CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
DEAD AND GONE
THE SIRENS ARE well heard behind us, blue and red flashing all around the car. Seth instructs me on how to get to the motel and while following his orders, I keep glancing at the rearview mirror. I drive like I'm in a computer game, speeding and taking the opposite lanes, my adrenaline probably clouding the part of me that should care about how dangerous this is.
"Turn, turn!" Seth calls and when I do, I hold back a smile at the sight of the empty street ahead.
This street is mostly as straight as a ruler and I silently thank god for it. I count four seconds before the police cruiser is on our tail again. My gaze stays on the car and for a second, I zoom out. Seth yells at me to drive faster, but all I hear are the words Silvia once told me ringing in my head. If I'll do this, I can save us, I know it. As I count the seconds, I tighten my grip on the wheel. The car behind us seems to be getting closer now that there are no other cars between us, making my heart beat faster. Then, its two front wheels explode, the noise heard even over the sound of the sirens. Silence spreads in our car and I see both of my partners are looking behind us, their eyes wide.
"Have a little faith in me, would you?" I tell no one in particular, my voice filled with satisfaction as I get ready to make a turn in the nearest crossroad.
"Deal," Seth breaths out from the back seat.
My gaze wanders around before I make the turn, worried that more police might be right around the corner, but I see no sign of that. A bit relieved, I keep getting closer to our motel with a plan forming in my head.
When we're close, I pull the car to a stop on the street instead of getting into the parking lot. Kate and Seth hurry outside, yet I stay seated, looking for any sign of the police. While I see nothing, I think I can hear sirens in the distance.
"Come on, July," Seth calls from where he's standing, alert and ready to go.
"Go, I have a plan," I say and when he opens his mouth to protest, I add, "I know how these things work, Seth. I'll mislead them. Trust me, please. Go!"
It's easy for me to spot the conflict in his brown eyes, but a second later he's running towards the motel with Kate following close behind. Sighing in relief, I quickly scan my surroundings until I find something that's good enough and put the car into drive again.
The sirens get louder and just as I park the car at the intersection of this street and another one, I see a cruiser come from the same direction we did. I watch it through the mirror and curse when someone on the street starts pointing to the motel. It seems to be an officer that came by foot and I hope he isn't going to come after me. When both he and the police car rush to the building, my shoulders relax.
With time working against me, I hurry to get out of the car and to the other side of the street, where I can see both the motel and the crossroad. This street didn't give me an impression of a deserted one, but the presence of the police seems to have an effect; no one is on the street and hopefully, it means no one will pay attention to me.
The policemen are already walking around and yelling when I get a good view of the motel. Seeing that they haven't caught anyone, even if it's temporary, is a great relief. It takes me a second to remember which room is ours, and if Seth and Kate are inside, my time is short.
My focus moves to across the intersection of the streets, where one of the stores seems perfect to cause a distraction; it has a big showcase made of glass in the front. Seconds later, it shatters loudly, glasses flying around, covering the pavement and part of the road. Then, the same thing happens with the next shop down the street. Then, the one after that.
The officers quickly notice something's happening and hurry away from the motel, the words they're yelling making it obvious that they're confused. One of them gets back in the car and makes a quick U-turn and as they all pass in front of me, I press myself to the shadows of a nearby building. I watch them run with their guns ready, spreading across the next street to search for the source and one points at our abandoned car. Even though it wasn't a part of my plan, I decide to make the car burn, just in case.
With the police's attention elsewhere, I carefully make my way to the motel, deciding it should be safe enough now. Halfway there, I spot a man making his way to the motel room that the police didn't get to, and I scold. It's a worker of the motel who has a creepy crush on Kate, and it seems like he decided to choose this moment to play the hero. He talks to her through the door and when she opens it, she's smiling like the perfect harmless girl next door with a bible pressed to her chest. I stop next to a vending machine to wait there until he's gone, worry of getting noticed by the wrong person boiling inside of me.
Fortunately, he leaves soon enough and I wait for him to pass by me before heading to the room. Everything in me yearns to be inside. It's the closest thing to a safe place we have and I let out a breath when I unlock the door and slip in. Finally, it's over.
Seth's eyes are immediately on me and I easily see the question in them. "They're busy somewhere else. Hopefully, they're dumb enough to think that we escaped," I say and plop down on one of the beds.
All I get from Seth is a silent nod while he and Kate unpack. I suspect the silence I get in return isn't a bad sign, because if he was angry with me, I would have known by now.
