"Bwisit talaga!" I then beeped my car out of frustration. I really hate the guts of that Marco. He doesn't own Hersh, she's not even his in the first place.
I know Hersh since we were kids and I can see that there's something wrong with their relationship. She's not happy not even a bit. Hindi naman ako makikialam kung alam kong masaya siya, pero hindi naman ako matatahimik lang kung alam kong nahihirapan siya.
I sighed and maneuver my car towards the near gasoline station. This certain girl has caught my attention, she's stretching as if she's tired the whole day. At noong dumaan ako sa harapan niya ay doon ko lamang siya nakilala, she's that girl awhile ago sa office ni Ma'am Rina. Sinungitan ba naman ako, nagtatanong lang eh.
I heard my phone beeped. Avril's calling.
"He-"
"Tangina naman, kanina pa ako dito. Nasaan ka na ba?" kinakailangan ko pang ilayo ang cellphone ko mula sa aking tainga dahil sa bunganga ni Avrilata.
"Teka lang! Ikaw na ang nang aabala ikaw pa ang gustong masunod"
I chuckled after I ended the call. Paniguradong umuusok na ang ilong niya pag dating ko. Sino ba namang matinong tao ang magshoshopping ng gabi? Baliw na ba siya?
Nasiraan siya ng sasakyan kaya kinailangan niya akong tawagan. Ang hirap talaga maging gwapo.
My forehead creased when I saw the girl earlier walking. Isa pa ito, gabing gabi na pero maglalakad pa mag isa. Seryoso ba siya? Umiral ang pagiging maginoo ko, kaya sinundan ko siya.
Mukhang natakot siya kaya bumusina ako, pero naglakad siya palapit sa akin para katukin ang bintana ng kotse ko.
"Ano bang problema mo?"
G-grabe ang ganda pala niya sa malapitan. Mukha siyang anghel na masungit.
"Sorry, natakot ba kita?"
"Hindi, napasaya mo pa nga ako!" Mukhang naiirita naman siya sa akin kaya humingi ako ng paumanhin.
"Hehe. Sorry. Hatid na kita. Saan ka ba?"
"Pasensya na pero hindi ako kaladkaring babae. Salamat pero kaya ko ang sarili ko."
Napaawang ang labi ko sa sinabi niya. Bakit parang kasalanan ko pa? Gusto ko lang naman tumulong.
Kinailangan ko pa siyang pakiusapan para pumayag na ihatid ko siya. Sa huli ay wala siyang nagawa at mukhang napilitan pa magpasalamat.
"Salamat"
"Dito ang bahay mo?"
"Hindi, doon lang sa Banda don. Kaya ko na mag Isa simula dito, kaya makakaalis ka na"
"Anong pangalan mo?"
"Stalker ka ba? Bakit ko sasabihin sayo? Hindi nga Kita kilala"
"Ang sungit talaga", binulong ko lamang iyon dahil baka masungitan nanaman ako. Sinimangutan ko siya at napasulyap sa oras, paktay iniintay nga pala ako ni Avril.
"Crunos Mendez at your service madam"
Dumiretso ako papunta kay Avril nang nakangiti, kahit napagalitan ako nito ay nakangiti pa rin ako sa hindi malamang dahilan.
Ang maiksing palitan namin ng salita ay malaki ang naging epekto sa sistema ko. Sa hindi malamang dahilan ay natagpuan ko na lamang ang sarili kong sinusundan siya sa tuwing umuuwi siya. Nakikita ko tuloy ang sarili ko kay Kylo. Palagi ko siyang pinagmamasdan at ako ang napapagod kakapanood sa ginagawa niya. Hindi ba siya napapagod? Pinagsasabay niya ang pag aaral at pagtatrabaho.
"Hindi ka ba napapagod?"
Napakunot naman ang noo niya sa tinanong ko, kahit ako ay hindi ko alam kung bakit naitanong ko sa kaniya iyon.
