Cut to Simmons watching a gravity lift. Tucker and Shawn approach Simmons.
Tucker: (groans) This blows. I don't know a first thing about fixing intergalactic radios.
Shawn: Yeah, it's full of buttons and stuff.
Simmons: (still watching the grav lift) Uh huh.
Tucker: Every movie that I've ever seen with a repairman on it always glosses over the actual repairing part. It's just, "Hey baby, I'm here to lay some pipe" and then bam, two scoops of raisin!
Shawn: Gross.
Simmons: Uh huh.
Tucker: Dammit woman! If you let the man do his job, then maybe we would not be in this mess.
Simmons: (looks at Tucker and Shawn) Hey Tucker, Shawn, what the hell is this thing?
Tucker: It's a gravity lift. You step on it and it takes you upstairs.
Shawn: Yeah.
Simmons: I know that, but what the hell is it doing here?
Tucker: It's glowing and goes (makes glowing sounds)
Shawn: Yeah, it's like an elevator but more cooler.
Simmons: So let me get this straight. We're the survivors of a shipwreck, living off of the bare necessities, and in the middle of the room is this incredible feat of modern-day technology.
Tucker: I don't know. Wash found it on the ship and put it on the base. What's so weird about that?
Simmons: It's like finding a car made of rocks, plastic and a bluetooth radio.
Shawn: Huh, oddly specific.
Tucker: Oh, we've got that too. (Siri's iPhone jingle is heard) Siri, play song dance theme.
Siri: Did you mean bomb, Andy?
Tucker: Oh piece of shit.
Siri: Calling bomb, Andy.
Shawn: Oh god no!
Simmons: How are you able to power all of this?
Tucker: We're hooked up to the ship.
Shawn: Yeah dude.
Simmons: You mean you have a direct line to a limitless power supply?
Tucker: Well, no, we'll definitely run out of fuel eventually, just not anytime soon. So who cares, take as much as you want.
Simmons: God bless the American way.
Tucker: What are ya gonna do?
Shawn: Yeah?
Simmons: (runs to the gravity lift) Just a side project!
Shawn and Tucker look where he left and then heard Wash's voice.
Washington: Hey Caboose!
Tucker and Shawn turn to see Wash running over to Caboose and Freckles.
Washington: I've secured the perimeter. No bad guys to be found.
Caboose: (in a low commanding voice) Excellent work Commander Washington, I admire your determination! Why, maybe someday you could be the leader of blue team!
Washington: (sarcastically) Yes, maybe someday.
Caboose: Now, I have a very important question for you Washington!
Washington: Okay.
Caboose: Um...d'ya think Freckles would look...silly in a hat? Possibly a sombrero?
Washington: You want to dress your pet up in people clothes?
Caboose: To boost the moral of the troops!
Washington stares at Caboose for awhile.
Washington: You know, I just remembered I haven't checked for any bad guys on the Ship.
Caboose: What?! Washington, what are you even doing here!? The- uh, there could be bad guys plotting against us right now!
Washington: You're right! Sorry boss, I'll take care of right away.
Wash runs to the ship.
Caboose: (turns to Freckles and sighs) Ya'know some people are just not cut out for military life Freckles. Now let's go make you that tiny hat.
Caboose walks off with Freckles behind him. Cut to Tucker and Shawn watching them go.
Tucker: Thanks Wash, really looking out for your team.
Shawn: (Sarcastic) Oh so now you want him to help you.
Tucker: He said he'd protect us and he's not doing it!
Shawn: Yeah, I can see your point.
Siri's iPhone jingle is heard
Andy: (voice machine) Hey, you've reached the voicemail of "Andy the Bomb."
Tucker: Siri, hang up!
Shawn: For the love of god please do!
Cut to an outcropping, where An orange soldier watches the group from afar.
???: Holy shit. It's actually them.
The soldier hears a noise and turns to see Locus on another ledge before the latter cloaks out of sight.
???: (worried) Oh no.
Pan to the sky. Fade to a dark, star filled sky. Sarge, Grif, Thea and Doc walk down a corridor of the ship.
Doc: Ya know, for a shipwreck, this place actually looks pretty nice.
Grif: You should see the other half.
Doc: Is it bad?
Grif: We don't know. It landed somewhere else.
Doc stops walking.
Doc: Yeah that's pretty bad. Hey, did you guys ever watch Lost?
Sarge, Thea and Grif: SHUT UP!
The group walks into a large room.
Sarge: Alright, men. Fan out and see what you can find. Remember we're hunting the most dangerous prey of them all."
Doc: Man?
Sarge: What? No. Giant robot.
Doc: Oh, yeah.
Sarge: Pfft Man. Everything kills man. Man's way down on the list. Right between Koala and retarded Koala.
Grif: Yeah, man sucks.
Thea: Man sucks infinity.
The four spread out. Grif finds several sticky detonators in a corner.
Grif: Hmm.
He picks one up and fires it at the wall. The charge sticks to the wall.
Grif: What the hell? Huh.
He grabs another one and aims at Thea who is humming 'the resistance' by skillet, hitting her back. Thea moved forward feeling something hit her back.
Thea: What the?
Grif: Whoa! These things are awesome!
Thea: Grif! Get it off of me!
Grif: Okay Okay.
Grif walks to her and takes it off and then finds Doc looking up at something.
Grif: Hey, I bet your cookies that I can hit Doc in the head with this.
Thea: Ugh, fine whatever.
