn't even mean to hear it but Tohsaka Tokiomi, immersed in his words, told him about it.
His master was put into a dilemma that, because both of his daughters carried extraordinary potential, he doesn't know what to do with Sakura. Only the eldest mage child can carry the responsibility of their parent's work, and the other child would fall into obscurity — and that other child was Sakura's inevitable fate, as Rin would carry on with the responsibility as the next family head. It would have been better if Sakura was not exceptional unlike her sister, his master lamented, but his wife's womb was simply too bountiful. When Rin was on the verge of death when she was still a baby, Tohsaka Tokiomi had no choice but to create another one for replacement if Rin does die. But fortunate yet unfortunately, Rin survived and Sakura grew up, and they stayed each other's side as sisters. His master knew that looming day of their fate would soon come one day. One living with an obligation and one with absolute ignorance. This was their fate. Until Matou approached him.
"Sometimes, I wondered what would happen if Sakura wasn't taken by the Matou," Tohsaka Tokiomi had mused as if finally snapping out of his trance, "and Tsuyuri Kanao would accept the offer as an Enforcer."
"Master?" Kirei never expected those words since it came out of nowhere.
"Both my daughters has greater potential than me when I was a kid. No, even in this age, they would surely surpass me," said his master without his usual disposition, staring at the distance, "Since Rin would follow my steps I wondered what would happen if Sakura was left unchecked on her own."
Kirei wanted to stay silent, but he found himself saying, "It is a possibility that Tohsaka Sakura would grow up in jealousy to her sister."
"Yes," said his master ruefully, "it is a possibility that would happen. But thankfully, that is no longer the case. As long as Sakura will grow up as a Matou, she'll be able to exercise her own potential instead of being hunted down."
"Hunted...?" Kirei was about to say why she would be hunted down and then he realized, "Sealing Designation." His master said it himself — his daughters held greater potential than him. If the scenario that Sakura would grow up full of negativity; if there was a possibility this scenario would come into a fruition...
"Sealing Designation," Tohsaka Tokiomi agreed. "And if that happens, Tsuyuri Kanao will hunt her down."
"But Matou Sakura will not be hunted down," said Kirei.
"She won't. And Tsuyuri Kanao will not hunt her. Besides, mages wasn't the one she would be hunting down."
"...do you have something against the Enforcers, master?" Kirei asked eventually.
"Not really. I'm just being cautious about them."
And that was the last of their conversation. Kirei thought his master being keen about Enforcer was understandable since they are the one who hunts down the resisting magi who are given the 'title' of Sealing Designation for captivity, and the possibility that Tohsaka Sakura would be subjected into it and despair...
"I saw the tears of the oppressed," Kirei found himself reciting, words emerging from his mind to his mouth, echoing in the dark room, "and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressor and they have no comforter. And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun."
Ecclesiastes 4:1-3. And then he prayed Hail Mary for a good measure. His thought are now getting nowhere. Kirei was supposed to search for more information about Breathing and Walking and yet here he is, standing in the dark workshop of his master as he thought about the possible suffering of one of his daughter. Kirei tightly closed his eyes. The darkness in the workshop is getting on me, and it's not good to dwell there any longer, he told himself as he left the workshop in the basement and greeted the sunlight pleasantly at the ground floor.
And met a pair lilac-purple eyes looking startlingly at him.
"Good afternoon," greeted Tsuyuri as she walked around him and went down the hallway. Kirei looked at her small back, rooted at the spot. Seems like she nearly collided at him again, he noticed. Without thinking, his feet swerved and followed her trail to the garden where she was watering the plants, as if oblivious at the searing sun above her and walked plant to plant in order to water it individually. He made his way to the bench under the shade of a tree and rested there, unthinkingly watching Tsuyuri as she did her job.
Breathing and Walking, he recalled as he took a closer look at her. Straight and compose, Kirei saw as he observed her posture. Her breathing was difficult to surmise but her calmness was enough for him to tell that it was even and focused. And her walking... Kirei thought, her walking was exceptionally ordinary; there was nothing unique nor any special qualities to it. Everything about her was simple and normal.
Or unless... Kirei picked up a stone nearby, and without warning, he threw it into her direction. A soft 'thud' hit her in the back of her head. She rubbed her head confusingly and turned around to see what hit her, picking up the rock he threw at her. Tsuyuri swept her gaze in the garden and her striking lilac eyes landed on him. She stared at him for a moment, and then she approached him. "Did Kotomine-san...?" she trailed her words openly for his response, raising the tiny stone in question.
Kirei raised his head, still sitting in the bench. "Who else is in this garden?" he asked. Tsuyuri promptly searched around with keen eyes, and returned her gaze to him.
"No one but Kotomine Kirei," she replied.
He didn't bother answering her earlier question. "Do you need help around here?" he asked, meaningfully pointing his gaze at the abundant flowers behind her.
"No," she replied, then she quickly added, "I didn't mean it like that. Kotomine-san must be busy."
"I'm not," said Kirei, "I'm not busy. I can spend my time whenever I like."
Tsuyuri blinked, still standing in front of him. "Kotomine-san is not his master's apprentice anymore...?"
"Kirei. You can call me that if you like," Kirei suggested. "And I'm still my master's apprentice."
"Kirei...-san," Tsuyuri said slowly, and sat beside him in the bench. "Kirei-san threw this at me, why?" she asked, raising the stone she still held in her hand.
"Because I wanted to find out something," Kirei said truthfully.
"Of what?"
There was no use to hide his intention, Kirei knew, since all their conversation had been direct and blunt. "The Breathing Technique," he said flatly.
"Oh," said Tsuyuri confusingly, "why does he want to find out?"
An idea suddenly came to him. "Because I wanted to know how it was used and wanted to use it." He paused, and Tsuyuri looked at him expectedly as if he still had something to say. She was right and he continued, "And in return, I'll teach you my own technique."
Her eyes lit up as she pointed an enquiring stare to him, and that's what Kirei knew he had caught her. But immediately seconds later, she furrowed her eyebrows and frowned suspiciously, "Why does Kirei-san want to use it?" she asked.
"For my own." Those words carelessly spilled out from his mouth. Tsuyuri looked penetratingly at him, as if wanting to know if he had any further intentions, her eyes roaming his body up and down as she assessed him quietly.
"And what technique would he teach me?" she asked warily.
That goes without question as he easily replied, "The Chinese martial arts, Bajiquan."
...
It was the time of her 'trip', and Kirei watched her dragging the small luggage to the door. "Do you need help?" he asked as soon as he entered the front door, just in time to see her about to raise her hand and grasp the doorknob.