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"
"Ah Wala. Sige Mauna na ako"
Halos sabunutan ko ang sarili ko habang naglalakad pabalik sa room namin. Baliw na ata ako.
I tried to talk to Jace and Eric dahil sila ang expert sa babae, wala naman akong mapapala kay Kylo dahil torpe ito. Kay Kian naman ay Aryana lang ang bukambibig non. Si Josh? Nevermind.
Ang akala kong makakatulong sa akin, ang mga gago tinawanan lang ako. Pero nalaman kong kasama siya sa mga pambato namin sa Quiz bee. Wala na, olats na. Matalino pala.
Noong nanalo siya ay pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na makalapit sa kaniya dahil baka maweirduhan na siya sa akin. Crush ko lang naman siya pero bakit parang nababakla ako?
Haisst. Kahit gaano ko pigilan ang sarili kong huwag siyang hanapin ng mga mata ko, natatagpuan ko na lang ang sarili kong sinusundan siya mula sa malayo.
Isang araw nakita ko siyang pumunta ng Hospital, sinundan ko siya at nagtanong sa Nurse. I found out that her father is sick, that is why I paid for their bills.
I know, it's an impulsive move. Ni hindi kami magkakilala pero ginagawa ko ito. But, seeing her wearing those sad and tired eyes made me wanna give her everything. She's so selfless.
"Mei this is Uno my best friend" pakilala sa akin ni Hershel sa kaniya nang makasalubong namin siya sa hallway. Malawak ang ngiti ko dahil kaibigan pala siya ng best friend ko. Plus point for Uno.
"Are you up to somewhere?" mukhang napansin din ni Avril na nagmamadali siya.
"Ah. Oo"
"Where?" Kunot noong tanong ni Hershel.
"Hospital. Discharge ng papa ko"
Mukhang hindi iyon alam ni Hersh kaya nagulat siya. Sa tuwing nakikita ko si Meisha ay nakakagawa ako ng mga bagay na wala sa plano ko.
"Sakto, madadaanan ko iyon. Hatid na kita"
Gago. Anong madadaanan? Wala kang planong aalis ka. Ang balak ko ay kumain dahil kanina pa ako nagugutom. Pero ano ba naman yung simpleng bagay para sa crush ko.
"Hindi na. Kaya ko naman"
"Sige na. Magpahatid ka na" mabuti na lang at mukhang natakot siya kay Avril kaya wala siyang nagawa kundi sumama sa akin.
Pinagbuksan ko pa siya ng pinto at sinubukang kausapin pero ang cold niya. Mukhang hindi siya sanay makipag usap sa ibang tao.
Halatang nagulat siya ng makitang nag iintay pa rin ako sa kaniya, pero mukhang may isang bagay pa ang bumabagabag sa kaniya. Siguro ay nagtataka siya kung sino ang nagbayad ng bill nila. Nilibang ko siya at inakit kumain dahil kanina pa rin naman ako nagugutom.
"Meisha. Meisha Londres"
Meisha. Finally she formally introduced herself to me.
"Magkaibigan na tayo a?"
I offer her a friendship but, I cannot promise to her na hanggang friendship lang ang kaya kong ioffer.
"Luh? Parang lugi ka pa ah? Teka. Pinagtatawanan mo ba ako?"
"Hindi. Ang bantot lang ng pangalan mo"
I shout be offended but with her it sounded like a compliment. What's with her?
And just like that I felt like my life became lighter, with the friendship that we have I could say that I am contented. Starting that day we became closer, I even allow myself to show my vulnerability.
I was able to shout my feelings I am hiding because of the pressure from my family.
I got to know her more, and my heart ache knowing how her classmates bullied and judged her, how her sister took advantage of her, and how tired she is but she can't stop. Dahil may pangarap siya, para sa pamilya niya.
"Hindi pa nga sigurado kung magiging doktor ako"
"Kung ikaw hindi sigurado, ako sigurado na. Magiging doktor ka, magtiwala ka lang"
She would always doubt herself but here I am always believing in her. Dang! Kahit ang magamot niya ay parang pangarap ko na.