"So, what happened there?" I ask.
"The manager tried to be a hero, so I had to rough him up a little. Then, some knucklehead called his cousin that happened to be a cop," Seth explains as he walks towards the bed that I'm sitting on with what he got from the bank.
Kate follows him with a hard look in her eyes and my muscles tense at the possibility that an argument is coming. "And how was he able to do that? Weren't you keeping an eye on him?" she asks.
"Hey, I only have two eyes," Seth shrugs and I roll my eyes.
"That's what I mean; you need more. You need more than two eyes, like last time. You need a partner."
Even though Kate has been helping Seth with his heists, he mostly used her to wait in the car. Last time with Jose's restaurant he let her be the watch at the door. Usually, I don't try to get involved in how he does what he does, but I have to admit that the last few times were a close call.
"Things aren't looking very good lately, Seth. These two weeks were too risky," I say carefully. Things are still rocky between us but I'm too tired to be angry today.
Kate gestures at me and tells Seth, "See? Even June agrees with me."
While you can't say that he accepts the criticism, he does handle it better than I thought he would. "Okay, would you stop? We won," he says and holds up the bags of money. He empties both of them on the bed and adds, "Here."
There is a fair amount of money in front of us and it gives me a sense of comfort after everything we've been through today. However, the feeling doesn't last long because when Kate looks closely, her face darkens. We got some cash, but the other half are canceled checks.
"Son of a bitch," Seth mutters as he throws away one of the empty bags and covers his face with his hands.
"Unbelievable," Kate says behind him. "Three months of stupid towns and the same old bullshit. You know, it's kind of been downhill slide ever since the Corvette was stolen. I feel like I've joined the freaking circus."
She doesn't need to say it for everyone to know that her words are directed at Seth. I watch him as the disappointment washes over him and I have to stop myself from reaching out to comfort him. Instead, I stand up and start pacing. There isn't much we can do with what's already happened, but the tension in the air is making me nervous.
"We have to keep going. If we'll be better and smarter, this will only look like a bump in the road in a week or two," I say and my gaze remains mainly on Seth, hoping it might make him feel better.
Kate, however, doesn't appreciate what I say. "A bump in the road?" she chuckles without any real humor. She shakes her head. "Maybe I would have been better off alone. I probably would have made a killing as Richie's knife-throwing girl."
"Yeah, well, you're here, aren't you?" I snap. I don't want to get angry with her. Her anger is justified but with her words aimed to hurt Seth, I can't help but feel defensive. "We take what we have and move on, it's the only way."
"That money is not enough," she replies with a sharp look at me, then looks at Seth again. "You said it yourself — we need passports, we need new names. I wanna get out of here."
"And go where?" Seth asks, his hands on his hips.
He doesn't talk a lot about what our long-term plan is and even though he has mentioned getting back across the border, at this moment, it seems like he thinks that it's a ridiculous plan, like what we have now is the only option. It makes me uncomfortable. This life isn't the worst; however, I don't consider it a comfortable life nor a life that I would want to keep for very long. It's exhausting.
"To find Scott."
Kate's answer comes out quiet and it surprises me. For some reason, I didn't think she'd go back for her brother, even though she told me he's a culebra. I suppose I didn't expect that the sweet teenage girl would willingly go and face the monsters of the Twister again. Then, I realize that of course she would want to do this, just like I would want to find any one of my siblings if I was in her position.
Unsurprisingly, it's easy to tell from Seth's face that it's ridiculous. Kate adds, "I said I would forget about him, but I can't."
Stepping closer to her and sounding more serious than I've heard him in a while, he says, "Listen to me very carefully, okay? He's dead. Even if he's alive, he's dead."
Family ties are tight, they remind me. Seth seems to have cut his ties since he isn't looking for Richie, and my family cut our ties, yet it's different with the Fullers. My chest hurts all of a sudden and not only because of Kate's broken family but also because of mine. I envy Scott, as ridiculous as it sounds, for having a loyal family, a family that is willing to do what it takes to find him and bring him to safety or try to help him.
"I don't believe that," Kate replies.
The only thing I dare to say is, "It could be very dangerous, especially on your own."
She looks at me with her eyes and I can see the determination in them. "I can do it, I'll find him. Of course I will need some help, but I'm gonna find my brother."
"Just forget about him," Seth closes the subject and when he starts turning around, there is something haunted in his eyes.
