A/N: Hello lovely readers! As promised to some of the commenters, I'm back with a special chapter!
This took me so long t because I honestly had a lot of trouble with it I wrote about eight different versions that I'm not happy with or ended up being dragged out for too long until I finally managed to write something I'm okay with. Sorry if it's not what you expected, and if you don't like it, you can just pretend this chapter doesn't exist haha
Enjoy~
-
I am a man of science.
I believe in the numbers, rules, regulations that explain the systems that operate our world. But there are some things that science cannot explain. Like curses, or magic, or even my love for Arin.
She isn't my soulmate, so I should have been able to rationalize that love away. If I am ultimately not her destined romantic partner, I should just give up, right?
But whenever I see her, my heart skips a beat. When she's with her now-boyfriend Jeonghan, I feel this searing bitter jealousy coursing through my bones. I want her.
They're in love and it's obvious. I can tell from the way he peers at her when she's not looking, with this unbreakable fiery desire in his eyes. She, too, always has love in her eyes for him, even when he insults her and pushes her around.
It took me a while to get used to him treating her like that. I understand it's a curse and he can't help it, but I think Arin deserves better.
She lives with Jeonghan now, just three floors above me. Sometimes I have to fight the urge to hack into the cameras Jeonghan has installed in his home; I just want to make sure she isn't enduring any kind of violence because of him. My conscience never lets me do it.
-
One day, just a few months after they got together, she comes to my door with Meemo in her arms, holding back tears. I see red marks around her wrists, and immediately understand what is happening.
"Did he do this?" I ask, pointing at the redness.
Arin only nods. "He's in the devil state now."
I invite her inside to stay the night until Jeonghan cools down. The whole night, she looks traumatized, afraid, and I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and tell her I would protect her, that I wouldn't let that asshole harm her anymore.
That's the thing though: is he an asshole? It's hard to tell when there's weird magic and possession shit going on.
"I'm sorry for intruding like this," she tells me.
"Any time, Arin. Really, any time. I like spending time with you. You know that." Meaning: she knows I'm in love with her.
She gives a weak smile. A tired smile.
"Do you like spending time with him?" I ask.
"I do."
"Don't you get tired of dealing with his shit though?"
"He's a good person," Arin replies. "It's just his curse that makes him like this."
Somehow, even though the circumstances are a little different from your average abusive relationship, it feels like she is blindly defending her abuser. I wonder if I should interfere. Arin deserves better, and I wish she would see that.
"Everyone is shit, Arin," I tell her. I hate to poison her with my pessimism, but I'm bitter. "You'll see. His curse now gives him the right to be an asshole, but what about when his curse is gone? Now whenever he hurts you, you can brush it off as a product of the curse, but without the curse, there will be no more excuses. You'll see the true flaws in his character."
When I say it, I immediately wish I didn't. I made her sad. I can tell that my words lowered her spirits as she considers them. She looks down and begins to hurt her fingers again.
"Hey..." I reach out and take both of her hands, holding them tight. "Don't do that."
She nods, but the sad look in her eyes does not change.
"Sorry," I apologize. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad."
"No, don't be sorry. You're right." She swallows and pulls her hands out of mine. "I have been worried about when his curse is reversed for a long time, to be honest."
"You can talk to me about anything, you know," I say.
She smiles at me. I love her smile. "Thank you, Woozi."
I love when she calls me Woozi. It is not my real name, but it is the name that I had when she loved me, however temporary and brief that love was. When she calls me "Jihoon," our relationship feels forced and formal. (It is my fault for lying to her for so long and tricking her into thinking I was someone else. I deserved it when she fell out of love with me.)
But now, she is opening up to me, like she used to before she found out about my betrayal. She tells me she was nervous about the day Jeonghan's curse would be reversed. He would be a completely different person, and she is afraid it would alter her love for him. She is so used to loving him as an asshole, she doesn't know how to do so otherwise.
I tell her that her feelings were valid, and that it's okay to have doubts. I tell her to just wait. Maybe he surprises her.
-
Whenever Jeonghan gives her trouble, she comes to me. When he's violent to her or her cat, she comes to me. I always welcome her with open arms, even offer up the bed (which she always refuses). She settles on my living room sofa every so often, waiting the nights until Jeonghan calms down.
