IT TOOK a few delayed seconds for my gargled brain to place her, then I stepped away from Arlo and wrapped my arms around myself.
"Liv?" Liam asked, his voice low and panicked.
"I'm really sorry-" she began to say, sheepishly.
"What's going on?" Arlo asked, assessing the look on my face and the tense atmosphere between us all.
"Who is this?" I was mute, unable to speak or think. Numb to the world around me.
"Who is this?" His voice got louder, he knew exactly who it was.
"Who? Fearne! Who?" He shook my shoulders, trying to snap me out of my trance.
"Arlo." Jordan grabbed his wrist. "Maybe we should leave."
"No fuck off! I'm not going anywhere!" He shoved Jordan away.
"Fearne I have some good news." Janet tried for a faux smile, she knew this wasn't good news. "Your father has completed a parenting course and managed to regain custody. You're allowed to go home, to your family."
"We're her family." Jamie stood in front of me protectively and Janet just smiled politely.
She fished into her black knock off handbag and pulled out a roll of bin bags, snapping off a lone one and handing it to me.
"Go pack your belongings now Fearne." Janet said sternly. I couldn't move or talk, frozen to my core.
"No, don't Fearne you're not going anywhere. I'll fight this." Liams words gave me a spark of hope.
"Mr Maines, need I remind you that you have two other children in your care who will suffer if you cease to let this happen amicably. We've got a court approved order. Mr Rosenberg has custody of his daughter and if you prevent me from taking her from this household then you will be committing a criminal offence."
"Liam, you need to let her go. We'll fight it in the proper manner." Olivia, touched his shoulder but he shrugged her off. She looked hurt.
"It is always in the best interest of the child to reunite them with their family where possible. You can appeal the courts decision but I personally don't think you'll get anywhere."
"That's bullshit!" Lexi exclaimed.
"You're not taking her!" Arlo shouted "She's staying here with us. You can't make her go back to that creep!" He was getting aggressive, Jordan stepped closer to him, attempting to rein him under control but he pushed him away, more forcefully this time.
Henry who sat playing with a fidget toy placed his hands over his ears and mumbled noises in distress.
"I'll go pack." I spoke quietly but my voice was loud enough to be heard over all the other voices. They stared at me blankly, sad faces all fixated on me.
"She has a fucking bag, a suitcase even." Was all I could hear Liam say as I walked out of the living room and up the stairs.
Hidden beneath my bed was my emergency packed bag. It contained 'special' items, my favourite clothes, some sentimental things I picked up along the way, a few packets of unopened sanitary towels just incase they didn't come as easy in my next home and the clothes I've stolen from Arlo. It's all I wanted to take, nothing else mattered. I shoved them all into the bin bag and put a knot in the top.
I could hear the commotion as I walked down the stairs, everyone fighting in my corner. "Don't go Fearne, don't go" Arlo greeted me at the bottom. My lip trembled as I fought back the tears.
"I have to." He grabbed my wrist tightly and I grimaced as he dragged me towards the front door.
"You don't, c'mon. We'll run away." I pulled back from his grip, knowing I couldn't live in his reality, no matter how much I wanted to. If I fought this, it would jeopardise Cams home, Henry's too, as well as Liam and Olivias license to foster.
"I have to leave." I wiped away a single tear that dared to fall, the rest not far behind.
"I said you're not leaving, dammit! I promised you! You're not fucking leaving!" He threw his fist into the plasterboard and cracked a big hole in the wall. "Ma fi mi sile! Ma fi mi sile!" I flinched at the sound and the look of his torn knuckles dripping blood onto the hardwood floor.
(Do not leave me! Do not leave me!)
Everyone instantly came running out, the shouting stopped, all staring at us like we were fish trapped inside a fish bowl.
"Did you just try to hit her?" Janet asked in horror. We all turned to her slowly.
"No I fucking didn't, but I want to hit you, you snooty faced bitch." Henry started screaming, throwing his arms and legs everywhere. Chloe ran to calm him.
"You're making this worse. Let's go." Jordan forcefully started removing Arlo from the situation. My tears fell fast and hot down my cheeks. Janet took hold of my hand and moved me towards the door.
"Come along Fearne, we need to leave this placement immediately. I'll have the caseworker come do an assessment here. It doesn't seem all that safe." She pulled me towards her car, parked hidden away inside the garage.
As she drove out I looked back at Arlo's house, Jordan was basically carrying him through the front door. I blinked through the tears as Jordan pushed it to a close and Janet drove off down the driveway.
I was leaving and I didn't even get to say goodbye.
"Is it always that... eventful?" Janet joked as we hit the open road. I ignored her, watching out of my window, trying to lock the streets and route into my cognitive memory.
She sighed and tapped her thumb against the steering wheel, my silence drilling into her head and making her feel uncomfortable. "This time will be different Fearne."
I looked up at the sky, although it was daylight through the parted clouds I could see the moon, following me. Everything felt like an hallucination, half an hour ago I was happy, I felt like I finally had a place in this world, sailing through life on still waters. Now I'm stranded at sea, during a storm without a life vest.
"He's changed." She kept talking, filling in the gaps.
I looked at my reflection in the car window, it was a meaningless hollow shell. Each road taking us closer, the blur of homes, shopping outlets and other buildings started becoming less and less the closer we got to country-town. The bubble of nostalgia curdled in my stomach as the smell of field manure seeped in through the windows.
Janets slate grey Citroen Picasso had driven us for hours. Dirt from the road of this tainted town clung to her rubber wheels. Nothing had changed, compared to Lakeland it was like a rundown ghost town, except here the women cooked and cleaned, families attended church every Sunday and there wasn't a single person who didn't know your business.
Sally's Cafe sat on the corner, the hustle and bustle of Fresco, the sign was missing an 'L' and the paintwork looked tired but she made good pies, when I was allowed to eat them that is.
Geoffrey's DIY store had a broken window, closed off with hardboard. The smash was made when the local kids kicked a ball through it accidentally, it still hasn't been fixed. Why did it need to be?
Fresco was a small populated town, everyone knew everything about everyone. We all followed the rules. There were no thieves in Fresco and even if someone did attempt to break into Geoffreys, the culprit would be spotted instantly by the neighbourhood watch.
"I bet it feels good to be back huh?" I narrowed my eyes at Janet through the wing mirror.
She knew I hated it here, being back with my father. My finger caressed over the scar on my wrist, feeling the smooth ridge beneath my skin. It would be so easy.
We past fields of hay barrels and vineyards filled with grape trees. Horses grazed on the grass and tractors ploughed in the distance.
We past my church, a simple white wooden building with stain glass windows and a bell tower. From the outside it was beautiful, surrounded by lawns and maintained shrubs, beneath the surface it was a cult.
A board stood outside it with welcoming words aiming to inspire the youth. 'Virginity is not honoured simply because it is virginity, but because it is consecrated of God - Saint Augustine.' I shrunk lower into my chair. Maybe coming back here is punishment for giving myself to Arlo.
Janet pressed her blinkers on, indicating left up the dirt road. I could see the slate roof in the distance and my stomach flipped with nerves. My wrist bled with how sharply I had dug my nails in, only surface scratches but still - it left a sting. This whole ordeal left a sting.
Janet pulled up outside my fathers townhouse, located between the houses of Mr Patterson, the butcher and Mrs Henshaw, the widow.
"Welcome home Fearne." Janet said with a smile as she pulled her dangling key chain out from the ignition.