Fade in to the canyon. The Reds and the Blues are standing in line in front of The orange soldier, in the middle of the canyon. Cut to Doc standing up in front of The soldier from fixing his foot.
Doc: There, good as new.
Felix: I can't feel my toes.
Donut: That's normal.
Felix: Is it?
Washington aims his rifle towards The soldier's face.
???: H-hey, whoa!
Washington: You need to start talking.
???: Hmm, aggressive, paranoid, and a little melodramatic—you must be Agent Washington.
Tucker: Ha! Melodramatic.
Shawn: Dude don't agree with the prisoner, it makes us less cool.
???: And that means the rest of you are the Reds and the Blues.
Caboose: Oh my God, how did he know that?!
Grif: We're wearing red and blue armor.
Caboose: But how can he tell?
Grif: (exasperated) Will somebody please fix his helmet?
Thea: later.
Washington: How do you know who we are?
???: Seriously? Come on man, everybody knows about you guys. You're heroes.
Sarge: Heroes?
Thea: The hell?
???: You're the team that brought down Project Freelancer. You're some of the galaxy's greatest soldiers.
Simmons: (looks at the others) Well, I can see how you might think that.
Sarge: Because it's absolutely true!
Doc: It's partially true.
Grif: But mainly false.
Washington: Stop giving him information. (to the soldier) What's your name?
???: Felix.
Washington: Okay, Felix, what are you doing here?
Felix: Do you want the long answer or the short one?
Washington: Do you want another bullet in your leg?
Felix: Hey, that bullet's there because of you.
Tucker: He's got a point.
Thea: Stop agreeing with him. It's getting a little weird.
Washington: (lowers gun) Just...explain what's going on.
Grif: Uh yeah, like who were those guys that were trying to kill us?
Simmons: And why haven't we been rescued yet?
Felix: Wait, where do you think you are?
Tucker: What do you mean?
Felix: I mean, do you understand where you've crashed?
Sarge: Well, we've been taking bets. Highest wager's currently on Bermuda Triangle. After that, we've got Gilligan's Island and purgatory.
Grif: So stupid.
Donut: No, just think about it. It makes perfect sense.
Thea: I still think we landed on Endor.
Felix looks at her confused.
Felix: What?
Simmons: She's a nerd.
Grif: A stars wars nerd.
Felix: Oh. Then that makes you Supernova.
Thea raise her rifle at Felix.
Felix: W-whoa! I'm not gonna take you like he was! Honest!
Thea sighs and lowers her gun.
Thea: You lucky I'm a Jedi or else you would have had a bullet in your leg.
Felix: Noted and The reason no one's come to help you is the same reason no one's come to help them.
Cut to four white soldiers, dead on the ground.
Simmons: Them?
Cut back to Felix.
Felix: The people on this planet.
Washington: What planet?
Felix: Chorus.
Tucker: Never heard of it.
Felix: Well, I wouldn't expect you to. It's on the very edge of colonized space, and after the war between the humans and the aliens, it was more or less forgotten by Earth and the UNSC.
Grif: We crashed in the middle of nowhere, on a planet in the middle of nowhere. Freaking beautiful, everybody.
Simmons: But how did we end up so far from home? (camera focus on Sarge) It should have been a short flight.
Sarge looks away nervously he remembers what happened.
Cut to the inside of the spaceship, before the crash. Sarge is seen tampering with the ship's engine
Spaceship operator: Sir, please, you can't be back here. These engines are delicate.
Sarge: Can it, Poindexter. No wonder this flight's taking so long! Who ever heard of delicate engines? These engines are supposed to be big. Loud. And terrible for the environment! Let's kick this baby into slipspace!
Sarge goes in as the operator tries to stop him.
Spaceship operator: Wait!
Alarms and flashing red lights go off. Cut back to the canyon.
Sarge: Uh, one mystery at a time there, Simmons.
Felix: Now, being a small planet, completely free of UNSC jurisdiction, the nice little people of Chorus decided to run things on their own. The only problem was, they didn't do a very good job.
Grif: Ugh, history's the worst. Can you just get to the point?
Thea: You learn not to repeat other people mistakes.
Felix: The point is, you've crash-landed (cut to an overhead view of the canyon) in the middle of a civil war. (back to Felix) And I'm on the side that's trying to keep you alive.
Washington: And which side is that?
Felix: The New Republic. Essentially, a bunch of people got fed up with the way things were going on Chorus, so, they put together a rebel army and decided to fight for their freedom. It's all very patriotic.
Thea: Like the rebellion trying to defeat the empire? Cool.
Felix: I like your way of thinking.
Tucker: So, what? Does that make those guys (cut to the dead white soldiers) the Empire or something? (back to Felix)
Felix: Yeah, you could say that.
