Today is a huge day for me. It's a milestone. As it is my graduation. Even if it's just from high school. It is still a huge thing for me. I was not sure I would even make it to here for a while and now I am here. It feels strange, weird and to some extent surreal.
Today Maize and I graduate. Even though I know that she is rolling her eyes and mumbling, 'I'm not alive'. I am not going to pay any heed to that. For I know no matter what we both are graduating today. Without Maize I would not be alive. She has been there for me always. Whether alive or as a ghost, as my memory. Whatever be the case Maize never left my side and for that I am grateful. Because I cannot think I would have even made it to my graduation without her helping hand, both visible and invisible alike. I know Maize is giving me weird looks right now. But I am not going to look at her. Truth be told that's simply because I would start crying once I do.
I just cannot believe we are graduating. Kris Monroe is graduating! It's not like I was a bad student. But I had faced way too many things already that this achievement makes me feel...like it's all surreal. Like this is some sort of weird, warped magic and none of this is real. I mean truth be told I also think ...really, I still haven't graduated high school and have already lost Maize, my parents and have been shot as well. Like damn man! And then I think this really is an achievement for me. A huge one. I mean it is small compared to well facing everything else including the accident. But it is still an achievement, nonetheless. And for me this, ranks higher than the rest because this one feels like yeah, I did something to achieve this. The rest were not really achievements in my eye. I just never felt like I accomplished anything with those. I don't know maybe I am just thinking too much again.
I shrug as I sit on my bed contemplating what to wear beneath my gown. I know we would be going out for lunch. I think it would just be us, the Millers and Lee's family. But still, I would like to dress up nicely. And since Lee and I talked or whatever it was we did that day after prom, I feel we are more in love and inseparable. And I just want to surprise my girl. Also, impress her and if that leads to teasing her, that's just a bonus.
Even though what Lee and I talked didn't feel like it was super serious, but I think it was in its own way. As things changed after that. Not very drastically but it did. At least for me and I know for Lee as well. I feel we are more in love and in tune with each other's feelings and thoughts than before. Also, I feel much closer to her now that we talked. I think I was able to clear Lee's doubts about Maize. I hope I did.
Another thing I just realized is this time I would actually be the one to throw the cap in air. Not watch my friends and ex do like last year. And even though I was present at their graduation last year, I barely heard a word. So, it would be a surprise for me this year. Not that I think I would be present for the whole ceremony. I mean I will be there physically but mentally I tend to zone out a lot. Not a good thing I know but I can't help it. And if by chance Lee is beside me or somewhere in front yeah, there is no chance that I will not zone out.
The venue where the graduation will be held is the same as last time. Only this time we will be seating in front in line for our names to be called. I am pinching myself and reminding that it is indeed real. This really is happening. That's sort of sad isn't it though? Anyways moving onto the best news. Alice is Valedictorian. She has the best marks and whatever else needed for it. Because I think you need exemplary performance in academics and in some activity to be a Valedictorian in this school. Now the thing is I had no idea Alice did anything else. But apparently, she did and now she is being rewarded. What's weird is academically Lee is just after Alice followed by Jeff and then me, at the fourth place. Not that I wanted to be at the top, but I have no idea how I reached the top five. I mean I was sure I floated through senior year. I guess I didn't.
Funny thing is this school has their rivalry. So, this year technically not only is Alice, someone who is a 'downer' is Valedictorian but then academically the top three scorers are all 'downers'. Thus, the students are shocked. I know academically because our scores are announced if you get a place in top five scorers. That's also why I know Alice did something, just I have no idea what though. Not that it matters to me because I am happy for my friend who by the way is freaking out. Alice has to give a speech and she gets stage fright. Again, I didn't know but June and Lee did. Makes sense. Because I was never great friends with Alice. But she is still my friend and hence I am happy that she is Valedictorian. Even though I have heard through rumor mill, of course, that people are angry as none of them got a spot in top three. I am fourth, but they do not really consider me from their part of town even though I live here. It's weird!