Whenever I see her at my door, I am always conflicted about my feelings. I am always happy to see her, of course. I love her, and when she's around, everything feels right. But I know she would not be here if she didn't endure something because of Jeonghan, and I hate to think that she is suffering at his hands.
I always tell her she is free to speak to me, to tell me what was wrong, but she keeps their relationship a secret. She only tells me vague statements about how he is violent or devilish, never what her actually says or does to her that she needs to get away. Times like this, I have to fight every urge not to check the security footage.
Eventually, she asks if Meemo could stay with me indefinitely. She says that Jeonghan's constant yelling is not good for the cat's health.
All I could wonder is... what about her health?
Of course, I willingly take Meemo in. I even buy her a cat castle so large it needs a handyman to put it together. When Arin sees them, she looks pleased and thanks me for taking care of her cat.
I only wish I could take care of her too.
-
The fateful day of Jeonghan's uncursing came nearly a year into their relationship.
Jeonghan sits in the Extraction Room with his arms crossed and a frown on his face, impatiently tapping his toes as Yoonsa paces around reciting the uncursing spell she prepares to reverse it. I wait outside the room.
I don't know why I came. I guess it's because Arin was looking forward to this day for so long, and I want to be there to offer up my support. It was a big day for her. For them.
I figure she will stop sleeping over so often, so I'll see her significantly leess. The prospect made my heart hurt, but hey, at least she'll be okay.
"Would you hurry it up, hag?" Jeonghan murmurs to Yoonsa. "I need to get this shit out of my system already!"
Yoonsa nods, takes a deep breath, and begins to recite.
No more devil to take over his soul.
No more foulness to swallow him whole.
No more a sharp tongue without kindness to show
I reverse the curse that made him so.
Jeonghan closes his eyes and clenches his fists, and everyone around him waits anxiously to see if it worked.
Purple mist dissolves out of him into thin air.
Within seconds, Jeonghan's whole face changes. No longer taut and frowning, everything about him comes undone.
Jeonghan opens his eyes, and immediately locks eyes with Arin, who was standing there beside him. He smiles at her, and Arin rushes into his arms.
"I'm sorry, Arin," he says to her as he holds her tight. "I'm so sorry."
I look away.
-
I pay attention to the state of Arin's fingers. When they're torn up and bleeding, that's when I know she's unhappy. When they're healing, I know things are going well.
In the months after Jeonghan's curse reversal, Arin's fingers are healing. Her visits to my apartment are never about escaping Jeonghan, but rather just dropping by to see a friend. She even takes back Meemo.
I am happy for her, truly. It appears like things were working out wonderfully between them post-curse.
But one day, at MRS, I notice that her fingers are torn up again.
"What happened?" I ask her.
She notices me staring at her fingers, and balls her fists to hide them. "I'm okay," she says, and flashes a smile in my direction, but I can tell that her smile is hiding some pain.
I don't push her. If she doesn't want to tell me, then she doesn't have to. That doesn't mean I don't worry about her though.
-
An elevator technician had work to do on the eighth floor, and so he and Jeonghan, as the building landlord, appeared at my door to get it fixed.
He peers at the cat castle I had bought for Meemo a while back. He narrows his eyes. "You have a cat?" he asks. "Animals are still not allowed in the building." He speaks with the sternness of a landlord. It's different than the way he used to speak when he was cursed, less obnoxious, but still stern. I don't know why I expected him to do a 180 and become a smiling fluff ball.
"Actually... that was for Meemo," I answer.
Jeonghan looks surprised. "You bought this whole thing for a cat that isn't yours?"
"Arin used to bring Meemo here sometimes, so..."
"Right," Jeonghan replies. I see something of the old Jeonghan flicker in his eyes, something cruel and callous.
-
I wonder what's happening between Arin and Jeonghan. She has not come to spend the night in months, which means she feels safer with him, but something is off, I can feel it.
All relationships have their issues, and I sure as hell am not entitled to know what those issues are, but I am curious.
I find out very soon after, when she comes to me in tears again, just like she used to before he was cursed. I invite her in and offer her the sofa again. She thanks me, and that's all she says to me that night.
