Part I - Running Out of Moonlight
A/N: Above is the cover (originally for a separate book, which has now been squashed into one part).
I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling in the naïve hope that my mother might walk in and see how miserable I actually was, sit down next to me on the bed, ask me what was wrong, and when I would tell her, she would gasp and cry and tell me that she loved me and would never force me to do something that I didn't want to do.
Of course, none of that happened. Instead, my mother's footsteps stopped right outside my door, and with a sharp rap, she ordered me up and moving. After all, the drive down to Boston would take a while, and my mother was all for good first impressions.
To my mother, spending my entire school year in a boarding school in Boston, far away from my hometown of Myrefall, Vermont and my old friends, was not enough time in Boston. No—I'd have to spend the three months of my remaining freedom at the Victoria Bergen School of Dance at their summer dance program. My mother wanted me to enroll there, obviously, so what better way to sneak into their teachers' good graces than by spending a whole three months under their noses?
The truth was, I didn't even want to dance professionally. My parents were the ones who pushed me to keep getting better and better, and I would be lying if I said that it didn't work; I had been trained from childhood to be an elite dancer, and an elite dancer I was. But that didn't mean that I enjoyed the hours of sweat inside the studio or the applause of the audience after a number well performed. I had been trying to muster up the courage during the entire four months in which my mother announced the program at the dinner table as a splendid opportunity for me, to the moment in which I was turning in the video auditions to the program, to the moment I was stepping into the car with my dance bag and my luggage, ready to be whisked away for three months, to tell my mother that I didn't actually want to go. But as moments slipped by, aborted attempts to speak to my mother alone passed, I found myself standing at the brink of what felt like a cliff, and now my mother was gleefully shoving me down, unknowing of my unwillingness to explore.
My mother turned the key in the engine, and the car roared to life. She smiled at me in the mirror.
"Look happier, Willow! You're going to Boston to dance at the Victoria Bergen School of Dance!" She beamed, and I merely looked at her.
"Don't worry about us. We'll be fine. We'll all be here when you come back." She smiled, misunderstanding my somber look to be early-onset homesickness. I pressed my lips together and forced them to smile, and I leaned my head against the car window as we pulled out of the driveway of my humble house and headed out of the neighborhood, making our way towards the highway. Little did I know, the next time I'd see the house, everything would be different.
After a couple of hours of driving, we pulled up to the Victoria Bergen School of Dance. It was a fancy and posh-looking building. The gates that guarded it and the elaborate statues and garden made it seem like a fancy private school, even more fancy than the boarding school I went to during the year. I glanced around my surroundings. Surely, Castlebay Academy of the Arts wouldn't be too far from here. I didn't recognize the section of Boston I was in, but I was sure after some wandering, I'd be able to map out the area.
I already missed Myrefall. I hadn't been able to spend a lot of time there, since my mother had sent me to Castlebay every year ever since 6th grade. I missed the quietness of it. Out here, in the city, everything seemed to be alive and moving and everyone seemed to have a place to be. There definitely was a certain charm to bustling cities, but my home was in the more laid back of places.
My mother parked in the vast parking lot, and we marched up to the parted gates and into the lobby. I stared around idly at the plush chamber as my mother barked information at the lady at the front desk, checking me in. After a few moments, the lady handed me my schedule, two keys to my dorm, a student ID, and a map of the school.
"Your dorm room is on the second floor. Turn to the left and take the stairs, or there's also an elevator. It's on the right wing, farther towards the end. Just follow the numbers printed above the doors, and you'll be fine. Come back downstairs after you've moved in to get a tour around the school. Classes start next week." The lady said dully before moving to attend to the family lined up behind me.
I turned and marched to the stairs, not caring that my mother was huffing and puffing behind me. In a way, it was my own petty form of punishment, a way of pushing back against my mother. But of course, what with my mother's cheery disposition at her daughter's wonderful success, she kept a grin on the entire time. I felt an itching to slap that grin away, then immediately felt guilty. I turned my gaze back up the stairs.
When we got to the second floor, I turned right, my backpack weighing on my shoulders. After another minute, I halted next to my dorm room.
"That's it." I said, equally as unenthusiastic as the lady at the front desk. I jammed one of the keys into the lock, and it opened.
If I hadn't seen my roommate walk right in front of me, startled, I would've thought that she hadn't moved in at all. Her side of the room was entirely undecorated, the only indication of any living being the suitcase that stood at the foot of her bed.
"Oh, hi." I smiled politely. "I'm guessing you're my new roommate. I'm Willow."
My roommate's glance darted behind me to my mother, who was looming over her expectantly, then back to my outstretched hand.