We celebrated Christmas together and that's the best Christmas I had so far. I gave her a necklace with cloud as a pendant because it reminds me of her. She's so distant and hard to reach but so calming to be with.
After celebrating my Christmas I have to face my whole clan, again.
"Nuno!" boses pa lang ay kilala ko na kung sino iyon. It was Maui. My closest cousin. Sa mga pinsan ko ay siya lang talaga ang pinakakasundo ko.
"Mamaw!" she cringed and rolled her eyes on me.
"Bakit ngayon ka lang? Gosh! You don't know how I tried my best to talk to them! Lalo na ang Astrid na iyon, hindi ko talaga kinakaya ang ugali" she ranted to me. And yes she's talking about our cousin. I told you kaming dalawa lang ang magkasundo noon pa man.
We all gathered, and I felt suffocated. I should be happy dahil kompleto ang pamilya namin. But how can I? I know it's not a reunion it's more of a comparison.
"I heard Uno is doing good in School huh?" my hand form into a fist. Here we go again.
"Yes sir Dad!" my Dad nodded.
"Well, that's what he's supposed to do anyway. You should strive more hijo."
Tumango na lamang ako sa kaniya bilang pag sang ayon. I can't say no to him.
"Don't be a disappointment like your Dad, prove yourself to me."
Maui held my hand under the table. Siguro ay napansin niyang dumilim ang mukha ko.
I look at dad and he just gave me an assuring smile. But, I know he's hurt.
That is why I can't disappoint Sir Lolo, because I know the blame will be on my Dad again. And I can't let that happen. He have suffered a lot already.
I decided not to go to school for a day, I just needed to breath, I need to rest. And when I thought of that, one person has crossed my mind. And with that I just found myself making my way to Meisha's house.
Her tight and warm hugs calm my insides. It's as if all my worries vanished instantly. I didn't talk, but she knew how to comfort me.
Sa paglipas ng mga araw mas lalong lumalim ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya. I never felt this way before not even an inch of it.
Even with our busy days I always made sure to have time with her. I had to because it felt like there's something missing when I can't see her.
I even asked her to be my date on Valentine's. It took me a lot of courage to ask her, but she seemed so innocent about it.
"Child abuse amputa!" I glared at Kian because she's obviously teasing me.
"Anong child abuse doon? Huh!" I shouted on him.
"No. I'm just kidding" sinundan ko ang tingin niya and there I saw Aryana hugging Meisha. Mukhang nagulat siya dahil nakaangat ang balikat niya. Dang! Kahit maliliit na bagay ay napapansin ko.
I got worried when I saw her eyes, I knew something happened but I just set aside that thought and did my best to make her happy.
Later that day I confessed my feelings for her but like what I expected it didn't turned out well.
"Meisha" I called her while hugging her.
"Ha?"
"Nagugustuhan na ata kita", ayos lang kahit hindi mo masuklian. Hayaan mo lang akong iparamdam sayo.
"Hindi pwede. Pigilan mo Uno"
Kahit sinabi kong susubukan ko, alam kong hindi ko kaya. Dahil bago ko nagawang aminin sa sarili ko, ilang beses ko munang pinigilan ito. I tried so hard not to fall for her, but what can I do? Kahit sinong lalake ay mamahalin siya.
Sinubukan kong umakto ng normal dahil ayaw kong mailang siya sa akin. I even invited her sa mga lakad naming magkakaibigan. Meisha is so kind and comfortable no be with no wonder why my girls like her.
I thought everything is falling into place but then on my birthday I felt like I abandoned her, because of Sir Lolo. God knows how much I wanted to talk to her right after but then, I know Lolo. He would do everything just to take her away from me. He simply doesn't want any distraction, he wanted me to focus on being a police disregard my feelings, disregard my heart.
