"You're good, kiddo, alright? Everything's gonna be fine."
"But what if it's not fine, dad?" I questioned, stomping my foot down.
"It will be." My dad seethed, and I could tell he was getting fed up with my attitude. "Now drop it. You're gonna be late."
I rolled my eyes, scoffing at my dad blowing me off once again. Every time I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling, he never took me seriously. I didn't know why I thought this would be different. I guess I felt like since I was seeing a new therapist today and my anxiety was even more prominent, I thought maybe he'd take me seriously.
I grabbed my backpack off of the island in the kitchen and walked off, angry at my father. Everything always had to be perfectly fine in his world, even though both him and I knew, nothing was fine.
I headed for the front door and once I exited without saying another word to my dad, I looked back at the new house that I now had to call home. It made me sick.
I put my headphones in my ears and shuffled a random playlist as I began my walk to this stupid therapist appointment. I didn't even want to go, but part of me was hopeful that it would help me.
I felt so nervous for this appointment, I couldn't sleep at all last night and I've had a knot in my stomach for the past week. There were so many things I was worried about. I would have to introduce myself to a stranger once again, tell her my whole life story, she would analyze every piece of information I'd give her and tell me how to be better. I've been there and done that.
As I walked into town, I noticed all of the people scattered around. I knew no one would know who I was or know anything about me, considering I had just moved to town less than a month ago, yet part of me was worried someone would catch on to me. I was so paranoid and I needed to knock it off before I made it obvious.
I now approached the building, feeling even more nervous than before. I had no idea how this would go. I entered the building and since I was fifteen minutes early, I figured I'd do something that would help calm my nerves.
Once I found a bathroom, I walked in and I removed my backpack from my shoulders, placing it on the sink as I dug through the front pocket and I pulled out a little bag that contained the white powdery substance that would make my thoughts disappear.
I poured just enough on the edge of the sink and formed a line with my finger, nearly shaking from how badly I needed this. I pulled a crumbled dollar out of my pocket, the one that I always used, and rolled it up before putting it up to my nose, snorting the line of the powder substance that was in front of me.
My throat now burned from the substance, but that told me that it worked. I recently started using cocaine as a way for me to escape reality for a little bit. My thoughts would take over and cocaine was the only way I could get rid of those thoughts in my head, especially after everything that happened.
I closed the bag that contained the remaining amount of the substance I would need for the rest of the day, since this high wouldn't last forever. I wiped my nose, trying to rid the itchy sensation it felt, and also to wipe any dust off my nose.
As I looked in the mirror at myself, I heard the door swing open and girl around my age walked in, her eyes immediately landing on me. She looked down at the clear bag of cocaine that was on top of my backpack, before she looked back up at me.
"I-It's not uh, it's not what y-you think." I stammered as I shoved the clear bag into the front pocket of my backpack. "Y-You never saw me." I said nervously, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
"You're the new girl, right?" She said as I was heading for the door to exit and get away from her. I looked at her, not answering the question she asked me. "If you need a new dealer on the island, get with Barry. He'll hook you up with the good shit."
I looked at her, surprised she was helping me out.
"Uh, thanks." I nodded. I didn't know how I'd get into contact with this Barry dude, but that was a later problem.
I went to go and exit the bathroom again, but she stopped me by talking again. "I'm Liv." She introduced herself and I looked at her again, not understanding why she was trying to talk to me.
"Cool." I nodded, not giving a shit as to who she was.
"Are you here to see Dr. Garrison?"
"Uh, maybe." I said quietly. "H-How did you know?" There were probably other therapists and doctors in this office, how did she know that I was here to see specifically Dr. Garrison?
"I can just tell." She shrugged. "You'll love her. She's so nice."
"Great." I said in a sarcastic tone.
This girl, Liv, go the hint that I wasn't up for conversation, so she let me know where I could find this Barry guy and she finally let me exit the bathroom. I made a mental note of it, already planning my special trip to try some new coke.
I pushed passed her, exiting the bathroom and going over to the check in counter. Once I checked in, the receptionist gave me a clipboard of new patient paperwork. I dreaded this part about going to a new therapist every time. I sat in the waiting room and began filling out the paperwork. It was all basic questions about myself, and because I was used to filling this kind of stuff out, I breezed through it fairly quick.
A couple minutes after I finished the paperwork, I heard my name being called for me to go back. I followed the person to the back of the building where the offices were, and she dropped me off at the last door.
I stood in the doorway, not knowing whether I could just walk in or not. The young woman at the desk looked up at me and she smiled.
"You must be Scarlett." She noted as she stood up. "I'm Dr. Garrison. Come in, make yourself comfortable." She said as she now walked around her desk as I walked into her office and she closed the door behind me. "It's so nice to meet you." Dr. Garrison smiled as she made her way back over to her desk.
"You too," I faked a smile as I took a seat in front of her desk.
"So, to start, I'm just going to ask you a series of questions, and I want you to give me a percentage on how much you relate to them, okay?" She asked and I nodded in response. "Okay," She sighed as she now looked at her computer before getting started.
She began to ask me the series of questions which all related to mental health. I had been asked these types of questions before by my previous therapists, these questions meant nothing. After about five minutes, we finished up the questions and Dr. Garrison now wanted to get to know me. I hated this part.
"You're new to the island, is that correct?" Dr. Garrison asked as she looked down at her clipboard.
