Screen slowly fades out to a view of Grif and Thea running down towards Lopez.
Grif: Hey, where's Sarge?
Lopez 2.0: ¿Por qué me estás preguntando? Usted no habla español.[Why are you asking me? You don't speak Spanish.]
Thea: Please tell me he wasn't sunbathing with his shotgun again?
Lopez 2.0: Si.
Thea: Great.
Cut to a view of Sarge heading towards the three.
Sarge: Private Thea, I see you've returned unscathed that's acceptable. Private Grif. And I see you've returned from your reconnaissance mission unscathed. That's disappointing. Unacceptable.
Lopez 2.0 looks at Grif.
Lopez 2.0: Vaya...¿Qué tiene este tipo contra ti?[Man... What is this guy's beef with you?]
Thea: We don't know.
Sarge: So, what information have you recovered?
Grif: Uh, that the Blues aren't up to anything and that you're a paranoid old man bordering on senility.
Thea: I've said it for years.
Sarge: Uh huh. I'll take that into consideration Private. But how about we hear from our other more competent soldier? ...Simmons?
Grif: He's with the Blues.
Sarge: With- the Blues?
Grif: Yeah. He seemed really eager to stay at their base for some reason.
Thea: What he means is that he needs some space from our base. It's understandable.
Sarge: Huhh. Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time.
Grif: A matter of time?
Thea: What do you mean?
Sarge: Yep. I knew this day would come.
Grif: Really? You knew Simmons would eventually wanna leave the Red Team?
Thea: It happened before.
Sarge: Leave Red Team? Grif, are you even paying attention?
Grif: I mean, not really, I just th- I'd-
Sarge: First they build a giant robot. Then they capture my third second in command. It's just as I had predicted! The enemy has finally shown its true colours! And that colour is pound zero zero zero zero eff eff!
Grif: What?
Thea: Huh?
Sarge: Blue! Blue! It's Red vs. Blue all over again!
Grif: No, Sarge, they didn't capture him-
Sarge: Can you believe it? Posing as our allies only to stab us in the back years after our conflict, had seemingly ended! They've pulled off the most elaborate ruse in the history of simulated military combat.
Grif: I don't-
Thea: calm down-
Sarge: I mean really! How far back did they start planning this thing?
Grif: You're not listening!
Thea: Just listen-
Sarge: Like, did they know about all the Freelancers from the beginning?
Grif: Sarge.
Sarge: And what about Church? For years they told us he was a ghost, but then he was an ancient artifact or something and there were aliens involved I don't know. Sometimes I wonder just how deep this rabbit hole goes.
Grif: Stop.
Thea: He was an A.I. Your paranoid. You know what? I'm gonna go get Simmons before this goes to far.
Thea leaves as Sarge looks at Grif.
Sarge: See what I mean!? Agent Washington managed to brainwash my best soldier!
Grif: How?
Sarge: He's made her think about him!
Grif: That's just Thea and I think your a little confused on what a crush is.
Sarge: It's almost like all of this is some sort of sick game!
Grif: ...This conversation is starting to get a little meta.
Sarge: You're right. You think he was in on it too?
Grif: I think you're jumping to conclusions.
Sarge: And I conclude you need to shut your mouth and move your feet!
Grif: What are you gonna do?
Sarge: We, are going to do the Reds' signature Blood Gulch maneuver.
Grif: Huhhh, oh no.
Lopez 2.0 looks at Grif with relief.
Lopez 2.0: Me hace feliz saber que te ignoran tanto como a mí por aquí.[It makes me happy knowing you're ignored just as much as I am around here.]
Cut to Caboose, Tucker, Shawn and Freckles outside
Caboose: Okay Freckles, roll over!
Freckles rotates 360 degrees at the waist
Freckles: Objective complete.
Tucker: That's cheating.
Shawn: Yeah.
Simmons appears at the ledge and looks at them.
Simmons: Hey Tucker! Shawn!
Tucker: What!
Shawn: What do you want!?
Simmons: Do you have any idea when Wash is getting back? I have some suggestions regarding the upkeep of Blue Base.
Tucker: I don't know and I don't care!
Simmons: Well I got two words for you buddy: chore wheel.
Tucker: And I've got two words for you. How 'bout screw off?
Shawn: Your making our life worse!
Simmons slowly gets back into the base while looking at them with a grin.
Simmons: Just think about it. Wheel of chores.
Tucker: I hate my life.
Shawn: Me too.
Washington appears behind them.
