A machine whirs from within the cavern and noises arise in the background. Caboose can also be heard
Caboose: It's alive. It's alive! He's ali- Aw, now it's dead. (short pause) No, it's alive again! Oh, thank God that was close.
Cut to black. Fade in and pan to a shot of Tucker, Thea, Shawn and Washington repairing on the comm tower. Shawn and Tucker on the ground with Washington and Thea on the ledge. Tucker looks at Washington.
Tucker: Ok, how about now?
Washington: (hits radio twice) Nothing.
Tucker: Hold on. (short pause) Ok, try it again.
Washington: (hits radio) Still nothing.
Tucker: Balls.
Washington looks at Tucker and Shawn.
Washington: Hey, what exactly are guys doing down there?
Tucker: Oh, you know.... Calibrating.
Shawn: Mhm.
Washington: ...Calibrating.
Tucker: Yeah.
Shawn: Yup.
Washington: ...You haven't done anything, have you?
Tucker: Dude, I don't know what I'm doing or why you sent me down here.
Washington: Right. Guess I should have expected that.
Thea: Mhm.
Tucker: Hey Wash, Thea, I think we got a situation.
Washington: What kind of- (looks down and sees Red Team) ...Oh.
Thea: Great.
Grif: Good to see you too.
Washington: What do you want?
Sarge: Figured it be a good idea to come over and lend a hand.
Washington: No, that's a terrible idea. Please don't touch anything.
Thea: We worked to hard on this for you three to mess it up.
Simmons: But we could provide tech support!
Thea: I doubt that.
Sarge: Have you tried using any D batteries?
Washington: Power isn't our problem. These battery arrays are solar.
Sarge: Well, there's your problem. This baby needs to be converted to diesel on the pronto!
Washington: Solar is field-standard for communication systems.
Thea: He's old he won't get it.
Sarge: Well ooh-la-la, Private Hippy! Hey, I got an idea; why don't we just plant a garden in? Grow some organic sun-dried tomatoes, and open a farmer's market. Then on the first Saturday of the month, when the UNSC ships show up to buy some fresh sustainable produce, we just hop on board and ride back on the power of love!
Thea: I'm not a hippy, hippys do drugs to feel alive. I am not one and I will never be one.
Washington: ...Tucker, Shawn, if they touch anything, or if he makes any more suggestions, prod them with your sword and shoot them.
Shawn looks at them to see there's four against two.
Shawn: No thanks, I choose life.
Tucker: Ha ha, now that's something I can get behind! Bowchickaboww- Wait, no! No no no no no!
Sarge: Fine, well I guess you don't want any help from our incredibly advanced robotic companion. (beckons to Lopez 2.0)
Lopez 2.0: Hola. [Hello.]
Washington: Nope!
In the background
Grif: Racist!
In the foreground
Thea: I leave you three alone for five minutes and you already have a robot. Why I am not surprised about any of this is beyond me.
Sarge: Hey tree-huggers, what if I told you it runs on recycled cooking grease? It's perfect. Grif sweats the stuff.
Grif: What else was I supposed to drink once we ran out of soda?
Simmons: There's always water.
Grif: Please, what are we, cavemen?
Thea: Waters healthy you moron.
Washington: I said no.
Lopez 2.0: ¿Seguro que no quieres ayuda? Esto parece un trabajo relativamente simple.[Are you sure you don't want help? This looks like a relatively simple fix.]
Thea: And I'm not surprised that it can speak Spanish.
Tucker: Whoa, is that Lopez?!
Simmons: Not exactly. (whispers) This one isn't very smart.
Lopez 2.0: En serio chicos, estoy viendo el problema. Lo puedo arreglar justo ahora.[Seriously guys, I'm looking at the problem. I can fix it right now.]
Shawn: Si, Por favor, si (Yes, Please, yes)
Tucker: How can you tell?
Sarge: Oh, a mother knows.
Lopez 2.0: Bueno, si nadie me va a detener, voy a arreglar su torre de radio.[Okay, if no one is going to stop me, I'm going to fix your radio tower.]
