River (k)
Abusive. Alcoholic.
That's what I was, and now, it's two things that's coming back once again. I got out of rehabilitation a year ago, and I don't understand how I'm becoming the person I fucking hated most. My father.
There's no lies in what I've told Avery. I hurt my sister. I'm the reason why she's suffering and all I'm asking for is for her forgiveness. As you can see, I failed again. She doesn't want to talk to me, and what I did inside the hospital made her hate me even more.
I know I shouldn't blame Avery for this. For her story. But I don't want her to get involved in my life any further. I've caused enough chaos, enough hurt, and she's too precious for that. If I do something that'll hurt her physically, I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself. Not anymore.
That's why I asked her to leave. I want her to get scared of me so she won't come back.
That's why I pushed her away every chance I get.
Don't get me wrong. I want her to stay.
So much.
I want to be her safe space but if I'm back at this state and I can't control it, it won't be healthy.
It will never be.
She won't understand that the only thing that I want to protect her from is me.