"No," she shook her head a little, "Kirei-san doesn't have to."
"I insist," he insisted tonelessly.
"No." Tsuyuri wasn't easily swayed, flatly rejecting him. "Besides, this is small and I can carry this by myself," she said pointedly to her luggage. Kirei sidestepped as he widened the door, and received a grateful look from her. Tsuyuri made her way to the car that was already waiting for her, dragging her luggage before she stopped. She turned her head to him, "When I get back, I'll teach you. Please, wait until I come back." There was an apprehensive touch in her voice, which he never missed no matter how much she tried to hide it. Kirei only inclined his head in reply, and after that, she entered the car wordlessly as it took her away to its destination.
"Looks like your carrying your duty very well," his master remarked as he emerged behind him, "Did you bait her with something?" Tohsaka Tokiomi asked.
"I did," Kirei admitted.
"I see. Whatever it is, it seemed to have caught her attention," said his master approvingly, "It's been a while since I've seen the curiosity in her eyes. I can still remembered it when she first entered the mansion, she can't stop looking and turning in every corner and gaped around as if she'd entered a new, foreign world."
Looks like his master is in the mood again, Kirei discerned silently, and if he can take advantage of this... "How was it that Madam able to take care of her behind your back?" he asked carefully, subtly urging his master.
"It has been almost three years now... or was it already?" his master started as both men made their way to Tohsaka Tokiomi's study. "Aoi's actions was a bit surprising to me at that time, since I've never expected she would do something behind my back. But she did, and without my permission, she let the homeless girl enter the territory of our abode. Aoi fed her without my knowledge of our leftovers, and apparently the servants knew about the homeless girl and helped my wife. My daughters found this homeless and dirty girl one day and eventually found out that their mother was helping this girl so they joined their mother's endeavor." They both entered the study as his master sat in his usual place and Kirei, by the sofa. "The nerve of my wife and girls, I was angry when I found out. That was the first time Aoi and I fought, and Rin and Sakura was scared of us when we raised our voices to each other.
"I told Aoi the possibility of this homeless girl to be an agent of someone who was against me, but she reasoned if someone would ever try to assassinate me, they wouldn't stoop so low using a method like sending a harmless and dirty girl to try and catch the target off guard and kill me. I saw logic in her words, but I was still angry. I kept raising possibility after possibility against the girl and yet, she always reasoned, trying to patient of my words, trying to be understanding of my spite while also trying to soothe and gentle my anger. I relented, tired and exhausted of my own anger, and Aoi... comforted me.
"You remembered my words, right, Kirei? That my daughters begged for the girl to be cleaned and dressed? Yes, that happened. It happened at the same time as we found out the homeless girl can read and write. I was suspicious, and Aoi didn't argue about it. And that's how I was able to found out about Tsuyuri Kanao's connection to this... organization."
"And this organization... you said it was dismantled immediately as it was discovered, how was it the Mage's Association didn't capture any person from it when they found it?" Kirei asked, listening intently of his master's next words.
"Hmm... I don't know the whole circumstances myself but they said, or theorized this organization was hiding behind the mask of an establishment of a harmless hotel hiding among the crowd, easily overlooked by others. They said there was no Bounded Field surrounding it, that's why it went unnoticed by mages and common folks alike. A simple establishment, this organization hid behind this front. The moment they realized this innocuous hotel was actually an organization hidden, the members itself was already gone, as if already dispersed to the wind, no traces left, and the hotel itself was already deserted. Even though the report said, 'immediately dismantled as it was discovered', it was more of a 'discovered after it was dismantled or disbanded'. No one was able to discern the true nature of this organization."
"Until the homeless girl arrived in your doorstep."
"By the gate," corrected Tohsaka Tokiomi, "but yes, until she arrived. With my suspicion on her, I found out she was an orphan, nameless and abandoned given with the name 'Tsuyuri Kanao' as a mere distinction from her fellow orphans. The reports said the orphanage where Kanao was staying, the one who took her in, two women approached the orphanage and picked Kanao among the children and adopted her as their sister. There was no further information about her nor the sisters who plucked her out in the orphanage. The report stops there when I sent out an investigation about her."
There was a long pregnant pause. So Tsuyuri already suffered that much in her childhood. Kirei can't help but thought about what kind of misery she experienced, but he immediately shook it away. "About the day she confessed about the organization... am I allowed to hear it?" he asked, slowly and careful.
"You can, Kirei," said his master smilingly, "You are obligated to hear about it. You're asking these questions because of the responsibility I gave to you, isn't it?"
"Yes," Kirei replied, "I wish to know more."
"Understood," his master nodded, "And I trust your word for it."
Trust... Kirei thought coldly, but he closed his eyes and bowed gratefully to Tohsaka Tokiomi, "Thank you, master."
And then his master told him the 'interview' with Tsuyuri Kanao. The content of it was already within Kirei's expectation, that they were others like her and she was a 'Candidate' among the trainees; the Breathing Technique, and its multiple and variety forms; and the alleged creatures of night they were supposed to be fighting against. The only creature that the 'creature of night' Kirei can only thought of was Dead Apostle, or something in line to it.
The content of her 'interview' was comically scarce for a confession, and Kirei suspected this was the reason why he — and his master — had to constantly extract information from her. And also... "She never mentioned why the organization suddenly disappeared?" he asked.
"Not a single mention to it, no, not at all. This is one of the reason why the Association was doubtful of her words. When asked about it, she had no idea, she said. But they didn't pry further from that since they had... other priorities."
"Priorities?"
"They'd rather focus on her than to a nonexistent organization that wasn't recorded in history at all."
"Oh," said Kirei. That make sense. "Because she's a Mana Eater."
Tohsaka Tokiomi nodded solemnly. "And precisely why she was given a Sealing Designation," he added.
They both fell into a thoughtful silence. And then his master suddenly asked, "What do you think of her, Kirei? What was your impression before and your impression of her now?"
Instead of voicing his confusion why he asked of that, Kirei replied, "Strikingly... normal."
"Strikingly," his master agreed, "She's quite unusual, isn't she? And her young appearance is quite misleading, too. She looked like a teenager and seemed to barely age passed that."
"...she wasn't?" Kirei had suspected she was in her high school-age, if she was in high school. But to hear that she was older than that...
His master smiled halfheartedly. "Did you know that Tsuyuri Kanao was already twenty years old? But others saw she was younger than that and thought she was still fifteen. Looks can be deceiving, isn't it?"
"...what about you, master?" Kirei asked, ignoring the sudden comment about Tsuyuri's age for now, "What was your impression of her, before and now?"
