"Good morning, Junak-da," Jatin greeted as the older man walked into the backyard with a toothbrush in his mouth. "You look happy. Did something happen?"
Junak halted in his steps, blinking. "No. Nothing happened. Why will you think something's happened?"
Jatin eyed him curiously. "You're smiling and there's a skip to your step."
"There's no skip to my step!" Junak scowled. He stood up straighter and marched the rest of the way to the handpump.
Jatin laughed as he operated the pump for him. "You're being weird."
"And you are going to be late for your test." Junak rinsed his mouth, washed his face and pocketed the toothbrush. "Done with your preparations?"
"Eh."
"What's the sine of sixty?"
Jatin groaned. "You're just as annoying as Dikhou-da."
Junak blushed at that, he wasn't even sure why. He cleared his throat and turned to leave. "It's one by root two. I think. I'd check the book if I were you."
"You're not a very good tutor."
Junak resisted the urge to flip the bird over his shoulder and laughed instead. "Good luck," he said and made his way back towards the house.
"Thanks," Jatin shouted from behind him. "And you are skipping again, by the way."
Stupid teenagers. "I am not!"
He was. He couldn't help it. He was hopelessly and ridiculously giddy with joy.
I'm gay, Dikhou had said. I'm gay!! And from the way he uttered the words, it was clear he had never said that before.
Junak was the first one. The first one!
It clearly had to mean something. Right? Like, clearly there was something going on between them.
Right?
Junak wanted to believe that. Desperately.
But there was also a part of him that couldn't bring himself to. Maybe Dikhou just told him because Junak was also queer and so he felt comfortable to come out to him. It did not necessarily have to mean that he was into Junak.
After Junak had said I'm glad like a complete moron, they did not talk, just lied there, under the blanket, facing the ceiling. It was comfortable, of course. To the point that Junak did not realise when he fell asleep.
Waking up, Dikhou was gone. But the bed still smelled like him and the echo of his voice saying I'm gay was enough to keep Junak happy.
Maybe it was silly. But he would take what he got.
He was skipping through the house when he rounded a corner and stumbled straight into Dikhou.
See, if that wasn't a sign from the universe, he did not know what was!
"Sorry, I didn't see you. You okay?"
Junak nodded, stepping back.
The air around them was thick with nervousness and new-formed awkwardness. Junak's fingers went to pull at the strings of his hoodie as he waited for Dikhou to speak.
Or at least, that was the plan, until Junak saw Dikhou's mother standing behind the man, her brows pulled into an annoyed scowl. He gulped. "Good morning." He tried smiling but with his mind swirling with improper thoughts about her son, it came off as a grimace.
She squinted at him and dipped her head in acknowledgement.
"Uh, s-should I go fetch Aita?" Junak spoke so fast, his words stumbled over one another. "Are - Are you looking for Aita?" From the corner of his eyes, he saw Dikhou biting back a smile.
"No. I can go look for her on my own," Dikhou's mother said before walking past him into the house.
Junak let out a sigh of relief. But then his eyes fell on Dikhou, and all the nervousness returned.
"Listen, um..." Dikhou was looking down at his feet, "about last night-"
"I won't tell anyone," Junak blurted.
Dikhou looked up at him, eyes a little wide, and nodded. "Thanks," he said, then sidestepped and followed his mother.
Junak put a hand to his chest. His heart was racing. All he wanted to do was go to his room and replay the incidents from last night, but as was his luck, it was on that day, of all days, that their actors arrived.
Niribili's cousin Prapti. And her friend Megha. Who was like, really hot, but he shoved the thought away the moment it occurred to him; it did not feel right for some reason.
They were nice, for cishets. They were amiable, polite and really excited about working on the film. The only downside was that they were very, very loud, the both of them. And made to sit together with Banhi, Junak thought his head would explode with all the chatter.
They stayed with them; Junak's grandparents were more than happy to accommodate them. Niribili filled them in on their plans and made arrangements with Gagori to teach them how to dance Bihu.
