Hi... So sorry for the late update. I was quite busy with my exams. Well sorry and I hope this is well worth the wait! :) PS:Sorry:(
• Louis' POV •
Another day, another opportunity.
Well I used to believe in that. . . till I came out.
I dreamed of him last night again.
I can't understand why is my heart not getting it that I can't like him as he is 100% straight, which has even been proved (rather unfortunately) in front of my own eyes.
I don't want to understand actually.
BEEP BEEEEEEE- I cut off my alarm and jump out of bed.
I am too tired to realise that I never I mean never wake up before my alarm.
I am kind of a nerd. . which has rubbed off on Liam too.
After gathering my paraphernalia, I headed to the shower.
I'm kind of, okay I am claustrophobic so I keep my bathroom door open slightly. Not that I ever have to worry about my privacy, considering I live alone and Liam is too much of goody-two-shoes to come in without permission.
Speaking of Li, here he comes.
Clearly he is surprised to see me all dressed up, sitting on the porch steps, bored out of my mind.
He does not comment on the bags under my eyes if he notices them.
I am grateful as even though he is concerned about me, he never pressurises me to tell him what's bugging me.
Settling in the passenger's seat, I buckle up and stare blanky out of the window.
I hear Liam getting in but he does not start the car, instead looks at me expectantly.
I just give him my I'm- in-a-bad-mood-for-no-reason look and he sighs and starts backing out of the driveway.
As he turns up the radio, I hear the song coming up which very much describes my situation right now.
"Can anybody hear me?
Or am I talking to myself?
My mind is running empty. . In its
search for someone else. . . ."
I smile sadly down at my shoes and get out of the car, thanking Liam and walking away.
I know that was a dick move but Liam should not waste his time on someone as pathetic as me. He needs new friends.
I walk up to my locker without any mishaps considering I'm quite a clumsy person.
I manage to successfully reach my class without running into him or Eleanor.
To be honest I'm not ready to face her enthusiasm. It's too early. And as for Curly, I should probably stay away from the straight guy.
Looking around I do not spot any unrequired distraction. . otherwise called Curly.
I want to know his name. . I think?
Someone sits next to me and I look up.
I stare blankly till he clears his throat.
Oh? Ohh! I have to introduce myself. . Of course I would forget that!
"Hi, I'm Louis. Louis Tomlinson.. And you are?" I trail off offering my hand.
The person next to me has kind eyes and ginger-hair, I notice now that I've come out of my trance.
"Hey! I'm Ed. Ed Sheeran!" And even waves his hand.
I would surely curb his enthusiasm if he becomes my friend by any chance (which is negligible).
I smile a fake smile, feeling guilty even then because he deserves to sit with a better person and he probably only sat with me 'cause it was the only empty seat.
He either does not notice or does not voice his opinion, when I quickly look down because of shame and embarrassment.
I'm such an idiot.
Couldn't I just pretend like a normal social person instead of sitting like an awkward-as-fuck person?
Now he would surely hate or even bully me cause even the nicest person would bully me for being me.
Or being gay.
Well, except Liam, I suppose.
But even if he is nice and my best friend, he would never have been my friend if he did not live next to me in Doncaster.
Well zoning out seems like an offence since now, as the Maths teacher is yelling my name right in my face.
"Mr. Tomlinson, can you please tell us the final equation, which is used to solve for x ?"
Oh shit.
Luckily even if I dislike Maths, I'm still a 'nerd' which is proved when I rattle off the answer leaving the teacher surprised.
I blush and sit back down to face my partner Ed who is grinning proudly well, like a parent.
I raise an eyebrow and he pats my back saying ,"Well played, mate."
I truly smile then.
Now that I rethink, he looks more like a goofy and a friendly person who maybe, only maybe, can bear me.
The rest of the school is going uneventfully.
And of course, I jinxed that.
Seeing as I, being my clumsy self, bump into a burly looking guy.
Oh no.
I fall backwards where fortunately Ed, who was passing, just happened to grab onto my waist and steadied me.
I was about to murmur a 'sorry' but I was never able to do so, seeing as the guy pulled me from Ed towards him and dug his hands on my shoulders.
I whimpered in pain.
One would think that I would have gotten used to the pain and humiliation brought unto me, but I am overly sensitive to pain, as till now I can't bear that.
"Watch where you are going, you worthless piece of shit!" He spits in my face. By then I'm trembling.
I hate being shouted at.
I adjust my glasses which are just on the verge of falling.
The guy snickers.
"You are a nerd, aren't you?"
An unintentional groan escapes my mouth as the pain becoming intense, as he dug his hands deeper.
This is what I've been fearing.
The Bullies.
"Answer me!"
I stutter out " Y-Yes" when he squeezes my shoulders hard.
I think my pectoral girdle is bound to get fractured if he keeps squeezing me like that.
Liam, my saviour just happens to be passing by.
He sees this and comes to my rescue. Thank god.
I am so thankful to Liam and also ashamed of myself.