"Useful," his master admitted, "and until now, still useful. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't attached to her other than her usefulness. I wish for her happiness as a person. I am grateful of her diligence as my servant. And as for my responsibility..." he trailed off with a stiff smile, "I hoped she hadn't approached this mansion at all. A better lifestyle would have suited her more."
"I see," Kirei simply said, not knowing what to say anymore.
"And also," Tohsaka Tokiomi continued, "if you wish to have a better relationship with her, Kirei," the green eyes of his master looked pointedly, glowing brilliant as if to glare at him, "I advise to talk about yourself other than the mundane things you'd talked to her before."
Kirei observed his master quietly. He gave me a hint. He stood up and bowed to him. "Thank you, master, and I apologize to have wasted your time," he said respectfully.
"Nothing was wasted, Kirei. And you're welcome."
...
As always, it was the usual dream. Different cliffs as if different worlds existing under the same sky, facing each other, looking and staring and gaping at one another. Kirei was starting to get confused why this was always his dreams. Especially, as he noticed, he would dream this dream whenever Tsuyuri Kanao would go to her scheduled 'trips'.
Strange. How very strange. And very curious, too, he'd admit.
Different variety of colors and kinds was the flowers surrounding Tsuyuri Kanao, swaying on the directionless breeze at her own cliff, full of light and full of life. His was always the same, unchanging and unyielding, with strong winds rustling yet never messing his hair disorderly in every direction. A wind so strong it could've already blown him away, but he didn't. He couldn't. Kirei stayed rooted in his usual spot, at the edge of the cliff, looking and staring and gaping at the cliff in front of him.
Dark, dull eyes was pointed to her cliff, with a lack of emotion painting his face, without showing what was going in his head. But Kirei thought otherwise. His stiff expression; it wasn't enough to express his own confusion, and to add, his curiosity. Why are you still here? he told apparition of Tsuyuri Kanao. Why do you continue to haunt my dreams? Are you even Tsuyuri Kanao?
She blinked, and she replied without moving her lips, why ask me when this is your dream? You know yourself more than anyone else — didn't you say that yourself? Don't ask me, ask yourself.
I... Kirei already asked himself about that many times, but there was no conclusion. There was no answer.
Ask your rotten heart, the apparition told him, as if knowing his thoughts, ask your sinful, wicked heart. Ask your battle-hardened instincts. Ask your tortured, disciplined body. Ask your experienced, skillful perception. Ask everything within you if your mind fails you. In that, the answer; your desire, your curiosity, your confusion, the thing you are searching for, might come into a realization. Seek relentlessly and single-mindedly for a reason, Kotomine Kirei.
Kirei woke up unpleasantly. It was distasteful conclusion of a dream, but he knew he'd soon forget the dream the moment he prepares himself for the day. And the next moment, he did exactly that. Bathing, brushing, shaving, he expected the distant dream would be laid forgotten.
But it didn't. As he made it outside with the cold air of dawn greeting him, words from that dream stubbornly clung him, as if wedged into his mind like a gum. Kirei jogged at the deserted road to clear his head.
While he ran, thoughts also ran his mind. Seek relentlessly and single-minded for a reason, he recalled the words of the apparition whom he knew was from Tsuyuri Kanao. But, as he tried remember clearly, her appearance was fogged and obscured. He doesn't even knew if that apparition has the same black hair and striking eyes, befitting for Tsuyuri Kanao. Ask everything within you if your mind fails you, it told him, implying that he searched not reason, but rather the unexpected and bizarre logic. But Kotomine Kirei doesn't run on absurdity, he drives on the grounded reality; rational and logical sense.
Ask your experienced, skillful perception. If Kirei asked that, he would say she was strikingly normal with a disposition of humble and loyal servant to the Tohsaka household. Other than that, if he had to judge her physical abilities, she's above average for a normal human being. Tsuyuri Kanao was continually getting stronger every month, Kirei knew, especially when she comes back from her 'trip'. The result of her training as the promised Enforcer was too obvious. And the shrewd look on her eyes was also getting more perceptive. Sharpness and cautiousness had painted her movements since then.
But he found no reason why she would plague his dreams with that. But she would be a strong hound for the Mage's Association. Kirei was sure of that.
Ask your tortured, disciplined body. If Kirei asked that, he would say she was untrained and frail. But that was before she was offered to become an Enforcer, before the Association started training her to become one, or, a possibility, as their own hound.
But he found no reason why she would haunt his dreams with her physical abilities. But she would be a dangerous Enforcer if she accepts the offer, Kirei thought.
Ask your battle-hardened instincts. If Kirei asked that, he would say... she was a potential threat. As Tohsaka Tokiomi's apprentice, that's what he thought of her. If ever Tsuyuri's allegiance changed to Mage's Assocation; with her potential as Master of the upcoming Holy Grail War, they would be enemies. But fortunately, for now, her Command Seals haven't emerge yet. But even still, he can't ignore the threat that was right beside them.
But, despite that, he found no reason why she would be in his dreams. Threat or not, Tsuyuri wouldn't be able to haunt him in a form of dream.
Ask your rotten heart. Ask your sinful, wicked heart.
Kirei stopped in his tracks. Facing the familiar gate and the mansion beyond it, he closed his eyes as if in a prayer. If I asked that, I... He let himself go loose, just this once, only for this time. I would say I wanted her to suffer more than anything. He opened his eyes. And if there's a possibility, I want to do it by my own hands. And he opened the gate, creaking and scraping.
After that, the words from that dream disappeared like a fog in the past, along with his rotten, sinful and wicked thoughts as he closed the gate.
...
Two months went by uneventfully. There was nothing notable worth mentioning what had happened in those months. It was the same routine for Kirei, learning magecraft and preparing for the upcoming Holy Grail War. With the usual schedule every day, he was getting numb to it, indifferent and almost apathetic of his own actions.
Whenever he took breaks, he no longer went to the window close to the kitchens, instead, he would be sitting on the bench under the shade of nearby tree in the garden, mediating. And at times, warming up as he tried to recollect the basic forms of Bajiquan, as he would be teaching Tsuyuri of it soon.
"What are you doing here?" Tohsaka Rin had asked him one day during his warm-up, looking at him cautiously with her green eyes, the same shade as her father's. A mature young girl despite still at the age of six, and will be turning seven soon.
"Warming up under the shade of tree in the garden," Kirei had told her matter-of-factly.
"I know that," said Rin irritably, "I'm asking why you are here."
"...warming up under the shade of tree in the garden."