Moving on from this town's weird rivalry. It almost seems to me that they needed one and thus created one for themselves. But whatever. I never felt not welcomed here so I guess I should shut up and not continue complaining about this weirdness. Moreover, I am graduating, thereby graduating from this weird rivalry as well. So, there is literally no purpose for me to get all worked up about this stuff. Finally, after shaking my head and clearing my thoughts, I take a shower. After giving up on deciding what to wear because as it turns out when I want to impress my girl, I am clueless. Not that I don't know what Lee likes but I want to elicit a certain reaction out of her which is not an everyday one. I guess I am putting way too much pressure on simple clothes.
"Hi, Kiss I knew you would not be able to decide what to wear." Alex says as soon as I step out of the shower. I scream. Because what the hell kid, I am barely in my towel and was so lost in my thoughts. I am also sure my bedroom door was locked. That makes me look at her and the door, which by the way is now wide open.
"Oh Kris! you showered. Good. I was thinking...Alex why are you here?" Tori asks casually barging in my room. I am still naked and gripping my towel now.
Liz saunters in following her wife and I am embarrassed, mortified and something else, not sure what exactly. But Liz just looks at me, smirks and then chuckles before gripping Tori's hand and pulling her out my room and closing the door. "Next time Kris lock the door." Liz casually throws it over her shoulder while chuckling and Tori just looks at her wife as she is dragged away.
I shake my head mumbling, 'I thought I did this time too.'
"KISSSSSSSSS!" Alex shouts adding way too many 's' at the end of the name. It's not my name, so it is my nickname, pet name, what is it? I mean who even calls someone else 'Kiss' and not in a teasing way. It feels weird now that Alex is growing up and maybe more now as I am still naked when Alex is casually puling my towel. Like what does she want?
"Stop pulling my towel, kid." Alex gives me a look. Then folds her hands over her chest and looks at me with puppy dog eyes. What? What does she want? "Alex I am not wearing clothes."
"So, that's why I am helping you choose it." Alex shrugs her small shoulders. She is not that innocent. I know for a fact so what is she playing at. I narrow my eyes at the kid. "I am not Lee, your girlfriend Kiss." Alex giggles and covers her mouth. That little shit!
Alex starts running as she grabs my phone and starts calling Lee. Damn I really need to change my password. This kid will not leave me alone otherwise. I run gripping my towel but when it gets stuck, I screech and turn around gripping is tighter. Okay! Running is a bad idea when I am like this. Turning around watching the kid giggle, I huff as I get back into the bathroom to at least wear something before I see what my little stylist thought for me. That makes me smile. Alex, I love you kid. Man, I am so glad I am not going to college because I so do not want to be away from her. I want to see her grow up and have fun. I shake my head a little as I get a bit dressed and walk out.
Alex is sitting on my bed and swinging her legs. When she looks at me, she giggles. I am not wearing much but at least I am not naked anymore. Alex giggles again and clicks a picture of me. That kid! She points at me, my face and giggles yet again by hiding her mouth. I jump on her. She is not afraid at all. She literally latches onto my neck and continues to giggle. I hug her tightly to me. I wonder how I lived before I met Alex, I just cannot imagine living without her mischiefs, her giggles, in total just her. It really is a wonder that she is my niece and is almost 7-year-old now.
We roll on the bed a bit before Alex shows me her choice of dress for me. Not going to lie, its perfect, the kid knows me well. She chose a black jeans not ripped, not that I wear those. But I did buy some recently and I plan to wear them soon. That is coupled with a half sleeve purple shirt. It made me tear up, seeing the color. I did look at Alex who again shrugged her little shoulders. I hugged her tightly yet again. "Kiss let me down!" Alex whines as I keep her attached to me for a bit. Alex then plants a very wet, sloppy kiss on my jaw and shimmy out of my hug and runs out my door after opening it easily. I just shake my head. Tori pokes her head in and smiles at me.