I attract bullies like flowers attract the bees.
And then, poor Liam has to rescue me!
I just stand while Liam lectures the guy. Typical Liam like.
"He is a person. Just because he is gay does not mean you can bully him! You were bullying him just because he prefers lads instead of ladies? Huh? Well, in such a modern world, it sucks to have people like you who bully people because of their preferences!" He huffs out.
OH SHIT!
Liam, what have you done?!?
I really can't believe he just outed me in front of the whole school!
The bully seems to enjoy the scenario and also is boiling with anger too.
I am gone.
Liam spun on his heel to face me when I yank my arm away from him.
I just stand there humiliated and feeling betrayed and blink back a tear.
I can literally see the realisation dawn upon him when he sees my face.
He rushes forward to probably apologise but he is too late.
I had already started running away.
He loses me once I turn the corner.
I'm too scared to notice that I've run inside a dark room and I open my eyes when I hear the sound of a door clicking shut.
"I-is anybody t-there?"
Something moves in front of me but I can't focus well.
I'm claustrophobic.
Something, or rather someone keeps a hand on my shoulder and I stumble back into the wall with a scream.
I brace myself for the beating, which is undoubtedly coming my way.
I open my eyes and rub my clammy hands, which were subconsciously wrapped around myself, when I notice that the person has not started beating me yet.
I squint to see that, the said person is simply standing there with a confused frown.
And that person is Curly.
Of-bloody-course!
I'm so damn lucky. . . not!
I'm once again, making a fool out of myself. .
Which is unfortunately, in front of my crush.
Blushing like mad, I stutter out a "S-sorry t-to s-scare y-you li-like th-that" and hide my face with my hands biting back a groan.
He offers me a hand.
I take it lightly and he pulls me up.
But apparently he thought I was more heavy (which I definitely am) as he applied a little too much force that I tumbled straight into him, more specifically his well defined chest.
I go to move back, but end up tripping and bringing him down with me.
God! How much would I like to slap myself right now.
He has fallen on top of me with his hands planted right beside my head, he's resting on his elbows to keep his weight from crushing me.
Gazing at me with an unreadable expression, his eyes seem to roam all over my face as if he is trying to memorise it.
But that is probably my imagination.
Right?
I mean firstly, he is straight; secondly, what is there to like about me?
Right, nothing.
That's what.
I break my gaze away from his face as I feel a blush coming up on my face.
He seems to gather back his senses cause he takes a sharp breath and abruptly shoots up from where he had been bracketing my body.
Left confused, I look up to see a hardened face instead of his intense emotional one, which was staring at me just moments ago.
It was maybe, my figment of imagination.
He is going to hate me.
It is inevitable after all this.
Or, after he finds out I'm gay.
This time he does not offer me a hand and I take a deep sigh to keep my hurt at bay, as I soon feel the familiar feeling of a panic attack.
No.
Not here.
Not in front of him.
But how could I control that?
Soon, sure enough, I start trembling and curl up. I feel suffocated. I feel him crouch down beside me. What does he want?
"Pl-pleas-ase op-op-e-open t-the d-do-o-hic!-or" I manage to say, my stutter going worse.
I can tell he is shocked about my 'strange' behaviour, but nonetheless he starts jiggling the door.
I think it is maybe a closet or something, as we are crammed in a small space.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
He sighs and leans on the door.
"I think we are locked in here. Do you have a phone on you?"
I shake my head feeling it become dizzy so I try to clutch my head while doing so.
He seems to become angry.
"I also want to get outta here! It's all because of you, that we got locked in! Do something productive, instead of shaking your head like a maniac!"
He huffs and lies down as much as he can, with his head turned away from me.
I try speaking but end up choking on air.
Liam.
I need Liam.
He knows how to handle me when these panic attacks occur.
I try to reach out to him but all he does is turn away more.
I'm going to pass out, I think.
I need air.
God! I'm feeling like that time when Jack, my old bully had locked me in a dark room all alone by myself and taken me out the next day.
Actually, I was found unconscious by Li the next day.
This is terrible, however.
I manage to touch his shoulder but it is as if I've woken up a tiger.
He spins and pins me down by my shoulders, which is very painful, I might add.
I try to let out a scream but I can't.
He keeps his hands there.
Just then I hear a distinct voice. Muffled by the door.
"Lou? I'm sorry, Lou! Please come out if you're there. You know, you're afraid of being in confined places. Don't torture yourself, Boo." Liam's pleading voice barely registers in my mind, when the boy holding me down backs away.
I would surely scream out for help if I could but all I managed was a broken,"Lia-Liam."
This seems to tick him off .
"Who's Liam? You're Lou? Why is he saying that you are afraid of of being in confined places?"
Is this a rapid fire round?
I didn't sign up for this.
Not now.
Nonetheless I manage, "I-I'm cla-claustr-trophob-bic—" and then everything is black.
———
This is me here once again.
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LarryHaveBabies xx.