trigger warning: there's a small scene of implied self-harm. read in discretion.
...
first: discordant harmony
...
Upon his position as apprentice, Kirei was subjected to the teachings of magecraft. His master's flow of lesson were comprehensible and understanding; the way of his master's teaching was never overwhelming nor inadequate. It was balanced in-between as if it was placed in convenience for him. He doesn't know if this way of teaching from his master was deliberate nor it was the pace Tohsaka Tokiomi considered for himself.
As for Kirei, he plunged himself into this world of magecraft without rest. He supposed that perhaps he was driven by his own curiosity. Curious of this world that the Church had despised for a long time, curious that the amount of knowledge he received from this world might gratify him at some point.
And for other side of world, Kirei frequently met the wife and daughter of his master. 'Met' might be a strong word, but Rin seemed to be determined to ignore his presence — if she can — and her mother would simply greet him in a simple 'good morning' or 'good afternoon' to him which he would greet her in return.
That's right; 'met' was the strong word for the mother and daughter. The only person Kirei had regularly met in this household — other than his master — was the curious Tsuyuri Kanao.
Their encounters was sometimes bridled with silence, and then the day would end without words of exchange between them. At times, they wouldn't meet at all since they were both busy of their respective responsibility. But if they did, the conversation between them were typically aimless and random. Tsuyuri's used notepads were the evident of their encounters.
But somehow, Kirei noticed something. It was unnecessary to notice such a thing but he still did. Kirei noticed that, during most of their conversations, Tsuyuri would never raise her eyes to him as if consciously looking away from an uncomfortable thing. He'd thought her apprehension was already casted away during their introduction (and their first proper conversation) to each other. However, it doesn't seem to be a case. But that's fine, thought Kirei. Tsuyuri Kanao being uneasy was good for him. It gave him a slightest bit of satisfaction when she was such in a state. If she wanted to stay like that then he'll draw out as much as possible from her apprehensive state.
Despite still, Kirei was curious. What was the reason of her uneasiness that seemed to come from him? (Or did it come from him?) Why was she determined to avert her eyes away from him as if she saw something (or realized something)? None of these questions will be answered if he would hide these from her.
"What did you see in me if you keep looking away from me?" Kirei had managed to ask her in-between of their casual conversation. However, the suddenness of that question was on purpose. Tsuyuri raised her lilac eyes on his dark ones with startled blinking. Her reaction was within his expectation. He asked again, "Did you see something that made you somehow you realize something?" The repeated 'something' in his words was odd to say verbally, but he ignored it and waited her response.
Where did that question came from? she replied instead.
"So you chose to avoid it?" he asked.
She shook her head. No, she wrote, I'm sorry if I made uncomfortable. I just see something that I can't put into words.
Kirei didn't reply. Instead, she wrote again, paused, and then wrote once more before she showed the words to him.
Kotomine-san, do you
can I ask you question? Her scrawling her words told him with hastily crossed words above it. Kirei saw the incomplete question under the sprawling lines and wondered what made her change the question.
"You can," he replied.
Kotomine-san, do you
did you recently lost someone, Kotomine-san?
Another crossed words appeared again. "A year ago, I did," he told her as distantly as possible to prevent the emergence of a certain memory.
Lilac eyes directly looked at him in the eyes. They both stared at each other, as Kirei saw her eyes roaming his eyes and face. He immediately realized that she was searching for... something.
Was it sad? That you lost this someone? she asked probingly.
"What are you implying?" Kirei asked her instead.
She offered a smile faintly. I made you uncomfortable, aren't I? she wrote.
Kirei furrowed his brows at those words. "No. I would like you tell me frankly what you have seen in me that made you uncomfortable," he told her flatly.
I'm sorry, she apologized in the note with a bowed head, I simply wanted to see your reaction.
"You were..." Kirei was suddenly reminded that she can see the smallest shifts of smallest details of the body. That means, during this conversation, she was trying to see what kind of reaction he would make talking about this... someone he had recently lost. But... "What does these questions and what you have seen in me related together?" he asked.
A distant look of contemplation took over her expression before she replied, It was a misunderstanding on my part. I'm sorry, Kotomine-san for judging you horribly.
"Horribly...?" said Kirei.
Yes, her note told him, I was trying to see if you cared, there was an underline in this word for emphasis, and it seems like I was wrong that you didn't. I'm sorry again, Kotomine-san.
"I see." So that's the reason why she can't keep looking at me? Kirei thought dubiously but he accepted the reason for now. After all, despite the answer she told him, Tsuyuri kept averting her eyes from him, as if trying to avoid him altogether.
I'm sorry if the answer wasn't sufficient enough, her note suddenly appeared in his line of sight, as if knowing what was on his mind. Kirei wasn't surprised at this. Tsuyuri always does it to him whenever he would lapse into silence.
"No, it's fine. You did say you can't put what saw in me into words, right?" Kirei smiled in satisfaction when he saw her blinking confusing at him.
I see, she wrote at him, so you saw what you see in me with your own eyes. She turned the next page, you're not blind, after all.
Did she just...? he thought startlingly when he read those words. Raising his eyes up to her, Kirei saw her looking at him searchingly with her striking lilac eyes.
Tsuyuri Kanao smiled... faintly at him.
...
It occurred to him that their conversations was never one-way — they'd observed each other silently and was curious to one another's presence. Kirei started to examine their talks and attempted to evaluate it for himself.
As he'd said earlier, their conversation was aimless that seemingly lacks any purpose. Random topics and casuals talk, this was the mood between them — distant yet intimate. Seemingly on his side, but Tsuyuri might had thought otherwise. Kirei realized that, during the most of their conversation, she was always the one who brought up the topics. Their seemingly meaningless subjects of their talks — perhaps there was a hidden meaning in it. At least to Tsuyuri Kanao.
Was it the reason why she can't look at me in the directly in the eyes? he thought as he laid to his bed with his head occupied of this woman named Tsuyuri Kanao. No, it doesn't seem to be the case, he answered his own question. The uneasiness and the apprehension; those feelings she'd attempted to hide away from him, it wasn't directed to him, or to anyone or anything. It was only... her. Her own feelings and her own expression, everything about it was only aimed at herself.
Perhaps because she was uncomfortable around me? he guessed. But if she was, she should've have told him he was unpleasant to be with; telling him that would be easy for him if Tsuyuri told him that he wasn't an easy company. But, as Kirei reflected, she wouldn't be so direct to tell him to leave her alone. In her eyes along with her position as the housekeeper of Tohsaka household, it would be a rude thing to do to a guest that her master had brought from overseas to the house, to tell him that he wasn't a very pleasant presence.
But the question is, did Tsuyuri Kanao thought of him as an unpleasant guest? All of the thoughts swirling around Kirei's head, these are more or less only speculations. About her feelings and thoughts about him, these was just his deductions. Despite their frequent talks, they truly never knew each other. Their conversations was never about themselves, they actually never open themselves up to each other, guarding and hiding; maybe either or neither of these, they never... look at each other eye-to-eye.