Lopez 2.0 walks towards the base of the comm tower.
Thea: Gracias (thank you)
Washington: Why don't you three go check on our food supply? It's been a while since I've done a full inventory.
Simmons: You can't shove your bitch work on us! What do we look like?
Tucker: Uhhhh... Bitches?
Wash: Tucker, I want 100 squats.
Tucker: What? But it was leg day yesterday!
Wash: You are a space marine, private. Everyday is leg day.
After a moment of doubt, Tucker starts doing squats.
Tucker: This is bullshit.
Grif: Ha! Who is the bitch now?
Tucker: Your sister was my bitch if I remember correctly.
Grif: What did you say to me, bitch?
Wash: No one is a bitch, now both of you be quiet.
Grif: .... Simmons is kind of a bitch.
Simmons: Hey! What the hell?!
Sarge: Ah, can it Private Bitch.
Simmons: (sulks) Yes, sir.
Tucker, Shawn and Grif: Bitch.
Washington: I said be quiet!
Wash punches the radio box. The radio tunes up.
Grif: Holy shit.
Thea: That should not have happened.
Washington: It's working. I-I don't know what I did but it's working!
Lopez 2.0 emerges from under the comm tower.
Lopez 2.0: ¡Camaradas! ¡He reparado la torre de radio! ¿Están satisfechos con mi trabajo?[Comrades! I have repaired the radio tower! Are you pleased with my performance?]
Shawn/Thea: Si.
Sarge: Lopez, you're ruining the moment.
Washington: Mayday, mayday, this is Agent Washington, can anyone read me? Over.
No response.
Grif: ... Maybe they're screening our calls.
Simmons: What do mean "they"? Who's "they"?
Grif: I dunno, people who know us?
Simmons: What?
Grif: Look, I wouldn't pick up the phone if any of you bastards called me.
Washington: Mayday, mayday, we are survivors of a shipwreck, and are in need of immediate rescue, please respond.
Tucker: Don't call them back right away, you gotta wait, or else you'll look desperate.
Simmons: But we are desperate!
Shawn: We're on a deserted planet with only one girl here! Of course we're desperate!
Thea: Excuse me!?!
Washington: EVERYONE SHUT UP!
Everyone looks at him in shock.
Grif: Woah...
Washington: Mayday, mayday, this is Agent Washington and the red and blue troopers of Project Freelancer! We are stranded, does anyone copy?
No response.
Washington: Mayday, this is Agent Washington, I am a soldier.
No response.
Washington: Is anybody out there?
No response.
Washington: Can anybody hear me?!
A voice can faintly be heard on the radio.
Voice: ... Hello? is someone there?
Washington: Yes! Yes, we're here! Do you read us?
Thea: Why does that sound familiar?
Voice: .....Hello....is this...prank call.....
Washington: No no no no, this is real, please you have to listen to me! My men and I are shipwrecked!
Simmons: Its an emergency!
Grif: Black Hawk down!
Sarge: Code Red!
Voice: What? Like a lightish red?
Everyone pauses for a short moment taking in what the voice just said
Tucker: What the hell did he just say?
Voice: Cause I mean, red is a pretty broad spectrum. There's scarlet, vermilion, like a deep burgundy.
Thea: Burgundy? Who the hell- oh god no!
Sarge approaches the radio
Sarge: Donut, Is that you?!
Donut: Sarge? Oh hey guys, what have you all been up to?
Sarge: We're stranded in the middle of the jungle with dwindling food and limited supplies.
A second of silence.
Donut: That sucks.
In the background
Grif: No shit, dickhead!
In the foreground
Sarge: Donut, I need you to listen to me. You need to send help. Call command.
Donut: Command? I think I know a guy if you want to turn this call into a three way.
Sarge: No...Don't do that. I need you to write down these coordinates
Washington turns to talk to the Reds
Washington: Who is Donut again?