"I know tha—"Rin stopped herself. "Fine. It's obvious that you are warming up under the shade of tree in the garden anyway," she begrudgingly agreed.
"Then why ask me what am I doing here?" Kirei asked teasingly, despite his indifferent tone.
She crossed her arms. "Because you shouldn't be here."
"Why, if I may ask?" he asked.
Rin glared at him. "This is Kanao's territory. You shouldn't be here. You're not allowed here," she told him, scowling. That response made Kirei raise an eyebrow.
"Why, if I may ask?"
"Didn't I just said that?" There was incredulousness in her eyes despite her attempt to hide it. "You shouldn't be here. You can warm-up anywhere but here."
"This is a garden, Rin, anyone can come here," said Kirei, "Who can appreciate a beautiful garden, nurtured by an expert hand and a gifted green thumb I'm sure of it, and no one can come here besides Tsuyuri Kanao?"
"That's the point," pointed Rin, "You could mess the garden."
"And you won't?"
"That's different," she snapped, "I know her longer than you are."
"Are you jealous, Rin?" Kirei asked, observing the young girl.
If looks could kill, Kirei might've been evaporated at the spot. Unfortunately, Tohsaka Rin possessed no such Mystic Eyes. "I hate this," muttered Rin, though, it seemed to aim more at herself than him. "I really hate this," she walked around him and sat on the bench. "Idiot, idiot, idiot," she told herself.
"Were you forced to approach me against your will?" Kirei sat beside her. Rin glared at him, and shifted away from him at the edge of the bench.
"Not really," she muttered. "I came here by myself. Father said I should be friends with you since you're my senior apprentice."
No wonder she doesn't like me. She wanted to be her Father's one and only apprentice. "Then I look forward to be friends with you, Rin," he said politely.
She sighed dejectedly. "I don't want to, though. But Father said if ever there was a time, perhaps I might be your apprentice instead of Father..." She looked at him in contempt.
Kirei knew what she meant. "You knew the nature of the event that will take place here in Fuyuki?"
"Only a gist of it," she replied, "I know it will be some sort of battle, that there will be few survivors."
"It is a fighting tournament," he agreed, "but it's not a public event. Most of the battle will place during night."
A stiff silence settled between them. "Kirei, since you are my Father's apprentice, can I ask you something?" Rin asked, breaking the silence.
"What is it?"
"Can you keep Father safe? Can you make sure that Father survives until the end?"
"I'm afraid I won't be able to keep that," he told her bluntly, "but I assure you, your Father has created a strategy that will make sure he will emerge victorious in this event."
Rin looked at him through narrowed eyes. "I really can't bring myself to like you," she said, "even Kanao would agree at me."
"She would?" Kirei perked up in her name. The young girl noticed this and furrowed her brows.
"That's right. She said I should be cautious around you."
"Cautious..." Tsuyuri had always been wary at me? "Why would she think that?" he asked.
"To be honest, I don't know, she just told me that. When I asked why, she said..." Rin peered at him, without any glares nor contempt. "She said... you... you..." She looked as though she tried to search for an appropriate word. "I don't know what she really mean when she said you're like 'a walking empty bottle only half-filled', but one thing I know for sure is that she doesn't understand you at all." Her glared returned. "And she's scared of you."
Kirei fell into a thoughtful silence at that, and Rin left him wordlessly as if she had talked enough. "Rin," he called out when she was halfway through the door. "Thank you," he said, and left the garden after her.
Perhaps that was only worth mentioning what happened in those two months.
When Tsuyuri Kanao arrived, Kirei didn't expect she wasn't be alone in her journey. Walking beside her, with the familiar vestments he was so used to see, his father, Kotomine Risei, was talking pleasantly to her as if they were old friends.
"Ah, Kirei," His father greeted him before he could. Kirei was waiting for her arrival and was prepared to receive her at the gates, but it seemed like he would be receiving his own father too. "It is good to see you. Did you make a good apprentice to Tokiomi and exceeded his expectations just like you'd did to me?"
In his father's perspective, Kotomine Kirei, his own son, was God-sent gift by heavens above. He couldn't have asked better than his own son to be a prodigious one. It was a better reward for Kotomine Risei than anything materialistic he had received before. He was proud on him, and Kirei in return, returned the favor by satisfying his father's expectations.
Earnest, sincere and fulfilled. That's the kind of man, a kind of father whom Kirei respected standing in front of him, and yet...
"I suppose the mission the Church gave to you was already done?" He asked his father. When Tohsaka Tokiomi suggested that his father should see the yet-emerging Command Seals on Tsuyuri's hand, he was told by his father, as Kirei had called him, that it might take a while for him to go back in Japan since his responsibility in the Church still kept him occupied. Kirei didn't receive a news about his father returning, or unless...
"I heard Tokiomi surprised his family arriving unannounced as a surprise, why not do the same to my own son?" Kotomine Risei said heartily, answering Kirei's suspicions his father did follow his master's example for a 'surprise'. "And about the thing you and Tokiomi asked me, don't worry, I've already checked it." His father turned his head beside him. "Tsuyuri is a potential candidate for a master, and I approve of Tokiomi's plan for her inclusion, that is if only," he added, "once her Command Seals will fully make its appearance."
Tsuyuri seemed to think otherwise when Kirei followed his father's gaze. She looked incredibly uncomfortable and hesitant. Kirei approached her. "I'll carry your luggage," he offered, his hands outstretched to her. Tsuyuri shot him an apprehensive look before she turned over her luggage to him. She left him and his father wordlessly, and entered the mansion by herself, possibly reporting to Tohsaka Tokiomi.
"Quite a deceiving appearance, that one," his father remarked, as they slowly begun their approach to the mansion, "I thought at first she was still a young girl, but I was a bit surprised she was already passed that."
"As my master had told me." Kirei nodded, remembering Tohsaka Tokiomi's sudden words about her age. "She was already a woman despite her appearance."
"That may be so, but I think her maturity hasn't reached adulthood yet." His father pointed a shrewd and solemn look at the mansion. "She's still naïve and innocent, and she reminds me of a child that would listen intently to an adult wanting to know what is right, wanting to know what she should do." His father smiled sadly. "Well, as I've heard, she was raised in an unknown organization who taught her how to be a fighter, not a survivor. It must have discolored her way of life as she is now."
A certain surge clawed Kirei's heart. Envy, he recognized, and he immediately knew why he felt that emotion grazed him. His father, as Kirei was raised and taught by him, surmised what was troubling Tsuyuri Kanao internally, and yet, to his own son, he saw a perfect and good son who possessed exceptional ability... but nothing of his flaws. A discolored and tinted perception. It wasn't just Tsuyuri Kanao who possessed it, his own father had it too although unknowingly.