Ah, Kirei finally realized, perhaps that was the reason of her apprehension. Talking in general was about the scratching the surface of a person's identity and behavior. You can know that by talking each other, using harmless words to draw out gestures of the other, using innocuous expression to draw out the feelings of the other; these can be acquired during a conversation. That is, granted, if one of the party was observant enough.
Tsuyuri Kanao was definitely one of them: an observer. Covertly observant with her strange, striking lilac eyes. Oh, Kirei realized once again, those random questions from her... He finally understood why she was always the one bringing up topics between them — of their seemingly harmless conversations with their innocuous subjects they'd talk each other.
So you saw what you see in me with your own eyes. You're not blind, after all... she'd told him earlier that startled him. He remembered that it was Tsuyuri's own words when he'd asked how she was able to know that he was searching for something. I see what I see. I'm not blind... that's what she'd told him, and she was using the same words... not about her but for him. Kirei can't help but felt a bit mocked at those words.
What kind of person are you, Tsuyuri Kanao? he asked silently. There's definitely more about her than meets the eye. He doesn't know what she'd received from him at those casual and random questions — perhaps she already knew what kind of person he was underneath but he doesn't really know if she did — and wondered if those questions was done deliberately to steer clear about herself. To prevent him from asking her about herself.
Kirei thought suddenly, what kind of connection does she had in that mysterious organization his master talked about? He was told that this organization immediately disappeared the moment it was discovered, and according to the reports his master lend him, people were dubious of the existence of this so-called organization. But according to Tsuyuri Kanao, it was real and she was connected to it. People was suspicious at her. By the 'people' he'd talk about, he meant the Mage's Association. Kirei expressed a visible astonishment Tohsaka Tokiomi told him about it.
"The Mage's Association? They were the one who discovered it?" Kirei remembered telling his master in bafflement when he'd asked about more information of this organization. He didn't expect that it was the Mage's Association who found them first instead of The Church.
"By accident, yes, they were the one who discovered it," Tohsaka Tokiomi replied to his apprentice with a gentlemanly disposition. Calm and elegant, in contrast to Kirei's surprise. "Even though Mage's Association was doubtful of this organization's existence, they had taken Tsuyuri Kanao's words into consideration, and she received a Sealing Designation under special conditions. Since I was the one who found her, the girl stayed on my care, although bounded with restrictions upon my household."
Kirei listened, as the expected role as his apprentice. "So that was one of reason why you had 'accepted' her," he said, finally realizing what those words means.
"And became my responsibility." Even though those words implied indignation, Tohsaka Tokiomi's face expressed none of it. "The Mage's Association suggested for her to be brought to them for... examination every three months. The Association found out that... she had potential and carried... unknown properties within her body — that's what they'd reasoned when they decided to give her a Sealing Designation."
Examined... that word carried disturbing implications. "When is her next trip?" he asked instead.
"In two months," his master replied.
"Since when she had been subjected into this?"
"Even since she confessed her relation to this so-called organization. You could say two years ago."
So her body has been tampered that long... "Has there been any changes every time she comes back?"
"...you are awfully curious about this, aren't you, Kirei?" his master commented with a raised eyebrow but nevertheless he replied, "Physically, no, there were no changes. I can't say about her mental state, I'm afraid."
Kirei stayed silent after that. Besides, he had no questions left to ask about Tsuyuri Kanao.
Instead of thinking about this matter, Kirei thought, trying to convince himself; it's better to sleep for the next day. He turned off the lamp beside him and his room became dark. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Under the darkness surrounded by silence, Kirei wondered suddenly, what happened to her past that made her regress into silence for a long time?
...
Kirei was immediately greeted by Tohsaka Aoi as soon as he entered the house. The mother and daughter was making their way to the backyard, about to spend their time in the garden nurtured by Tsuyuri Kanao. He found out about that fact during one of their conversations that she was the one who planted flowers. To pass some spare time, she'd told him before she changed the subject as usual.
"Good morning, Madam," he greeted in return before he looked down to the little cute girl clinging to her mother. "Good morning to you too, Rin."
The girl only stuck her tongue at him before she reprimanded by her mother of her behavior.
"Rin! Don't act like that to him," the mother gently scolded her daughter. She smiled at him apologetically. "I'm sorry about that, Kotomine-san."
"I don't mind, Madam. Immaturity are a common thing for little children."
"Immaturity?! You—"
"Rin! What did I just told you?" It was evident from the older woman's voice that she was getting exasperated but she was able to mask it under her motherly disposition, gentle and patient. "Now, let's go, Rin. Kanao must be waiting for us at the garden."
Both mother and daughter excused themselves and walked their way to their destination. Tohsaka Aoi shot him another apologetic smile with a small bow before they disappeared in the corner. A small smile stretched on his face. Tohsaka Rin's reaction was within his expectation, he wasn't disappointed. With the small smile still lingered his expression, Kirei made his way to his master's study.
"Good morning, Kirei. Seems like you're in a good mood today," his master greeted with a quick assessment. "Did something happened, I wonder."
"It is nothing, master. Just woke up in the right side of the bed," Kirei replied halfheartedly.
"Ah, I see. That happened to me too. Waking up suddenly and you feel like a happiest man alive." His master obliviously took his lie. "Anyway, Kirei, how are you liking the training so far?" he asked his apprentice.
"It is fine. I am humbled to be trained under your tutelage and given me your patience when I made mistakes." This time, these words rang a genuine truth from him.
"No, no. No need to be humbled, Kirei. Besides, in contrary, I should be the one thankful of your eagerness to learn," Tohsaka Tokiomi said with a grateful smile. "Your curiosity and interest... it makes feel like an accomplished mage despite already being one."
Humility with a tinge of arrogance. Only Tohsaka Tokiomi can pull that one successfully, Kirei observed. "Thank you, master."
"I hope Rin would take an example from you."
Suddenly, the urge to laugh welled up within him, but he immediately curbed it in down and he replied with his usual indifferent expression, "I'm sure your daughter will make an example for herself and grow up following your steps, master."
"...thank you, Kirei." Tohsaka Tokiomi smiled, gratified, as if those words were something he'd wanted to hear for a long time.
Kirei only nodded at his master's words.
"I know this might sound a bit sudden, but you already understood the circumstances of Tsuyuri Kanao, right?" said his master after a moment of silence.
"Yes."
"And I've noticed you've been awfully familiar with her this past two months?" Tohsaka Tokiomi's usual gentlemanly disposition was all but now replaced with a subtle mischievousness.
"Yes...?" Kirei furrowed his brows at the obvious yet hidden intention of his master.
"I have a favor to ask you, Kirei."