Kate's reply comes quicker than ever. Her voice is quiet but her words are harsher than ever. "Kind of like how you forgot about Richie."
My gaze snaps to her as quickly as Seth turns to give her a dangerous look. The room feels small, almost too small for all the tension in the air as well as for the hurt in it. When he takes a step forward, I come to stand between the two, though I can't physically stop them from pressing on each other's buttons.
"That's enough," I tell the teenager, the annoyance well heard in my voice.
For once, she doesn't say anything back and simply glares at Seth. I don't want to judge her, but I can't help but be irritated with the bad intention behind her words, because I can see what she said wasn't a simple slip of the tongue.
On my other side, Seth walks around the bed, enters the bathroom and slams the door close, leaving me to glance worriedly behind him. He doesn't need to say it for me to know that he cares about his brother and he is wounded by Richie staying at the Twister when we left. I know Seth by now, and he cares about certain people. Whether Kate sees it or not, he also cares about her and what he said was only an attempt to defend her, even if she doesn't appreciate it. Tired, I run a hand through my hair but as I wonder what to do, I see Kate throw a few things into a bag, including a gun. She ignores my wide eyes and walks out of the room.
"Hey," I call as I follow her out of the room. "What's going on? Where are you going?"
She doesn't turn around as she replies, "Do what I need to get to Scott, not that it's any of your concern."
Ignoring the attitude in her answer, I say, "If you would wait, we can work this out and get a plan. It's—"
"Dangerous?" She guesses mockingly, finally stopping to look at me. "I'm going to do this on my own, June. You two are holding me back enough already. Go and tip-toe around Seth like you always do."
With that, she leaves me in the parking lot. For a moment, I watch her go, not only surprised by her words and by the fact that she took a gun, but also hurt by her words. A moment later, I decide it's best to let her go. After all of this mess, it might be best to let everyone calm down for a bit. Or maybe I'm trying too much to be rational.
My feet feel heavy as I get back to the room, both from tiredness and because I know that Seth is inside, hurt and probably in a bad mood. I close the door behind me, somewhat ready to face him when I see him lying on the bed. A couple of steps later, I notice the band tied around his arm and the syringe that's lying next to him. It feels like a wall of bricks fall on me and I would say, it even hurts to see him this way.
"Shit," I mutter.
Not having many options left, I come next to him and put away all of his so-called gear. Then, I take two pillows and tuck him between them so he's lying on his side instead of on his back. The angry part of me wants to blame Kate for this, accuse her of pushing him too hard and bringing up things that she shouldn't. However, I know very well that this is all Seth and his shitty way of handling things in the past few months. I sit on the same bed and try to let my body relax as I watch Seth's chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm, only suddenly everything hits me like a wave. My breath becomes quicker and tears cloud my sight, yet I tilt my chin up and blink them away until the feeling passes.
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Sleep doesn't come easy for me on that particular night. My head is working extra hours and I find myself thinking about too many things for this time of the night; wondering about Richie, worrying about Seth's drug problem, and, again, thinking about Seth. I should be asleep, but even with my eyes closed, the thoughts only keep on coming.
Sighing, I open my eyes and turn to the other side, careful not to wake up Kate. This motel room has two beds, so Seth has his own while Kate and I share. It's the way it's been for months now and even though it might sound like Seth is being spoiled by taking up an entire bed, we have an agreement about the sleeping arrangements; if there are two beds, we take turns sleeping on who sleeps alone.
We also have a silent agreement of never sleeping in complete darkness. The curtains aren't drawn over the windows perfectly, a strip of light from the hallway invades the shadows of the motel room, making them a little less scary. My gaze sets on Seth's chest as it rises and falls in a slow rhythm. With the thoughts racing through my head, I'm so scared for him and worried about him, that I feel it all the way to my heart and a pull towards him even though we've barely been apart.
Pulling myself up, I quietly make my way out of the room. The air outside is cold and it's not as dense as it is inside, but I still feel like I'm struggling to breathe. Trying to make the feeling somewhat better, I put a hand to my chest and try to focus on inhaling and exhaling.
The sound of someone coming out makes my heart jump and I immediately turn around. Seth is looking back at me, his hair a little messy and his eyes small as they adjust to the yellow light of the street lamps. If I was feeling better, maybe I would have smiled at the sight.
"Did I wake you up?" is the only thing I manage to ask.