"Well, enough talks about her." His father grasped his shoulder firmly yet comfortingly. "Since it's been a while last I saw you, how about we talk to each other by ourselves?"
"We will." Though, Kirei knew it wasn't about themselves they would talking about, but rather their respective responsibilities.
When they entered, Rin, who was in the hallway, looked as though she was about to glare at him, but instantly straightened when she saw who was behind him.
"Father Kotomine," Tohsaka Aoi greeted with a smile, as she followed her daughter's example: surprised and a bit baffled.
"Please, call me Risei if you can," his father suggested, "We are not in the house of God after all."
"I will," The mother bowed in inclination.
"Risei-san," Rin eventually greeted after her mother did, as she also bowed in respect.
His father simply smiled at them. "Raise your heads. Like I said, we are not in the house of God, and besides, this is your own house," he told them.
Tohsaka Aoi flustered a bit. "Of course... Um, uh... Rin, how about we go to the garden?" she asked hastily to her daughter.
"Okay." Rin nodded, not before she shot a hidden glare at Kirei when his father looked away from them.
"Let's go." Her mother gently pushed her to the door, and in a second, they already left to the garden.
"Seems like I scared them away," his father remarked ruefully and sat when they arrived at the living room, "Quite a Father I am."
Kirei followed his father wordlessly and sat in the sofa across his father.
"Well now, let's talk," said Risei, "It appears that you managed to scare Tsuyuri Kanao with your presence." A servant approached and offered him a cup of tea. "Thank you." He nodded and the servant poured him one.
"...yes, it seemed so." Kirei agreed, and he raised a hand to the servant, "I'm fine." The servant left them in the living room.
His father raised an eyebrow. "You do? You're aware of it?" he asked.
"Just recently," Kirei admitted. "Someone told me."
"It's Rin, isn't it?" said his father as he sipped his tea.
"Yes." It was no use to hide now, Kirei knew.
"Well," Risei put down his cup at the table. "You must be wondering why Tsuyuri was scared of you."
Partially. "Not really," Kirei replied.
"To put it simply, I guess, in her words, you are a walking empty bottle only half-filled." Kirei raised his eyebrows, and his father noticed it as he continued, "Ah, so that's what Rin told you? Then, that makes thing easy. Let ask you something, Kirei, were you rude to Tsuyuri in any ways?"
"...at some point, once." Kirei confessed, as he remembered when he told her that he knew about her circumstances.
"Only once? That's... hmm... I wonder. But let me tell you though, as your father, never do that again."
"Understood," Kirei said flatly.
Kotomine Risei leaned back at the sofa with a thoughtful look, basking in silence. "Even though, Tokiomi told you why you are chosen by the Holy Grail as Master," his father started, "even though, I accepted his words, but as a father; if you are chosen by the Holy Grail, why my own son? Is there something you wish to be granted, Kirei? Something that you will need a miracle?" he asked.
So Father was dubious of Tohsaka Tokiomi's words. "Was it strange to say there is nothing on my mind?"
"It is," agreed Risei, "and to be chosen as early as three years before the Holy Grail War even started."
Kirei stayed silent.
"If I take Tsuyuri's words for granted," continued his father, "that you are half-satisfied of your accomplishments... you are longing something that even I or the Church that can't fulfill you no matter what we do."
There. It took the words of another person to make his father see him. He was right — no, Tsuyuri Kanao was right. With that eyes of hers, seemingly piercing through his soul, she saw what kind of person Kirei was. No matter what he does, what deeds he made, what actions he created, it brought nothing that was synonymous to the definition of happiness. But... Kirei brought his hands to his chest, but his heart knew one. One that will bring him happiness, one that will make him delight. His rotten, sinful and wicked heart knew what direction he should follow, and yet...
Kotomine Kirei saw it was wrong to walk in that direction. If he did, there would be no turning back.
"Don't tell me, Kirei," his father gasped suddenly, "you wanted to revive Claudia from the dead?"
Kirei stiffened. "No," he whispered. It was a misunderstanding, his father misread his actions when he grasped his chest, and now his heart was throbbing heavily inside him. The mention of his wife brought back the unpleasant memories about her. Claudia's pale skin and her thin, almost-skeletal body, and most of all, her smile — her brilliant yet sickly smile laden with pure and raw suffering.
No... Kirei remembered his intention as he bid farewell to Claudia. A person like him shouldn't exist, those words were his purpose, willing to throw away himself for the greater good. He was prepared, and was resigned to his own fate that day, until Claudia...
"Kirei?" He can vaguely hear his father calling out. "Kirei, I'm sorry for mentioning... her. I thought... Ah, Tsuyuri is here and seems like Tokiomi wants to see my presence..." There was a pause. "I'm sorry, Kirei. I thought that line of reason made sense." And the door closed softly.
It took him a while to realize he had leaned forward, his eyes directed to the floor with his hands tightly clasping together and his elbow plopped to his knees. Kirei exhaled, slowly releasing the knot in his throat. Ecclesiastes 3:19. He recited inwardly. Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; a man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless.
A gentle touch on his cheek startled him out of his prayer. Instantly, driven by instinct, he caught the hand that touched his face, gripping it tightly, before he realized whom the hand was. Kirei lifted his head, as he felt her thumb brushed away the tears that was about to fall from his eyes.
Tsuyuri Kanao smiled halfheartedly at him. She opened her mouth, but she closed it in the next second, and twisted her hand (the hand he was caught) and now she was gripping his hand. With a firm hold, she pulled him to his feet and dragged him to the familiar scenery of colorful and bright flowers. "For Kirei-san to calm himself," she said, and pointed at the bench under the shade of tree. "He can sit there."
"Thank you," said Kirei, a bit astonished and confused why she had brought him here. Tsuyuri smiled.
You're welcome, she gestured in sign language, and she left, leaving him to wonder why she had used sign language to him suddenly.
...
It took a few days for them to meet again. His master, Tohsaka Tokiomi and his father, Kotomine Risei, kept her occupied, which Kirei suspected was about the matters of the Holy Grail War. Just like what they did to him, they'd interviewed her of her decision and filled her in about the nature of the War, and perhaps, Tohsaka Tokiomi would tell her about his objective as a mage to reach the Root.
And as for him... all he could do was wait and hope... though, Kirei doesn't know what he hoped for, but he thought, at least, he should hope. But for what? he asked himself.