Kirei looked at his master with keen eyes, and saw seriousness blanketing his face instead of the usual gentleman appeal nor the mischievousness earlier. Grave and solemn; Kirei rarely saw this look from Tohsaka Tokiomi. "As you wish, master," he accepted.
"I already told you that she was given a Sealing Designation. Instead of being taken to Mage's Association, she stayed under my care with certain conditions. One of the conditions is to be examine by them. And one of them is... to constantly extract information from her."
Kirei understood what his master meant. "You want me to talk to her and gather information," he said flatly.
"If you can. Kanao and I doesn't talk every day. And when we did, she does it out of duty."
"I thought she doesn't have something to hide."
"Yes, she confessed, but not everything. The Association wanted that."
"But why did she stay here if the Mage's Association could just take her under their jurisdiction? I'm sure they could easily extract information from her that way," Kirei wondered coldly.
"Despite receiving a Sealing Designation, Tsuyuri Kanao is no mage. And she carried no threat to Mage's Association itself so they mostly left her alone. They were just... curious of her existence besides the organization she was connected with."
"...I see." It seems like 'they' had their eyes pointed at her instead of her connection the dubious organization. An eye opener, thought Kirei ironically, that there was such person like her existed in Mage's Association's perspective. "I will... if I can. The information gathering," he added.
"You will. You can. I guarantee it," his master encouraged. "You can consider this as part of your responsibility, as lousy as this inclusion is," he admitted. "I'm counting on you, Kirei."
And after that, Kirei began his training for the day.
But following after that, Tsuyuri Kanao and Kotomine Kirei never shared a single word that day.
...
In the following days, they still haven't encountered each other. A rare occurrence but not impossible. They never even bump in the hallway, not even coincidentally. Kirei started to wonder if Tsuyuri was deliberately ignoring him, or they were just too busy with their own respective responsibility.
Despite never coming across to each other, Kirei can still see her by the window as Tsuyuri played with Tohsaka Rin. Today was currently weekend, naturally there was no school. Wearing casual clothes instead of the usual school uniform, Rin smiled at the older girl who played with her as they exchanged flower crowns, sitting under the shade of a nearby tree that was planted close to the garden. Kirei thought of them like sisters, with their black hair — he observed that Tsuyuri's was shades darker — and despite their differing eye color, they evoke the image of an elder sister and a young sister.
Sans the other young sister. Tohsaka Sakura, now Matou Sakura. He supposed that, before his master's other daughter's adoption to Matou Family, the three of them had played together in this garden before. If it wasn't for Matou's offer to adopt Sakura, as his master told him, perhaps the sisters — Rin and Sakura — were still together smiling and laughing cheerfully with Tsuyuri Kanao at the garden right now.
And Kirei started to wonder—of his own blood... the union between him and his wife, Claudia, as they were blessed with a daughter who possessed Claudia's physical appearance. White hair and golden eyes. A little girl with pale features and without a single fleck within the girl that possessed her father's physical traits; a perfect splitting image of his own wife — he was sure of it when the girl will grow up into adolescence. Of his wife that he had watched in her deathbed, looking and observing helplessly as he focused on her killing herse—
Once again, Kirei nearly fell to a precipice. He would have been one step ahead and he would be already falling. Falling and falling by himself into a deep abyss below. He swerved his feet and turned his back from the imaginary cliff and mentally walked back where he came from. Kirei opened his eyes and saw... them still lingering at the garden in a different spot, creating yet another flower crown.
A movement caught his attention. It was an elaborate gesture — no, a series of elaborate gestures from Tsuyuri. The little girl nodded with a rueful smile and replied verbally accompanied with series of different gestures. Hand signs, he observed, sign language. Kirei actually have been studying about it when he found out Tsuyuri was mute. But since she preferred writing on her handy notepad, he didn't attempt to communicate her with it. Verbally on him and notes on her; that's what they'd been using to talk with each other.
Or perhaps, Kirei thought as he looked at the girls at the garden, it was her ploy to never open herself to him. It was a reasonable tactic on her side — if there was one to begin with. Tsuyuri's notepad was the boundary between them. Rin and Tsuyuri doesn't have one so they'd easily communicate each other with hand signs. Trust, he realized. Trust and faith to each other. That's how it was between them.
Kirei broke his gaze from them and retreated from the window. Trust... so it comes down to that, he regarded coldly as he walked away to his master's study.
Not knowing that lilac eyes had looked up to his dark retreating form at the window.
...
It came a bit of a surprise two weeks later, just a few days before her 'trip', Kirei found Tsuyuri sitting by the window one night. That spot was where they had their first conversation, which also became their usual place to talk. It was an unspoken agreement between them that if they wanted to talk, this place would be their setting. Perhaps the spot was ideal for her, he observed, since this particular spot was silent yet strangely comfortable. If the temperature was warm, they can always open the window. If not, it will stay shut. However, both of them never opened nor closed the window ever since then.
Kirei found himself sitting across her, noticing her indulging a cup of tea. When she noticed him, she left her chair and immediately went to the kitchens. The air around him seem to have paused, as he waited before she came back with a tea set and returned to her former seat. She poured him a cup and offered it to him.
"Thank you," said Kirei as he brought steaming tea on his mouth. He tasted nothing, though, it'd been always like that. Just a mediating hot liquid to help him ease a bit.
She replied him with a small smile. She lifted her own cup to her lips and she doesn't even take a second to immediately spat out the liquid at the table. He watched her fanning her mouth, seeing her eyes went wide at the spoiled tea in the table, running immediately to the kitchen and wiped the table. She bowed apologetically at him when she was done and sat down to her chair.
"...be careful," he told her eventually. Kirei was speechless what just occurred in front of him. He didn't expect Tsuyuri to suddenly sputter the obviously hot liquid when she should've anticipated it to be something she can't handle. He sipped the steaming cup of tea to hide his bewildered yet amused smile.
Tsuyuri stared at him, seemingly envious for some reason before she bobbed her head. Taking his words into consideration, she blew the steam of her warm own cup of tea and sipped quietly from it.
A familiar silence draped over them. It was no longer awkward nor uncomfortable; it was an accustomed silence they were used to have between them. Kirei can't even feel the apprehension from her, but he supposed perhaps they weren't talking to each other right now. Just a muted and subdued acknowledgment in a certain spot close to the kitchen, of each other's presence, of one another's company.
Kirei saw her about to pull out the notepad from her pocket but he raised his hand to stop. And then, there's no need to write in that, he gestured to her.
She bristled as she looked back and forth to him and his hands. She moved her hands, you knew sign language? she asked.
"Yes," he replied verbally. You don't have to use your notepad. I can understand you perfectly with this, he signed.
The familiar look of hesitation washed over her face as she looked down at the floor. She eventually raised her head and nodded. She sipped her tea slowly. Kirei mimicked her action and sipped his own warm tea. A heavy sigh from her made him raise his eyes and saw her looking outside longingly.
