Thirty
~🐰~
Jungkook
I don't want to break up with her. I don't want to lose her. But I can't keep pretending that this relationship is okay, that there are no problems between us, and that I'm fine. I'm not okay. The fact that she tends to put work first and tries to make it up to me by saying 'sorry' for the millionth time or initiating sex to distract me is not okay.
"Do you want this relationship to end, Jungkook?"
I look up at her. I zoned out when she asked me that question the first time.
I know I suggested ending our relationship myself, but I wasn't expecting her to jump right onto it and throw it right back at my face. I intended to only threaten her with it, thinking she wouldn't want to even think about it. But I guess I was wrong and now she's making me think about it as well.
"I- I don't know."
Her eyes widen, she groans and throws her arms in the air before turning around and looking through the window that was behind her, forcing me to look at her back.
"I don't know what you want from me Jungkook. Do you want me to change? Do you want me to drop everything and give you my undivided attention? Because, honestly.. you're not that amazing either. You prioritize work as well. So please don't act like I'm the only one who's at fault here. We both want to do well in our companies and the fact that we share the same field of expertise is amazing, but I can't deal with you wanting me to change if you're gonna pretend that you never make any mistakes."
I walk up to her and gently place my hands on her hips as I press my torso against her back. "I know I'm no knight in shining armor and I know I also prioritize work at times. But I think our relationship is important too and it seems you forget about me the moment JP or Hope pop up in your mind."
She stays quiet and I assume she's letting my words sink in, so I dare to continue.
"I love you, yeobo. But I can't pretend to be fine anymore. Unless you're willing to actually start putting some effort into our relationship, some time and actually start caring a little more. I don't think we can continue to date if things will stay the same. I truly do understand how important the creation of JP is to you because this is a way for you to prove yourself to your father. And it's also important to me because this will be Jimin and I's new start. But we can balance work and private life and both put effort into it. It can't come from one side and it has been feeling like this for over a month now. I can't be the only one to care anymore and I really can't pretend to be fine either."
Her shoulders sag as she lets out a breath before letting her head lean against my chest.
"I don't want to lose you." She quietly mumbles, still facing her back towards me. "I don't want to lose you either jagi, but if we continue like this.. it will break us both apart. So it's either, we both start working on the relationship and putting in an effort, or we break up."
She turns around and places her forehead against my chest, still not allowing me to look at her. I wrap my arms around her waist and try to pull her closer. She allows this and turns her face sideways, but still looks at the floor. When she sniffles, it becomes obvious to me why she won't let me see that gorgeous face of hers.
Placing a single finger underneath her chin, I lift her face and force her to look at me. To let me stare in those beautiful ocean blue eyes that I love so fucking much. The eyes that I don't ever want to see full of tears, look just like that, and I've caused it to happen and my heart breaks at the sight.
"I'm so sorry Kookie, I never meant to upset you, to make you feel like you were alone in this relationship. I truly am aware of my habit to prioritize work and-"
"I understand baby, I understand. You don't have to explain."
Leaning down, I place a soft kiss on her lips before hugging her tightly. We stand like this for almost fifteen minutes. Her face buried in the crook of my neck, her arms wrapped around my neck as well, and my arms tightly wrapped around her waist while I gently sway us from left to right.
Honestly, if you had told me just three days ago that I would be ending my relationship with Ava.. I would've laughed in your face and told you that you were a liar. I honestly thought that she would be the one for me, the one I'd share the rest of my life with, the one I would marry and create a family with, the one I would grow old with and look after our grandchildren with.
But now.. now I might have to start believing that she's not the one. My one special person. That she's not the one I would pick out the most gorgeous engagement ring for. That she's not the one that would watch walk down the aisle staring me down with a gentle smile on her face while I try to keep my tears at bay. That she's not the one that would carry my children in her belly and would bless me with a gorgeous family.
Her gorgeous blue eyes might not be the ones I'll stare and drown in for the rest of my life. Her breathtaking smile might not be the one I'll try to see every minute of every day. Her soft skin just might not be the skin I'll gently caress forever. And her cute frame might not be the one I'll be snuggling up against in bed for the rest of my life.
It hurts to think about missing out on everything that I could have had with her if we decide to break up.
It hurts to think about not waking up every day and having her as the first thought of the day, wondering how she's doing, wondering if she slept okay, wondering if she's thinking about me as well.
I don't want to lose her, but the more that I think about JP Entertainment and Hope Entertainment, the more it starts looking like it's our only option. When JP Entertainment officially opens, I'll become the Vice-President and will be busy as I figure out my new role in the new company. Ava will go back to Seoul to finally start her own project at Hope Entertainment, she wants to get to know the employees and work with them a couple of days a week for two or three weeks in a row with every department. Eventually, she'll take over the company when she is 23 years old and even though that's still a little more than a year away as she's almost 22.. she'll only get busier and busier.