They've coincidentally met at the hallway. The moment they saw each other, they'd approached one another and... "About the thing that..." they both trailed off, realizing that they both spoke at the same time. Kirei gestured her to go first. Tsuyuri obliged.
"About the thing that I would teach Kirei-san," she started, "Can it happen tonight?"
"What time of the night?" Kirei asked.
"When everyone cleared out in the mansion... no, I think when Kotomine Kirei is done with his studies of the day. Can he manage that?"
"I can." She's awfully considerate, despite her way of speaking, he thought. "I was about to say the same thing to you, but I guess, you beat me to it."
She frowned. You're the one who told me to speak first, she signed. Kirei raised an eyebrow at the sudden use of sign language again, but he didn't point it out.
"I guess," he said mildly, "see you tonight."
Tsuyuri was already waiting for him at the gate when night came, and Kirei remembered suddenly that she was under certain strict restrictions by Mage's Association with Tohsaka Tokiomi as her 'guardian'.
"I've already got permission to walk around Fuyuki by your master," Tsuyuri told him as if she saw through his thoughts, "as long as I don't walk outside the city, I won't be... persecuted. I don't just linger the garden. I'm not a shut-in freeloader either."
"You can walk?" asked Kirei.
"I am. I mean, I got..." she raised her leg, wiggling it.
His lips twitched. "Quite a stupid question, isn't it?"
"In a different perspective, sort of." She paused with a thoughtful look. "Wait, that was familiar..."
Kirei knew. He deliberately did that. "Shall we?" he asked suggestively. She nodded and followed after him.
The night was cold and wintry. Bits of snow still stayed despite already in the cusp of arrival of summer season. People lurking in this time of night, as dark clouds covered the vast stars in the sky, was almost devoid. It was the public places, Kirei saw, and some dark places people are dwelling about despite almost in the high point of night, edging dawn.
It was, until the bridge, when they were people no longer around them, and Tsuyuri stopped beside him.
"Is this where—"Kirei stopped his question when, in his periphery vision, an incoming blow was about to hit him in the head. He reacted instantly and misdirected the punch above his head and retaliated with an elbow thrust to the attacker's ribs. But instead of the crunching noise, Kirei felt something blocking his thrust. He glanced down and saw a forearm blocking it before raising his eyes to meet the lilac-purple eyes.
Tsuyuri Kanao looked at him searchingly. "I see," she said simply, and felt his elbow being gripped by her hand. He glanced down again but she took advantage of his distracted attention and pulled back her fist that was above his head, folded her arm, and aimed an elbow thrust in the side of his head.
However, Kirei's distracted attention was deliberately done by him. Before she realized; in a split second, her blow to the head was blocked, her arm gripped, thrown off balance as she felt him kick her in the back of the shin and was flipped over to the cemented floor. Tsuyuri wasn't able to recover her breath when he forced his arm to her neck as he forced his weight on her. It took a minute later he felt her slapping his arm frantically and released her and sat beside her. "Was that your idea of teaching me?" he asked curiously.
Tsuyuri stayed in a lying position in the pavement, and Kirei saw she already recovered her breathing in split second. "The Breathing Technique also meant managing your breathing under pressure evenly." She pointed her gaze at him. "You don't need it, Kotomine Kirei. You already practiced it before."
"If you meant mediating breathing in martial arts, I am," he agreed easily, feeling that there's no point hiding anymore, "But it was meant for calming the nerves, not excite the blood within the body to force yourself to have adrenaline."
"Total Concentration Breathing Technique," she answered nonchalantly, "A state of calmness despite the adrenaline running in our nerves."
"You didn't know?"
"Know what?"
"You're also breathing in the mana in the air."
She had a contemplative look. "I see... that's why they called me Mana Eater..." muttered Tsuyuri.
"So you don't actually know you were doing it the whole time?" asked Kirei.
"No," she admitted.
"That's..." a shame? he wanted to say but he wasn't particularly interested in it, although...
"You're not interested." Tsuyuri Kanao's eyes pierced through him. "It was a bait to make me talk, isn't it?"
It occurred to him she doesn't talk in strange and formal manner anymore. He can no longer feel the detachment in her words.
"I remember. Tohsaka Tokiomi gave you a responsibility of extracting information from me, right? That day." Tsuyuri continued before he could reply as she glanced to the side thoughtfully. "Just like everyone else."
"Master did?" This was the first time Kirei heard about it.
"As his apprentice, you noticed something from him, right? Just like looking at yourself in the mirror, you don't notice the cracks unless you look closely to it. Your master is the type of person. A person who overlooked smaller things once he looked after the grand scale of things. An exceptional average person who exercise what he's good at and sometimes put things aside when it wasn't within his ability."
"And you've noticed the smaller cracks," said Kirei.
"I see what I can see, and seeing smaller things... can't escape my sight." Striking lilac-purple eyes looked thoughtful at him. "I was upset when you blatantly told me that Tohsaka Tokiomi also gave you that responsibility. But I don't dislike it. I realized that later. It occurred to me that... surrounding myself in half-lies... I ended longing for a slight tinge of honesty." She released a shaky breath. "Thank you, Kotomine Kirei, for telling me that night. Even though I was still caged, and I still don't trust you, you recovered my sense of self."
"You're welcome." The words came out automatically. Kirei stood up and offered a hand to her. She accepted it and stood up. They ended up facing each other, looking and staring and gaping.
"Even though you said you wanted to learn about the breathing technique, "she said suddenly, "and it was notion you weren't interested in, but you still wanted information from me, right?"
"I do," he replied, "since it's my responsibility to do."
"Then rejoice, Kotomine Kirei, I will tell you the answers if you have questions. I'm tired of the charades I've had put up in the past." She tightly gripped his hand as they are still joined together throughout their conversation.
"I will... rejoice."
Tsuyuri suddenly smiled. "Information is not free either. Remember what you've promised me if I teach you the Breathing Technique?"
Kirei did. "In exchange for the information, I'll teach you the Chinese martial arts, Bajiquan."
She nodded approvingly and they shook their hands in agreement.
...
Kirei taught her the basics, and she learned it quite quickly and efficiently. He wasn't surprised. With that eyes of hers, it was easy to observe and perceive and applied it to herself capably. Though, she claimed she wanted to practice more of the basics, telling him that repetitive actions will discipline her mind and body, Kirei allowed themselves to constantly spar together.
"I think familiarizing is better than memorizing." Tsuyuri had reasoned, and he agreed.
And after a few days of teaching and sharing of information together, she'd gone to her 'trip'. Two months of another training (which he and his master only suspected) with the Mage's Association as a potential Enforcer. It's quite a busy life for Tsuyuri Kanao, and she doesn't seemed to get tired of everything that people had thrown in her way/platter and pointed at her to do/eat it well.
