"A fine glass vase goes from treasure to trash, the moment it is broken. Fortunately, something else happens to you and me. Pick up your pieces. Then, help me gather mine." ~ Vera Nazarian,
The Doctor
It was like a dream. A dream I didn't know how to wake out of. A dream I didn't know how to change. A dream I wanted to wake from so badly.
"JJ uh," I licked my lips and cleared my throat, glancing back at the window as though JJ was going to magically appear with a marker board and tell me what to say as I hovered by Melanie's bedside without a clue of what to say or do.
"JJ told me that I shouldn't overwhelm you with proclamations," I repeated and sighed, shaking my head and running my fingers across my forehead.
"But I uh... I don't really know what else to do apart from apologise...
"I should've been there to protect you and I wasn't. That's probably going to be one of the biggest regrets of my life," My voice broke and I paused, forcing the lump from my throat by clearing it and blinking the tears from my eyes desperately.
"I love you with all of my heart, Melanie, and the thought of you hurting in any way, especially at the hands of another man... that... that breaks my heart,"
My voice broke again and I looked down at my hands as I furiously picked at my nails. I watched as tears fell onto my fingertips and I gulped.
"But I am here now, Melly," I promised, licking my lips and sniffing, stepping forward to put both of my hands on the mattress.
"I am here and I am not going anywhere ever again. That is the last time I leave you alone and soon you're going to get sick of seeing me,"
I smirked and watched as her eyes sparkled, a smile hinting at the edge of her mouth.
I told myself that I was doing well, she was improving.
"I love you Melanie Hotchner. You are strong. We are strong. It takes a lot more than this to get between us. And nothing like this is ever going to happen to you again, okay?" I rhetorically asked.
"I promise."
The Leader
"So of course you sent Spencer in there before me?!" I shouted at JJ, trying to leave the staff room.
"Whoa Hotch man, hear her out!" Morgan cried, pushing me back before I could leave.
Rage consumed me and for a moment I thought I was going to attack one of the men I respected the most.
But then I remembered Melanie lying in a hospital bed at the end of an adjoining corridor and my rage fizzled into desperation.
"Hotch I'm sorry but," JJ sighed and shook her head. "It's important that Spencer is there with her right now. That's what she needs."
"What she needs is to have her father there to protect her." I stated matter-of-factly.
"From what? It's already happened," She said in a monotone.
In that moment it was as though nobody so much as breathed or blinked as my rage completely consumed me all over again.
"I understand that this is a horrible situation, but it's happened. You can't protect her now. You can support her, and that's what she needs the most.
"She needs to know that we're all here supporting and loving her, but right this moment she needs time alone with her boyfriend to come to terms with what's just happened.
"She can't do that with you telling her how much you're going to look after her from now on." I was still angry at her words, but regardless I knew she was right.
I paced across the room and sat down, my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees.
"She's right." Dave sighed as he sat down next to me.
"Dave I could be doing without this right now." I mumbled into my hands.
"All I'm saying is that she's right and she knows what she's talking about."
"She worked with rape victims in Afghanistan and saw some of the most horrific rape crimes, of course she knows what she's talking about, it just doesn't make it any easier to hear."
"Melanie isn't a victim," Dave said matter-of-factly and I pulled away from my hands, surprised to have thought that way myself.
"She's the complete opposite. What's happened is disgusting and degrading and repulsive and it shouldn't have happened but it's done and the only way to get over it is to move forward.
"I have no doubt in my mind that Melanie is going to come out of this punching and kicking a million times harder than before. And she'll do it all while dancing on that bastard's grave. But she's not a victim, Aaron. She's a survivor." He looked at me sympathetically with a small smile before tapping my shoulder and leaving the room.
"I uh... I appreciate you all being here, I really do. But maybe it's best now if you all head to the hotel for the jet taking off in the morning."
"Hotch we're not getting on that plane without you and Melanie." Prentiss said in a shocked tone.
"That wasn't a request, that was an order."
"And most orders for this team are there to be broken," Morgan answered without missing a beat. "Hotch man she's right, we're not going anywhere without you. We're a team."
"And this team needs to be put second so I can think of my family." I stared them down before they exchanged a similar expression.
"We'll head back to the hotel and get some rest. Call us if anything changes." Prentiss backed down first and Morgan sighed before giving a small nod and leaving behind her.