I was so desperate to breath to the point na inakit kong uminom ang mga kaibigan ko. That was the first time I do so. Kailangan ko lang huminga, lumayo kasi sakin yung tinuturing kong pahinga. During those times I pushed myself to forget her, desperately hoping na baka kapag hindi ko siya nakikita ay mawawala. Pero kabaliktaran ang nangyari.
"Dude! Sa food court. Later" I sighed as Jace called me, plano yata nilang tumambay.
"I can't. I am busy"
"Nandoon si Meisha" I was stunned for a moment. Parang namula ang pisngi ko noong marinig ang pangalan niya.
"Subukan ko" ibinaba ko na ang tawag at inayos ang mga gamit ko.
Syempre pupunta ako. Marupok ako e.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ako humugot ng lakas ng loob para kausapin siya. But I didn't regret it because it turned out well.
We ended up being ok. I got to know her reasons and insecurities. Kaya naman ginawa ko ang lahat para iparamdam sa kaniya na sapat siya at walang kulang sa kaniya. I know how painful that feeling is, because all my life, I've been there.
When we became together...officially, I felt like I'm the luckiest man alive. I felt like the pupil of my eye turned into heart shape. I promise myself to treasure her and prioritize her.
Kung hindi niya kayang unahin ang sarili niya, pwes uunahin ko siya. Para hindi na siya malungkot at hindi siya mapagod.
I strive more and make her as my inspiration, until I made it. And I did. My trainings were not easy dahil malayo ako sa kaniya. Pero katulad ng palagi niyang sinasabi, kaya ko...kaya naman kinaya ko. Gusto kong maging proud siya sa akin, pagkatapos nito...papakasalan ko na siya.
When I got home from training I thought we could settle down, but bunch of problems has come to our way. She was accused of linking their exam and I was so mad that time. My baby can't do that. My baby doesn't deserve that.
Despite all the discriminations and all my baby did it. She graduated as Summa Cum Laude, and I can't help but to be proud of her. I am happy for her, but fate seemed to be challenging her...that night her father died.
Naging mas mahirap para sa kaniya ang magpatuloy, lalo na at wala ang kaniyang mama sa tabi niya, so what I did is to be there. I looked after her and her siblings. They are my family now.
On her birthday, we got engaged. She is happy, we are happy, but I know there's something missing. So, I find ways para hanapin ang mom niya, na sana ay hindi ko na lang ginawa... she's already sinking but she drowned even more, knowing that her Mom has her new family now.
All I did is to comfort and assure her that everything will be alright. Madami na kaming nalampasan kaya akala ko lahat ay kakayanin namin.
When I was hit I thought she'll be the first person that I would see. Nangako siya. She's the first person that I want to see. Siya lang. Pero hindi niya ako pinagbigyan, dahil magmula ng araw na magising ako ay hindi ko na siya nakita.
My family told me na sumama siya sa ibang lalake, noong una ay naniwala ako, but looking back how faithful Meisha was, hindi ko magawang maniwala.
That's when I looked for her. Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong mag mukhang tanga, nag intay ako sa kanto kung saan kami unang nagkakilala, kung saan kami madalas magkita, dahil baka bumalik siya. Baka kailangan niya lang huminga, pero babalik siya.
Umasa ako, pero hindi siya bumalik. My Mom and Dad was also devastated dahil hindi ako umaalis sa lugar na iyon. Galit na galit ang Lolo ko dahil nasuspende nanaman ako, I am about to lost my license, pero wala na akong pakialam. Lahat ng pinaghirapan ko ay para sa kaniya, kaya ano pa ang silbi noon kung wala siya.
"Uno tumayo ka na Jan!" Avril is trying to control her anger. I can sense it. Umuulan na pala.
They would often visit me and convince me to go home, pero hindi ako sumusunod. I can't. Hindi nila ako naiintindihan, kung nandito siguro si Kylo ay maiintindihan niya ako, kasi ganito rin siya.
"H-hindi pwede Avril. Babalik siya"
"Kung babalik siya sana noon pa!" I looked at her with my tiring eyes.
