Angst
TW: suicide/mention of suicide
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Third person pov:
"I love you" Karl says, kissing sapnap on his forehead before making his way out the door.
that was the first time Karl said that to Sapnap, the ravenette was very surprised and didn't respond straight away.
"I love youu" Sapnap finally says back, smiling.
"I'll be back shortly, I shouldn't be at the store for too long" Karl assures his boyfriend.
they both wave goodbye as they leave each other alone.
Sapnap sighs, he doesn't like spending time away from Karl, but he understands that the brunette needs space.
Karl has always been so cheerful, and seemed so happy, but Sapnap knows that no one can be that happy.
The brunette always had a smile on his face, and seemed to never really have bad days. While Sapnap shows his weaknesses, and goes to Karl when he isn't having the best day.
but Karl never seems to do the same. The brunette has hardly ever went up to Sapnap because he needed cheering up. This worried him.
Yet, Sapnap was sure that if there was anything wrong, Karl would talk to him.
Sapnap gets up from the couch, deciding to do some chores around the house while Karl's gone, and to hopefully get a lot done.
The house isn't dirty, but isn't clean either, it's somewhere in the middle. Since Karl is out Sapnap needs something to do, so cleaning seems like a good option.
He starts with their room, grabbing the sheets and fixing it, doing the same with the blankets and pillows. Sapnap glances over at the desk in their room, a lot of papers covering the desk to the point where you can't see it. He sighs, starting to pick up the papers and looking through them to sort them into piles.
Quite a few of the papers were Karl's, and Sapnap felt bad for looking through them, but he wasn't trying to snoop around. He just wants to clean up the mess so it's easier to do work at the desk.
Sapnap finds a bunch of papers from Karl's workplace and puts them in a pile on the edge of the desk.
But, one piece of paper caught his eye, a prescription. Sapnap takes pills for his anxiety, but this wasn't for anxiety, or for him. It was for depression, and it was prescribed to Karl.
Sapnap was surprised, he never knew about this, Karl didn't mention it.
But Sapnap knew that Karl didn't need to tell him.
It was none of Sapnap's business after all.
Sapnap quickly puts the paper in the pile with his prescriptions.
"maybe I shouldn't clean after all" Sapnap says aloud, putting the papers back onto the desk, not bothering to clean them up anymore.
He sits down on the bed, head in his hands, thinking about how Karl must actually feel, instead of what he shows.
Sapnap felt the urge to call Karl, but didn't want to disturb him, as he wants some time alone.
The ravenette thought about it for a few minutes, and came up with a solution. Sapnap will go with his gut and call Karl, but not right now.
If Karl doesn't come home in the next 30 minutes, Sapnap would call. It doesn't take that long to go to the store. Well, maybe it would for someone like his mom, but it wouldn't for him or Karl.
but what would he do in those 30 minutes. All he can think about is Karl and if he's okay, but that just makes the time go by slower.
Sapnap checks his phone, it's only been 10 minutes since Karl left, time is going a lot faster than Sapnap would like it to.
He couldn't help but overthink. He's always overthinking, and usually Karl calmed him down and reassured him, but Karl isn't there to do that this time.
"maybe I could just text him" Sapnap mumbles aloud.
The ravenette pulls out his phone and clicks on his lover's contact.
He doesn't expect the brunette to write back in the next minute since he wouldn't be looking at his phone while at the store, but if he doesn't respond soon Sapnap will still overthink.
Sapnap sends the text, and anxiously waits for Karl to reply, but there was nothing.
Sapnap's leg continues to bounce up and down as he continues to grow more anxious.
He sighs and puts his hands over his face, trying to calm himself down.
Watching as the clock ticks by every minute. Why is the time going so slow, why has the whole world slowed down.
Something doesn't feel right.
Sapnap turns on his phone and sees that Karl hasn't even seen the message and decides to call him.
the first ring goes through his ears.
"pick up, pick up, pick up" he mumbles.
the second ring.
still no answer.
Sapnap bites his lip, hoping Karl is okay.
the third ring goes.
nothing.
the call goes to voicemail.
Sapnap slowly lowers his phone from his ear. Trying to convince himself that Karl is okay.
The ravenette goes to Karl's room, looking through the papers on his desk. Not really expecting to find anything, but he looks anyway.
As he moves the papers around he finds a yellow sticky note, with a paragraph written on it.
He picks it up and starts to read
To, the love of my life
if you've found this it already happened
I didn't want to have to say goodbye like this.
But it's getting too hard.
Life isn't worth all this pain
you make me so happy, trust me, but I can't do this anymore.
I've been silently suffering for too long,
if I haven't told you I love you yet, then I'm an idiot.
so, I love you sapnap, you made life worth living.
Sapnap begins to tear up, Karl couldn't possibly be gone, maybe he can still stop this from happening.
Sapnap runs out of the room grabbing his phone to call Karl again, he quickly puts on his shoes, heart racing, lips quivering, legs shaking.
Karl took the car so he has to run.
run to wherever Karl might be, Sapnap only has one guess, so he better get it right.
maybe the cliff by the forest, or maybe the bridge by the public park.
Where could Karl be, where would he do this.
Sapnap bursts into tears, trying to find out where Karl could be.
He frantically calls Karl again and again, but each time it goes to voicemail.
Sapnap can only hope that Karl is still alive.
Hope that he can save him in time.
He sprints to the bridge by the park, hoping that's where Karl might be, if he guessed wrong his lover's life would be on the line.
Vision going blurry, his legs almost giving up on him, but he makes it to the bridge.
Running onto the bridge he calls for Karl.
"KARL" he screams.
throat hurting from crying and running all that way, leaving himself no time to breathe.
Sapnap runs off the bridge finding a group of people on the other side.
"have you seen a boy with brown hair and grey eyes, he was wearing a purple sweater and black ripped jeans" Sapnap says, tears still flowing down his cheeks.
the person he asked looks at him with widened eyes, their expression quickly turning to a look of sorrow.
Sapnap looks around at the other people, and sees one of them on their phone, calling someone.
"I'm so sorry honey, I'm afraid your friend has passed" the person finally responded.
Then it clicked, that person wasn't just calling anyone, they were calling an ambulance, for Karl.
The ravenette freezes, he can't believe his ears, or his eyes. he lowers his body to the ground, and closes his eyes. He blocks out all the noise and silently cries.
It turns out that Karl's first I love you was also his last.
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words: 1377
Author's note: This one is sad, but you all have to suffer with me. For whatever reason I really like writing angst and there will probably be a lot of it in the up coming chapters, just a heads up