"There was no reason to defy them anyway." Tsuyuri had told him.
The dream came to him as expected. But this time, it was different. Instead of two cliffs with an abyss between them, they'd finally connected together despite the dissimilarities to each other. Colorful and dull, they'd joined together in discordant harmony in the same world of his dream, and now it was large and vast place, not a single cliff in vicinity. But... Kirei thought as he swept his gaze around him, there was no one beside him, not even Tsuyuri Kanao. Even though there was no longer an abyss that was tempting him, seducing him, and inviting him to jump below, the spacious blue sky above seemed to look down at him, laughing, and mocking at him in a pleasant mirth.
Kirei doesn't like that.
And one thing he remembered from the dream was that he realized he was holding something in his hand. It was a single lone, frail flower. It still haven't registered to his mind what kind of flower it was, but he remembered its color, a vivid color he was so used to see in his whole life.
Blood-red. In his hand was an imaginary blood-red flower. And strangely, he found himself drawn to it.
Too bad he won't be able to give this flower to her. These was his last thoughts before he woke up from the desolated dream.
...
"Good job in your work, Kirei," said his master as Kirei told him about the progression of his... information extraction from Tsuyuri Kanao, "As for the Mana Eaters of that organization... the Association would be thoroughly disappointed if there are only few of them, if we trust Kanao's words."
Tsuyuri told him about the possible Mana Eaters when he asked her about it. Four or five, she mentioned. But, she added, if they are talking about why she was chosen as 'Candidate', there's a highest position within the organization that are given to the strongest fighters. 'Pillars', it was called, and just like her title says, she was a candidate to become one. There's a possibility there are Mana Eaters among the 'Pillars'.
"So there was hierarchy within that organization..." mused his master, "they are well-organized than I thought, and seemed to be well-established too. If there are hierarchies, it might possible that this organization must be older than we expected."
Kirei agreed. The things Tsuyuri told him was very detailed and thorough, and it implies that, not just Tsuyuri, there are some people out there are aware of the existence of this organization she was connected with. They chose to be tight-lipped about it, and perhaps, might be as well pretended it never existed to begin with.
If people from the organization heard about her loose-lips, people Kirei suspected might be hiding among the crowd, she would be viewed as a traitor. "That's fine by me," Tsuyuri said when he expressed if he was person within the organization she was connected with, Kirei would view her as one. "If it ensures my survival, information will be my protection." But despite that, he had a feeling the information she told them was not the whole truth. After all, information was all she gave away, not identities of the people from the organization.
Is she feeding us false information? he wondered at some point, and, as if seeing through him, Tsuyuri smiled with her eyes looking keenly at him. Was it a lie that she said that she was done with the charades? But Kirei felt she was telling the truth the whole time.
You've seen what you saw with your own eyes. Seeing is believing after all. Tsuyuri had hand signed to him as if, as usual, she saw through him.
"And the matter of the approaching Holy Grail War," his master continued, "what do you think, Kirei? Do you think Kanao would participate as a Master?"
Kirei thought about it, and he remembered the smudges of Tsuyuri's back hand. "I think... she won't be participating as one, Master."
"Your father and I thought so too," his master agreed, "It's been months since she had that mark on her hand, yet her Command Seals haven't completely made its appearance. It's impossible for the Holy Grail to make a mistake of choosing a participant, especially this early."
A mistake... he thought as he remembered his father words, you are longing something that even I or the Church that can't fulfill you no matter what we do. If his master are the truth, perhaps the Holy Grail was aware of something what he has been longing for...? If he can't abide to follow his rotten, wicked, and sinful heart, then perhaps... the Holy Grail knew... and the reason why he had been chosen... "Then your plan to include her won't be realized," Kirei replied, instead of dwelling further on his thoughts.
"Not really," Tohsaka Tokiomi said nonchalantly, "At any case, it's already impossible for her to be included. And besides, if Kanao doesn't participate, that's one threat down, especially that she was so close to me."
Looks like his master didn't overlooked her after all, Kirei was impressed, although a bit. "I'll continue extracting information from Tsuyuri." Even though, she was no longer being considered as a Master and she still had the smudges on the back of her hand (although Kirei did notice they were gradually fading), he still have his responsibility as his master's apprentice.
"I'm counting on you. If possible, find out what is her wish to the Holy Grail."
"Understood."
...
The imaginary blood-red flower was still in his hand. Driven by something, he wheeled around and saw Tsuyuri Kanao standing behind him, a few meters away from him, the same distance when they still had their cliffs. But their cliffs is not there anymore, only a vast horizon with a dissonant colors of black and rainbow, and spacious blue sky above them that looked on them in the same usual mirth.
Kirei raised his hand where the blood-red flower was, as if offering it to her. Tsuyuri glanced at his hand, blinked, and then raised her own hand. She also carried the same flower, frail and small, resting limply on her palm.
Why do we have this? The question spilled out from his mouth before he realized.
The inevitable fate in every living being, she told him, you knew what this flower is.
Death. Kirei knew the red spider lily flower on his hand and hers and what it symbolizes.
Yes. Death. Tsuyuri look-alike in his dream nodded. See the flower on her hand? See how withered it looks?
It was. The red spider lily's petal was quietly falling on the grass. But when he took a closer look, her feet was full of its petal, scattering around her like a mud full of blood.
You already knew, she said as she smiled.
Knew what?
Why her Command Seals won't completely appear.
In a single blink, the flower she had in her hand was no longer there. Instead, her palm was now facing down, as she showed the back of her hand to him, revealing an elaborated markings on it that suspiciously looked like a tangled spider lily flower.
She won't bear the markings that would incite her death, she pointed out — no, she reminded since Kirei already knew what her wish was the whole time.
I see. He nodded. I see.
Tsuyuri smiled. The blood-red flower returned on her hand and then tightly clenched it as she crushed the flower. When she opened her palm, a burst of multicolored butterflies flew, almost covering her from his view. They fluttered and scattered around him, and after a while, he saw she was no longer there.
Kirei caught one of the butterflies with his own hand. What rested on his palm was not a disfigured, dead butterfly, it was a single petal of lotus flower, glowing and alive.
...
Kirei silently watched Tsuyuri across the table. She had returned from her 'trip', and as usual reported to Tohsaka Tokiomi as soon as she arrived. He hadn't dared to interrupt them, and took a seat to a chair that was close to the windows, the familiar setting of their conversation before. He had a feeling the way Tsuyuri greeted him with a chime-like voice with 'good morning' to him earlier as she sat across him had happened before since he experienced a déjà vu as they faced each other.