Tucker: Oh. Well, shit.
Shawn: This Is just like star wars.
Washington: But why the attack? Why try to kidnap us?
Felix: It's like I said: you're the greatest soldiers in the galaxy. That makes you a pretty hot commodity. And I'd be lying if I said my shitty attempt at a rescue mission didn't have a few strings attached. And she's supernova, they really want their grubby hands on her.
Sarge: What kind of strings we talking here?
Shawn: And why do they need her?
Felix: (sighs) The rebels need your help. Once they heard that you were on Chorus, they sent me out with a small team to find you and bring you back. They're hoping you might be the key to winning this war. And supernova, is special in a way with her help the new republic could win the war.
The Reds and Blues look at each other for a
moment.
Thea: Uh, could we put a pin that?
Grif: Hmm, no.
Felix: (surprised) No?
Cut to the top story of Blue Base, where everyone has moved.
Simmons: Yeah, no.
Caboose: Yeah, that, that's not gonna work, for me.
Washington: Look, Felix, I hate to break it to you, but we're in no condition to fight a war.
Tucker: All we want is a ride off this shitty planet. No offense.
Felix: Meh, it ain't my shitty planet.
Doc: Aren't you one of the rebels?
Felix: No, I'm a freelancer.
The Reds and Blues (except for Caboose) immediately aim their weapons at Felix. Even Doc raises his medical scanner.
Felix: (quickly) No, I-I mean I'm a mercenary. You know, a gun for hire.
The group lower their weapons.
Grif: Oh, thank God.
Thea: That's not exactly better.
Shawn: A mercenary is still worse.
Washington: They paid you to come find us?
Felix: They pay me to do lots of stuff, but yeah, you're my current paycheck.
Washington: So you want us to go fight someone else's war, just so you can make some extra cash.
Felix: ...Uh, it's for a good cause?
Thea: (sarcastic) Yeah nice try Jango Fett. Oh god I'm hearing his voice now, I'm losing my sanity.
Washington: Right. We'll just take that ride out of here, if you don't mind.
Tucker: Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Mediocrity.
Grif: Woohoo! Here's to not going that extra mile.
Felix: You know, I wasn't alone when I came out here to find you. There were three of us. Just think about that.
Felix turns and walks away.
Grif: Whatever. It's not like we asked them to save us.
Simmons: (sarcastically) Yeah, we definitely didn't build a giant radio tower to send a distress signal or anything.
Grif: Shut up.
Thea: Be quiet. Both of you.
Felix walks to the edge of the base and activates his radio.
Felix: Headquarters, this is Felix. I've made contact with the Reds and Blues. And Supernova.
Headquarters: (over radio) Holy shit, you found them? And her? That's great! Um, what's your status?
Felix: Not good. We ran into some Feds. I need an evac team.
Headquarters: (to himself) Dammit. (to Felix) Uh, Felix, I can't just fly somebody out there.
Felix: Yeah, I know, okay, but you send as many men as you can, as fast as you can. Locus has our position.
Headquarters: Oh, no.
Tucker: (overhearing) Who's Locus?
Thea: (Overhearing) Not sure. I bet it was Boba Fett that tried to kill us.
Felix: (to Headquarters) Now I want to do this quiet, and I want to do it right. But just to be safe, bring a shitload of guns.
Headquarters: Right. Sending reinforcements, sir.
Felix: Roger. Felix out.
Felix ends his transmission, turns, and walks back to the Reds and Blues.
Grif: So, what now?
Felix: Now we work on making this canyon the most defendable hole in the ground the universe has ever seen.
Washington: Why?
Felix: Because we're about to get hit, hard. I need a detailed list of the supplies you've got on hand. Let's set up choke points, and mark potential sniper's nests.
Washington: Whoa whoa whoa, slow down. We're not telling you anything. We still don't even know if we can believe you.
Felix: Well, believe this: if we don't prepare for a fight, we might as well just be waiting for a massacre.
Washington: (bows head acceptingly) Tucker, see if you can fix Caboose's helmet.
Caboose: Yes, who said that!
Washington: Sarge, you and the Reds build up an arsenal. If we can use it as a weapon, let's get it prepped.
Sarge: I can think of a few things that might come in handy.
Washington: Shawn, find some sand bags and make some cover for us. We're gonna need it.
Shawn: I am on the case.
Washington: Felix. You and I aren't done talking. Thea I want you to stay with me and Felix.
Thea looks at him confused.
Thea: Uh, why exactly?
Washington: Because I might need you if he's lying and I hear you can be very persuasive.
Thea: Ugh, Shawn told that? I regret telling him that.
Shawn: I only told him incase anything like this happened.
Felix: Well all right then. Let's see if you guys are as good as they say.
Grif: Prepare to be sorely disappointed.