Simmons: Cheery guy. Pink armor.
Grif: Kind of stupid.
Shawn: Good arm.
Tucker: And a little-
Washington: Wait, did I shoot him once?
Grif: Bingo.
Thea: Right on the nose.
Washington: Got it. And he's competent enough to trust with our lives?
Thea: What do you think?
Cut to Sarge and the radio as Washington and Thea look at the radio.
Donut: Sorry, did you say 'five' or 'nine'?
Sarge: I said eight.
Donut: Oh.
Cut back to Washington
Washington: Right...
Washington walks back over to Sarge
Washington: Okay, Donut, those are our last known coordinates but be sure to let the rescue team know that we've got no clue where we actually landed.
Donut: Don't worry guys! No matter how deep the bush, Private Donut always finds his man.
Sarge and Washington both look at each other nervously as Thea got very uncomfortable.
Sarge: Roger that son.
Radio static cuts in
Donut: What was that? Your breaking up.
Washington: Just send help as fast as you can.
Donut: Okey dokey!
The radio loses connection and everyone goes quiet
Grif: So, what happened?
Sarge walks to the ledge and looks at them.
Sarge: Well boys, I don't want to jinx us or anything like that but... we're gonna be rescued!
The Reds and Blues start cheering while Washington looks over from the Comm tower.
In the background.
Simmons: I can't wait to eat a hot dog!
Shawn: I can't wait to see movies!
In the foreground.
Washington: Now guys-
Sarge: Theres no possible way anything can go wrong! Everything is going to be good forever!
The group are still celebrating.
Washington: Guys, it can still be a few days before they-
Sarge: Lets eat all the food rations tonight and then fire all of our excess ammunition indiscriminately into the air and celebrate!
The group are still cheering and are shooting their guns in the air.
Simmons: Then lets fix up that old Warthog that's been hanging near our base!
The group are still cheering then realize what's been said and quiet down with confusion
Simmons: So we can crash it into the other Warthog because 'screw it'!
The group continue cheering
Washington: Listen, lets not get our hopes up just yet.
Tucker: Aw, come on Wash. Lighten up. We did it, we made contact.
Thea: Yeah Wash, loosen up a bit. The first mission is done. We did it.
Washington: Well, it is the first good news that we've had in awhile.
Caboose runs over to the group
Caboose: Hey everyone!
Washington: Caboose! Where've you been?
Caboose: Yeah, I went on a walk like you said and now, everything is going to be good, forever!
Sarge: Told ya' so!
Washington: Wait, Caboose, you were miserable, what happened?
Caboose: Oh, where are my manners? I haven't even introduced him.
Washington and Thea look at each other nervously then back at Caboose.
Washington: Introduced who?...
Caboose turns around.
Caboose: FRECKLES! COME! (whistling)
A series of loud, thuddering steps occurs, revealing the machine, the Reds and Blues silently look up slowly at the oncoming machine.
Caboose: EVERYONE, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET FRECKLES! FRECKLES, say hello.
Freckles looks at the reds.
Freckles: Enemy soldiers detected.
Freckles takes aim at Grif, Thea and Simmons
Caboose: No, those aren't enemies, Freckles. Those are Grif, Thea and Simmons... our enemy.
Freckles: Firing main cannons.
Caboose: No! Bad Freckles! Down!
Freckles: Yes, Master.
Caboose: Bad Freckles...
Caboose turns back to the others
Caboose: So, what have you guys been up to?
Grif: Ehh...umm...
Thea: Uh, what the heck?
Screen cuts black and fades into a murky, misty forest where Washingtons distress signal can be heard playing
Washington: Mayday, mayday, this is Agent Washington and the red and blue troopers of Project Freelancer, we are stranded, does anyone copy?
No response
Washington: Mayday, this is Agent Washington, I am a soldier.
A unknown solider is seen listening to the distress signal
Washington: Is anybody out there?
No response
Washington: Can anybody hear me?
The solider turns slowly and the screen blacks out before his visor is fully seen