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier..." JJ apologised when it was just she and myself left in the staff room.
"You don't have to apologise," I said, shaking my head. "You were right. And what you said I had to hear..." I heaved a sigh. "It's just agony to hear, that's all."
"You just have to be here," She shrugged with a small smile. "Melanie will know you're here and she'll feel better for knowing that we're all here to love her in whichever way she needs us to." I smiled down at her and nodded.
*
"Agent Hotchner?" I leapt to my feet, surprised by the sudden noise in the room.
"Yes?"
"You're Melanie Hotchner's father, yes?"
"Yes has something happened. Is, is she okay?" I blurted and the Doctor smiled.
"She's perfectly alright Agent, don't worry," She smiled. "We have her results and obs back and we're happy to say she's clear to go."
"Already?" I frowned in confusion.
"Yes. She has severe bruising and she'll be a little tender. She has a cracked rib and some obvious pains but we've prescribed some narcotics and she should be feeling the difference in a couple days.
"In regards to the psychological aspect of Melanie's attack, I've referred her to her local Doctor's surgery for further help, checkups and advice." I wasn't even aware they had the authority to cross state lines and do such a thing, but I was relived nonetheless.
I feared that if it was left up to Melanie, she wouldn't be going anywhere ever again for any reason.
"Thank you so much Doctor." I thankfully shook the Doctor's hand before she left the room.
"That's excellent." JJ grinned, getting up from her chair.
"You didn't have to stay." I said matter-of-factly with a small smile, realising I'd half-forgotten she'd been there at all.
"I know," She smiled. "But I wanted to... It's easier on you and Spencer if I'm here to help." She said in a passive tone and I frowned in confusion a little.
I didn't press the issue though, because Melanie could go back home.
JJ lead me along the corridor to Melanie's room and I peered through the window.
Spencer was asleep on the armchair; his left hand resting palm-up on the mattress by Melanie's side, his legs pulled up on the chair beside him as he slept awkwardly.
Melanie however was sat up on the bed, her hands-palm down on top of the sheets as she stared at the foot of the bed barely blinking, her eyes bloodshot and full of tears, her skin a horrid grey-pale.
I looked down at JJ who was giving me a small encouraging smile. I nodded once before lightly knocking on the door and entering.
"Melanie," I smiled from the bottom of her bed, the door closing softly behind me as Spencer stirred slightly.
"The Doctor says you can go home now. She's given you a prescription and she's discharged you."
She inclined her head in a nod and Spencer moaned.
"Already?" He mumbled in sleep-drenched tone and I nodded.
"Yes... There's nothing much else they can do for the injuries." I explained.
"Nothing much else they can do for the injuries?" Spencer repeated, really awakening now. I looked down at the bottom of the bed and sighed.
"I'm going to get a nurse to come help you dress." I said, taking a step back for the door.
"No!" She shouted, panic and fear drenching her tone. Her eyes were wide and she was reaching out as if to stop me physically.
"Please dad," She said in a rough voice. "I don't want to be prodded by more strangers." She said quietly and my heart sank.
"I'll bring in JJ." I said with a small nod and Mel shook her head.
"No, please, I can manage myself." She said quietly.
"Melanie," I took a step forward apprehensively. "You have a cracked rib and severe bruising. You need some help." I gave her a small smile and she shook her head.
"Well then Spencer can help." She said matter-of-factly. I turned to him with wide eyes to find him staring at Melanie wide-eyed in surprise, his cheeks blushing.
"Well... Okay..." I said apprehensively. "I'll let the others know and we can fly straight home." I said as I gave a small smile and left the room, fighting every instinct that told me to run and hold my little girl as tightly as I possibly could.
The Doctor
"Are you s-sure you don't want JJ?" I asked quietly with heated cheeks as I pulled the curtain around Mel's bed to give her some more privacy.
She shook her head as she slowly sat forward and brought her legs out bed, wincing slightly.
"I don't want anyone else seeing me," She said matter-of-factly in a determined tone. "I feel like all everyone has done is stare at me."
"Actually, that's a psychological affect your brain automatically assumes due to your trauma. It makes you perceive things that aren't entirely true so as to distract the rest of your body from the memory of your trauma. It's all psychological."