It almost seems inevitable to break up.
Our lives will change completely and our responsibilities will only grow more and more. If we're already struggling now, just months into our relationship.. how could we possibly survive that?
"Kookie?"
"Mhmm."
She sniffles again, still nestled into my neck. "I don't want to lose you, but I'm not sure we can keep dating."
Apparently, she was thinking the same thing I was.
"I know, neither am I. It seems that if we're already struggling this early in our relationship, we'll never make it through busier schedules and promotions."
She finally looks up at me, her eyes red and swollen but the tears have stopped falling. I gently wipe her cheeks with both thumbs before wrapping my arms around her waist again, not quite ready to let go of her just yet.
"So? What should we do?" She almost whispers the question before she takes her lower lip in between her teeth.
I want to shrug.
I want to postpone making a decision.
I want to snuggle up with her in my bed and watch a movie.
I want to have sex with her until my heart is beating out of my chest.
I want to share my bed with her for at least one more night.
I want to have my arms around her for as long as possible.
I want to keep her with me.
I want to share my life with her.
I love her.
I really love her.
I love her with every single fiber of my being and I'm not ready to lose her.
Sighing, I decide that I can't make this decision just yet. "I don't know baby, I don't want to lose you. I love you."
She nods, agreeing with me. "Can we maybe decide this later?"
Nodding, I remove my arms from her waist and take her hands in my own. I lead her towards the bedroom, deciding that we or I can clean up the dinner table in the morning. When we reach the bedroom, we undress in silence. I hand her my T-shirt and she softly smiles at me, taking it and putting it on. We both crawl into the bed and snuggle up to one another. She places her head on my chest, her right arm wraps around my waist and her right leg is placed over my legs. I wrap my right arm around her shoulder and waist as I take her right hand in my left hand. I place a soft kiss on top of her head and let out another sigh.
This might be the last time we sleep together in the same bed and the thought alone hurts like hell. I can feel myself tear up as I listen to her breathing. I try my absolute best to stay silent and keep my crying unnoticeable.
At moments like these, I wish I had an angel on my shoulders that could tell me what to do. That could tell me if I'm making the right decisions or if I'm setting myself up for failure.
Eventually, I cry myself to sleep with Ava tightly wrapped in my arms.
~🐰~
The next morning arrives and neither of us speak any more than we have to. We share a comfortable silence as we get ready for the last day that her father will visit us at JP Entertainment. He has a plane back to Seoul by 4pm and Ava and I will be bringing him to the airport.
Ava is still putting her dress and tights on by the time I'm finished, so I decide to go downstairs and clean up the dinner table while also making a pot of coffee for her. I know we might be breaking up today, but that doesn't mean I have to stop caring for her and making her happy with little things like a fresh cup of steaming coffee.
I'm actually happy we haven't made a decision yet, I'd like to talk to Jimin about this whole thing as well. I just want the opinion from an outsider, I'm curious what he will think. He's like an older brother to me, I have shared almost every aspect of my life with him.
I'm convinced he can calm down the storm inside of me.
Ava walks down the stairs and joins me in the kitchen, just as I'm pouring her cup of coffee. She looks absolutely stunning in her Bordeaux red dress with her brunette hair in a messy bun and her feet clad in black high heels. Meanwhile, I feel like I couldn't have put any less of an effort into my own look for today. I'm just wearing black slacks, with a white button-up shirt and black boots.
"Good morning baby." She smiles at me, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Good morning, thank you for the coffee." I nod and quickly turn to close the dishwasher and turn it on.
"Kookie?"
"Mhm?"
"You're not avoiding me, are you?"
Turning around with shock on my features, I shake my head as I lock my eyes with hers. "No, of course not. I just don't want to look like something is going on in front of your father. It seems unnecessary to bring him into this, don't you think?"
She nods and takes a sip of your coffee. "You're right, let's pretend like everything is fine and make a decision by the end of the day."
I straighten myself up and take the single step that it takes to stand right in front of her. "I know this sucks baby, but we'll get through today. I love you, baby, don't forget that."
"I love you, too, Kookie."
Together we make our way out of my apartment and out of the building. The drive towards the JP building is quiet but comfortable. There's a tension between us and I can only hope that her father won't notice it. Jimin most definitely will, if not before I talk to him, he'll notice it afterward.
We make our way into the building in complete silence. Ava immediately walks over to the stairs and starts her journey up to the sixth floor, while I decide to go look for my partner and best friend. By the time I've found him, I had been looking for almost half an hour and actually found him on the second floor.
"Hey Kook, how's it going?" He asks while keeping his attention on the blueprint of the floor we're on and making a few notes on the notepad next to it.
"I wanted to talk to you."