"Kris, now get ready you do know you cannot wear just that below your gown, right?" Tori teases as she wiggles her eyebrow at me. I know what I am wearing, and I also know Tori has not really seen me like this. I feel naked, exposed. But because she teased me, instead of looking at me, at my scars, it eased my stress a lot. And I just smile as I shake my head and go to close the door. This time locking it. Not that it was necessary now.
Finally, after getting ready and Tori sort of having a meltdown just because her baby sister is graduating. We are on our way to my school. I am riding with Liz in her midnight blue Porsche convertible, the one she drove to pick me up so, so long ago. While Tori is driving the kids in the red Mercedes. These two and their cars. I will never understand. Oh yeah, the car they gifted me, it's still in the garage. Sometimes, Liz uses it just to... well use it because I am never going to drive it. But neither Liz nor Tori wants to sell it. So, it decorates the garage for now till I decide something better for it. Anyways the reason Tori is not driving me is simply because she is way too emotional today and hence, she is trying to hold onto her tears till I receive the diploma. Whatever. I understand it, and I am not trying to be rude, but it feels like she is way too emotional for me today.
At school, Lee runs up to me as soon as I climb out of the car. Yes, climb because I did not open the door like a normal person. I climbed out like a monkey, and I am very happy I did that. Even though Liz started laughing watching me struggle as Lee shook her head. I am also pretty sure either one of them captured it, not sure who though. I am not going to delete it, because I am way too excited for today to think about that. Soon, we all file out and sit according to our last names, alphabetically arranged. It freaked me out a bit, because that's how our classes and lockers were arranged in my last school which is why Maize, and I were always together. And I have never experienced this sort of way of arrangement in this school until today. Good thing is Lee is in front of me, not literally but well I can stare, and I would not have to crane my neck to do it. Which also means I will probably zone out most of the ceremony. Oh well! I knew it already.
Finally, it is time for the Valedictorian's speech. And as soon as I heard that somehow my brain woke up. I blinked and adjusted myself to pay attention and also to whoop. Alice might never have been a great friend of mine, but she is my friend, nonetheless and I am proud. So, I whooped. She smiled at me and then blushed whereas everyone else just watched me, more like stared at me. I shrugged. Then I screamed, "way to go Alice." This time my friends joined me in whooping or whistling. We all smiled at each other and saw Alice blushing beet red.
"Thank you, Kris, for that." Alice started. I waved my hands at that to which both Lee and Alice laughed. Alice cleared her throat and tapped the microphone to check, which is weird because she already said a sentence. But whatever. She is nervous and that much is obvious. Her hands are shaking a bit and she looks downright rattled. She again, takes her position and smiles at all of us, then makes eye contact with us. Not the students, our peers but us, her friends, including me as well.
"Hello everyone. First and foremost, I would like to say that I had no idea I would be Valedictorian. Hell, I didn't know I did good in my exams to be honest. I was actually afraid about how I did only to find out I topped our class. Imagine my surprise. Also, I am sure none of you believe me about that, but my parents surely do because they literally thought I would fail or maybe not. I mean I freaked out just like now. Because all throughout my high school years never did, I imagine I would be the top scorer. I always thought I was doing more or less okay and that was good enough for me. Also, that what I did just to pass my time would help me be the class Valedictorian. You see most of you have figure out already what you can do. Like some are good in sports and like it, some of you are musicians and some are actors. I know some of you are like me, who float around, drift along in high school. To them I say I understand you all and the stress this graduation brings upon. Because it is stressful when you have not figured out what you like and what you don't. Funnily enough I do not mean who though cause I know you all are thinking that." Alice takes a pause, and we all laugh at the last part.
