Writing this chapter made me realize exactly how lonely I am with my husband away for military lol It gets intense, so heads up! And sorry that it's taken me days to get this together. Single-mommin' has been tough this week!
Sitting at home in my sweatpants, my mind and soul were unsettled. Seeing Marco was not something I had planned for. We had said our goodbyes at the beach house and I assumed that our paths wouldn't cross again simply by my sheer will for them not to. I had told him that he wasn't the one for me, but I'm sure Noah didn't know that. For all he knew, I gave Marco a chance the second he left off for Harvard for his second year. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the couch, massaging my temples. I must have picked up my phone, only to set it back down, a hundred times before finally sending a text.
"Do you hate me?"
I sat, knees drawn to my chest, watching for his response.
"No."
It was a good sign that he responded right away, and it was a good sign that he had said 'no', but part of me still felt like things were not okay. But we were engaged now, and that meant that he was ready to commit to me for better or worse, even if worse was happening only days after the engagement. If he wasn't going to give me any more to go on, then I was going to fight for us. I slipped on my shoes and threw on one of his old Harvard sweatshirts and headed out the door. I needed to let him know that Marco isn't, and never would be a problem for us.
I was nervous as I walked up the steps to his front door, and even though I had a key, I knocked instead. Standing there in the darkness of his stoop, tears began to well up in my eyes as I mentally rehearsed the words I was going to say. I heard the deadbolt on the door turn, and soon I was looking up at Noah through the cracked open door, wearing nothing but a pair of sweats. His head dropped as he opened it the rest of the way and I began my opening argument.
"Noah, I swear, I had no idea that Marco was the artist. My bosses choose who we are contracted with for those things, and I had no way of knowing it would be him. You know I would never put you through all of that again."
He didn't speak, so I pushed my way past him into his house and he shut the door behind me.
"Say something!" I demanded as he ran his fingers through his hair. His eyes were tired and his shoulders slumped.
"Elle, I don't know what to say."
I could tell that he wanted to speak but was holding back so he could carefully choose his words. I was fired up, though, and pushed him to talk.
"You can't honestly be mad at me for this, Noah. This is nothing compared to the hell you put me through with that baby scare!" I regretted the words before they finished escaping my mouth, but it got a response from him.
"Are you serious right now, Rochelle? You want to hold something over my head that would have occurred BEFORE WE FUCKING GOT BACK TOGETHER? Hmm?"
I was a little stunned by his outburst, even though I expected it after what I'd said, and I just blinked my bleary eyes as he continued.
"That is completely different than you having a sit-down dinner with the guy that fucked our relationship up in the first place."
"Noah, it was purely professional! I--"
He cut me off and turned to go down the hall to his room.
"Honestly, Elle, I don't want to hear it right now."
I followed him trying to match his strides and make my footsteps sound just as angry as his.
"Well, you're going to hear it. Because we are engaged now, whether you like it or not at the moment, and I'm not going to sit back and let this brew. We are going to talk and we are going to settle it once and for all tonight."
His posture softened as I mentioned the engagement as if he suddenly remembered that he chose to love me through good and bad, and his hands returned to his hair as he thought again about what to say.
"Why did you spend the entire evening with him, Shelly? Were you honestly talking about nothing but work the whole time?"
I took a step towards him and grabbed his hands in front of him.
"Honestly, we caught up on our lives as we ate. I asked him about what his sister was up to, and he asked about Brad; just really casual useless small talk. And then every other second was about the music and the game. He helped create a demo for me, so he imported his music to my laptop so I could add it with the graphics. It just took a long time, Noah. I should have checked my phone, and I'm so sorry to have made you worry."
"Yea, you should have. The part that really set me off was that Marco saw me walk in right before he hugged you. And he looked me in the eyes and pulled you into his arms. And I saw you try to pull away and he didn't loosen up. I wanted to knock him out."
He pulled his hands from mine and balled them into fists before slowly spreading his fingers back out.
"I hate the guy, Elle, and seeing you with him sent me right back to that summer at the beach house."
"I'm sorry, Noah, I really am. What can I do to fix this, to fix us?"
"I just need him to know that you belong to me." he said, eyes blazing, "well not that I own you, you know, but like, that he will never get to have you."
I put my hands on his bare chest and pushed him back towards his bed. I could tell that he was still angry, but I knew that it was Marco he was upset with, not me. He was like clay in my hands and his tension melted under my touch. I put my hand behind his neck and brought him down so that I could speak softly into his ear.
"You do own me, Noah Flynn. You have my whole mind, body, and soul. I'm yours." I whispered as I ran my hands down his sculpted abs and eased his sweatpants and boxers past his hips. He leaned down and peeled my sweatshirt over my head; I had gone braless that night and he paused to sit on the edge of his bed and admire the view. I planted kisses with strategically placed bites all down his chest, abs, and the place where his thigh became his hip. His excitement was evident as he watched my every move intently. I took him into my mouth as an unintentional groan escaped his lips as his head fell back. I felt his fingers weave into my hair and hold lightly onto the back of my head as I worked my tongue and lips up and down.
"Oh God, Elle." He moaned quietly as I let my teeth gently graze him.
Suddenly he pulled away and yanked me to my feet. He kissed me hard and with an urgency like at any moment either one of us could disappear. He pulled me into him so that my breasts were pressed against him, and he pulled on my jaw to let his tongue search for mine. Just as suddenly as he'd stood me up, he turned me around and bent me over the foot of his bed. He leaned over me and held my wrists to the mattress.
"You're mine, Elle. No one else's." I heard him whisper into my ear before I felt him inside of me. He pulled on my hips so that they raised slightly and then he kept hold of them as he thrust, pulling me into him with each push.
There's making love, and there's fucking, and every relationship needs a healthy balance of both. This was, undeniably, fucking; the kind where all emotions were being laid out on the table. The sounds that came from me would have embarrassed my younger self, but now they just felt right, natural. His own grunts and moans answered mine as we moved in perfect harmony.
"Noah, stop for a second," I said in complete breathlessness.
"Are you okay? Am I hurting you?"
"No," I giggled, "You don't get to have all the fun though," I said, as I stood up and kissed him deeply and pushed him to sit on the edge of the leather tufted chaise lounge in the corner of his room. I climbed on top of him and lowered myself down onto him. His hands roamed from my back down to my ass as I moved and whirled my hips. He buried his face between my breasts and explored them with his mouth, gently flicking his tongue against my nipples and sending pleasure radiating through me. I could feel that familiar tightening begin to build within me and I tried to push him deeper and deeper. I could feel him harden even more and then with a jolt of his whole body, we both came. He grabbed me behind the neck and kissed me, biting at my lip, as we continued moving slowly together until the pulsing between us stopped. We sat there for a moment longer, still connected, and he delicately brushed the slightly sweaty hair from my face.
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world, Rochelle Evans, and I can't wait to marry you," he said, kissing the ring on my finger and then my lips.
He held onto my hips and gently helped to raise me off of him. That's when I noticed it; the unfamiliar wetness that spilled out of me. It took me a moment to realize what had happened.
"Oh my God, Noah. Did you wear a condom?" I shrieked.
"Relax, Shell, do you know how hard it actually is to get pregnant? Especially when you're on birth control," he smirked and kissed my forehead.
"Oh, yea of course," I said, nervously laughing.
If I actually were on birth control that would have made me feel better.