She cries herself to sleep, and I lay awake in my bed, chest hurting. The thought of her in pain pained me so much.
I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I choose to give her the space and the privacy she needs that night.
The next morning, I bring her coffee. Her eyes were bloated from crying the night before, and her hair was even frizzier.
I place the coffee on the table in front of her and take a seat on a nearby chair.
"I know it's none of my business," I say. "But if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. If you don't want to talk to me, I recommend you talk to Larali or Jun or Dasinai. Anyone, but don't keep it in inside."
Arin offers a brief smile. "Thank you, Woozi. For always being here."
She then tells me what happened.
When Jeonghan's curse was reversed, Jeonghan started to make friends. As a rich, young, handsome, and now kind man, many women started to surround him.
She tells me how Jeonghan had only ever known her before this. After having lived his life holed up in his tower, and the only girl he ever saw constantly was Arin. Now, that is no longer the case.
She tells me that she felt troubled, because he was a man who could get any girl he ever wanted, and the only thing standing in his way was a girl he committed to when he had no other options, her. She didn't want to stand in his way, wanted him to explore his options. She suggested an open relationship. She told him he was free to do whatever he wanted with whoever he pleased.
He did not take that well, and ended up breaking up with her instead.
She cries as she unloads the troubles of her heart onto me, and all I can offer is my shoulder for her to cry on. I hug her and tell her everything is going to be okay, and this might be for the better.
Although I never liked the man, that doesn't mean I wanted their relationship to end. She loves him, and I hate to see her lonely and heart broken.
-
After Arin heads to MRS for her shift that day, Jeonghan appears at my door. He looks just as troubled by the breakup as Arin did. His eyes tell me he hasn't slept all night, and his balled fists make me worry he'll lunge them at me.
It's not just his balled fists that keep me alert on my toes. It's also the way he glared at me, like he was accusing me of something.
"Jeonghan... what do you want?" I ask, instinctively taking a step back from him.
"Did she spend the night here?" he asked in a begrudged mutter.
"Yes, Arin spent the night," I reply. I thought he wanted to know because he wanted to be sure she was safe, but I was wrong.
"Are you guys fucking?" he spat.
I freeze.
"I knew it!" Jeonghan muttered. His fists clenched tighter.
"I don't know where you got this information," I say, "but nothing happened between me and Arin."
He doesn't seem to believe me. He grabs my collar and pushes me against the wall, violently, like he intends to hurt me. My glasses fly off my face and skid across the floor.
"You are a lying snake!" he says. "Why else would she want an open relationship?"
"For you!" I yell. "She wanted it for you!"
He lets me go.
"She only asked it because she didn't want you to feel stuck with her!" I explain, smoothening out my collar. "She wanted you to explore or something. It has nothing to do with me!"
I don't know why I don't feel angrier at him for threatening violence against me and accusing me of stealing his girlfriend. All that is on my mind at the moment is trying to resolve their misunderstanding. Clearly, there was a miscommunication between them somewhere along the line that led to this, and all I want to do in that moment is fix it. Because I want Arin to stop crying. I want her to be happy again.
"Is that what you thought?" I ask him. "Is that why you broke up with her? Because you think me and her were fucking behind your back? I swear on my life that never happened!"
He calms down. Unclenches his fist. A look of guilt washes over his face.
"You need to fix this," I tell him. "You need to apologize to her and sort out your shit so that you can stop hurting her for crying out loud! Even when your curse is lifted, you still manage to make her cry!"
"You love her, don't you?" he says. Calmly this time. Guiltily.
"My feelings are irrelevant," I answer.
He sighs. "I'm sorry for pushing you. And... thank you. I'll fix this."
With that, he turns on his heel and leaves.
-
I thought he was going to fix this. I thought my work trying to mend their broken relationship was over. But apparently, I was mistaken.
After her shift at MRS, she comes to me again. There are tears in her eyes that she wipes with the back of her hand.
I am surprised to see her. I expected that Jeonghan would have texted her an apology, explained the misunderstanding, and this painful breakup would have gone away and she would be happy again, but nope. She's crying. I wonder what that fuck-up did this time.
"Did you talk to Jeonghan?" I ask her.
