EMPTY.
The word flashed in 2301's head over... and over again. The feeling of emptiness that she had as she felt out the meaning of each syllable of the word.
Empty.
Empty of thoughts. She had seen children here, but she never remembered being a child. She had been outside and saw people walking in silly outfits different then 2301's plain white dress with a white collar. How did she even get here? If she was born here, why couldn't she remember the life of a child?
Empty of pain. She looked down at the bleeding cuts on her arms that she inflicted on herself. She was desperate to feel something; desperate to feel anything. The only feelings she knew was the sting of the knife when she pressed it into her skin. The throb of her wrist as red liquid dripped out.
Empty of feelings. No love, no hate, no happiness. She was completely empty. She had the appeal of a person, but only felt as if she were the outer shell of an actual human. There wasn't a soul in this shell. Inside the shell was an empty cave that held nothing in store.
She wouldn't say she missed these thoughts or feelings, because she had never really had them in the first place. They had always just been...gone. There was nothing to miss.
2301 walked down the halls of the place she called home, passing by other empty shells in the same white clothing as she. They were all trapped in this building, never allowed to go outside unless the instructors were with them.
On her adventures outside with the instructors, she had seen children with two older people that loved the child and would hold it in, what was the word, a hug? They would place their mouths on the children's cheek that 2301 had yet to realize why. But what she really didn't understand was why she didn't have people that loved her like that. She only had other acquaintances that were incapable of feeling, and instructors head to toe in inky black, which would only look at her with scowls on their prune faces.
When 2301 walked into the main room, she looked around blankly at the blank faces looking back at her. They all had their cups of medicine in their hands as they drank their energizer. Every day they would drink it, but sometimes, 2301 would skip the energizer. The instructors said that this drink is what gave them energy for the day, but when 2301 would secretly drain the liquid down the sink, she was welcomed with a strange fatigue in her stomach. She suddenly craved for the energizer. Something to calm the strange noises from her stomach, calling out for the energizer. She would get weak and tired. The next day when they got their energizer, she would drink it more urgently which confused the other humans.
"Your medicine, 2301," she heard an instructor say, handing her a cup with blue pebbles in it. 2301 turned to the older instructor with gray hair and wrinkles and accepted the cup from her. 2301 always wondered when her hair would turn gray or when she would get a wrinkle just like the nuns. 2301 was different with long dirty-blonde hair that reached her waist and dark blue eyes with no emotion behind them.
Emotion.
She had seen it on her adventures outside. The happy faces of people walking by, and she didn't understand. Why were they smiling like that? She had also seen liquid spill from the outside peoples eyes. Fat, wet drops spilling down their cheeks. She had only experienced something similar to that once. Her cuts had once gotten extra red, and filled with a yellow creamy substance which made her stomach revolt at the look. The pain in her arms increased tremendously. She was surprised when she felt something sting her eyes before sliding down her cheek, almost without any conscious effort.
That was the last time she felt any of the sort.
She unconsciously raised the cup to her chapped mouth and swallowed the pebbles that trickled onto her tongue. Her throat burned as it tasted like poison. She saw her work partners come to her side and nod to the doors. Today she had work to do. She had to trim the leaves of the bushes outside with the instructors. She did this every other day with 1704 and 14. 14 had been here for a while. She had wrinkles around her eyes and the some gray streaks in her brown hair. Sometimes, 2301 would see 14 fall to the ground and start to convulse. The instructors called it a "seizure." 14 would be brought into a room and walk out the next day with no memory of it. Every time someone was brought into that room, they walked out with no memories of their injury. The instructors didn't want the people to remember their pain, but 2301 never further investigated as to why they did that. Sometimes the people who went into that room, never walked back out.
Where did they go, 2301 wondered as she walked outside with her partners. Did they get released from this building to join the happy people outside? If so, she wanted to do that too. She wanted to feel happy, but every time she asked the instructors about it, she was reprimanded. Painfully.
Right as they started to work on the bush, 1704 backed away from the bush.
"What's that?" 1704 asked as she looked at a certain slimy moving thing in the dirt. "Is it alive?"
14 crouched down at looked at the squirming creature. "I've seen one of these before. 11 once told me that if you refuse to trim the bushes, it's what the instructors will turn you into." 2301 and 1704 looked at each other in unison as they both quickly started to trim the bushes with extra enthusiasm.
"It looks weird," 1704 commented to herself. 2301 looked down at the slimy thing, but made no comment on the matter.