"How was your day?" he asked halfheartedly.
She sipped again and signed with a single hand. Fine.
"Anything interesting?"
She shook her head.
Kirei downed his tea and put down the empty cup at the table. He stood up from his seat and was about to carry the cup when a hand captured his wrist. Driven by instinct, using his captured hand, he caught the wrist of the perpetrator. He can feel the seized hand going rigid along with a sharp intake of breath. Kirei realized the wrist he just captured was Tsuyuri's.
"My... apologies," he said as he slowly loosen his hold of her wrist. For the record, this was their first physical contact with each other.
Tsuyuri stood up from her own seat. As she took the empty cup from his hand, she bobbed her head at him, which he supposed she was telling him that 'she was fine', and walked away to the kitchens.
It looks like, Kirei noticed, that she doesn't like to stay with him any longer. Her true feelings that she doesn't like him and doesn't want his presence are slowly revealing itself through her actions. He can hear the water running distantly from the kitchen as Tsuyuri washed one single cup.
That won't do, he thought, since he was carrying a responsibility to extract information from her. If he wanted to that, he had to gain her... trust. Or at least, he had to make her view that he was a... friend. A friend she can depend on and share secrets with. That's what others would do, obtaining something through innocuous acts and deeds. Not likely keen to use and resort to physical pain like he used to do.
But with Tsuyuri, he had to use delicate method. Physical nor mental means, Kirei had an inkling these won't work on her. For someone like Tsuyuri Kanao who is silent yet honest, he'd have to use —
Tsuyuri's emerging appearance from kitchens snapped him up into attention as she returned to her seat. Sorry that took a bit longer, her signing hands told him.
— a direct approach.
Their conversations had been nothing more than plain and direct. Almost all of it was nothing special. Not at all. Talks of flowers, talks of weather, and talks of places — none of it was subtle and disguised. There was no hidden motive — or at least none on his side — and both of them doesn't seem interested in raising each other's hair. All but subdued and passive.
Kirei found himself lamenting he shouldn't have made an attempt to bring the cup to the kitchens. If he didn't, the mood around them wouldn't have worsen.
A hand came to his line of sight. He raised his eyes and realized she was trying to snap him into attention. She signed, something's troubling you. What's wrong? she asked.
He didn't reply. Instead, he stared right at her.
There's... her hands paused before she continued, there's something you want from me, aren't you?
Silence. Kirei decided to let his expressions speak for himself.
What is it? she asked eventually.
"Master... Tohsaka Tokiomi told me of your circumstances," he simply told her.
Her jaw slackened as her eyes went wide. She looked away from him with an unknown look on her face before she nodded at him to continue.
"And I know about the conditions."
A long sigh went through her and she looked down with her eyes closed as if to hide her emotions. She nodded again.
"I also knew about your 'trip'."
Her bowed head completely obscured her face. Silence. And she didn't nod anymore.
"I was given with the respons—"
Kirei wasn't able to finish his words when Tsuyuri stood up and hurriedly walked away from the table. He watched her silently with his eyes trailing at the butterfly ornament at the back of her head. She disappeared to a corner. There was a noise of footsteps and closed door. After that, Kirei was only person left.
Blinking, he turned his head to the window and saw his reflection smiling at him.
...
Blood and water. The drainage splattered with the combination of it. Kirei stared at the freshness of it.
As a sinner, a righteous punishment will come upon him. As a sinner, a fitting retribution will hail to him. As a sinner, a suitable penance will arrive to him. As a sinner, as a sinner as a sinner as a sinner as sinner sinner sinner sinner as a sinner something has to come upon him.
Blood and water. Kirei continued to stare at it. But what good will come to him if he would only stared at it? Nothing. Nil. Zero. Nothing. It would not help. It would not punish him. It would not bring him retribution. It would not give him penance. It wouldn't. It wouldn't to him. It just... wouldn't.
As a sinner, a righteous punishment will come (why hasn't it came yet?) As a sinner, a fitting retribution will hail (why hasn't it hailed yet?) As a sinner, a suitable penance will arrive (why hasn't it arrived yet?)
If he is sinner, something should've come to him but why hasn't it came down to him yet?
Why?
Blood; the small but deep slit of his arm, and water; the flowing faucet in the bathroom. Kirei stood by the mirror, showing his upper half, naked and toned from the rigorous training. He continued to look down at the splattered red in the drainage as the water washed it away like it was nothing. He stared at it blankly — at least that's what his outer appearance was suggesting. But in truth, he was rattled. Upset and unnerved of the previous encounter with Tsuyuri Kanao.
He recalled their conversation; the splattered tea and the hand signing, of his intention and her silence — and her silence for some reason, was the part he'd recalled perfectly. He saw the gradual shift of her body language. Of her bitten lip, of her bowed head, of her hunched body, of her shaking. One thing Kirei regretted the most was that he didn't saw her lilac eyes darken under her ha—
Regret...? Regret? Why would he regret he didn't saw her lilac eyes darkening under her hair? Why he would feel like tha—
Kirei stopped his train of thought and raised his arm up — the one with the slit — and brought it down forcefully. The racking pain traveled to his entire arm and he gritted his teeth as the blood sipped out further from the slit. He knew exactly why he'd felt like that. He doesn't have to act innocent nor ignorant what he'd felt when he saw her state. He knew himself better than what others had believed who judged him from his outer disposition.
Feeling himself slightly dizzy, Kirei immediately healed his wrist using the magecraft he learned from his master, as the slit effective closed up under his hand. When he felt his business was already done in the bathroom, he splashed his face and turned off the faucet. He cleaned the drainage first before he went to bed.
To think he would subject himself into a masochistic punishment again, thought Kirei, and the mixed emotions he felt when he saw Tsuyuri Kanao like that. And the fact he'd... smiled when she walked away from him, as if... enjoying himself at the sight of her despairing state, he was distressed when he saw his reflection at the window.
But... that wasn't the only instance he was enjoying himself. Rin's reaction was quite cute, especially when it was within his expectation. But, Kirei reasoned, that it was nothing more than just a mischievous endeavor. He didn't draw reactions from her that was rooted from... something unpleasant. It was simply teasing.
Instead of lingering his thoughts further, he conjured some words from the back of his head.
"There is something else meaningless occurs on earth:" Kirei found himself reciting from memory, "righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun."
Ecclesiastes 8:14-15. A book implied to be written by King Solomon. Kirei remembered his astonishment when he read this part of the Bible as it talked about the meaninglessness of everything. Wisdom, pleasures, advancement, riches, labor — the writer of the book declared these to be all but meaningless.
This was the only section of the Bible that resonated him. If King Solomon reached an epiphany that everything was meaningless and eventually hated life, Kirei would like to talk with him.
...
