How do you describe something in which you knew was trouble from the start, but you did anyways? Is there a specific name for that or not? What do you feel after a break up? What are supposed to feel?
So many questions.
I can only say, I feel relaxed. I hadn't given myself up like most girls would have. I didn't tell him anything that could get me in trouble if he were ever mad at me. We simply hung out, is all.
But I can't stop thinking about Adam. Is he always so short-tempered? What if he gets back together with Claire? Or maybe-
I was so distracted I didn't hear mom talking to me. I didn't even notice her until she waved a napkin in front of me.
"What?" I ask.
She gives me a look. "Are you okay? You seem a little spaced."
I shrug. "I'm just thinking," I answer honestly.
She sits beside me. "Adam called. I think he wants to talk to you."
Shaking my head, I bring my knees up. "All he ever does is talk to me. He said he wanted to prove me wrong and he ended up not changing anything at all. I don't even feel like we were dating, mom. Absolutely nothing has changed."
She smiles. "Well, he's already here so I guess you're going to have to tell him that."
As if he knew we were talking about him, Adam walks in. He doesn't look me in the eye, or at me at all.
Mom stands up. "I'm going to go clean. If you're going anywhere, don't let the girls see you or it'll get them excited."
Adam smiles at her. "Wouldn't want that, would we?"
After mom leaves, Adam turns to me. "I called you earlier."
"I know," I say flatly.
He sits beside me. "I'm sorry for the way I acted that other night," he says quietly. "It was rude and I shouldn't have done it."
We are so close it's hard to focus. If I concentrate really hard, I can almost feel his breath. His eyes were staring into mine and it was all I could do to stop me from going crazy.
I kiss him.
For a while, he just sits there. But then, he kisses me back. His arm goes around my waist and his other hand to my cheek.
This isn't my first kiss. It's not the first time I've kissed someone. But this is the first time I actually mean it. The first time, I would much rather suffocate than pull our lips away.
Adam pulls away after few minutes.
I run a hand through my hair and scoot farther away from him. "Sorry," I mutter.
But I'm not sorry. Not by a long shot. This is literally the best feeling in the world.
And he kissed me back. Does that mean he likes me too? Or did he just do it because he's used to it?
What if I did that for nothing? What if he just decides to be done with me? What will I do then? How am I supposed to think straight when all I ever think about is him?
I need help. Definitely.
Before I was done imagining the worst case scenario, Adam takes my hand in his, pulling me closer. "Don't be sorry, Emily."
My breath is literally gone. It's impossible to breathe when everything you've ever wanted is right in front of you. More beautiful than ever.
But deadly.
"I don't want this," I barely whisper, he has to lean in to hear me. "I don't want this to be a mistake."
His lips press softly against mine again. "It won't be a mistake," he says after pulling away. "I need you to trust me, Emily."
I nod, pressing my forehead against his. "But I need you to actually care about me, Adam. Don't do this just because you want to prove a point."
He gently cups my face in his hands. "That's not what I'm doing."
We kiss one more time before deciding to go somewhere.
It feels as if he's been driving forever, even though I know it's only been half an hour.
Adam looks at me. "How are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm okay," I say, looking out the window.
He nods. "Did you finish your lessons?"
I nod. "Yeah. I finished them yesterday. They'll mail my dad the diploma."
"What are you doing afterwards?"
"I'm not sure. The college I applied to hasn't said anything back."
He smiles. "What was it?"
"Some modeling school," I say. "But they take the pretty girls who have never been expelled."
He frowns at me. "I think you're pretty."
"Prettier than any girl you see in a magazine add?"
He hesitates. "Well, yeah. I mean..."
"That's what I thought," I say after a while.
• • •
His long fingers wrap around mine. "I thought we'd go eat," Adam says.
"That's fine," I tell him.
"Where do you want to go?"
I shrug and smile. "I don't really know my way around here."
That's only partially true. The restaurant I want to eat at is super expensive. I don't want to ask him to waste all this money on me. But that's the only place I know of.
"My mom is having a cookout," he says quietly. "I know you said you didn't want to go, but I thought..."
"That would be great, Adam," I tell him.
"Really?"
I nod. "Let's go. We don't want to be late."
When we arrived at Adam's, everyone was already sitting down with their food on the table.
Everyone stops what they're doing and stare at us.
"Sorry I'm late," Adam says. "I had to get my..." He looks at me. "Girlfriend."
I give a small wave. "Hey," I whisper quietly.
A woman stands up. "You left for this?" she snaps.
"Eleanor," a man says angrily.
"What happened to that beautiful woman you were with. This is a child."
"Mom," Carol says. "Please. She's a wonderful person."
Adam gently squeezes my hand. "I think she's great."
Oliver smiles at me. "She's my best friend," he says happily. "And the bestest babysitter ever."
The woman walks up to me. "I don't even think she wants to be here. Do you?"
I purse my lips to keep from saying something that will probably get me kicked out of the house.
Her eyes narrow. "Where did you come from?"
"New York," I say.
Carol stands up and walks in between us, facing her mother. "I need you to sit down, mom. Emily is a guest. She's welcome here."
The rest of the day is exactly how would expect it. Carol's mother kept on giving me looks from across the table. Making rude comments about me. Being mean.
The only reason I don't leave is because I don't want to. She's not gonna get to me.
I was in the kitchen helping Carol with the dishes when her mom walks in.
She sighs heavily when she sees I'm in here. "Go, child," she says harshly. "I got this."
"Mom, she's doing fine," Carol says firmly. "Go help dad or something."
She shakes her head. "But I want to help," she says. "Emily, why don't you go be a good girl and clean the table?"
I look down for a while before nodding. "Sure."
"Just what is your deal, mom?" I hear Carol say.
Oliver waves at me. "Hi, Emily."
I smile. "Hey, Oliver. Are you not done yet?"
He shakes his head. "Grandma says I have to eat a lot of vegetables or I'll get really big."
I roll my eyes. "You'll be fine."
"Can you sit beside me?" he asks.
"Yeah," I tell him. "Let me just take these plates to the kitchen."
"She is the daughter of that man I told you about. In the tax center. He was being a complete jerk," Carol's mom was saying. "What makes you think she is not the same?"
"Because she is also the daughter of the woman who watches my son. If she wanted to be a jerk like her father then she would've chosen that. But she didn't. She doing me a huge favor by watching Oliver. And Claire was bad news anyways."
I go in and set the plates in the sink.
"Thank you," Carol says nicely. "I was wondering if you could take Oliver out today. He's been acting weird and I'm just guessing he needs someone to talk to."
"Why not his own mother?" her mom says flatly.
She turns to face her. "Because he talks to Emily more. And she'll tell me what he says, right?"
I nod. "Of course I will."
"See? It's perfectly fine."
Oliver was waiting for me when I went back. "Are you leaving?"
I shake my head. "We both are."
He cocks his head to one side. "I don't think I understand."
"Get a jacket. I'm taking you places."
"But my food."
I hand him his shoes. "Your mother said its fine. Come on. Before it gets dark."
He gets his jacket. When we were outside, he takes my hand. "I'm sad," he says quietly.
I look at him. "You should tell me what happened."
He nods. "I want to wait until we are away from the house."
HEY!!! SORRY IT TOOK KIND IF LONG TO UPDATE THIS ONE. MY MATH TEACHER DECIDED TO GIVE US HOMEWORK EVERYDAY.
WHICH ISN'T BAD. I LOVE MATH. BUT IT IS A LOT OF WORK.
SO I AM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO POINT OUT ANY MISTAKES I MADE. THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!