august 2015
houston tx
Ashley clocks out of work at six thirty, and when she gets back to her apartment, she's more than surprised to find Awsten waiting on her doorstep.
"Awsten?" She calls, heading slowly down the hall, causing his head to shoot up.
"Oh, uh, hey," he coughs, sitting up a little straighter.
"What're you doing here?" Ashley asks, curiously.
"Uhm, well," Awsten begins, standing up and brushing down his jeans. "I needed to see you, and I forgot you had work, and I didn't want to go home just in case you finished early— but, you didn't finish early, so..." He rambles, stepping to the side, allowing her some room to unlock the door.
Ashley opens the door, nodding for Awsten to follow her inside, and he does so, turning his phone between his hands nervously.
"Is it important? Why didn't you call me, or something?" She questions, setting her bag down. "I could've tried to leave earlier."
"I didn't think of that until about an hour ago, and that's when my phone died," he admits, sheepishly.
"An hour ago?" Ashley's eyes widen. "Aws, how long have you been here?" She asks, more concerned than anything. "And I thought you weren't supposed to be back until like...tonight," she points out. "I swear your flight is supposed to be in a couple of hours—"
"Shelly," Awsten cuts her off, softly. "I just needed to see you," he adds, taking a step closer to her.
"Your eyes are bloodshot," Ashley observes, titling her head as she drinks in the view of him, now that he's standing right in front of her. "Did you get back late?"
"Mhm," Awsten hums, "caught a red-eye. It was the earliest flight I could get," he continues, quietly. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too," Ashley whispers in reply, each of them moving closer to each other.
"Can I hug you?" Awsten asks, a little nervously, which is almost amusing to the two of them.
Ashley nods, wearing a small smile, as she steps into his arms.
She takes a deep breath, inhaling his scent as she rests her head against his chest, and his arms wrap around her securely.
They stay quiet for a long moment, enjoying the comfort of being this close to each other again, for the first time in weeks.
"Geoff accidentally told me something," Awsten speaks up finally, and he feels Ashley freezes under his touch.
"What?" She asks, slowly, beginning to pull back to look at him.
Ashley searches Awsten's eyes, while his remain steady, just looking right back at her.
"He told you?" She takes another step back, now removing herself from his hold.
"He didn't mean to," Awsten defends, gently. "He thought you already told me. That's what he thought our conversation was that night I left."
Ashley begins pacing, trying to take deep breaths; she never thought Geoff would tell Awsten, let alone thought about telling him herself.
She thought that maybe he'd find out in ten years time, when she'd finally found someone else and they were both settled, and they could joke about how she had a crush on him for all of these years.
"Ash, look at me," Awsten urges, "hey, slow down," he steps closer to her, taking her hand, which halts her movements.
She looks at him with wide eyes, unsure of what to do or say.
Awsten's gaze drops from her eyes to where he's holding her hand.
"How long?" He asks, quietly.
"I don't know—"
"Come on, Shelly. How long?" Awsten repeats, looking up at her again.
"As long as I can remember— that I've known you, really," Ashley shrugs, her eyes falling to the floor, sheepishly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, softly.
"Because I was young," she sighs. "I thought it was just a stupid crush, and that it was going to pass, but—"
"It doesn't feel so stupid anymore," Awsten finishes her sentence, catching her by surprise.
"Do you—?"
"Yeah," he answers, before Ashley can even get the question out.
"You don't even know what I was going to say," she insists, raising an eyebrow.
"Not true," Awsten counters. "You were gonna ask if I feel the same," he says, running his thumb over her knuckles, and a breath catches in her throat.
"Do you?" Ashley looks up at him, her voice barely a mumble.
"I do," Awsten nods.
"How do I now you're not just saying that?" She questions. "How long has it even been since you broke up with Grace? You've been gone for a week and a half, and the last time we saw each other, we ending up screaming at each other, and the time before that we—"
"Grace and I broke up three weeks ago," Awsten tells her. "A week and a half before I left. Then I was gone for a week and a half. That makes three weeks," he breaks it down, slowly. "But, I've felt like this for a lot longer than three weeks, Shelly," he adds, sincerely.
Ashley just stares at him, trying to take everything in, while also attempting to keep her breathing under control.
"I, uhm—" She breaks the quiet that had fallen over them, but she's unsure what exactly to say. "How did you know?"
"I think it was seeing you with Geoff," Awsten answers, sheepishly. "It's stupid, and I know I reacted wrong to that whole situation, but..." He pauses, clearing his throat, before explaining. "When Grace and I broke up, she said it's because we're meant to be with other people. I was confused at first, but I think she's found someone else— someone I know, apparently," Awsten tells her.
"Did she say who?" Ashley frowns, and he shakes his head in response.
"But, I think that thought was just— stuck in my head, you know? Like, she wants someone else that I know, over me, and I'd just have to live with it," Awsten continues to elaborate. "And, so, with you and Geoff— I thought it was gonna be the same. I thought you'd want him and I'd just have to deal with it. I'd have to see you with him and it'd just—" He cuts himself off, not wanting to finish his sentence, and lets out a sigh.
"I've had to watch you with Grace for over four years..." Ashley speaks up, quietly. "And you're first girlfriend— the one you met at Warped Tour that time," she adds, "I can't even remember her name now, but...That was hard, too."
"I had no idea," Awsten murmurs, and she shrugs, before another dose of silence falls over them.
Ashley stares at the floor, while Awsten's eyes are stuck on her.
She's used to having to navigate knowing that she has feelings for him— he's not.
He knows he's felt this feeling for a long time, but he's never been able to figure out what it was until now.
Now, he doesn't know what to do with himself.
"Are you freaked out?" Awsten asks, cautiously, breaking the tense quiet.
"No," Ashley shakes her head, softly. "Are you?"
"No," he replies, holding her gaze. "But...I don't really know how to deal with this."
"Me neither," she mutters. "It's been so long but— I never really thought about the possibility of you feel the same," Ashley admits.
"Why wouldn't I?" Awsten responds, gently.
"Thought you maybe saw me as more of a sister," she shrugs, earning a grimace, which causes her to crack a smile. "Yeah, I heard you'd didn't like that."
Awsten looks puzzled for a moment, before he realises. "Oh, man. Geoff told you about that, huh?"
"Mhm, yeah," Ashley hums. "He said you got really pissed at Otto."
"Maybe a little," Awsten tries to play it off, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips, as Ashley giggles.
His expression falters after a moment, causing her to tilt her head, curiously.
"I'm really sorry, Shelly," Awsten murmurs. "For everything. I've been so shitty lately and there's not even a good excuse for it," he sighs. "Telling Grace your business was wrong. I should've told you when I realised that it was a mistake. And I shouldn't have shouted at you, or got mad at Geoff, and I feel like I should've said all of this sooner, but I'm just—"
"Aws, it's okay," Ashley cuts him off, gently, taking a step closer to him again. "It's alright, calm down," she soothes him, easily, noticing the way he's getting worked up over his own guilt again. "It's really hard to stay mad at you," Ashley admits, looking down at their hands, as they hang dangerously close to each other.
Awsten moves first, reaching his index finger out and hooking it around Ashley's.
The contact causes her to let out a breath that she didn't know she'd been holding in.
She leans into his touch, the two of them then interlacing their fingers together.
"What do we do now?" Ashley questions, looking up at Awsten.
"I don't know," he answers, truthfully. "But, I think this should stay between us."
"Me too," she agrees. "I don't want things to change," Ashley voices her biggest fear, frowning slightly, and Awsten is glad that she's being so honest.
"Me neither," he accedes. "And it won't."
•••