"I never wanted you to leave."
His words hit me straight in the heart. They repeat in my head day and night.
Were the others right and did he really want more than friendship?
But how could I not notice that? And why did he already have someone else?
Since he told me, I've tried to talk to him a few times but he doesn't want to. He turns away from me and ignores me.
Just then there is a knock at the door. My mother comes in. "Don't you want to come upstairs for a while? Emma asked what's wrong with you," she says as she sits down next to me on the bed.
I'm not surprised that Emma asked. The last few days she's been so nice somehow. Well, really nice and not fake.
"Yes, I think I'll be right there," I say and smile at her. I quickly put on my swimsuit and then finally go upstairs as well.
They are all sitting outside at the big table playing a game.
"Why don't you join us? We're playing a game and the old ones are about to go ashore anyway," Jobe says as the three parents stand up and assure me with a smile that I should sit down.
"So the game goes like this. There are two teams. And on these cards there is always a term that you have to explain to your team member without saying the words that are on the card. Your team member then has to guess that word. You have one minute. When the first word is guessed, you take the next one and explain it further," Emma explains to me.
I just nod understandably. "Okay and how do we do the teams?", I then ask.
Emma and Jobe look at each other briefly from the side. "I'm in a team with Emma today," he finally says.
He knows very well that Jude doesn't talk to me. How are we supposed to play in a team together then?
"Okay, we'll start," Emma says.
Jobe guesses 3 terms that she explained and now it's our turn.
Jude takes the first card. That means I have to guess.
When the minute is finally up, I haven't guessed a single word.
"Why didn't you try harder? We don't have a point now because of you," he says while looking at the water.
"Excuse me? What do you mean "I should have tried harder"? Maybe you could have expressed yourself better, then I would have known what you meant," I say, a bit angry.
He just gives me a stupid look and turns away from me again.
After we have played a few more rounds, the others already have a total of 9 points and we still have 0.
Now it's our turn again and it's my turn to explain.
I draw the first card and the word is 'love'. Great. How am I supposed to explain that, please.
"Um... well. Some people are lucky and find it, some people are not lucky and don't find it. And then there are the people who have found it but don't realise it until it's too late." He looks at me. Should I explain further?
"It can hurt a lot, especially when it doesn't seem to matter to the other person." "Love," Jude interrupts me.
I just nod a little sadly and take the next card, but time is up.
"Excuse me, but I'm leaving," I say, standing up and walking back to my favourite spot on the boat.
Actually, now I would go to the countryside and see the city a bit.
"Mum?" I ask when she answers after the second ring. "Yes? What is it?" she asks back. "I'd like to come ashore. Is that okay?", I ask. "Sure. We're sitting right here on the water in a cafe. You'll definitely see us," she says and hangs up.
I quickly go down to my cabin to get dressed and put on make-up. When I'm ready, I quickly tell someone from the crew. They tell me that they are getting the crossing boat ready and that I should please wait a little longer.
"Leya? Ah, there you are. I wanted to talk to you about something," says Emma, who suddenly comes around the corner. She sits down next to me and looks me up and down for a moment.
"Where are you going? Anyway, you look beautiful," she says. I really don't understand if she's playing at being so nice or if she really means it.
"Um... thank you? I think.", I say and look at her a bit.
"I wanted to tell you that I'm leaving earlier than I thought. Tomorrow to be exact. I realised that I don't quite fit in here. I was a bit of a jerk to you at the beginning because I was just jealous of you. Jude was always talking about you and everything. But I've realised now that I was actually just in your way and that I can't change that he doesn't love me but you. Everyone realises that by now."
"That's not true...", I say, but am interrupted in mid-sentence. "But it is true. You can see it, the way he looks at you, the way you look at him.... It's really not bad either. You'd make a really nice couple. You're just too stupid to realise it. Think about it, okay?" she says, smiles at me and leaves.
Why does everyone tell me he loves me? That doesn't make it any easier for me.
At that moment, the man comes to me and drives me over to the shore.
When we get there, I thank him and then see my mother waving like a crazy woman.
"Leya. Leya. Here we are!" she shouts now and all the people turn to look at me.
Oh no how awkward.
"Mum. You don't have to shout like that next time okay?", I say laughing as I sit down at the table with the three of them. "It's okay. What are you doing here now?" she asks me.
"I wanted to take a look at this place and then maybe have something to eat somewhere later.""Okay. Take care of yourself, though, okay? We're leaving tomorrow at eight. Please be back by then." "Yes. Thank you. Bye.", I say to the three of them and then disappear.
I walk around a bit and go into a few shops until it's finally dark. So I find a small restaurant and order something on the menu that looks delicious.
After I have eaten, I hear loud music from somewhere.
I think I should go there.
And a little later, I'm already standing in front of the club. I'm only 17. Will they even let me in?
At the door, they briefly ask for my ID and then let me in without doing anything else.
I order a few drinks and as soon as I've drunk the first few shots, I notice that I'm only focusing on the moment and forget everything around me.
I drink more and more until I finally don't even know what I'm doing.
I only know that I'm moving to the music and listening attentively to the music, letting it have an effect on me....
At some point, I don't know exactly what time it is, I get a little tired. So I sit down somewhere free and then my eyes fall shut from exhaustion.
When I open them again, the hall is a bit emptier than before, but there are still people there. I make my way to the exit.
Again, I can tell exactly what is happening. The sleep just now has made me a bit clean again.Outside, the cold night air blows in my face.
Only now do I get the idea to look at my mobile phone.
It is 5 o'clock in the morning. The sun should be rising soon. I should take a look.
I look around a bit to see if I can find a suitable spot from which to watch it, when my eyes also see a small hill. At the top of the hill is a bench.
I set off to walk up there and it is definitely further and higher than I thought. But from the top you can look down on the whole city, still burning in a thousand lights.
I sit down on the bench and take a deep breath.
Then I look at my mobile phone again.
Seventeen missed calls from Jude.
What? Why did he call me? Did something happen? But then my mother would have called me, or Denise. So why him?
Shold I call him back? No.
After sitting up there for another half hour, you can slowly see many different, bright colours spreading across the sky.
But suddenly I hear the creak of a stick.
I jump up, ready to run.
"Leya," says a familiar voice. And I sit back down on the bench.
"What are you doing here?" I ask Jude, who sits down next to me.
"I called you. Where have you been?" "I was at a club," I answer him.
"You were at a club?" he asks me as he stands up and throws his arms in the air. He is angry.
"Now can you tell me why you're mad at me again?", I yell at him as I stand up too.
We now stand facing each other and look at each other.
"Was there another boy?" he finally asks me, again in a loud voice.
"What's it to you? You were on the boat the whole time. Your girlfriend too. You might have been doing something else and I'm not asking, am I?"
"You don't understand, do you? You understand absolutely nothing," he says, still tense.
"What do I have to understand, Jude? Huh? Explain it to me."
"I love you, Leya. It was always just you."