Kirei dreamt of a familiar cliff, with him facing away from it. Windy and dreary. Gloomy and dark. He'd dreamt of this dream many times. Haunting and clawing him in every opportunity in his slumbering state.
But somehow, something changed. Something. A faint light from his periphery vision caught his attention. He turned around to look what it was.
Instead of the usual vast horizon of darkness ahead, a different cliff had appeared, far few meters from his own cliff, unreachable and too far to jump over. When his own cliff was black and dull, the cliff across him was full of colors with flowers fluttering pleasantly in the wind. With his keen eyes, he saw something that wasn't a flower. Unmoving and seemingly not affected by the wind. Pink and purple wings, supposedly fluttering to the air, was motionless and still as if it had landed to an object, to something dark and black. Something with a familiar form. A form with black hair and familiar colored eyes.
The form stood up. It was a human being. A familiar human being. A woman. Her hair that wasn't tied up swayed together with the flowers. She wore dark-colored strange clothes that brought out the fairness of her skin. It made her look mysterious. Made her look like a stray. Despite that, the flowers that surrounded her seemed to like her presence and caressed her body with the help of the wind.
Her small back was facing him as if ignorant of his presence, of his own cliff that appeared behind her.
Kirei stepped forward curiously but stopped short when he reached the edge of the cliff. Looking at the bright cliff across him, he turned around and walked away from it.
...
It was still dawn when he raised from the bed. A strange color of purple and a yellowish-orange brightness edging to the horizon. Kirei prepared himself for the day and without wasting time, he made his way to the Tohsaka Mansion which was almost an hour walk. He reasoned this would be a good exercise for him. The sun was already up a few minutes later.
When he arrived, the weather started to get warm despite the early morning. It was a combination of crispness of the air and hotness from the sun. It was comforting. Before he walked to his master's study, his feet found its way to the kitchens — at least close to the kitchens and saw the lack of presence of a certain chair. He peered through the window and saw no one lurking in the garden. He left the spot eventually and went to his master's study.
It doesn't take him long to realize that Tsuyuri Kanao was already gone. His master told him that she'd left half an hour before Kirei arrived the Tohsaka Mansion.
Kirei reasoned this was fine, there would be no distractions for a few days. Now he can focused solely on the studies of magecraft. He didn't waste time and submerged himself to Tohsaka Tokiomi's lessons. Kirei complimented his master silently again of his comprehensible way of teaching. His instructions was easy to understand Kirei doesn't even have to raise a question.
Few days passed by and no sign of Tsuyuri Kanao. Kirei ignored it and busied himself. Without any distraction, he subjected himself into a routine. Wake up and wash. Walk and greet the mother and daughter if they happened to passed by him. Gaze by the window before eventually walking to his master's study. There would be a break in the afternoon and his feet would found its way to the windows where a certain pair of chair faced each other with a table between them. Kirei would sit in the chair where he'd usually sat and Tsuyuri Kanao across him would be facing him. Though, she seemed to prefer looking out through the window than him.
A week later and still no sign of her presence. It just occurred to him that Kirei doesn't know the extent of her trip — or to be accurate, her examination at the Mage's Association.
"A week or two," his master answered when he'd asked it as a passing question. "It sometimes went longer and would take a month for her to come back. Why ask, Kirei?" Tohsaka Tokiomi asked with a mischievous smile.
Kirei decidedly ignored his master's implication. "If she wasn't here, I won't be able to exercise my responsibility," he lied, though, he doesn't know why he'd lied.
His master regarded his words. "That's true. But don't worry. If they want to take her under their wing, they would inform me."
For some reason, mixed feelings emerged within him when his master told him that. If they want to take her into custody, it was fine with him. Her overall circumstances wasn't his business to interfere and despite Tohsaka Tokiomi had asked him to talk with her for information, resisting the Mage's Association would only incite death. The Enforcer would hunt them down if they ran, especially those who are given with a Sealing Designation.
He was told by his master that Executors and Enforcers' line of work are a bit similar. Nevertheless of the differences to each other — with Executors executes their targets and Enforcers enforces their target for incarceration — their purpose to 'hunt down' are the same. Sometimes, their targets are even the same. Kirei wondered if he'll be able to meet one someday despite no longer being an Executor.
Wiping the thoughts of Tsuyuri Kanao from his head, he busied himself to the mysteries of magecraft once again. And eventually, he came across to a certain but curious magecraft. Shared perception. Just like its name implies, it was the sharing of perception between two people — albeit with a consent to the other party. With prana flowing together — it was recommended to be used with a contracted familiar — both will experience what the other party has experienced. Hearing, smell, touch, taste, sight — the five senses itself, these sensations are united together with two people using shared perception.
Sight. That one caught his attention but he immediately flushed it away as a certain thought suddenly crossed on his mind. Kirei wouldn't dare to ask Tsuyuri so that they would be subjected to shared perception together. Curious he may be what she saw on him, and without consent, he won't use the magecraft with her.
A week later, he went back to usual routine, getting used of her lack of presence of the house. But Rin thought otherwise. The little girl kept asking her father when Kanao comes back home whiningly and his master replied she will back sooner or later, she was just busy and the Association must've kept her occupied right now so she had to wait. Rin begrudgingly accepted her father's words and went to hug her mother tightly. Kirei only watched the affair happening in front of him as he stood behind his master silently.
Nights later, the usual dream crept him again. He'd been dreaming about this almost every night but nevertheless, he still welcomed it in his slumbering state, unable to fight back.
He stood close to the edge of his cliff, looking to the deep abyss below. Across him, in contrast to his dull cliff, the brightness of the flowers almost blinded him. It was a complete different world despite existing under the same sky. Kirei looked ahead, his eyes trained, looking and searching until he found it.
It was her. But this time, she was facing him, though, her eyes was obscured by her hair.
She raised her hands and gestured. He squinted and stepped forward but there was no place for his feet to step forward. Kirei edged closer to the cliff as much as possible and looked ahead. She gestured again — hand sign, he realized, and attempted to read her movements.
In a closer look, he noticed her mouth was moving, saying something. He also attempted to read her lips.
A single gesture — a hand sign, a sign language, she did it again along with her lips. It doesn't take him a second to understand what she was trying to say.
Jump, she told him as she pointed at the darkness between them, below them.
As if compelled to do so, he did. But he immediately snapped out of it and caught himself, hanging at the edge of the cliff.
He woke up with a jolt after that as the shock travelled throughout his whole body. He rose from his bed and splashed his face with water multiple times. Kirei found himself glaring at his own reflection in the mirror for some unknown reason before he washed and prepared himself for the day.
When he arrived at the mansion, he heard a familiar squeal inside as he entered. He found out that, after two months without her presence, Tsuyuri Kanao will be coming back and she would arrive in the afternoon. Rin suggested to have a feast — a small feast she quickly added — for her arrival and Tohsaka Aoi agreed. Kirei realized that Tsuyuri Kanao was much closer to the Tohsaka Family than any other servants working here despite only staying with them for almost three years.