Thea leaves as Grif looks at Doc with a grin.
Doc: Hmmm.
Grif throws it and sticks the charge to the side of Docs head.
Doc: Hey!
Grif: Boosh! Headshot!
Doc looks at him annoyed with a the grenade on his head.
Doc: Grif ! What the heck man!?
Grif: Oh, don't be a bitch.
Doc: What is this?
Grif: Beats me. Wanna try? There's a whole bunch in the corner.
Doc: I'm not sure... You know how I feel about firearms.
Grif: Come on. They don't do anything. They just stick.
Doc: Well let me think about it...
There is a long pause as the peeping intensified then Doc grinned at him.
Doc: ...Okay!
Cut to Sarge above them.
Sarge: Hey! This ain't a tea party, numb-skulls! Get ridda' those toys a get back to work.
Grif: Fine.
Thea: Okay.
Doc: Aww man.
Sarge: And take that stupid thing of you head.
Sarge walks off. Doc is heard pulling the charge off his head. Cut to Grif, Thea and Doc walking away.
Doc: I never get to do anything cool.
The charge on the ground explodes after they're gone.
Sarge: You'd better not be breaking things down there!
Doc walks up to a computer console and looks on it.
Doc: Hmm. According to the ship's records, it was carrying alot of standard issue weaponry. Buuut it has a bunch stuff here listed as "experimental".
Grif and Thea come up behind him.
Thea: Cool.
Grif: Oooh! That's military slang for really freaking dangerous. Where's that stuff?
Doc: Well it looks like most of it was on the other half of the ship.
Grif: Booo!
Doc: But there is one prototype that was kept here.
Grif: Yes!
Doc types into the keypad and something is heard opening. He, Thea and Grif go and look at a line of orange glowing cube grenades.
Grif: What the hell are these?
Doc: Looks like some kind of grenade. Or it could be a rubix cube. I dunno.
Thea picks one up and looks at it.
Thea: Huh.
Grif grabs it from her hand and throws it.
Doc: Aaaahh! What are doing?!
Grif: Tryin' it out.
The grenade hits some fuel crates. There is and orange flash and the crates disappear.
Grif: Whoa!
Thea: Whoa!
Doc: YOU COULD'VE KILLED US!
Grif: Did you see that?
Doc: You can't just go around messing with experimental-
Grif throws another one.
Doc: Stop doing that!
Thea: Grif!
There's another orange flash and the crates reappear.
Grif: Dude!
Doc: What is wrong with you!?
Grif: These things are like, teleporter cubes!
Thea: Awesome!
Doc: Be careful we don't know how they work.
Grif: Waddya mean? Throw it at a thing. Thing disappears. Throw another one. Thing reappears. I could keep an entire buffet in the palm of my hand!
Doc: Really? That's what you're excited about?
Thea: Are you surprised?
Doc: I guess not.
Sarge: Men! Upstairs! Now!
Doc: Coming!
Doc runs off.
Grif: Oh, I am taking these.
Thea: I'll help.
Cut on Grif, Thea and Doc on the upper platform with Sarge. Sarges stands staring at something.
Doc: Sarge! You'll never guess what we found!
Sarge: Son, You could've found a laser-guided napalm shark. But I still wouldn't care.
Doc: What?
Sarge: Ya know that feelin' you get when you see a pretty girl on the first day of school? You're not really sure what to do, but your instincts just take over and you smile at her. And she smiles back.(Getting emotional) And suddenly the world's a brand new place. And your stomach's all full of twists and twirls?
Doc: Um... Yeah?
Sarge: Well, boys and lady. I got that feelin' right now.
Grif, Thea and Doc follow Sarge's gaze and see a colossal mech similar to Freckles but bigger.
Grif: Holy shit...
Sarge: Except imagine that pretty girl at school is armor plated with a titanium poly-alloy and outfitted with fifty millimeter canons and ammo for days!
Doc: She sounds pretty high maintenance.
Grif: She sounds like I need a safe-word to date her.
Thea: I'm not saying anything for this conversation.
Sarge: Oh yeah!
Doc: So how do we get it out of the ship?
Grif: Teleportation cubes, anyone?
Sarge: No! A lady this fine has to be treated right. Whiled up and whatnot. We'll take her apart and move her ourselves limb by limb. Packed away in carrying cases if necessary.
Doc: Uh... I think your dating metaphor just took a turn into serial killer territory there, Sarge.
Thea: Mhm.
Grif: Seriously? I just found these awesome future cubes! It's destiny!
A small noise is heard. Sarge raises his gun.
Sarge: Huh? What was that?
The reds crouch down and see Washington moving down a hallway from the catwalk across the room.
Doc: Agent Washington?
Grif: What the hell is he doing here?
Thea: Not sure.
Sarge: Doesn't matter. Let's just dismember this beautiful lady and take back to our lair. I mean base.
Grif: Could you please stop referring to the robot as a woman? It's really weird.
Sarge: Not as weird as the throbbin' erection she's givin' me.
Grif: Jesus Christ.
Thea: I think I'm gonna puke.
Fade to Washington working on something on a table in a storage room.
Washington: Hmm. Needs a conductor...
Wash goes and tries to open a nearby crate.
Washington: (groans) Stupid thing... Just open!
He steps back and shoots at the crate. He then notices something nearby and approaches it.
Washington: There we go.
Wash returns to his work.
Washington: Never thought it'd come down to this. Sorry, Caboose.