"Baka kailangan niya pa ng kaunting oras. Hihintayin ko siya rito. Kapag bumalik siya...dito siya unang pupunta. Dito niya ako hahanapin...kaya hindi ako pwedeng umalis."
After I said those words I felt a punch in my cheek. It was Avril. When I look at her, I saw her eyes ranging with anger.
"Putang Ina naman Uno! Kailan ka ba matatauhan? Mag iisang taon ka ng ganiyan" she wiped her cheeks. Shit she's crying. I made Avril cry.
"Kung masakit para sa'yo na iniwan ka niya, masakit para sa amin na makita kang ganiyan Gago ka!" my eyes started to tear up, I know she's worried but I can't let Meisha go.
"Look at Hershel!" dahan dahan kong iniangat ang tingin ko sa tinuturo niya. It was Hershel, papunta siya rito. "She has a daughter Uno, but she made time to go here just for you. She's fucking worried about you"
Natunaw ang puso ko lalo na nang makalapit sa amin si Hersh. I know she's crying, I look pitiful.
"U-Uno...L-Lets go home please" she offers her hand to me. "Skyla is waiting for you"
When I heard her name, I remember my best friend Kylo. Slowly I accepted her hand and hug her. I saw a relief on Avril's face.
Starting that day, I tried to put my self together little by little. I even build a waiting shed because I would always find my way back into that place. I renovated their house because I treasure every memories we have here.
Ilang taon na ang nakalipas, pero hindi pa rin ako umuusad. Pulis pa rin ako pero pakiramdam ko ako ang nakakulong sa kahapon ko. Ganoon ang epekto ng pagkawala niya.
When I started to try to forget her that's when finally see her. Pagkatapos ng maraming taon, sa wakas nakita ko ulit siya. Isa na siyang magaling na Doktor.
I can't help but to be proud of her. Tama lang ba na iniwan niya ako para maging mabuti ang kalagayan niya? Saan ba ako nagkulang? Hindi ba ako naging sapat?...That's when I started to question myself again.
Kahit mataas na ang naabot ko, hindi ko pa rin magawang maging masaya dahil wala siya.
"I-I'm so sorry U-Uno. I didn't leave you just to be with someone else. I did it because I'm pulling you down. I was so wreck yet you're keep on holding me...and that made you sink."
That's what she told me when I asked her why.
"Noon pa man ay lunod na ako sayo...ano pa bang kinakatakot mo?"
"Hindi mo naiintindihan Uno. Ginawa ko iyon para sayo...hindi mo ba nakikita kung gaano kita nahihila pababa? You were almost on top. You sacrificed a lot so I realized it's time...it's time para ako naman."
"P-palagi na lang a-ako ang iniisip m-mo U-Uno"
"Meisha, ikaw muna bago ako! Alam mo Yan!" singhal ko sa kaniya dahil hindi ko siya maintindihan. Dapat alam niya iyon, dahil mahal ko siya natural lang na unahin ko siya.
"Ayun na nga Uno...palaging ako! Pero paano ka?!" Bakit ba ako ang iniisip niya? Meron akong siya, nanjan siya para sa akin, pero walang nanjan para sa kaniya kahit sarili niya.
"Ikaw?! Paano ka!? Ayan ang problema sayo Meisha. H-hindi naman ako nagrereklamo a! B-bakit kailangan mong isipin na pabigat ka? Na i-ikaw ang humihila sa a-akin pababa...n-na i-ikaw ang pumipigil sa aking lumipad, samantalang ikaw ang inspirasyon ko sa lahat."
She was my inspiration and still is, but how come she thought that way? Paanong naisip niyang siya ang humihila sa akin pababa.
Hearing her side is painful but then knowing what really happened literally broke me into pieces.
My family betrayed me. They hurt my girl and killed my child. How could I forgive them?
When I learnt about it, I didn't know what to do so I just asked for her forgiveness. My baby had suffered a lot. She doesn't deserve this, not even an inch of this.