Keeping the time of her arrival in mind, he routinely went to his master's study. But Tohsaka Tokiomi told him to help Rin and Aoi for the preparation of Tsuyuri's arrival. Kirei obeyed without question and approached the mother and daughter in living room and declared that he would like to help them. He didn't miss the scowl on the little girl's face who begrudgingly accepted his offer. Tohsaka Aoi thanked him and Kirei replied that it was nothing.
After lunch, all of them was expecting her arrival. The sun was high up and the breeze was strong enough. It was good weather, Kirei thought as he waited by the window, looking at the gate for a car to arrive in front of it, and Tsuyuri was fortunate to come back with a weather like this.
As soon as Rin heard the gate being opened, her face instantly brightened and ran outside the door and jumped to the familiar form of Tsuyuri Kanao. Kirei briefly noted that Tsuyuri didn't fell down to the floor despite the strong tackle from Rin. He was sure she would've falling from that but apparently she didn't. He complimented her silently at the good balance of her body.
The mother and father eventually came out from the door, including him as he followed them behind silently. Rin and Tsuyuri — or only Rin — was still hugging in the middle of walkway. They separated each other when they saw them approaching. Tohsaka Tokiomi and his wife greeted and welcomed her mildly, in contrast to their daughter's enthusiastic hug. Tsuyuri smiled at them and turned her attention to him.
"Welcome back, Tsuyuri Kanao." Kirei nodded at her.
She stared at him for a while before she replied, "I'm back."
Everyone gasped in surprise when they suddenly heard a small and bell-like voice coming from her lips.
...
A week later, Kirei still haven't talk with Tsuyuri. He can't blame her. With him busying himself of his master's teachings, Tsuyuri's presence was everywhere in the mansion. The servants who hadn't talked to her before was now talking to her. Rin, who can only communicate with her with hands before, was constantly asking her questions, curious how she regained her voice, and Tohsaka Tokiomi asked her presence in the study to talk with her, with Kirei standing behind his master.
Silently, Kirei took the opportunity to observe her silently. Her hair had gotten longer as the strands rested on her shoulders. She looked weary and tired which was understandable since she had been walking around the mansion trying to catch up of the chores she'd left, but only to find herself being dragged to a corner as servants would attempt to gossip and wondered how she had recovered her voice. Kirei had coincidentally found her trying to get away from their clutches and he went to help her as the servants scurried away at the sight of him.
"Thank you." Those were the words she said to him before she also hurried away from him. It looks like she still haven't forgot their last conversation.
"It is really fortunate that you have finally regained your ability to speak, Kanao." Kirei snapped into attention when his master spoke. "No wonder it took you so long to come back."
"Yes," said Tsuyuri too silently. As if noticing the volume, she repeated, "Yes," with voice raised.
"They must have not only examined you," said his master matter-of-factly.
She nodded. "They didn't."
Tohsaka Tokiomi stayed silent to let her continue. Tsuyuri instantly noticed it.
"And, um, I was given an offer, by them," she told him stiffly.
"What offer?" said his master encouragingly when she paused.
"To become an Enforcer."
"Despite you being Designated?" asked his master with raised eyebrow.
"Especially that I have a Sealing Designation, they said," she added. "I would be an Enforcer not to hunt down mages... but my own people — from the organization I was connected with."
"Hunting down your own people... but why you? There should have been capable hunters," Tohsaka Tokiomi wondered. Kirei silently agreed. There should be proficient hunters than her; why would they chose her?
"Because it's me, they said," said Tsuyuri. "Because I'm a familiar face to them. Just like me, they also wanted to examine... my people."
"...I see," said his master understandingly. "Anything else?"
"Regarding about my examination, I..." she hesitated. "They called me 'Mana Eater'."
Kirei noticed that his master was trying to hide his gasp. "...a Mana Eater. No wonder you are given a Sealing Designation."
"Yes," said Tsuyuri. Kirei doesn't know if she was agreeing with Tohsaka Tokiomi's words or she was simply resigned to it.
"About the offer, did you accept? To become an Enforcer?" asked his master.
"I asked them if they can put the offer on pending, they said they can," she replied.
Tohsaka Tokiomi nodded while muttering, "I see," and stood up. "Thank you, Kanao, for this talk. You can go back to your chores."
Tsuyuri bowed in courtesy. When she straightened her posture, she glanced at Kirei. Suddenly, a déjà vu came to him as Kirei remembered their first meeting. Lilac eyes piercing through him yet not glaring at him. She broke eye contact with him as she walked away from the study and closed the door silently.
"Mana Eater?" Kirei asked his master after her footsteps faltered in the hallway.
"Back then when confessed her connections to this mysterious organization, she told us a curious thing." His master sat back down to his chair. Kirei took this cue and also sat down in the nearby sofa. "A Breathing Technique — a way to reinforce their body to fight in equal to this alleged creatures of night. She explained this technique like being in an adrenaline state perpetually."
"Breathing... then supposedly the Association concluded in their examination that —"
"She's a Mana Eater, yes, although she doesn't seem to realize this. I wonder if this was done deliberately or her trainer in the organization doesn't really know about it."
Kirei now realized why his master stifled his gasped in surprise. Mana Eater. Even though he doesn't know the term intimately but he knew what it suggest. Tsuyuri Kanao eats — or breaths in — mana that was produce in the surroundings. He doesn't know how she was able to do it but somehow she can. Just like his master said, Tsuyuri's trainer must've told her what to do but unaware that she was actually breathing in the mana. Or perhaps it was otherwise; they don't exactly know. Kirei was only deducing along with Tohsaka Tokiomi.
"No wonder she was given a Sealing Designation." Kirei repeated his master's words earlier now knowing what it meant. Prana — there are two types of it namely Mana and Od or Odic force. While there are no distinction between these two, their availability supply is different. Od was what commonly used by mages. The reason Od was easier to use because it is within the living bodies — also known as life force — but low in quantity. That's why it's essential for a mage to rest after they'd used prana to produce magecraft. Meanwhile, Mana is an energy produced by the world; in other words, it's all around them. It's more likely to be used as a fuel rather than using it for magecraft.
And that's precisely what Tsuyuri — and others like her — have been utilizing it. Who knows to what extent she can use it. As a Sealing Designation, Mage's Association can monitor her under the observation of Tohsaka Tokiomi; under his household which she had approached almost three years ago.
"But for the Association to use Kanao to search her people... they must be planning something," his master mused.
"And she was offered to become an Enforcer to hunt them down," Kirei remarked as he agreed.
His master went silent with a pondering look. "Have you noticed something from her, Kirei?" he asked eventually.
"Of what, master?"
"Physically. Have you noticed something?"