"Spencer..." She said in a defeated tone, peering up at me with hooded eyes from the edge of her bed. "Now is not the time to be telling me I'm imagining things."
"I-I didn't say that," I stuttered, my cheeks heating all over again. "I-I didn't mean it like that." I added, setting her go-bag next to her on the bed.
She didn't answer and I didn't elaborate further, feeling like I'd just made things a whole lot worse.
"Could you uh... Pass me my things please?" She asked as she winced while trying to open her bag.
"Sure," I smiled and cleared my throat a little awkwardly as I reached for her bag and unzipped it. "What do you need?" I asked and she sighed.
"Anything."
I licked my lips and chewed on the inside of my cheek as I reached inside her bag without a clue of what she'd want.
I decided that she wouldn't need any of her blouses or jeans, and instead passed her the leggings she normally wore in bed, and smiled as I found one of my t-shirts at the bottom of her bag.
I passed her that too, and awkwardly cleared my throat as I passed her some underwear and re-zipped her bag.
She slid off the edge of the bed and wobbled shakily on her feet.
"Here." I said, extending my arm for her to hold onto.
"Could you...?" She slightly turned to the side and I nodded my head.
"Yeah of course," I mumbled in a quiet voice, walking behind her and untying the chords on her hospital gown.
She slid her arms inside the straps of her bra and I pulled each side around to her back.
"What uh..." I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "What loop?" I asked bashfully.
"The middle one." She practically whispered. I hooped her bra and she lifted the t-shirt from the edge of the bed.
"Here," I took it from her hand and pulled it over her head gently, helping her hair out of the neck.
She sighed and blew the loose strands from her face, her large brown eyes staring up into mine weakly.
"It's okay." I answered her eyes with a heavy heart.
I helped her slot her arms into the sleeves and pulled it down over her torso, the material falling to her thighs. Her eyes were still lost in mine, and I felt like she'd adopted the "no blinking" from her dad.
I blinked rapidly and looked down into her sad eyes.
Suddenly she took me by surprise by stepping forward and pressing the side of her face to my chest, wrapping her arms around me tightly.
I didn't know what to do.
JJ said I wasn't to touch her or take her by surprise. But what about if she done that to me?
I wrapped my arms around her, keeping her securely to me. She held me so tightly it took my breath away.
The Leader
"She's being discharged just now," I told Beth. "And then we're headed straight to the airport. Everyone's on their way now."
"Great. How long till you're home?"
"No longer than two hours." I heard her sigh in relief.
"Good..." She paused. "She's coming back here, right?"
"I..." I turned to look back into the hospital behind me and saw JJ smiling and nodding her head at Spencer and Melanie as they all made their way to the exit behind me.
"I don't know," I admitted. "But I certainly hope so. I have to go, we'll see you soon."
"Okay. Be safe." I ended the call and turned to see Melanie's chalk white face, the papery paleness of it and the ghastly way she was walking.
She was clutching onto Spencer's arm as though her life depended on it. His eyes were red and puffy and he was shaking as he carried her bag in his other hand.
It was obvious JJ was trying to distract them with meaningless conversation; something she was used to by now; but it evidently wasn't working in her favour.
I sighed emphatically, still unable to come to terms with everything that had happened in the past twelve hours.
"The team are on their way to the airport now." I explained as the three of them came out of the hospital.
"We're leaving immediately?" JJ guessed and I nodded my head.
"Morgan's staying a little while longer but I think it's best we get home." We all climbed into the SUV and I prepared for an extremely awkward car journey.
The Doctor
Melanie was as silent as the grave the whole journey home.
The jet was awkward at first with Prentiss trying and failing to make conversation with Melanie.
When she gave up she curled up and went to sleep like the rest of the team and I thought Melanie would join them. Instead she stayed silent, her eyes glued out the window, stiff as a board on her seat.
"Spencer," We'd landed and were getting our things together to leave the jet when Aaron caught me.
Melanie was in the restroom and I was relieved to be getting out of here.
"Can I suggest something?" He asked and I frowned in confusion, nodding my head.
"Sure, what's up?" I asked.
"Well... Beth's really worried about Mel... Understandably. Would you mind if Melanie came to stay with us for a while? Maybe just a week or two... Until she... Comes out of her shell." I nodded my head in total understanding.
"It'll be good for her to be around Jack."