"Son! Please listen to me!" my mom tried to stop me from leaving the house.
"Don't fucking touch me mom!" I saw how pain crosses her eyes, but right now I can't feel anything.
"Uno I did that for you!"
"Mom! You did this for Sir Lolo. It's not for me Mom! Dahil kung para sa akin iyon, bakit hindi ako naging masaya?"
"I-I just thought it's for the better anak" she started sobbing so as my tears started forming.
"Mom! I lost my child. Narinig niyo ho ba? Namatay yung anak ko!" I shouted at her. This is the first time that I did it.
"Anong karapatan niyong ilayo sa akin yung kaisa isang tao na naniniwala sa akin?...siya Lang yung proud kahit sa maliliit na achievement ko...habang kayo kahit ilang achievement na, kulang pa." My hands begin to shake because of anger. "M-Mom...si Meisha lang yung kaisa isang tao na papalakpak para sa akin kahit 80 lang ang average ko."
I remember how she clapped for me kahit nanganganib ang marka ko noong college, habang masasakit na salita ang natanggap ko sa pamilya ko.
"M-Mom how can you not see her kindness? Paanong nagawa niyo iyon sa kaniya?...Mom yung anak ko, a-anak ko yun e!"
"Kung hindi ko ginawa iyon, ay baka Wala ka sa pwesto mo ngayon"
"Kung hindi mo ginawa iyon, baka masaya pa rin ako hanggang ngayon." I was about to leave when she held my hand, I can't feel it's warmth.
"Please, c-convice her to do it" I know she's talking about the surgery for Dad.
"No Mom. She had suffered a lot, and that is enough."
Nang nasa kotse na ay doon ako umiyak. Kahit ako ay gusto kong magmakaawa sa kaniya na operahan ang Daddy ko, dahil sa bahay namin siya ang palaging kakampi ko. Pero kalabisan iyon para kay Meisha, tama na ang pinagdaanan niya.
I never talked about it with her, but Meisha being kind as she is did the surgery to my Dad. I can't be more proud of her. She has the kindest and toughest heart.
Right now, I am staring to my world while she's feeling the cold breeze and watching the city lights. We're here in the rooftop of a five star hotel. It's her birthday.
"Stop staring at me"
"Bakit? Bawal ba?" I tried to teas her even more.
"Mahal ang bayad sa pagtitig sakin"
"Mas mahal naman kita" kumindat ako para asarin pa siya lalo.
"Ewan ko sayo, mag usap kayo ng posas mo"
I chuckled hearing those lines of her. Hanggang ngayon ba ay hindi pa rin siya sanay na may nakatitig sa kaniya?
I held her hand and sincerely look into her eyes. Staring at her feels like I'm being lift into the clouds.
Looking back, we really had a tough journey. It was tiring and exhausting, but we were able to conquer it together. And now, I wanted to make it last forever.
With all the courage I have, I kneel in front of her and show her the ring.
"After everything we've been through, will you allow me to spend few more decades with you?"
"Dr. Meisha Londres, Can you be my Mrs. Mendez?"
When I asked her that million worth question, I couldn't be more happier when she said...
"Yes!"
And with that I know I will forever be traveling into clouds, where I can be safe and sound.
This time we chose to follow our hearts and be selfish for once. We can now ease each other's tiredness with our hugs and kisses.
Ang nakakapagod kong buhay ay nabigyan niya ng kahulugan. Ang aking mga ngiti ay siya ang naging dahilan. Nakakulong man sa ekspektasyon, ay siya ang nagsilbi kong inspirasyon.
Siya ang dahilan ng aking paglipad, Ang rason sa bawat pag-angat, At ang kahulugan ng salitang pangarap. Ilayo man sa akin ng iba ay hahanapin ko siya. Iintayin kung saan kami unang nagkita.Dahil siya lang ang gusto kong makasama, Sa ibabaw ng mga ulap ng saya, sa ilalim ng pahinga.
☁️
~💙