"I would like to thank all my teachers. Because they helped me understand things even math and also encouraged me to study at times. Yes, I totally agree some of those times included asking for an assignment which I obviously did not do. But then I did it, I tried to understand it and then did my work, I learned. Even with my anger towards them at that time, I understand that they indeed helped me in the long run. When I was so lost and drifting away it was Mr. Paulson who suggested I do something. Like I try and find a new hobby. I was not very happy with the suggestion at the time, and I obviously reacted like any other teenager would, by grumping and cussing at him. Thinking what could he know? Turns out he does know. As one day I did try to find out something to do, something which is not talking to my friends, or hanging out with them, just leisurely passing time. And I found something. Weirdly. So, I am not good at sports, not sure yet if it is just because I dislike all of them or I am just that bad but whatever be the case, sports weren't my answer. But I do know people and can arrange, organize events to raise funds for anything. So, that's exactly what I did. I helped out the cheerleading team with their fundraising event for new costumes. Then slowly I started helping the football team, the soccer team, even the theater guys. I organized food drives, car washes, fun trips around the town. Basically, events for every team to help them raise money for whatever their team needed at the time. I am just glad there were so many events to organize to begin with because otherwise your girl would still be floating around. This helped me find something just for myself. Something I can do pretty well and something I enjoy doing no matter how crazy it sometimes seemed to me. But none of this discovery would have happened had it not been for Mr. Paulson suggesting it. So, thank you Mr. Paulson for not giving up on me when I almost did. And thank you to all the teachers for having patience teaching us everything because I understand how much patience is required to teach a bunch of adrenaline pumped monkeys at the end of the day and dozed off, or coma induced monkeys in the mornings. And neither of the bunch interested in learning though. So, thank you." Alice paused again. This time though we all clapped. For all of our teachers. And even for Alice.
Alice then put her hand up to indicate for us to stop so she can continue with her speech. "I would also like to thank my friends. It was their indirect push that led me to this journey of finding out what I like. To this strange journey of discovering my 'talent' my hobby or passion. I am not sure what to call it yet. You see my best friend, my cousin June, sort of indirectly, unknowingly abandoned me. Left me in the abyss to wonder. Not purposely or spitefully. Nah, she simply fell in love. And who am I to come in between love. Also, I like to see my best friend happy. So, I let them be. But soon, unfortunately most of my friends got together. There was surely something in the air. I mean come on. Anyways, I am not mad at them, but I was the only one who was single except Silver. Well, she decided to die on me so there is that. I am mad at Silver for dying though. You see I always thought Silver would be by my side even if everyone else coupled off. But no, she just up and left me to deal with these romantic fools whom I call my friends. All of them are some versions of lovesick idiots though. Even Charlie, well she is a bigger idiot than I previously thought but this love caught up to her as well. Leaving me all alone. And by then I was not just a third wheel, I was what seventh wheel. And nobody wants that. And apparently that was the push I needed.
Well, technically I started organizing the events before these idiots got together but after seeing my cousin going gaga over Jake, my friend. I was ready to vomit and was also ready to find something just for me. Something that I love, hopefully not someone. Maybe I am the biggest idiot because I just didn't feel the need to fall in love right now. I was more than happy to be angry at them and find something I like to do. And I found it. It took me a while and some failed attempts, but I did. So, what I am trying to convey is you are not defined by your partner or your friend, you are who you are. And even when you feel alone and angry at everything, you never know you might just find something you really like. And who knows maybe in ten years some of us will be tech gurus, or business tycoons, and we have no idea about it now. I guess I am also trying to say that we can surprise everyone, hell we can surprise ourselves. Just trust yourself, you are never truly drifting when you have your hobby or your passion by your side. Also, weirdly learn to accept the guiding light because I did not. Not at that time anyways.
For today we are graduating. Closing our chapter of high school. It is fun, nice and slightly terrifying because out there is the real world. And even if it seems like we are prepared for, most times we are not. I am not but I am glad to have my friends with me who are equally terrified like me. Hence, we can be afraid together. But I also know that this is also the new beginning. High school has taught all of us something. We have made friends and no matter where we go that friendship will remain. We have all had an interesting experience, some of us more than the others. And now we all are looking forward to what comes next. Because no matter what we cannot lose hope.
So, my friends, my fellow classmates, my peers, to all of you I do not say goodbye, I merely say see you later. Because even though I am sure when we see each other again in a reunion or something, we will not be who we are today. We will be who we are meant to be. So, no adios, no goodbye, just a simple, see you later."