Gagori. Dikhou's ex. Now it made sense why he described their relationship as "not fair". Junak felt sad for them while at the same time feeling weirdly glad that he had nothing to be jealous of...
"How far along are you with the song?" Niribili asked that evening, just before she and her girlfriend were about to leave to show the newbies around the village.
Junak smiled a tight-lipped smile. "I'm almost done; just need to finish the last verse."
"We need the song, Jun, asap. After you're done, we'll have to record it. And then shooting will take another week. We can't delay it; Prapti and Megha won't be here for long."
"I know. I'll - uh, I'll get it done by tomorrow."
"Okay."
So, after they left, and peace and quiet returned to the house, Junak sat down to write the last verse.
The only problem was, his brain couldn't think of anything else except a certain man with gorgeous arms and one-dimpled smile, and the way he said I'm gay.
I'm gay.
I'm gay.
I'm gay.
Junak kept wondering what would've happened if, instead of saying I'm glad lamely, he had leaned over and kissed him.
Would Dikhou have caught him by the neck and kissed him back?
Junak imagined those hands on him, how it would feel to have Dikhou press him down on the bed and kiss him senseless.
By the time the day came to an end, Junak was very much horny and nowhere close to finishing his song.
***
It was an hour past midnight. The house was silent with everyone sleeping. Junak was sitting at his father's old desk, repeatedly hitting his temple with the butt-end of the pen, and staring at his incomplete song.
He had drunk a full glass of black coffee so he was sure he would be able to finish it tonight. The track Dikhou had made was blasting through his headphones.
He wasn't very experienced in writing in Assamese but he was proud of what he had come up with so far - the song was hella romantic.
It spoke of gifting flowers and lazing around riversides. The singer compares her lover to the moon, remembering how the first time they met, she had given her a pocketful of fireflies. There were also mentions of sky-gazing, eating berries under a tree and playing music by a bonfire. The singer wonders, over and over in the chorus, what would happen if she just reached out to hold her lover's hand.
But do you even feel this way for me, she sings, asking her lover for a sign.
Junak's hand shook as he touched the pen to paper. He knew how to end it. He had known ever since someone told him I'm gay and he said I'm glad.
With a quivering heart, I told you I like girls. And you, you smiled and said so do I.
He dropped the pen after writing the last line and let out a shaky breath. He was feeling uncomfortably hot. He took off his sweater and ruffled his hair. "Okay, Junak, calm down." He played the music, then sang the song to himself, correcting and rearranging words and sentences to match the beat.
After the fifth time of rigorous editing, he knew he had his song.
He was grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. He was shaking with a wild exhilaration. This song was going to change the world!
Change. The. World!!
He wanted to shout, to jump, to tell someone -
But everyone was asleep.
Great! Here he was, making literal history, but no one was awake to witness this glorious moment.
As if the universe coming to his aid, his phone pinged right then:
DICKhou : Are you high or writing the song?
DICKhou : Dropping you a reminder to do the latter.
God bless that man!
Junak : COME MEET ME IN THE BACKYARD ASAP!!!!!!!!
Junak : ASAP!!!!! RIGHT NOW
Junak : I FINISHED THE SONG UGCSHHAVREF !!!!
DICKhou : Okay........
Jittery with excitement, Junak put on a sweatshirt and a woollen cap and ran out of the house with his notebook and phone in hand.
The world outside was dark and creepy as always. The moon was half-full overhead and the air was heavy with the buzz of insects. Junak turned on the flashlight of his phone.
There was no sign of Dikhou.
Unable to stand still, both in excitement and in fear, Junak walked towards the fence just in time to see Dikhou vault over it. He did not even have a torch in hand.
"You really finished it?" Dikhou asked, blowing into his hands. His breath steamed in the air.
Without really thinking, Junak took off his cap and handed it to that idiot who had walked out into the cold wearing only a thin sweater.
Dikhou stared from Junak's outstretched hand to his face. "No. I'm not taking that. You need it more."
Junak made a face. "I can't have you shivering while I sing you my song. You won't appreciate it enough."