"I don't want to," she replies with a sniffle
I narrow my eyes. "What's going on?"
Suddenly, she comes forward and wraps her arms around me. I freeze, relishing the fleeting intimacy with her.
"Please, go talk to him," I say as I wrap my arms around her to hug her back. "I don't want you to be hurt anymore."
She pulls her head back far enough to look at me. "You've always cared for me, Woozi," she says.
I don't like the way she says it. I feel her hands caress my back, and I get shivers down my spine. I feel weak like jelly. And now, she is close enough to kiss me. For a moment, I feel like she would. I lurch back, breaking the moment between us. I don't want to ruin what was between her and Jeonghan. I don't want her to make a mistake she'll regret.
"Arin, you have to talk to Jeonghan," I insist.
"There's already someone else in there with him," she says. "I saw her shoes outside and I could hear her. He's already moving on..."
"It's probably his mother or a friend of his or something," I say.
"I doubt it."
I couldn't accept it. It couldn't be a lover. Jeonghan wouldn't do it. He wouldn't get with another girl when he intended to mend things with Arin, right?
Right?
"Wait here," I tell her, before rushing up the stairs to the 11th floor. I intend to punch him myself if what Arin's saying proves true.
I see a pair of shoes at the door like Arin described.
I knock.
"Jeonghan, are you in there?" I yell. "Jeonghan!"
Jeonghan opens the door, but not all the way. Like he's hiding something.
"Who's in there with you?" I ask, frowning.
"None of your business."
"Are you serious?"
"What do you want, Jihoon?" he mutters, impatient.
"I only wanted to know if you intend on resolving things with Arin or not, but since you're so keen on getting back to the girl in your room, I think I know the answer now."
Jeonghan narrows his eyes. "Wait... what?" He opens the door and lets me see the person in his apartment. It was not a girl at all. It was a handyman, and he was putting together a cat castle for Meemo.
I let out a sigh of relief, then get angry again. There I was again, fixing up a misunderstanding that has nothing to do with me. I grab Jeonghan's wrist and pull him down the stairs with me. He carps and complains, but I was so angry, I don't even pay attention.
I open my door and pull him inside where Arin is waiting. There are still tears in her eyes. When she sees him, she goes tense.
He also freezes, like he is surprised to see her.
"I want the two of you to communicate," I tell them, closing my door and standing guard in front of it. "You're not leaving my apartment until you get your shit sorted."
"Arin..." Jeonghan says to her. "You're here. I thought you'd still be at MRS..."
"My shift ended early," she replies.
"Why didn't you come to me?"
"I came up to see you, but the elevator wasn't working, so I took the stairs," she answers. "I found shoes outside your door. I thought you'd be... occupied," she replies.
"There's a handyman, doing some work for me on a product I ordered. I wanted to surprise you."
"A handyman?" she asks. A wave of relief washes over his face. "I see."
"Did you think it was a girl? How could I ever... Arin, I love you," he says, taking many steps toward her.
"It's okay to want someone else," she replies.
"But I don't want anyone else."
"Because you've never known anyone else."
"And why would I need to, when everything is already so perfect with you." He takes her hand, lifts it to his lips, and kisses it.
"Then why did you break up?" Arin asks.
"Because... I thought you asked for an open relationship so you could be with Jihoon."
Her eyes widen, and she shakes her head, denying it.
"I know... I was wrong," Jeonghan says. He suddenly turns to me. "I can see now that he's only ever been a very good friend to you."
After some more nauseating romantic talk, they end up kissing in the middle of my living room. I end up telling them to take it upstairs. They thank me sincerely for helping them resolve their misunderstanding, and scuttle out of my apartment.
When they're gone, I feel empty. Lonely. Like I let something slip through my fingers.
I remember the feeling of Arin in my arms just minutes before. She was sad and vulnerable, and I'm sure I could have stolen a kiss from her there and then. I could have taken advantage of the rift between her and Jeonghan, and pushed our relationship further, indulging in my own desires for her. Instead, I helped them get back together like a true loser.
I wonder why I did it.
I guess love makes me unreasonable. I guess I don't mind the searing jealousy in my heart when I see her with Jeonghan, because I know Jeonghan makes her happy.
I guess I care more about Arin's happiness than my own.