"That's what I thought," Aaron agreed. "Of course she can take as much time off as she needs to, and you can come over anytime without question," I smiled thankfully at him and he sighed.
"I just don't know what to do to help her." He admitted in a quiet voice.
"I think patience and support is all we can give her right now." I said quietly.
"I don't want her to think you're pushing her away by letting her come to ours." Aaron said skeptically.
"I'll speak to her, explain it's best if she's around her family and I'll be there when she needs me." Aaron nodded his head and put his hand on my shoulder.
"I really do appreciate this Spencer. Don't think for a minute that I don't."
He nodded his head once more before turning to wait by the entrance of the jet, leaving me alone to wait for Melanie.
When she came out of the restroom she looked pale and gaunt, her eyes red and puffy and her lips dry and cracked.
There were shadows of bruises at the side of her face and neck, her lower lip swollen and purple, the cut slashing down her chin.
"Melly," My voice came out in a whisper and I cleared my throat, smiling as she fleetingly glanced up at me, her hands lost in the sleeves of my hoodie she was wearing.
"Your dad has suggested you stay with him for a while, just to get you back on your feet..." I explained softly.
My words hung in the silence between us, she said nothing.
"I don't want you to feel like I'm abandoning you, I'm still right here. Whenever you need me or want me I'll be there. If that's just now, or five hours from now, or five weeks from now, I'll be there. Okay?"
She didn't say anything.
Instead she stepped forward and hugged me weakly, completely taking me by surprise.
"Thank you, Spencer." She croaked in a thick voice, before stepping out of my arms and heading for Hotch.
I watched her go with tears running down my cheeks.
Overview
Jack was at school when they got home, and Beth had bundled her into her arms as soon as she'd seen her. This hadn't helped Melanie, but it made Beth feel a little better.
Silently, she'd dragged her aching body upstairs and into the bathroom, slowly stripping and climbing into the shower.
All she could focus on was ridding her body of the stench of and markings of the man who had invaded her.
She turned the water to hot and pulled on her exfoliator gloves, frantically rubbing at her legs, at the bruises fitting the skin as though she could rub them off.
Outside in the hall, Beth listened at the door, her hand pressed against her mouth to silence her sobs as she listened to Melanie whimper and cry, swearing as she scrubbed at her body in the burning water.
"What do we do, Aaron?" Beth cried.
"We be here. That's all we can do." He whispered emotionally, retreating back downstairs to go and collect Jack.
A half hour later and Beth was thankful the house was empty as she heard Melanie's frantic sobs and cries from the bathroom.
"Melanie!" She called from the other side of the door, knocking on the door worriedly.
Inside, Melanie was curled in a ball in writhing agony as blood trickled down the drain from her scratched skin, the heat from the burning water not helping the lures of skin she'd frantically clawed off with her gloves.
"Melanie!" Beth gushed, pushing inside the bathroom and gasping as she seen the blood and the poor woman bundled in on herself, her skin bright red and raw, peeling and cracking and bloody.
"Melanie darling," Beth cried, climbing inside the bathtub to shut off the shower and wrap Melanie in a towel. "C'mon let's get you out of here."
Beth tried not to worry as she touched Melanie's burning skin and it peeled away from beneath her finger tips.
She wrapped the towel around her and encouraged her to her feet, her entire body shaking with sobs and wails.
Eventually, she found it best not to talk, not to let people hear the agony in her voice every time she spoke.
She found it best not to move, not to remind herself of the agony in her body every time she done so.
She found it best not to sleep, not to haunt herself with her nightmares.
She was a shadow of her former self. Not really living, not really anything for a fortnight.
Jack came and he gone.
He got bored of talking to someone who never replied. He got bored of trying to play with someone who wouldn't even acknowledge his presence in the room.
Beth came and she gone.
She left trays of food and snacks every few hours. She sat and brushed Mel's hair patiently every morning and every evening, chatting softly and quietly about her day and trying to get Melanie to engage in something.
Aaron came and he gone.
The team needed him on several cases, so he wasn't there as much as Jack or Beth. But none of them needed to be there at all for all the good it done.
She couldn't bring herself out of her shell because she couldn't face the reality of what had happened.
Every time she closed her eyes, he was there.
She knew she couldn't go on like this, but she didn't know how to live in any other way.
