𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐧/𝐍~

~𝟭𝟳/𝟵/𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭, 𝟱:𝟭𝟵 𝗮𝗺~

it's 5 am, and i'm still wide awake.

my eyes have drenched my pillow & my shirt.

my heart hurts, feels like its gonna rip itself out of the ribcage.

i guess its too tired of being there, all alone.

i am staring straight up at the walls; trembling sobs leave my mouth. i'm awfully exhausted, terribly frustrated.

i wanna call a friend, but all the contacts in my phone seem like strangers more than known.

some days, i miss them. most days, i miss myself. i feel so detached with

who i used to be.

i have lost count of the nights, of the days, of the hours i've felt like this.

i don't know what i feel and why.

i have forgotten what a good sleep feels like,

forgotten what a heartfelt laugh feels like.

i have unread messages, unfinished work and an unwell mind, since so long it's hard to remember.

and i don't know how to make myself feel alright. so, i sob some more. more tears, more painful breaths, more heaviness sinking my heart.

i feel guilty, like somehow it's all my fault that i feel this way. as if i should be held accountable for letting myself be in pain.

i feel angry because my mind seems so out of control. i feel scared it's taking control over me. i feel tired, just so tired of

feeling this way. so bloody tired of feeling nothing and then feeling everything, all at once.