Dikhou chuckled. "Fine. Come here. And put on your cap." He led Junak towards the open shed that was stacked with hay. It was slightly less cold there and the roof overhead protected them from the dew.
Junak put the cap back on and cleared his throat. He opened the notebook and flashed the torch on it.
Dikhou stood in front of him, expectantly.
Anxiety crept in, raw and sticky. "Uh... do I sing it or read it out loud?"
"Sing."
Junak did not even know why he bothered to ask. He gulped and handed the notebook to Dikhou. "Maybe you can read it on your own."
Dikhou glanced at the words messily scribbled on the page and made a face. "No. Your handwriting's awful."
Junak hit him on the arm with the book.
"Hey!" Dikhou laughed. "Sing for me."
Junak gulped. "Okay, but there's no music so it might sound weird. A-And I do accept constructive criticism, so like, I'm not saying it's perfect or-"
"Jun." Dikhou's voice was gentle but laced with amusement. "Just sing."
So he did.
About fireflies and sandbeds, and bonfires and flowers. About asking for hints, and then saying I like girls and you said so do I.
It was only when he concluded that realisation dawned on him like a hammer to the head: to anyone else, these were random sappy instances but to Dikhou, this was basically a love confession.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!!
Junak was so excited about completing the song, he had totally forgotten how obvious it all sounded.
And Dikhou was clearly not an idiot. Especially after last night. What if Dikhou had simply meant to confide in a fellow queer person and Junak had taken it the wrong way?
Fuck, what was Dikhou going to think now?
The silence that wrapped around them was thick, suffocating Junak who kept staring at his feet.
Minutes trickled by. Or they could've been seconds or hours. Junak was suddenly so terrified that he had ruined something special that he was close to crying.
Maybe he would have, if a hand did not reach out to take his phone from him. Junak's fingers were numb and jelly so Dikhou easily managed to pry the device out of his hold.
A second later, the flashlight was turned off, bathing them in darkness. Junak was blinking to adjust his eyes when he felt Dikhou step closer. He caught Junak's chin in his fingers and forced him to look up.
Before Junak could register what was going on, Dikhou leaned forward and kissed him.
For a second, Junak's brain refused to cooperate. His senses were bombarded with Dikhou's scent, his warmth, his fingers gently holding his chin and those lips, those goddamn lips pressed against his own!
A jolt of electricity ran through Junak, down his stomach and all the way to his fingertips.
Before he could do the sensible thing of kissing the man back, Dikhou pulled away. The faint moonlight obscured his face in shadows but Junak could see his eyes searching his face.
Junak stood frozen, feeling cold without Dikhou's hand on him.
Maybe he was frozen a little too long because Dikhou's lips quivered. "I-"
Whatever he was going to say was lost forever as Junak leapt forward, wrapping his arms around Dikhou's neck, and kissed him with all the desire burning through him. Dikhou stumbled back a little but his hands came up around Junak as he parted his lips and kissed him back.
It was everything Junak had imagined and more. Dikhou's hold was gentle but firm, his hair was incredibly soft under Junak's fingers and though the kiss was a little awkward, it was one of the best damn things that had ever happened to him.
He could've kissed him forever.
They were panting when they broke off. Junak did not step back and kept his arms hooked around Dikhou's neck.
They stared at each other, wanting to but unable to fill the silence with any words.
"So," Junak said, because he knew another moment of being suspended in the desirous stillness would have made him burst. His blood was on fire and he felt flush with all the supposed butterflies running through his body.
"So," Dikhou whispered in return.
It made Junak smile.
He watched the way Dikhou bit his lower lip and gulped. "Is this okay?"
He sounded so genuinely bashful, Junak was sure his heart was about to pass out. "Yes. Yes, Dikhou, this is very much okay."
Junak kissed him again because he knew he could. He wasn't sure what tomorrow was going to bring and he could feel a storm coming - the way one gets goosebumps before a lightning strikes - but for now, this beautiful man was holding him in his arms and kissing him with the kind of honestly Junak hadn't felt in a long, long time and he was happy.
He was happy and he was going to savour every bit of it.