The Daughter
"Melanie sweetheart," Beth's voice called to me through my bedroom door, knocking three times as usual before entering with that sheepish smile of hers.
I didn't need to be looking at her to know she was smiling with those sad eyes.
I continued staring ahead out of the window opposite my bed, my arms wrapped around my legs, Spencer's hoodie still keeping me warm after the past fourteen days of wearing it.
I had a suspicion that probably wasn't smelling my best by now, but I didn't care, my skin still hurt from the frantic scrubbing I'd done as soon as we'd come home.
"Melanie, Spencer's here to see you." She said in a delicate tone and I blinked.
Spencer was here? I hadn't seen him in a long time. I missed him.
I just couldn't bring myself to pick up my phone when he called, or answer the texts he - and the team - sent me.
Every morning and every evening he'd call.
And when I never answered he'd text asking about my day, briefly telling me about his and sending me pictures of whatever he was doing.
I'd look forward to his texts. Because by now he knew I wasn't going to answer nevertheless he still sent them. He knew I wasn't going to reply therefore there was no pressure on me to.
I could read his texts and see whatever crazy thing he was reading or watching or eating or doing without me there.
And that somehow comforted me; knowing that he wasn't moping around like I was just because I'd been attacked.
I turned to look at the door just as Spencer stepped inside and Beth closed the door behind him, blocking her from sight.
Before she completely left however, I was able to see the paleness of her skin, the dark shadows beneath her eyes and the sad smile perched on her lips.
It would appear, that I wasn't the only one affected by my attack.
"I thought these would you help cheer you up a bit." Spencer's quiet voice interrupted my thoughts and I blinked from the door to look up at his gaunt face.
He too was pale, his dark shadows really darkening beneath his eyes. His hair was cut too.
"I know they're your favourites." He added, setting the bunch of sunflowers down on my desk.
"You cut your hair." I said in a croaky voice after it being dormant for fourteen days.
"Oh," He smirked and reached up, touching the floppy waves which fell lazily into his face. "Yeah I just got it done yesterday when we got back." He admitted.
"What made you do it?" I mumbled sadly as he sat down on the bottom of my bed with a shrug.
"Well I'm going to see my mom tomorrow and she doesn't like it when it gets too long," He explained with a small smile, blinking rapidly like he done when he was nervous.
"And I think a change is always good." He shrugged. I smiled at him and nodded my head, my face hurting with the change in expression.
I was lost in my head for so long that I could no longer remember the last time I smiled.
"I'm glad you're here," I admitted in a quiet voice. "I've missed you." I said.
"I've missed you too." He said, wetting his lips. I crawled over to him and hugged him with all my strength, not wanting to let go for even a second.
The Doctor
"How're you feeling?" I asked as we lay in each other's arms, my heart thudding in my chest.
"Better," She said in her croaky voice, obviously painful from not being used. "I'm just glad you're here." She repeated.
I nodded my head and sighed, running my hand down her back, feeling her spine and bones beneath my hand.
"If you don't want me to go to Vegas I can stay here with you." I told her worriedly, biting my lip and closing my eyes, breathing deeply through my nose and trying to calm my worried thoughts.
"No!" She gushed, throwing herself into a sitting position.
I opened my eyes and peered at her gaunt and slim face, at the pale grey skin and awful black shadows under her eyes, the puffy bloodshot eyeballs and her skin-and-bones frame.
"No, no, you need to go see your mum that's only fair you haven't seen her in so long," She explained and then frowned. "But... Isn't it Christmas soon?" I nodded my head.
"Just over a month," I explained. Five weeks three days," She smiled at me again and I sighed. "I've decided that I'm going to spend Christmas here this year, with you."
"What?!" She blurted in surprise. "Spencer no," She shook her head adamantly and I sat up next to her on the bed. "No, you can't change your plans and traditions just because of me, because of what's happened, that's not fair at all."
"Yes it is," I said. "What isn't fair is us not spending Christmas together in our home. That's what's not fair, Melly," I said delicately, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"I want to spend Christmas here. With you. Your dad's given me a few days off to spend time with my mom now and she knows I won't be with her at Christmas."
"So what will happen?" She asked in a sad voice and I smiled.
"What happens every year, Melly." I laughed and she sighed, shaking her head.
"I don't like this Spence."
"Well I do," I said. "So there," I stuck my tongue out at her and she gave a fleeting smile, ducking her head and tucking her hair behind her ear.