The watchdog instructor seemed to notice the unusual commentary and walked over to the three. She was also an older woman with heavy eye bags accenting her stormy gray eyes. "What is going on over here?"
1704 pointed to it. "It's one of your conquests."
The instructor crouched down next to 14 and examined the creature. "Girls, this is a worm."
"What's a worm?" 2301 asked as she started to clip the bush again, not wanting to be turned into this "worm" by the instructor.
"It doesn't matter, child. Finish your work." The instructor walked away and 14 stood up and grabbed her clippers.
The three of them worked silently for what felt like hours until the instructor finally brought them inside.
As she did every day after work, 2301 painted on a canvas that one of the younger instructors provided. Painting was her second favorite thing to do. She painted the worm that she found that day in the dirt. She used an old sponge to make texture in the brown paint to make it look more like dirt and less like mud. She swerved a line of rustic pink with the paintbrush for the body and took the end of the paintbrush to add the little line indentions she saw on the creature earlier that day.
Right as she started to paint a leaf next to the worm, she looked out the window and set her paintbrush down. It was ready.
Here, was her favorite thing to do.
She bit her lip as she rushed through the hallways and locked the door of her room. Locking your door is against the rules, unless you're dressing, but the punishment for locking your door was a better than the punishment of what she was about to do.
She climbed out the window and climbed to the roof of the building to sit and watch the sunset. It was beautiful. She did this every day after painting, from ever since she could remember—literally. She always painted this view. The warm colors of the sky that always blended together in pinks, oranges, yellows. The sun disappearing behind the violet mountains, stabbing like spears into the warm colors, contrasting it in a way that made 2301 smile; almost genuinely. She always wondered where the warm sun went as it slowly sunk into the mountains.
She pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs. She rested her chin on her knees as she watched the last sliver of the sun dip into the mountain and vanish. She could stay up here forever, watching the tall buildings with flashy lights, and the children playing in the yards. She sighed in wonder at the thought of living like one of them. No fears. No wonders. Just...free.
When the sun fully disappeared behind the mountains she stood up and stretched. Here's to hoping that the instructors hadn't found her locked door.
2301 woke up when someone knocked on her door ferociously. She laid still for a second, still swimming with the after-effects of her dreams. When she came to the realization that her door was still locked from the night before, she felt no shock or guilt. She only walked to the door, still in her white pajamas, and opened it to see an instructor standing there with her arms folded.
"Locked door again?" The instructor asked with narrowed eyes. She stood at least a foot taller than 2301 and that was without the chunky heels adding a couple inches. She was the meanest instructor of the bunch, the one that gave the cruelest punishments and had no mercy whatsoever.
"I'm sorry. When I changed into my pajamas last night, I must have forgotten to unlock the door."
When the instructor started to walk down the hallway, 2301 knew that she was meant to follow. She quickly dressed, and ran after the instructor. When she saw that she was going into an office instead of the room where people lost their memories, she noticed how her shoulders relaxed in the least way, puzzling her. Was relaxation an emotion? She crossed pathways with 14, who gave her almost no glance when she saw the instructor marching in front of her.
2301 sat patiently when the instructor started to scold 290 for not getting dressed yet.
She forced a smile at the appropriate times, and even complimented the instructor on her quintessential, tight, grey bun that sat uncomfortably at the top of her head.
Acting like the good child she was taught to be.
When they finally reached the office, 2301 was stunned when a hand slapped across her face. It burned, and no doubt, probably had a red mark already surfacing. She brought a hand to her cheek but retaliated none as she waited for the instructor to speak.
"2301, this has to stop."
"What?" she asked dumbly, still focused on the tingling pain of the hit.
"Your obvious casualty for your locked door," the instructor said as she furrowed her brows in anger. "We made that rule for safety, and since you are repeatedly forgetting to unlock it after dress, we are going to have to take that privilege away."
"What privilege are you talking about?" 2301 asked.
"You can no longer have a lock on your door."
2301 blinked.
"Since you obviously are not mature enough to handle this privilege, then we will wait until you are."
This meant she couldn't see the sunset anymore.
She felt an unexpected rush in her veins and surprised herself by her next words. "Are you serious?!"
"You will not raise your voice at me, child." The instructor gave a pointed look at 2301 who sighed and tried to shake the urge to fight off.
"Is there anything else?"
The instructor waved her hand, gesturing for the door. 2301 simply stood up and walked out without another word. She bit her lip hard when she thought about how she could never sneak out again. It was her only escape, and it hurt her to think that she was trapped.