"You're early," said Tsuyuri, breaking the silence, "Is it a dream again?"
Another déjà vu invaded him. "Yes." He nodded. "I had... a strange dream."
"I see..." The rising sun illuminated half of her face, but her eyes glowed in the familiar color of purplish-red and pink. "Is it rude of me to ask what kind of dream it was?" she asked calmly.
"No, it won't be rude of you," he assured, "since you've politely asked." And Kirei began his story about the dream he had, the blood-red flower, the vast horizon, and the spacious light-blue sky above him. And also... "You were there in my dream," he admitted, "we've talked there."
Tsuyuri wore an odd look. "Strange..." she murmured, "what did I talk there?"
"We had talked about the flower in our hands, a red spider lily flower, and—"
Kirei wasn't able to finish his sentence when Tsuyuri raised her hand towards him, which he immediately registered was the same hand where the still-haven't-emerged Command Seals was engraved and also the same hand where she held the flower in his dream. Her palm silently glowed, and in a flash, what rested on her hand was a...
"Gradation Air." Kirei knew the magecraft she just did in front of him. "And you knew about my dream?" But what rested her hand was not a blood-red spider lily, but rather a transparent light-pink lotus flower.
"Gradation Air, also known as Projection... although, my Projection is imperfect, since I can only gather and distort the air on my hand to create an imitation of this flower," she said, "It's not like I knew... I had the same dream." The lotus flower on her palm burst into invisible particles, and then she turned over hand, showing unblemished and fair skin on the back of her hand. "And I saw what kind of Command Seal would appear there. But when I woke up, it's no longer there."
Without thinking, Kirei took her hand, and caressed the untarnished, smudge-free hand with his thumb.
"I already told your master about the lack of markings on my hand." She smiled in relief. "Looks like I won't be participating the death tournament."
Kirei continued to look down at her hand, staring solemnly to it.
"...you're disappointed." She pointed out, and he raised his head. "Were you hoping that I would...?" she trailed off, watching him expectantly for an answer. Kirei let go of her hand, and turned his head to the window and saw his reflection... looking at back at him in discontentment.
"Perhaps, I am," he admitted, "But why would I...?"
She blinked and tilted her head as if watching him in different angle of his face. "You seem to know the answer though. Behind that disappointment, you have a knowing look," she said, observing him with her striking eyes.
"I am...?" Kirei raised his hand to his face questionably. She nodded.
"That's what I see. But who knows? Maybe I was wrong. You know yourself better than anyone else," said Tsuyuri.
Kirei didn't reply, and silence settled between them. "Kirei-san," Tsuyuri broke it, "when you..." She shook her head. "No, never mind." She stood up and bowed to him. "Thank you, Kirei-san. And I hope I didn't wasting your time."
"No, it's nothing," He stood after her and bowed to her in return. "I'll be in your care, Tsuyuri-san."
"Kanao," she suggested, "If possible, call me without honorifics."
"Kanao." Saying her name felt strangely intimate, thought Kirei.
She smiled and bowed again in courtesy before she left. Kirei watched her small back as she walked to the direction to the garden, and then he approached the window and saw her watering the plants.
How fitting, Kirei found himself thinking, how fitting of her to be surrounded with flowers. He raised his eyes and saw his reflection looking back in indifference. Just like in my dreams. Kirei lifted his hand, looking at his Command Seals that was engraved on it like a second skin.
She's right, he thought as he closed his hand to a fist. He was disappointed. Thoroughly disappointed he can't watch her wallow in despair.
"...good morning, Kirei," a reluctant voice greeted him.
"Good morning. Preparing for school, I presume?" he greeted in return, turning his head as he saw Tohsaka Rin peeking at the corner, already wearing her school uniform.
She glared. "That's none of your business," she retorted as she walked towards him and sat on the chair where Kanao used to sit. "I just noticed Kanao arrived earlier, and I was about to greet her but then..." she peered at him pointedly.
"My apologies," he apologized, "that wasn't my intention," he replied truthfully, although he did already sense her earlier in the middle of the conversation between him and Tsu — no, Kanao.
Rin crossed her arms. "Why are you interested in Kanao?" she asked bluntly.
His eyebrows rose. "I wished to be friends with her. Just like your father asked you to be friends with me."
"Are you sure about that?"
"I am."
"Are you really, really sure about that?" she repeated dubiously.
"I do," he replied.
The little girl pursed her lips tightly, and then she sighed. "Fine. If you say so," she paused, looking to the side thoughtfully, "But... is being friends with her what Father asked you?" she murmured.
"Yes, it is," he affirmed, "Talking and having a conversation with her is what your Father asked of me."
"Really?"
"Yes."
She sighed once again. "Father did...? I see. Looks like Father asked you to do that too."
Kirei looked at her inquiringly.
"Isn't that obvious?" she replied when she saw his look, "extracting information."
Just like everyone else, Kanao's words echoed in his mind. "I see. That included you."
"Especially me," she said despairingly before she changed the subject, "anyway, are you sure that you really wanted to be friends with her?"
"I already told you the answer, aren't I?"
"Say it again."
"...yes, I am."
"Then do a better job, Kirei," she said, strangely solemn, "Be a good friend to her."
"Why, if I may ask?"
Her eyebrow twitched. "Are you blind?!" Rin made a gasp when she realized she just raised her own voice. She continued in hushed tone, "Can't you see? To her, you are already friends. When you still haven't arrived here in this house along with my Father, me and Sak—"she stopped herself. "I'm the only friend she got here. That's why I'm asking you to be a good friend with her."
"I'm afraid I won't be—"
"Ah, geez!" Rin snapped. "I don't care! You will do it no matter what it takes! Is it so hard to be friends with her? To be a good friend with her? If a little girl like me can do it, then you can, you big idiot!" She stuck her tongue to him before she jumped away from the chair. She wheeled around before she turned to the corner and pointed angrily at him, "If you can't still do it from the little girl you frequently tease, then do it under your master's daughter!" And she left him huffily.
Kirei was left on his own, a little bit stunned.
"Was that Rin I heard just now?" Tohsaka Aoi emerged a few moments later before she saw him. "Ah, was Rin being impolite to you again, Kotomine-san? I'm sorry for her behavior."
"No worries, Madame." Kirei was able to snap out of his astonishment thanks to her arrival. He smiled in assurance. "She was simply giving me an advice, that's all."
...
Author's Note:
Will Kanao join the Holy Grail War? Hahahaha. No.