"Correct." I nodded.
"And where did you move from?"
"San Diego."
"Oh wow, big difference, huh?" She chuckled.
"Sure is." I nodded, not finding any part of this amusing.
"And can you tell me who you live with?" She now moved on.
"My dad."
"Why did you guys move from San Diego to the Outer Banks?" She asked me, and at this point I was getting fed up with these questions. She didn't need to know why we moved.
"I don't really know what this has to do with my mental health." I answered.
"I'm just trying to get to know you, sweetie." Dr. Garrison smiled and I could tell it was a fake one. If she wanted to get to know me, she could ask me questions about my childhood, if anything traumatic has happened to me as a kid, not about why I moved across the country.
"You know what," I sighed. "I-I don't really think I'm ready to see a therapist yet. My dad set this whole thing up because he thought it would be a good idea, but I don't think I'm ready." I told her. "Thank you anyways, and I'm sorry for wasting your time."
I exited her office, and eventually the building, already regretting my decision on walking out like that. I needed some sort of help and I knew it, yet I couldn't accept any help. Why did I do this to myself?
My dad would find out that I walked out on my therapist, and I'd be hearing about it at some point, but for the time being, I couldn't go home yet, so I had to do something that would occupy the time slot of what would be an hour long therapy appointment. I knew exactly what to do.
I headed to Barry's place, eager to try some of his shit. He lived on The Cut, which was on the other side of the island from my house, but it was worth it if this guy was as good Liv said he was.
I walked up to a property that was trashed. There were random things outside, and the trailer itself looked run down.
I approached the door to the porch of the trailer and an older man, around his forties or fifties stepped out.
"A-Are you Barry?" I asked hesitantly, not knowing what this guy looked like.
He laughed, shaking his head. "He's inside. What's a princess like you doing here anyways?" He asked me as he now came down the couple steps.
"I-I uh," I hesitated. "I just need to see Barry about something." I said as I walked past him, up the stairs he just came down. I went into the porch and noticed three other guys sitting inside, all of them seeming high out of their mind.
"Who the hell are you?" A dirty blonde haired boy questioned as he approached me. He seemed to be around my age, late teens. He was wearing a light pink t-shirt and khaki shorts. He looked too preppy to be around here.
"I'm looking for Barry." I told him, completely ignoring his question. I didn't know which one of these men could possibly be him, but I knew he wasn't this guy.
"Yo Barry!" The boy exclaimed towards the inside of the trailer.
I looked around the porch, noticing how trashed the place was. There were beer bottles everywhere, random trash, and dust from people doing lines.
"Damn country club," I heard a voice and turned my head to see a man in a white tank top and cargo pants come out of the trailer. "The hell you want now?"
The boy pointed to me and the man looked over at me, a smile creeping up on his face. "Well, well, well," He said as he slowly made his way over to me. "What can I do for you, pretty lady?"
"I uh, I-I'm," I cleared my throat. I was so nervous, especially around all these men. I hated men. "I'm here to buy." I told him quietly.
"How much you need sweetheart?" Barry asked as he tilted his head.
I went into my pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. I knew it wasn't much, but it was all I had at the moment. "Whatever twenty dollars can get me." I said.
Barry laughed and I furrowed my eyebrows together, wondering what could be so funny. "You know this ain't gon' get you shit, right?"
"Look man," I sighed. "I'm tight on money right now. It's all I got. I'll take anything."
Barry nodded, before taking the twenty dollar bill out from between my fingers, and heading back inside.
I was now left alone with the boy, who was really quite attractive, and two other men who were lost in their own world.
"I've never seen you before. You new here?" The boy asked me as he wiped his nose, which told me he just did a line while Barry and I had a small interaction. I nodded in response, not knowing what to say. He now nodded, and I saw him bite his lip as he looked me up and down.
"Like what you see?" I cocked an eyebrow, messing with the kid. I couldn't believe he was checking me out while I was right in front of him.
"Yeah," He rasped as he nodded. "I do, actually." He said, almost in a low whisper, and I immediately felt chills down my spine.
He was so attractive, there was no denying that. I couldn't let him know that though, I didn't want to feed his ego that I could tell was already big.
"Here ya go, pretty lady." Barry said as he now walked out onto the porch again, interrupting the tension that was between this guy and I. We broke eye contact and I now looked at Barry. "Threw a lil extra in there 'cause you're a first timer." Barry smirked at me as he handed me a clear plastic bag like the one I had.
"Thanks." I smiled, excited to try Barry's shit. He gave me a little more than I was expecting, and I was super grateful since I was tight on money right now.
The two guys continued to look at me, a smirk on the dirty-blond haired guys face, and Barry with his eyebrows raised. I rolled my eyes at how ignorant these guys were. I headed for the door, and as I did, I heard the guy call out to me.
"Hey," He said and I stopped in my tracks and turned my head to look back at him. "I'll see you later."
"Whatever." I scoffed as I rolled my eyes again.
I exited the porch, stuffing the bag into my pocket, and began my walk back to Figure Eight.
*****
a/n:
here's the first chapter!
i was writing my drew story and decided i needed to write a rafe one as well
if you're here from my drew story, thank you so much for reading my work
if you haven't read my drew story yet, go check it out on my profile
don't forget to vote & comment!!
hope u enjoyed<3