“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.”
He stopped a passing cigarette girl and asked, “What is his name?... The boy,”
“Taehyung,” she told him. “You like him?”
“Yes.”
“A lot of people like him.”
He asked if after the performance she could call him and tell him someone would like to speak to him. “I will be at the serving bar. But he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to. You let him know that.”
Then he waited.
It wasn't long after the last song but somehow it was too long and lengthy for Seokjin who was anticipating and wondering if ever the Taehyung boy would appear when the boy came out of what Seokjin could tell was backstage. He slightly nodded at the previous singer with a dazzling rectangular smile before approaching where Seokjin was. He was out of that tailored suit but now settled to a comfy green shirt with flowers printed on it and brown trousers.
“Who are you?” he demanded lightly.
Seokjin did not allow himself to be startled. He offered his hand and then his name.
“What does a soldier want with me?”
“I just wanted to tell you how lovely you were on the stage and how perfectly lovely was your voice…” he waited for a response that never came and made him feel so stupid.
“I-... I’m sorry… It was nothing really important… I only wanted to tell you that,” Seokjin stuttered from embarrassment and he could feel his ears burning up all over.
He already wanted to leave.
“I’ve never seen you before,” Taehyung said quietly, “have you always been here?”
“No I am just passing through, will go soon”
“Passing through where?”
“The front… back to war.”
“Why would anyone want to go there?”
“It's an honor, is it not?” Then, when Taehyung turned away from him. “Have I offended you?”
“No. But I don't like the war.”
“I am sorry, I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your wonderful performance,” then he bowed politely, “I’ll leave now,”
It was a terrible embarrassment as he left like that, feeling foolish and his body was burning as he walked with his head hung low. Taehyung had been beautiful… performed a beautiful performance. He had a deep masculine voice but Seokjin was sure the other couldn't be any more than twenty. Yet he had talked with such dissatisfaction and distaste. Foolish! Foolish Seokjin! Why did he even approach him in the first place?
“There are things you do sometimes, actions that you take by obeying sudden impulses, without stopping for even a fraction of a second to think, and then you spend the rest of your life either lamenting it or thanking yourself for it. They are rare, unique, and perfect moments.”
“Soldier!...”
Stopped at the entrance, hand freezed on the door as he turned his head.
There was a slight pause as Taehyung reached out to him, and asked “do you have a cigarette for me?”
“I do, yes.”
“They aren't that terrible American kind, are they?”
Seokjin took out the cigarette box. “No. They are Italiano.”
“Like you?”
Seokjin laughed. “No. Not like me.”
“I am teasing.”
Taehyung came up next to Seokjin and took the offered cigarette. He allowed Seokjin to light it and did not speak until it was mostly smoked.
“If I was rude inside, I'm sorry. I feel that I was.”
“It's all right,” Seokjin said as he was relishing the moment.
“It isn't, but thank you for saying so.” He watched his feet as they passed through a tunnel leading to port. When they came to the other side, the road opened up very wide and all the boats lay silently across the water.
“You have to understand the soldiers here aren't usually kind. I thought that you, too, would be this way.”
“How do you know that I am not?”
Taehyung talked intellectually, not slow and stuttering but rather wisely-picked words. He was much more mature than what he looked like and someone well-spoken and caring. He was a wise beauty, Seokjin thought as he watched the other smoke,
“I don't. But I don't think that you are.” He stopped. “Did you really mean what you said about my performance? Did you really like it so much?”
“I adored it.”
Taehyung smiled lovingly that made Seokjin’s heart stutter, “so you are a soldier that adores music?”
“I suppose. But, maybe, not as much as you.”
“No? Why?”
They continued to walk, but were very cautious of one another. One did not walk faster than the other and when they spoke, they spoke directly.
Seokjin said, “I would say that I'm more of a man for pictures. I love the ones that come from the west, but because of the war, I have not seen any in a long time.” He said, “I have been back and forth from the front many times over the years. It becomes difficult to remember much else.”
They stopped at the pier which was surrounded with pilings that came from the sea. Taehyung leaned back to one of the pillings and stared at Seokjin with a curiosity was only looked so adoring and beautiful on Taehyung’s face. Seokjin smiled.
“Why did you join the army… when you are not Italian?” he asked, letting out what was eating him inside.
“In a way, I had to and I felt I ought to, because I had been living in Italy a year before the war started.”
Taehyung looked away. He looked out toward the water that rushed up against the pier like something alive reaching for them.
“I cannot tell if you are noble or stupid.” He walked toward the water to where the pier ended and sat with his legs swinging above the sea. He spoke of nothing as if thinking very hard and did not stir from his daydreams when Seokjin sat beside him. Like he was so lost in his thoughts that didn't notice Seokjin’s movement next to him. It was adorable to see the younger so lost or if the look, if the sadness and melancholy in his eyes were concerning.
The line of Taehyung’s nose was very sharp and so was the crease between his burrows as he furrowed them with an anxiety Seokjin had seen so many times. He had experienced enough, he had seen enough to know this look, to understand this look deep in his bones. Taehyung had lost someone in the war. And not just someone but a dear one. Whether it was his father, brother or his… he wouldn't question it, he wouldn't dare to touch a spot so sensitive too soon. But it was crystal clear Taehyung had suffered enough.
Though, Seokjin asked. “What are you thinking about?”
A silence washed over them, deeper than before. It was almost windy, a wave hit the pier and wetted Seokjin’s boots but he couldn't care any less. Watching Taehyung, staring at his beautiful face, scanning over his features and all was a great newly-found interest of his.
“I'm thinking how foolish it is of me to sit here with you, because no matter what, you will go back to the front.” They looked at one another. “But I want to be here with you. I like it very much.”
He looked deeply into Seokjin’s face, a very deep look before he said. “Do you like to be here with me?”
“Yes.”
“Then what are we to do?”
“I don't know… I don't know, honey”
A moment passed then, serene and calming before Taehyung tilted his head, leaned closer so his mouth was on Seokjin’s ear, tickling his skin and raising goosebumps all over his spine before he said, “tomorrow, when the sun has set, come find me… I will be waiting for you,”
Then he stood up, Seokjin was left with his boots in the water now the moonlight shining on the spot where Taehyung was.
Seokjin did not call out to him, though a part of his heart wished that he had. Instead, he watched the flow of the tides and the light reflected from them and thought of the music heard far away in the cafes that were still enamored with life. He admired the world then, lost in vague wonderment that life should go on. Something he had long forgotten since he joined the army and the war started. After he had returned to the front, the small city would not change. It would become empty, perhaps, stripped of the liveliness that was the brigade, but it would not change. The people who lived there would continue to live and the ones that passed through would not stop to think of other travelers that had come before them. It would be as it had been before Seokjin had come.
“Cities were always like people, showing their varying personalities to the traveler. Depending on the city and on the traveler, there might begin a mutual love, or dislike, friendship, or enmity. Where one city will rise a certain individual to glory, it will destroy another who is not suited to its personality. Only through travel can we know where we belong or not, where we are loved and where we are rejected.”