She felt this anger and hurt until it was eating time. But when she drank her energizer, and took her medicine, and all those hurt feelings evaporated away. She looked at her now empty medicine cup quizzically before shaking her head and throwing it away.
The day was hot as she and the other girls cut the trees until they were perfect as a picture. The whole morning left 2301's mind as she concentrated on cutting the extra leaves out of the way.
"Don't you wonder what life is like out there?" 1704 asked, almost bored as she looked at rows of houses and the tall buildings of the city. A bus passed right then in front of them on a road about 100 feet away.
"No," 14 spoke curtly with a clip of a leaf. "I so happen to believe that this is where we are supposed to be."
2301 looked at the buildings and shrugged. "I guess I've thought about it. It mostly just confuses me why they're different from us. Why they are so happy and—"
A scream erupted from the building.
They all turned towards the building simultaneously before looking back at the instructor with eye bags, who was also looking curiously inside. She started to head over before, as if remembering she couldn't leave the three out alone, turned back to them. "Works over, girls. Come inside." 1704 looked at 14 then 2301 before running after the instructor and joining everyone inside.
2301 tilted her head curiously when she walked in the building and took in the sight. 3002 was crying and screaming.
"Get me out of here!" 3002 screamed.
"Cooperate with us, child!" The mean instructor was back.
3002 was an emotional wreck.
Emotional wreck.
2301 walked closer towards 3002 curiously. She was feeling emotion. She was crying and kicking at the instructors who held her in a tight grip. They were pulling her towards the room where you lost your memories and calling to other instructors to get her medicine. 3002 was jostled into a room, her screams fading as she was pulled farther and farther away. After a couple of minutes, the instructors came back into the room to face all the emotionless people watching.
"Everybody get back to where you were. We had a situation with 3002, but it is none of your concern." The instructor stood, and when no one moved she waved her hand. "Go along now."
2301 walked back outside with a watchdog instructor, her thoughts piercing the silence that took over the building. 3002 was a girl younger than 2301 and 1704. She had short blonde hair and deep brown eyes. 2301 hadn't talked to her often, but she still wondered what was going on in the room where people lost their memories.
After about 4 more hours of working, the instructor spoke up. "All right, children. You are done, you may go back inside now.
The three made no comment and walked obediently back. She returned to her room after admiring another beautiful sunset, from a window this time, seeing as her door now was missing a handle. She looked down at the hole in the door where a doorknob used to be. It had been completely removed.
Looking at the missing door handle, she felt no anger as she did before, but only shrugged as she fell onto the bed and quietly fell asleep.
The next afternoon, 1704 couldn't seem to keep her mouth shut as they worked. "I heard 3002 talking to 738. She didn't take her medicine yesterday," 1704 whispered low enough that the instructors didn't hear. 2301 lifted her trimmers and started clipping as she listened.
"She didn't take her medicine?" 2301 asked curiously. She didn't understand why they took medicine, but always did it to avoid a punishment from the instructors.
"She felt things she never had before," 1704 stated as she placed a piece of her silky brown hair behind her ear. "She said that she started to feel very angry and very sad. She was mad at the instructors. But also," 1704 whispered lower. "She said she started to like 290 in a way that she had never experienced."
290 was a boy with neatly trimmed dark red hair. His eyes were chocolate brown like 1704's and he wore white pants and a white collared shirt just like the other men.
"What do you mean?" 2301 stopped trimming for a moment and listened closely while 14 ignored them and trimmed obediently.
"She said she always wanted be with him. She said she wanted to," 1704 lowered her voice as she spoke. "She wanted to touch him."
2301 cocked her head to the side as she narrowed her eyes in confusion. She started to cut the bush again when the instructor, a male this time, scolded her for not working. Nothing made sense. 3002 had feelings? What was the medicine doing exactly?
2301's first memory she could remember was waking up in a blank white room. She was confused at first, but the nuns immediately taught her and got her to work. She had the same schedule every day. Working for the nuns, drinking her energizer, taking her medicine, and going back to sleep.
A plan slowly made its way into 2301's head.
When she was at lunch the next day, the nuns handed her medicine like they always did. She thanked them out of habit and walked into the bathroom and waited for the young girl washing her hands to leave. She locked herself in a stall, looked down at the plastic cup with blue pebbles in it, and spilled the medicine into the toilet, before flushing it away.