Alice was in tears, and we all were. This time everyone clapped. Not just us, our parents, the teachers everyone. Even Principal Sandler clapped. He even patted Alice on the back and said something to her. We did not hear it, but I think he said something about the speech as Alice blushed a little and smiled the biggest smile, I have ever seen her give.
Our names were then called, and we walked on stage. The teachers shook hands along with Principal Sandler. We all just did the same routine like robots. Each and every one of us smiled, shook hands, nodded, took the diploma and tipped our hats a little and walked off the stage. Only difference is the claps and whistles we received from our friends and family. Lastly it was Alice. She was to get it last because she is Valedictorian. Earlier it was said she would give her speech later, but then it changed. I am glad though. Alice though takes the microphone again when she got her diploma. And now I am intrigued because we have already heard her speech, what is she doing? Also, doesn't she have stage fright?
"Sorry people, I just want to say two things. Rather two names. Meh, its better if I say it. So, another graduate is Jaqueline Whitmore AKA Silver. And another one is, whom most of you do not know but she was Mr. Miller's sister who would have graduated with us had she been alive, Maisy Miller. This is for both of you!" Alice holds her diploma in the air, pointing it to the sky. Twice she knocks the air before walking down the stage. I cannot help the tears from falling. As Maize's hand slip into mine. I squeeze the invisible hand as much as I can and look at her face. She has tears too.
After a long ceremony filled with emotions and a great speech by Alice, we all throw our caps in the air. We have officially graduated. It feels free, light and we are extremely happy. So much so that it seems to be contagious as our family members also seems to be excited just like us. Soon, we disperse only to congregate as groups of friends. My friends and I gather around Alice. To congratulate her on her awesome speech and for everything else. I hug her tightly though as I mumble. "Thank you, Alice." She just nods and make a face. Weirdly it makes me smile even when the tears are freely flowing. Mattie comes near us. He congratulates all of and Alice as well as thanks her for Maize. We make eye contact for a brief second to convey our feelings before my eyes drift down to realize he is not in his wheelchair. Mattie is standing with a crutch. I gasp and my friends soon follow as Mattie just smirks. I had no idea he was able to. He hid it from me. That's the best surprise. So of course, I hug him. Lee is next and then Alice, shockingly. Or maybe not that shockingly. Mattie then talked to us for a few minutes before he left leaving behind a trail of gasps.
As surreal as it felt, now I cannot believe we are all graduates. I am so happy, so excited, but I am also not yet ready to leave it all behind. I know I am not going to college just yet, but my friends are. Thank goodness for summer though. Before our families came to us, we all group hug and giggle, even Jake. We are all in some form of excitement high. I look around me. I am surrounded by my friends. I graduated high school. Tori and Liz are here, few feet away from me equally excited as me. Even Alex and James are. I have my beautiful girlfriend beside. What more could I want?
Soon, our families reach us, and we all take poses to click about hundred pictures. In every angle, pose, and every combination. Just us friends. Then starts the round of pictures with family. I am not complaining. But I am also sure I have never smiled so much in my entire life and for that I will always remember this day. Then Tori says we are going for lunch. Just like I knew. Us, the Millers and Lee's family, which includes Topher as well since he is here. Even though I have cried today, I have not stopped smiling and when Tori said this lunch, for some reason my smile widened. Maybe because I already knew or maybe because I get to spend more time with Lee, who by the way have not taken her eyes off me ever since I got here. Not sure if it's the dress or just me, but I am loving it.
As we all approached the cars to get in and drive to our next destination, wherever it might be for all of us. My friends and I had some sort of mind link conversation I suppose because we all paused and looked around. One last time. The moment we made eye contact with each other we laughed and ran towards each other for a group hug. Even though we know there is graduation party, even though we know we are meeting at the hangout. But I suppose not meeting on school grounds. And that is something special.
After one last look, and one last group hug. We are all on our way. Driving off towards our new journey with high school in the rear-view mirror both literally and figuratively.