Taehyung missed the bus..
Since it was already late, it meant that there would be no more buses until the next morning. So, not having any other choice, he walked home. Drunk and shaking every time the wind brushed past him a little harder, he made it back in a little over half an hour.
He was exhausted and it didn't help that all those confused and negative thoughts were wreaking havoc in his head and constantly making him overthink.
The thing is, Taehyung's never actually been in love before, as crazy as that may sound. Yes he dated around a lot and had crushes here and there in his teenage years, but honestly? He never felt like any of them were that one in a million. It all seemed meaningless, like both of them knew it will eventually end because there was never a real connection to begin with.
Jungkook on the other hand? He was the one. He just had to be. No matter how many times Taehyung tried to lie to himself further and try to find a different reason, he always ended up with the same conclusion. He had to fight for him because without him.. he was nothing.
So that's what scared him the most. The connection. Because it was real, and he knew it was real. So there was a lot more to lose.
No matter how many times he tried to suppress that feeling, he just knew there was no going back now after he's admitted it out loud. Every time Jungkook's face appeared in his head, his stomach would burst with butterflies and this warm feeling slowly spread all over his heart. But maybe.. just maybe it was the alcohol, he tried to reassure himself, who knows.
With every step he took closer to the front door, the nervous feeling in his gut sinked lower. Nausea hit over him like a wave and suddenly his hands began to sweat. He couldn't tell if it was from drinking or all the overwhelming feelings in his head at once, but it definitely didn't feel good. Something felt very off and it got worse the moment he opened the door.
Unfamiliar shoes by the door. Unknown coat hanging on the wall. A new scent in the air. Muffled sounds coming from the other room.
Taehyung's head was spinning out of control. In a blink of an eye he was on the bathroom floor, spilling his guts out into the toilet as the noises echoed louder in his ears. That sound soon turned into high pitched ringing that made his head want to explode.
Everything was cloudy and he had no idea what was going on or how much time was passing. His heart stung and eyes glassed over with tears; and after what felt like hours, a shadowy figure approached him and stood tall above his body. His limp, pathetic body whose head was only supported by the toilet bowl.
Later the figure turned into two and now both long and slim bodies stared down at him mockingly. As if judging his pitiful, weak self. Taehyung wanted to reach out, to feel Jungkook, to apologise for everything and finally reveal his true feelings. But he felt so far away.
Before he could make out who the other person was, Taehyung passed out.
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"Since when do you smoke?" Jimin came out onto the shared apartment building's garden wrapped up in a blanket. Jungkook was sitting on a bench and looking up at the night sky filled with surprisingly an adequate amount of stars, looking like tiny freckles twinkling on a pretty face.
"Oh.. hey Jimin. I'm surprised you're still up." Jungkook looked over at the poorly lit figure as he plopped down next to him. "I-I don't usually smoke and to be honest I hate the taste of it but.. I don't know. Sometimes I just need a distraction." He spoke softly as he put the cigarette out and blew out the last bits of smoke. A bitter expression on his face as the taste and burning sensation lingered in his throat.
There was a long pause while both males stared up at the full moon in all its glory. It was a comfortable silence and Jungkook was glad the older didn't question him further about his unhealthy choices. He just wrapped half of the blanket around his slightly trembling shoulders, which the younger appreciated greatly while scooting closer to keep warm.
"You know, I used to love watching the stars as a kid. I still do. It's so incredible to think that in a way, we're looking into the past. Since they are so far away, even if they die, to us they still shine for thousands of years before fading away. It's like the sky is a time machine." Jimin enthused with a small smile.
This was all the more reason for Jungkook to appreciate the view that night. But then he remembered the events from earlier. He felt so guilty even though he shouldn't. Why did he always feel so compassionate, even towards the ones who hurt him? No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't shake that feeling out of him.
"I had sex with Hoseok." He finally admitted.
Jimin glanced over at him with widened eyes before looking away again, a small breath escaping his lips in shock. "Wow.. I was not expecting that." He pursed his plump lips and thought for a moment.
"Was it for revenge or just personal pleasure? How does Hoseok even feel about that? Does he know about your and Taehyung's.. well umm, complicated relationship?"
Jungkook shook his head silently, not knowing how to respond. Honestly, he was trying to figure it out himself. Maybe it was for some kind of self gratification to show that he wasn't worthless and only capable of being used. But on the other hand, he really wanted to show Taehyung what it felt like to be in his position. To feel unwanted and broken.
Yet after all that.. he wasn't satisfied at all.
In fact he felt like an awful person. Even though they weren't dating it still felt so wrong, because deep down Jungkook knew that the older did feel the same way. But it was harder for him to admit it. He should have let him figure it out instead of pushing and complicating things.
"Jimin, do you think I'm a bad person?"
Jimin could tell he was in a lot of though and conflict with himself, so he brushed off his unanswered questions knowing he will tell him eventually.
Instead, he furrowed his eyebrows at the weird question. "No of course not. I just think that you've been put in a very new and complicated situation which made you confused on how to act. I know that you have gone through a lot of pain in your life which drives you to protect yourself from getting hurt even more. We can't always know what the best thing to do is and sometimes there isn't a solution, although that shouldn't discourage us to stop trying. I also very strongly believe that Taehyung isn't a bad person either. He might be a little dense about the fact that his actions have an impact on others, but don't forget he is also having to deal with figuring his sexuality out. That can be a very big change for some people to deal with."
Jungkook listened carefully while picking at the fluffy ends of the blanket.
"We both came to terms with it at a very young age so we had more time to figure it all out, but he's only finding out about it after years of being convinced that he was straight. Imagine what kind of turmoil that must create in his head. But I think what's most at fault here is the lack of communication between the two of you. I get it can be hard to talk about these things, but holy shit what a mess this has come to, which could have easily been avoided by an honest conversation."
It didn't take long for Jungkook to respond as he's made up his mind about what he needs to do. Unlike someone he knows, Jungkook acknowledges when he's done something wrong and is able to own up to his mistakes. It's not a sign of weakness, the opposite in fact which Jungkook is learning to understand on his path of self love and acceptance.
"You're so right. I've been quite selfishly blinded by my own feelings to really think about that. I want nothing more than to fix this, but I still need time to think so I won't do something compulsively again and potentially ruin this even more. Thank you Jimin for everything.. again. I don't know how you keep finding the best moments to find me, but I really appreciate it." Jungkook smiled while resting his head on his shoulder.
"It's nothing. As long as you get your happy ending, I will be satisfied." Jimin caressed his hair as they both got immersed with the stars once more.
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heyyyyy im back! i hope you didn't miss me too much ;D
i hope you're all doing well and that this chapter was enjoyable to read, the next chapter should also be out very soon so please look forward to that!
see ya ♡