He looks up with furrowed eyebrows, curious as to why I sound so serious and as his eyes scan over my attire and my face - it seems he also notices that I've had a rough night.
"Yeah of course, what's up?"
I sigh and take a seat next to him on the brown leather couch we had placed here. "It's Ava. Our relationship has been rocky for the past month. It's like I care more about our relationship than she does, she always prioritizes work and I'm not saying I don't, but I know where to draw the line and it looks like she doesn't. And when I say something about it, she simply apologizes for the millionth time or tries to distract me with sex in hopes I forget about it."
I take a brief pause to take a breath and then tilt my head to the side.
"Which I do, I do forget about it afterward. But we should talk about it instead of her trying to distract me. She tried to do the same yesterday but with dinner this time. She made my favorite dish and apologized once again. But this time we started talking about it and eventually the subject of breaking up came up. She's asking me to make a decision and I don't want to lose her, but I know it's only getting worse when JP officially opens and when she's getting promoted to the CEO role at Hope Entertainment. I just.. I don't know what to do, so I was hoping for some wise words or some advice from you."
I look at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. I'm desperate for some positive words, advice, or just some support and I think he can see it in my eyes. He takes a deep breath as he takes it all in before looking at me with sad eyes.
"Honestly Kook, I cannot make this decision for yo-"
"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking for advice." I cut him off before he starts lecturing me on how I should be old enough to make my own decisions, especially when they're about my love life. I know all this, so I don't need him to lecture me about it.
"Okay, then I'll try to give you some advice, but first I want to ask some questions."
I simply nod and allow him to continue.
"Do you love her?" I nod.
"Do you want to lose her?" I shake my head.
"Do you think you can fix this issue between the two of you?"
That's the question, isn't it? That's what I should ask myself, and I did it multiple times. "Honestly, I think we could fix it, but it would only be temporary. Soon JP will open, and then I'll be prioritizing work for a while. After that, she'll fly back to Seoul to get to know her employees, and soon after that, she'll become the CEO. And then we'll be right back where we are now. Prioritizing work and not being able to be there for one another, having one feels like they're doing more than the other."
He places his hand on my shoulder and gently squeezes it. "Well.. I think you know the answer, Kook."
I sigh and drop my head, I wasn't expecting this.
On the other hand, maybe I was.
"Okay, thank Jimin-ssi."
He smiles and hugs me before sending me to my own three floors that I'm looking after. During the rest of the day, it's mainly calm. Mr. Jung stops by for a couple of minutes on the fourth floor to check up on the progress and to ask me how it's going. Apparently, he checked on Jimin before me and he'll be taking care of some business with Ava after talking to me. He reminds me that Ava and I will be taking him to the airport at 3pm so he'll be there with half an hour to spare for his flight and I simply nod.
The rest of the day goes by fairly quickly, and before I even notice it, it's time to take Mr. Jung back to the airport. By the time we've arrived at the airport, I get a call so I tell Ava to take her father to the gate and that I'll wait for her in the parking lot. She agrees and when they both get out of the car, I accept the call.
In reality, I've asked Jimin to call me around 3.30pm so I could avoid sending Mr. Jung off and hang back in the parking lot. I wasn't in the mood to be all friendly and supportive while I felt like there was a storm going on inside of me.
"How's it going Kookie?"
"It's alright, Ava is inside the airport saying goodbye to her father at the gate."
"Why aren't you there with her?"
"Because I didn't feel like being supportive at this moment, I asked you to call me so I had an excuse to stay back remember. Please don't be mean to me right now, I'm vulnerable."
He chuckles at me pouty tone and I imagine him shaking his head while he's got his phone pressed against his ear.
"You're lucky I love you like a little brother, otherwise I would've kicked your ass for playing that card with me."
"I know, thank you Jimin-ssi."
"You're welcome, Kook."
"So how's it going on the main, first, and second floors. Is everything going according to plan?"
I hear him sigh for a second, but he's quick to answer.
"Well, it seems we're slightly behind schedule on the first floor. But it's nothing to worry about. It should be fixable by tomorrow, so we'll be right back on track."
I simply nod. We spend about another ten minutes talking about the company and the random stuff we think of. When I see Ava making her way back to the car, I quickly tell Jimin I'll be back at JP in about half an hour and end our conversation.
"Hi." Ava quietly mumbles when she takes her seat on the passenger side of the car. I mumble a "hi" back before starting the ending and starting our drive back to JP Entertainment.
During the rest of our day, we keep our minds focused on work, and by the time we've made it back to my apartment Ava is quick to place her bag on top of the coffee table in my living room and ask me for an official answer.
As I don't see any reason for dragging this out any longer, I take a deep breath and look her straight in the eyes when I give her my final opinion on what we should do about our relationship issue.
"I think it's better if we break up."
~🐰~
I cried writing this chapter...
Thank you for reading!
I purple you 💜