"Hi, I'm Aubrey." She said, her voice quiet and low. "I was just... going. You two can unpack."
Without another word, she slipped past me and disappeared down the hallway. I blinked, a little surprised at how quiet and subdued she'd been.
"Well," my mother huffed, "at least I don't have to worry about your roommate being a bad influence on you."
I looked up at my mother and frowned. "You know I don't like partying. I don't know why you're worrying."
She smiled and ruffled my hair, messing up my ponytail. I huffed and smoothed my hair back down.
"Of course, I worry. But I can't do much now, can I? Let's unpack."
After less than an hour, my mother and I had set up my bed, unpacked my clothes into the drawers, and decorated the walls with the meager belongings I brought. Finally, when there were no covers to straighten and no surfaces left to brush dust off of, my mother turned to me with a teary smile. I was a little alarmed. What was I supposed to do if she started crying?
"I'm so proud of you, Willow." She patted my shoulders with both hands, then pulled me into a hug. I was a little startled, and I paused for a beat before hugging her back, albeit a little falsely. I was still sulking.
"Have fun, Willow. Meet some new friends."
I frowned. "I have friends. You didn't let me—" I pressed my lips into a straight line. My mother frowned at me briefly before smiling again.
"Well, I'll see you in three months. Make sure to call at least once every week." She squeezed my shoulder, and then left, leaving me all alone in the middle of a dormitory in the middle of a school in the middle of a city that I did not want to be in for the summer, but was stuck in for three months, nonetheless. The universe had neither space nor patience for my wishes, and I protested one last time by sitting down with a huff. Then, I gave in and went downstairs.
In the hallway, I bumped into Aubrey, who was carrying two cups of coffee.
"Oh, hey." I smiled. She gave me a polite smile and made to move past me, but I held out my hand.
"Uh, wait a second." She looked at me expectantly.
"Can you show me to the lobby? I forget... where it is." I laughed awkwardly.
"Sure." She mumbled, and she turned on her heel, leading me back down the stairs and into the lobby. She flashed me another brief smile, then left.
Well, I guess my roommate's not a talker. That's fine, I suppose. I don't want to have her babbling away while I'm trying to sleep. But it might get lonely.
There was a short line at the front desk, and I stood in line. When I got to the front, I requested my tour, and the lady called up one of the students, sounding bored.
"Lia! Come show our new student around." She called out. I twisted around to look at who she was calling to, and I turned just in time to see a tall girl with mid-length dark hair wearing a tank top that wrapped her curves snugly. Her eyes were what drew me in the most, though. They were dark brown, almost like chocolate in the sweetness of her gaze. I looked down at the hand she was extending me, and then back up at her. Her smile faltered a little, and I kicked myself mentally. Was my attraction that evident?
"Uh, hi." I smiled, trying my best to brush it off. I took her hand and shook it. Her skin was warm, and I let go quickly, lest I held on too long and made a fool of myself on our first meeting.
"I'm Willow."
"Lia." She said, her voice smooth and low. "Lia Casper. Come on. I'll show you around."
I followed after her, my steps stuttering a little as I almost tripped. I steadied into a fast walk, matching her pace, keeping just a little bit behind her.
"This is your first year, right?" She asked, glancing at me.
"Yeah." I said, acting as normal as I could. Beside my leg, shielded in the light jacket I was wearing, I wrung out my right hand. I forced myself to steady my hand and act normal. "My mom wants me to go here next year, but I don't think I'll get in. I'm already a junior in high school—well, I'm going to be."
"Ah." She smiled kindly. "If you made it past the auditions for the summer program, I think you have a pretty good chance of getting in."
I mumbled something incoherent, and her gaze flickered to me before darting away.
"This is one of the studios. Usually, Mme. Rosier teaches ballet in here. Everyone has to take at least basic ballet, and it's usually the first class of the day." She told me, and I peered inside. It was empty and the lights were off, so the only light that flowed into the studio was through the big windows, casting a glint of the polished wooden floors. I nodded and moved on.
"Most of the studios are in this wing of the school. They're all numbered, if you see, so it's relatively easy to find your way around. Even so, there's a map which they gave you when you checked in, so that's that. I would show you around all of them, but that would take a while." She took a left, and I scurried to follow her as she went down a narrow hallway.
"This is the gym. There are also tumbling and rhythmic gymnastics classes here, and there's standard gym equipment like weights, treadmills, so on, so forth. There's a pool outside, but you have to get a pass and book a time to use it. It's usually not worth the effort. It's kind of cold, and I have no idea when the water was last changed. Could have a year's worth of piss in it for all I know."