Washington: Tucker!
Tucker: You know what, I take it back, I hate everyone else's lives. Wish they didn't have 'em. Oh my God, am I turning into Church?
Shawn: I think you and Thea are losing it because your acting just like him and I can hear the voice too with her. (Shivers)
Washington walks up to them annoyed.
Washington: Why aren't you running drills?
Tucker: How do you know I didn't already finish them?
Washington: Because you're not on the ground complaining about irritated nipples.
Tucker: I'm telling you, my chest piece rubs right up against them. And not in a good way.
Shawn: Gross.
Washington: Why do you refuse to take these things seriously?
Tucker: Why can't you just let us do our thing?
Washington: I'm trying to make sure you're the best! That you're ready for anything.
Tucker: Why?! Blue Team was just fine with being mediocre until you came along. What the hell are you worried about?
Washington: It's just a feeling I...can't explain it.
Tucker: Really? 'Cause I bet I can. You're a paranoid, ex-special ops guy who's used to being betrayed on a weekly basis. Not much of a riddle Wash. Hey, next do you want to figure out the mystery of why Caboose isn't the team treasurer?
Washington: [getting angry] Oh, so we're going there.
Tucker: Oh-hoho bitch I already went there, and I took pictures.
Caboose: Ooooh girrrrl.
Shawn puts a hand on his mouth as he looks between them.
Shawn: Oooooooh.
Washington gets up in Tuckers face very angry.
Washington: Well I can't say I'm surprised, Lavernius. You just always have to get the last laugh, mister quick-witted, mister sarcastic. If you spent as much time training as you do mouthing off, you could probably beat Freckles at arm wrestling!
Shawn: Dropping that first name shit!
Tucker: Don't be stupid! Freckles doesn't have arms, he has guns.
Caboose: And, paws! Freckles shake!
Freckles lifts up one foot and takes a step forward, shaking the ground as Shawn falls on the ground.
Caboose: Get it! He shakes! It's awesome!
Tucker and Washington: Caboose!
Caboose: Yeah, yeah we're still working on it.
Simmons walks out of the base and looks at Washington.
Simmons: Oh, hey Wash, I didn't know you were back.
Washington: What is...why is he here?
Simmons: I took the liberty of claiming the bunk closest to you. I hope you don't mind.
Washington: I don't have time to deal with you right now, go away.
Simmons: Eh heh, good one Sir. Oh hey by the way, is it cool if I start calling you Sir?
Washington: Why is he still here?
Tucker: Beats me. If I was him, I'd be as far away from this base as possible.
Simmons: You can call me Champ if you want. Or you know... son.
Shawn: Great, we have a Soldier with daddy issues. This is just worst!
Tucker: Just ignore him.
Simmons: Or Sir Junior.
Shawn: Shut up!
Thea suddenly walks towards them and Freckles aims at her.
Freckles: Enemy detected.
Thea stopped and wave her arms at him.
Thea: Woah easy! I'm friendly!
Caboose: Uh, easy freckles let's not kill Mia.
Washington looks at her confused.
Washington: What're doing here?
Thea: I'm here to bring Simmons back.
Simmons: What? Why? I just got here.
Thea: Just please come back for Sarges sake and the sake of my sanity. I'm losing it! I know I've dealt with the testosterone before but it's different, nobody has anything to do.
Shawn: Tell me about it.
Tucker: Now where was I? Oh right.
Tucker looks at Washington.
Cut to a view through a sniper scope
Tucker: We don't need you protecting us!
Washington: I know, that's why I'm trying to help you!
Thea looks at Shawn.
Thea: (Whispering) What is going on?
Shawn: (Whispering) Anakin did something stupid and Obi wan didn't like it.
Thea: Oh.
Tucker: Help us with what, defending against attack?! No-one is going to attack us!
Sarge: Attack!
Grif and Sarge drive over a hill directly into a boulder
Tucker: Oh you've got to be freaking kidding me.
Shawn: I can't believe you jinxed us.
Sarge: Dammit Grif, you forgot our theme music.
Grif: Oh, right.
Grif turns on the radio
Sarge: Ah forget it moment's passed.
Grif turns it off and looks at them. Freckles aims at the two reds.
Freckles: Enemy soldiers detected.
Caboose: Uh... good Freckles... No murdering everyone.
The group form a standoff as Grif looked at them.
Grif: Uh, I would just like to take this opportunity to point out, that this, was not my idea. Whatsoever, at all.