"No," he replies and glances around us, quickly studying our surroundings. "What are you doing out here?"
I'm silent at first, wondering what to say. There's a weight in his gaze, but I don't know if it has to do with me or with the demons that he has inside. I could tell him the truth, only it would just add trouble and conversations that he might not want to have. So, I try to change the subject.
"You can't sleep or won't sleep?"
"I'm fine, July," he answers and I roll my eyes and look away. Then, he comes closer, standing shoulder to shoulder with me. "You're angry with me," he says and I'm not sure if he's asking or stating.
Hoping that he'd let it go, I say nothing. However, I see him looking at me from the corner of my eye, and after a few seconds I turn to him and admit, "I'm worried about you."
There's tension in his jaw when he hears that. "You shouldn't be, July," he says shortly but I can still see that haunted look in his eyes that almost makes me laugh bitterly and tell him what a bad actor he is. "We keep going, right? That's what you said."
"It's not about the money, Seth," I say and give him a look. I might be tired but I feel like I'm still ready for whatever is about to come and I add, "What's the plan for tomorrow?"
Seth pushes his hands into the pockets of his pants as he starts explaining. I don't say too much, nodding from time to time. When he finishes going with me through the details, looking at the empty streets of the local Mexican town and the occasional car passing by. Perhaps I should head back and try to get some sleep, but his presence is comforting and it makes me feel this almost childish pull to stay with him.
The silence between us has weight to it this time because of all the unresolved things that are going on. Yet, when I speak up, I decide to bring up a slightly different subject. "You mentioned that you were married."
Seth sighs but I wait and look at him curiously, hoping that even if he isn't the one bringing it up, he'll still talk to me about it. "It's in the past, if that's what you want to know, May," he says.
"In the past as in I shouldn't worry about her showing up one day or..." I insist and pause to think about my phrasing. Seth has the upper hand here, I have no doubt of it, but if I'll play my cards right, maybe I'll be able to get something out of him. "Or is she just not the type to be a part of a good old heist?"
Seth stays quiet at first while I study him, looking for a sign of what the mention of his ex-wife makes him feel. Unfortunately for me, he isn't that easy to read. Maybe it's too personal of a question, maybe I won't get an answer, but I keep my eyes on him, silently hoping he'll let me in.
"In the past as in you shouldn't think about her at all... because I don't."
My jealous side, the one that I know isn't necessary and is definitely not my best side, wants to press further. "Too much work, right? Gotta stay on top of your game, no distractions?" I assume out loud, but I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
He glares at me. "You know that's not what I meant," Seth replies, his voice lower than before.
He sighs and suddenly, his hand is on my cheek and he's looking right at me with those eyes that I love so much, brown and intense, always holding something behind them. He doesn't say anything but I think there is a softness in them that makes me feel like I shouldn't worry about this, that he cares about me. Then, he's leaning in, and without meaning to, my hands wrap around his neck. However, I don't let him kiss me.
"When you're not high," I whisper, almost apologizing. Then, I force myself to lean back from him and he lets me but wraps an arm around my waist.
We watch each other for a moment and I don't mind it. It's funny how in every other situation he has the perfect thing to say but at times like this, I feel like Seth prefers the intimacy that's in the silence over words. His gaze makes me feel like I'm burning, especially since I know he wants to kiss me and the way he's looking at my lips is not helping.
"Let Kate help you," I blurt out with a pointed look.
The way he's looking at me is now more serious and he sighs but neither move away nor protest. Maybe he'll even listen to me. I look at him for a moment, biting back any questions that I have about how he feels in regards to what Kate said. His gaze looks tired to me and I feel all the worries from before resurfacing and tugging at my chest.
Then, I hug him. I might be making a fool out of myself because since when does Seth Gecko hug people, yet it feels like something that I need at the moment, and it's my way to show him that I care without making conversations that he isn't interested in. At first, he doesn't move and I start wishing the ground would swallow me whole. Then, however, I feel his arms tighten around me. He releases a long breath and my heart flutters. I can only speak for myself but it feels like all the noise in my life quietens down in those moments, and I close my eyes when I feel his hand in my hair.
It's my best moment thorough this entire day, all I can think about is what's happening in real time. The warmth of Seth's body, how solid his body is, how I wish we could stay in this position forever.
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Author's note: What even is this chapter? Idk, but at least we're offically in s02e01. Thank you to anyone who commented/voted/anything else!