Kirei thought back of the conversation earlier. She wore a long skirt and high-collared sweater, all dark colored — which he unnecessarily noticed was typical of her to wear dark-colored clothes — and aside from her longer hair and the butterfly ornament which has changed its position to the right side of her head, he did notice something. "Her posture is straighter than before and her expression is more passive than before. And also..." Kirei recalled when he happened to saw her being dragged off by one of the servant where she nearly retaliated by hitting them, "she's more cautious than before."
"She became stronger," emphasized Tohsaka Tokiomi. "Physically, that is. It seems like the Association did more than offer her a position as Enforcer within those two months."
Kirei knew what his master was implying. "They were already training her to become one."
"That's right." Tohsaka Tokiomi had an unknown look on his face. "It may be not only as an Enforcer but potentially as their hound as well."
...
Kirei still haven't talked to Tsuyuri two weeks later. Even though she just came back, with the Mage's Association purposely burned her time into two months instead of two weeks, the looming date of her 'trip' is gradually approaching.
Despite her presence are no longer being demanded by others — the servants and Rin — Tsuyuri was still caught up to her own responsibility, and Kirei with the same situation with the lessons of his master. He also noticed that Tsuyuri doesn't seem to realize that, although they had crossed each other in the hallway at one point, she never threw not a single glance to his direction as if she doesn't knew he was there. Though, he had to admit, it was the same on his side. His mind was quite occupied these days and the routine he had developed when she wasn't in the mansion became hard to ignore.
Two months. In that short time, everything changed between them.
"I have nothing more to teach you, Kirei," his master told him suddenly a few days later. "You have been a splendid apprentice to me, and from now on, you can learn by yourself."
Under the supervision of Tohsaka Tokiomi, Kirei subjected himself into learning further magecraft. Although, he can't help his wonderings if his master had truly nothing more to teach him. He supposed he meant it as 'nothing more than necessary to teach you anymore' which was likely for full-fledged mage like Tohsaka Tokiomi. Kirei knew that mages was secretive in nature and they don't have the luxury to reveal any more mysteries to the common folk for their preservation.
There's only a few days left before her 'trip', and he doesn't know why he was counting down.
Before dawn breaks, a familiar dream came to him again. His dark cliff and her colorful cliff. It was a scenery that seemed to have engrained in his mind, mostly because this was all the dreams Kirei had in almost every night.
This time, instead of her hair obscuring her upper face; her eyes, a piercing color that seemingly glowed red and pink under the sun, lilac-purple eyes looked at him unblinkingly. As his mind finally registered who she was, Tsuyuri Kanao was standing at the edge of her own cliff, her strange dark dress gently bellowing at the breeze. Her colorful eyes averted from him and now looked down at the abyss below them. Kirei followed her gaze. When he returned his attention to her, she was no longer there. Blinking, he wondered where she went as he searched around and saw her...
Kirei woke up from the dream. The image of Tsuyuri hanging at the edge of her cliff startled him, and he was reminded suddenly of his own dream long nights ago where he was also hanging at his cliff after he was told to jump where he unknowingly inclined. Was it some kind of retribution? he wondered.
He nearly went to his master's study in the morning as his routine told him, but stopped himself just in time, recalling that Tohsaka Tokiomi had nothing to teach him anymore. Kirei found himself near at the kitchens and sat at the chair that was close to the windows. He peered through it and saw the sun edging at the horizon.
"Good morning," a chime-like voice greeted him.
Kirei snapped his head and saw Tsuyuri now sitting across him. "Good morning," he replied.
"Does Kotomine-san usually come here at this time of morning?" she asked.
"I do," he replied. "But I am earlier than usual today because of a dream." Kirei doesn't know why he told her that.
"A dream..." she repeated as if wondering his words. "Kotomine-san have dreams?"
"I have. Doesn't everyone?" said Kirei.
She paused. "That was stupid question, isn't it?" said Tsuyuri.
"To put it a perspective, it was," he agreed.
She chuckled softly. That was the first time Kirei heard her laugh. "I'm sorry."
Silence. It was no longer a usual silence between them. It was... passive and still as if there was an enmity involved.
"About our last conversation before I went to my... 'trip'," her words stumbled, "was that fun for Kotomine-san?"
"...fun?" Kirei noted that she wasn't directly referring to him as if he wasn't there.
"Was Kotomine-san satisfied?" she asked, her voice raising yet there was no trace of hostility against him.
"...satisfied?" Kirei was increasingly getting confused. Though, he knew in his gut what she was talking about.
She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. Once again, Kirei realized that this was the first time he saw this kind of look from her. He never knew she was this expressive. If her notepad that acted as the boundary, perhaps he might have already seen this look long ago. "Never mind. It is better if Kotomine-san doesn't know about it," she said.
Kirei bristled. She knew something he doesn't know. "Why is it better that way?" he asked.
Tsuyuri looked at him searchingly. "Does Kotomine-san want confirmation or awareness?"
"What...?"
"The thing Kotomine-san have been searching for. Was it confirmation or awareness?"
Confirmation or awareness... he thought. "What if I said both?"
"Both..." said Tsuyuri. "I see. I was wrong again. I never thought it would be both."
"...have you thinking about this since then?" he asked. Kirei never expected she had been contemplating about the 'thing' he was searching for.
"Not really. Besides, the thing Kotomine-san wanted awareness as well as confirmation, I don't know what it is. I'm only guessing that." She paused to look at him. "Kotomine Kirei is hard to read after all."
Kirei's not quite sure if he should take that as a compliment. "I see."
Another silence. The warm light of the sun touched their skin as it peered in the windows. Tsuyuri turned her head as if now noticing the sun was finally rising up into the blue sky. "The Holy Grail War," she said suddenly. "Kotomine-san and his master are participating, isn't it?"
Kirei can't help but notice the detached manner she regarded Tohsaka Tokiomi as if he wasn't her employer, just like she regarded him earlier, even now. "We are," he replied; and he also noted that she seemed to have an awareness of the death tournament that will occur soon.
"When?"
"In two years."
Tsuyuri stood up. "I see." As she was about to walk away, she stopped. "I'm... sorry if I wasn't able to prepare a cup of tea," she told him.
"It is fine," he replied as he offered her a smile. Tsuyuri looked at him as if scrutinizing his expression before she nodded and walked away.
When she disappeared to a corner, Kirei turned his head to the window and saw his reflection seemingly disappointed.
...
It was another two months of her disappearance, and before he knew it, another routine was improvised into his schedule.
Even though the servants of the household made a fuss to Tsuyuri when she regained her voice, Kirei noticed that they don't actually hold a significant thought to her. Tsuyuri Kanao was more or less was just a servant, those were their thoughts despite her close relationship to the Tohsaka family. She wasn't a target of jealousy and resentment, nor was she an object of loathing by them. They thought that, just like them, she don't — or won't — have the nerve to stand beside their employer.