I laughed out loud, startled, but when I looked at Lia, she looked completely serious. I sobered up really quickly at that. When she turned her gaze back outside, where the pool was, I took advantage of the moment to sneak an embarrassment-free peek at her face. Her thick hair was combed back into a loose, casual ponytail, and I envied the way she seemed to carry herself, so confident and carefree. I broke away and swept my gaze across the outside.
"There are gardens, too." She told me. "In the back, there are gardens which anyone can visit. There are a couple of benches and stuff, and I think there's even a fountain at the heart of the garden. It's really the height of posh-ness, if you ask me. I can't fathom why a dance school would require a garden."
I snickered, and she looked at me, pleasantly surprised. I turned away to hide the warmth I could feel spreading up my cheeks.
"Well, let's go upstairs."
Afterwards, Lia showed me around the dorms and classrooms, which took up the entire second and third floor. There were a couple of secret spots, like unused, old science classroom with all sorts of expired chemicals and the hidden stash of liquor—I was not planning on using that stuff—and the fire escape route down the back of the school. There were two supplies cabinets on each floor on each end stocked with extra bedsheets, pillows, pillow cases, and so on. She even snuck me into the empty teacher's lounge, where some people even smoked—which I found stupid; this was a school of dance, for crying out loud. How were you supposed to dance if you've got smoke choking up your lungs?
All throughout the tour, I snuck another couple of clandestine glances, but when Lia caught me on the last one, I was too embarrassed to try it again. To my surprise, a slow flush had spread over her cheeks, and she'd looked away with the traces of a private smile on her face. Then, she led me back downstairs, where she left me in the cafeteria.
There was already activity beginning for lunch. There was a line forming at the counter, where everyone took a tray, and then there was a buffet of all kinds of foods imaginable—it even beat the lunch at Castlebay.
I didn't want to stand there indecisively and hold up the line, so I grabbed a random selection of foods and a glass of water before sweeping the cafeteria with my gaze for somewhere to sit.
When my gaze passed over Lia's table, I found her glancing my way curiously. I looked away. There was no way I'd sit at her table. There were way too many people there, and they'd clearly already formed a clique. Besides, it wasn't like Lia and I were friends or anything. I'd probably make a fool out of myself.
I relaxed when I spotted Aubrey on her own, sitting at the corner of the cafeteria. I made my way over, and she seemed a little surprised when I came to sit down, but she allowed me some room, nonetheless.
I glanced around the cafeteria again, lingering a little on Lia's table.
"Are there actually so few boys that go here, or have they all just not come yet?" I asked randomly.
Aubrey chewed thoughtfully. "During the school year, there are more. I think there just aren't that many boys in the summer program this year." She answered briefly. I bit into my lasagna. It actually tasted quite good.
I wasn't sure if I should pursue the conversation further, or just leave it there. I snuck a glance at her. Her red hair shielded her face, and her shoulders were hunched and angled slightly away from me. She didn't seem to be in the mood to talk. Huh.
I stabbed my fork down into the food. "Is there any... social rules that I should be aware of? Social taboos, things not to do or say or places not to go to? People with reputations I should stay away from?"
Aubrey let out a breath. "Dating here is allowed, but most people don't do it. I wouldn't take it personally—it's just that everyone is really dedicated. Um... no one really parties, either. We're all just a very boring bunch."
I snorted. "This is going to be a long summer."
She looked at me curiously. "Did you not want to come here?"
I let out a breath. "Not really. My mom signed me up." I stabbed the next piece of lasagna a little harder than necessary.
"Oh. That sucks." She mused. "But this place is expensive."
"I know." I scratched my head awkwardly. "But my parents can afford it. They're willing to blow their entire retirement funds and savings if it means their dancing dream for me comes true."
Aubrey narrowed her gaze at me, sizing me up. I was almost certain she was trying to figure out if I was a snob or not. Judging by the extremely ordinary clothes I was wearing, lack of cosmetic surgery, as well as miserable lack of friends, I think she found me to be fine.
"Well, everyone here is kind of homophobic, too. And racist. A lot of people are snobs. But you seem to be okay." She offered me a smile, and it seemed more genuine this time.
"Thanks." I felt my shoulders relax. Whatever hell I had to endure for the next three months, at least I would have a friend by my side. But the comment about homophobia caught on to me, and it tugged and tugged at my mind, and when I lay down on my bed that night, that was all I could think about.
I would have to keep my secret safe. Until I was independent, if my secret wasn't safe, I, mywellbeing, my next meal, my education, my home itself, wasn't safe.