[a/n : i really love this chapter. we're focusing a lot on ricky and his insecurities. promise the next one will be lighter, cause my poor baby ricky needs a break. will probably skip to thanksgiving.]
It had been two weeks since Ricky and Nini flew to Chicago for the funeral. Ricky was back in New York for his project with Ethan, and Nini was excited to see him and to watch him work, but she knew he was still really shaken up about his mom. Ricky was good at hiding it, but Nini knew him so well that she noticed the little details. He would slip in and out of conversations, suddenly zoning out. He ate less and mostly played around with his food. He stopped singing in the shower. Whenever he looked at her, there's a certain sadness in his brown orbs. She would ask him if he was okay and he would shrug it off.
She was glad that the project kept him busy and distracted, but she wanted to cheer him up. She just didn't know how. She'd surprised him with dinner and a movie last night, but he said he was tired and left halfway into the movie. She knew he didn't go to bed though. Even Bob couldn't cheer him up.
She had to do something. She spotted her acoustic guitar in the corner of the room. It was a gift from Ricky during senior year of high school. They were suppressing their feelings for each other at the time, both not wanting to ruin the friendship. But she remembered she was particularly sad about graduation, and feeling insecure about herself because she had been receiving a handful of rejection letters from universities despite her stellar performance and track record. Ricky cheered her up with the guitar as a gift. And just like that, she had an idea of how to cheer Ricky up. She'd better move quickly, because he was coming home in an hour.
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Ricky had the best day. The project with Ethan was going really well, they went and got to know some of the teens at the shelter, took some photos, and even helped out a little. It was one of the few moments in his 27 year old life where Ricky truly felt proud of himself.
He had been feeling awful these past few weeks, it still felt surreal that his mom was gone. It all just happened so quickly; one moment he was talking to her on the phone, then Todd had called and she was gone. He was grateful he had a second chance with her but he promised himself that he would make her proud. But it's too late.
Ricky shook his head willing those thoughts away as he reached Nini's apartment. He didn't want her to worry. He'd been trying to hide it, but he suspected that she knew, she was very attentive and observant. There's not much he can hide from her. Nini always took care of him and he felt bad for being such a downer. He wanted to have a nice evening with her and just enjoy it, so he took a deep breath and put on his best smile before opening the door.
When he came in, she was already waiting for him at the sofa with Bob. She looked beautiful in her simple white shirt and light blue jeans. She beamed when their eyes met and immediately greeted him with a hug. He didn't deserve this girl. He hugged her tightly feeling all his anxieties seep away, and kissed her softly.
"Hey Mr Mentor. I missed you today." She whispered agaisnt his lips.
"I missed you too, babe."
Ricky greeted Bob with a quick pat on the head and set his things down. Nini took his hand and led him to the couch. She made him sit in front of her while she massaged his shoulders. He sighed in relief feeling the tension slowly disappear at her touch. He really didn't deserve her.
"Did you have fun today?" Nini asked.
"Yeah. It was great. I had this idea to do some interviews with the teens at the shelter and the coordinator over there and we took some portraits of them, so there would be a story to go with each one." Ricky explained. Then, he remembered he forgot one thing. "Umm. Ethan and I were kind of thinking that maybe you could help us with the storytelling part ? Just maybe take a look at our work and polish it a little ? We're not the best writers. A picture paints a thousand words right?"
"Absolutely. I would love to help in any way I can, babe."
Ricky sighed in relief. Truth be told he'd promised Ethan that Nini would say yes.
"Thank you. I love you so much! And I can't wait for you guys to come tomorrow to help out during dinner service." Ricky said beaming and leaning back to give her a kiss.
Nini chuckled, and Ricky tilted his head in confusion. "What?"
"Nothing. It's just the first time I've seen you genuinely smile in the past couple weeks." Nini said pushing his curls away from his eyes. "I've missed it. And it's just so wonderful to watch you bloom and grow throughout this project. I'm so proud of you."
"Really?" Ricky's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "This project is just really special, Neens. I don't know why, but it makes me feel proud of myself and it takes my mind off of things."
Nini wrapped her arms tightly around Ricky's neck and rested her chin on his collar bone. "I'm so happy to hear that. Ricky, you're doing really great, meaningful work for this community, and you should be proud of yourself."
"Thank you for pushing me to do this, Neens." Ricky said. "For being there for me these past few weeks, and the weeks, months and years before that, and for telling me to be brave."
"Can I show you something?" Nini asked suddenly.
Ricky nodded.
"Just wait here. Don't turn around until I tell you to."
"Okay. Please don't murder me."
Nini chuckled and stood up walking behind the couch towards the balcony. He could hear her opening the curtains and unlocking the door. She stepped out and it sounded like she was moving some things.
"Okay. Now come here." She said after about five minutes.
Ricky quickly stood up, wondering what this girl could possibly be surprising him with this time. He turned around to find that candles were lit at the balcony and Nini was standing in the middle, looking ethereal.
"What's all this?" he said when he reached her.
"Do you remember this?" She said taking her guitar from the chair and handing it to him. He examined the object even though he knew exactly what it was. He ran his fingers across the frets and the strings.
"How could I forget?" He flipped it and checked the neck, it was engraved with a pair of wings. "Senior year of high school."
"I had been crying myself to sleep almost every night, my insecurities were eating me alive and one day you just showed up at my house with this guitar. You remember what you said to me that night?" Nini asked, "You told me, even if-"
"Even if they all reject you, you're still going to fly, Nini Salazar-Roberts. You're a fighter and you don't need those people who don't believe in you. You know who you are and who you were born to be." Ricky remembered it word for word. "I'm not sure how you didn't realize that I was completely in love with you back then..."
"Well. After you left. I wrote a little song on this guitar." Nini said taking the item from his hands. "It was a song for me. But now I think you should hear it. It's for you now."
Nini sat on the stool that she'd set up and began strumming an unfamiliar melody.
[a/n : she sings a slowed down acoustic version of Born to be Brave]
Ricky stopped fighting the tears by the time she reached the chorus. The song was beautiful. Nini was beautiful. She always knew exactly what he needed.
"You think that I'm the brave one. But really, it was you who told me first to be brave. So now it's my turn to cheer you on, and remind you of your own words." Nini said afterwards. "I know these times are bard, but Ricky Bowen, you're a fighter and you don't need those people who don't believe in you. You know who you are and who you were born to be. You were born to be brave. You have been so brave and you will continue to be."
Ricky's feelings overwhelmed him and rendered him speechless. He engulfed her in a hug, there was only one thing on his mind : how did he get so lucky ?
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Later that night as they lay in bed. Ricky was tossing and turning, and desperately trying not to wake his girlfriend up. But Nini had been up for the past 20 minutes because of him.
"Alright, Richard. What is going on? You're driving me crazy." Nini said turning to him. "What's on your mind, babe?"
"Do you think my mom's proud of me?" Ricky asked looking at the ceiling.
"Yeah, of course she is." Nini said. "And you'll continue to make her proud, because you are the most hardworking and dedicated person I know."
Ricky sighed. Nini knew he didn't believe her, and it broke her heart.
"I know you don't believe me, Ricky. But I really meant it."
"I'm trying to believe it." Ricky whispered.
"That's enough for me. Just promise me you'll keep trying." Nini smiled. "Trust the process, Bowen."
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