Perhaps they were right, or maybe they were wrong. Tohsaka Rin was close to Tsuyuri Kanao compared to the overlooked servants, Tohsaka Aoi held a motherly sympathy to Tsuyuri Kanao compared to the ignored servants, and Tohsaka Tokiomi had his attention to her by the courtesy of his responsibility compared to the disregarded servants. Despite these, the servants of the household had no enmity towards their housekeeper.
These thoughts was what Kirei occupied on his head, as the familiar of numbness and detachment had draped over him like a blanket as an old friend. Studying magecraft still doesn't give him a longing sense of accomplishment despite drowning himself into it. But nevertheless, he never threw away the knowledge Tohsaka Tokiomi gave to him. It may not benefit him personally but Kirei would be able to use it in the upcoming Holy Grail War.
It was the same routine every day, waking up in dawn and washing himself, walking to the Tohsaka Mansion and greet the mother and daughter in the hallway — it was the same as before except that he no longer walks to his master's study unless Tohsaka Tokiomi told him so. Repetitive and monotonous, Kirei found himself into this familiar routine that he neither liked nor disliked.
And as routinely as his schedule is, the dreams of Tsuyuri Kanao's colorful cliff was one of them every night.
Kirei found himself wondering why his dreams always involved her. Tsuyuri held no significance to him, yet why he can't seem to erase his thoughts about her? He bore no feelings for her nor any sentiments of her situations but he can't forget about her. Even the Tohsaka household had seemingly forgot her presence in the mansion, but Kirei can't. He still sat in the chair beside the window that was close to the kitchens. He still looked down at the garden in the backyard for a lurking presence and finding none of a familiar form. It was just a gardener watering the plants and flowers.
What kind of person are you, Tsuyuri Kanao? He found himself asking the same question as before, and Kirei hadn't had the slightest idea to answer it.
Was the flowers surrounding her as it gently swayed in the breeze was her disposition? Or was it only his impression of her? Kirei thought as he watched her across him in his dream. Are the various kind of flowers around her held a deeper meaning? Or was it only how he saw her?
Kirei was troubled, but why did it troubled him? He had no answer; he never searched for it to begin with.
"The thing Kotomine-san have been searching for. Was it confirmation or awareness?" The apparition of Tsuyuri Kanao in his dream asked as she parroted the same words of her original consciousness.
"Both," Kirei answered the same answer.
"I'm sorry if I wasn't able to prepare a cup of tea."
Kirei was suddenly reminded how she spat out the hot liquid from her mouth and the amusement it brought within him. "It is fine," He offered the same smile.
"The Holy Grail War. Kotomine-san and his master is participating, isn't it?"
"We are," Kirei told her the same reply.
"The Holy Grail War..." she murmured, no longer following the script.
Kirei looked at her across him, and without warning, he woke up.
And it occurred to him that morning why Tsuyuri Kanao had suddenly asked about the Holy Grail War.
...
Tsuyuri Kanao came back after two months. He heard voices in his master's study as Tohsaka Tokiomi and Tsuyuri Kanao talked. He decided to never interrupt them with his presence and sat by the window close to the kitchens.
Tsuyuri arrived even before the dawn broke; Kirei would have noticed her arrival in the mansion if she didn't. He waited for them to conclude their talks with eyes closed, clearing his mind with unnecessary thoughts.
The sound of a door closing opened his eyes, and realized that the sun was already rising in the horizon. Kirei supposed that he must've fallen asleep for a while. He stood up and made his way to his master's study. Tsuyuri nearly collided to him when she turned into a corner as her nose brushed to his chest. Both of them backed away immediately.
"My apologies," said Tsuyuri as she bowed to him.
"Welcome back." That's what Kirei replied instead.
She looked confused for a while before she nodded. "I'm back," she told him as walked around, leaving him in the hallway.
When she passed him, something caught his attention. Something dark and red in the back of her hand. Kirei caught it with his hand.
"What's wrong?" asked Tsuyuri, startled that he gripped her hand. Kirei ignored her question and traced the mark in the back of her hand.
There's no mistake what he had seen, thought Kirei as he traced the fragmented pattern, even though it haven't emerged yet but this is definitely a Holy Mark — traces of Command Seal engraved in her hand.
"A dirt, I think," said Tsuyuri as she noticed him eyeing the stain-like mark. "I don't know where I've got it. It wasn't there when I departed London."
"...you don't know?" asked Kirei.
"No."
"You never talked to my master about this?"
"No," she replied. "It's just a stain."
"This is not a stain," Kirei told her bluntly, "are you aware how the Holy Grail War works?"
"No." She was getting confused.
"Why did you ask about it before then?" asked Kirei as he recalled their previous conversation. She wasn't aware of it after all?
"Because I've heard about it," she replied, "I heard that one of the instructor from Clock Tower is participating."
Kirei went silent. So it has begun. Even though the event itself will take place in two years, it makes sense for other participants already preparing themselves. Since Kirei busied himself in the studies of magecraft, he almost forgot about it. "Talk to my master again, Tsuyuri," he raised her hand he still held, "and mention this to him," Kirei advised.
"...alright," Tsuyuri replied eventually, and Kirei let go of her hand. "Kotomine-san is about to go to his master's study, right?"
"I am," he admitted.
"Let's make our way together there," Tsuyuri offered innocuously, "as his master's apprentice, Kotomine-san have to be with him."
Kirei observed her quietly. Does she really care about my role that much? And also, the way she considered me and Tohsaka Tokiomi... the detachment of her words was something he can't ignore. "Let's go." He accepted her offer.
Both of them walked ahead, following the same way to Tohsaka Tokiomi's study.
...
Author's Note:
For those who are unfamiliar with the terms:
Sealing Designation – an edict handed down by the Mage's Association to maintain and protect special magical abilities which cannot be acquired through study (from Type Moon wiki). Kanao is a special case since she's not a mage, and she had no research nor any works under her name, so you could say she was a Sealing Designation by name only. The Association is more interested in researching HER; her existence and her body potential. (Please correct me if I'm wrong or if I misunderstood the term.)
Magecraft – Nasuverse has two 'kinds' of magic since there's magic that 'performs miracles' (commonly used and shown in the series) known as magecraft, and magic that can 'make the impossible possible' (very rare) known as Sorcery or True Magic. Heaven's Feel, or Cup of Heaven is one of the True Magic, classified as Third Magic (Materialization of Soul). Yes; there's First Magic (Denial of Nothingness), Second Magic (Operation of Parallel Worlds), Fourth Magic (no info yet) and Fifth Magic (Magic Blue), and only these five exist in the modern era. Least to say, the term of 'magic' is wide and broad so I had to tread carefully using these terms to avoid confusion.
About the organization Kanao was connected with, they kinda have the same nature of the organization where Caster's Master (Soichirou? Soujurou??) grew up as an assassin. The 'independent and unseen' type of nature. But I guess it's up to you how you see it.