"There is it," I grinned. It might have been a fleeting one, but it was a smile nonetheless. "My favourite thing ever." She leaned forward into my arms again and I held her to me tightly, burying my face in her hair and squeezing my eyes closed.
"Can you stay here tonight?" She whispered in a quiet voice. "I-I'm still not myself I guess, or the best company, and it's okay if you've got things to do for Vegas tomorrow but I'd just like it if we could spend time together before you go."
She said in a quiet voice and I bit my tongue so I wouldn't make a noise or cry.
"Melly, of course I'll stay with you," I told her boldly. "And as soon as I'm back from Vegas we can go home if you'd like?" She turned her face up to look at me, the hint of a smile ghosting the edge of her mouth.
"You mean that?" She asked me like a little girl.
I nodded my head, pushing her hair from her face.
"Of course I mean that. We'll go home as soon as I'm back." She reached up and kissed me in a fleeting sweep of mouth on mouth.
"I love you Spencer." She mumbled as she curled back down into my arms.
"I love you too Melly."
The Daughter
I awoke the next day with the sky looking a funny colour, my bed empty beside me and a note on the pillow where Spencer had slept.
Several cups of coffee - still full and now cold - lay on the nightstand alongside a tray with sandwiches and crisps.
I frowned as I sat up and glanced at the clock. I gasped as I realised I'd slept an entire day away, straight into the next one. I picked up my phone to realise it had gone completely dead.
Melly, sorry I couldn't wake you before I left, I had to leave super early to get home and pack for Vegas. I can't wait to get you home. I'll call you as soon as I land.
Love you, Spencer x
I was still confused and a little dazed as I plugged my phone into charge and stretched to a stance by my window.
Looking out into the world felt strange, odd... weird. I hadn't been outside in what felt like forever, as though I'd slept for eternity in some sort of hellish nightmare. I couldn't wait to get out of this bubble, this fog, and get back to some semblance of normality.
Slowly, I walked to the wardrobe, surprised as I realised I wasn't in as much pain as I had been expecting. After so long remaining as still as possible so as to avoid the pain movement had brought, I guess at some point it had faded completely.
I took clean clothes into the bathroom, the house entirely silent around me.
I swallowed the guilt at worrying my family so much as I ran a cool bath and brushed my teeth, staring at my gaunt reflection in the mirror.
I looked different, unrecognisable like a complete stranger stood before me. My hair hung greasy and messy in a knot at the nape of my neck. There were shadowed bags under my eyes which were slightly bloodshot - whether from lack of sleep/food/water or because I'd slept for an entire day, I wasn't so sure.
After a fight, I managed to free the bobble from my hair and wasn't surprised as it still stayed in formation at the nape of my neck, the strands still stiff from the last time they'd been cruelly washed in burning hot water two weeks ago.
Two weeks ago...
That felt like a lifetime ago.
How could so much pain and torture have only happened so recently? Time was a lie.
Precariously, I stepped inside the cool water, wincing as my fragile skin made contact with the water, slowly lowering myself to sit in the tub, tears stinging my eyes. Whether the pain was real or in my head, I really wasn't sure.
I lay back and allowed my eyes to close, my knuckles white on the edges of the tub. Suddenly his face appeared before me and I lurched, gasping for breath as the water swayed around in the tub.
Nausea overwhelmed me and I jolted, gagging over the side of the bath. Unfortunately, due to the fact that my stomach was well and truly empty, nothing but bile rose in the back of my throat.
My eyes stung as I slowly calmed my breathing and relaxed back after some time.
This was okay. This was normal. It was a process. I had to trust it. I had to give myself time to heal.
That didn't stop the sobs from cracking my chest, the breath escaping and making me hyperventilate.
But this was okay, this was better than the eternal numbness I'd been living in for the last two weeks, the endless, bottomless, depthless dark.
Slowly, I went through the motions of gently massaging soap onto my body, rinsing my hair with shampoo and conditioner, knowing I'd feel better once I was completely clean and tidy.
I patted my skin dry with the towels patiently, taking care to be extra gentle and thorough, rubbing some moisturiser in for good measure. My tattoos looked a little worse for wear, but I had a feeling the rest of me did, too.
I carefully got dressed in clean pyjamas, and by the time I re-entered my bedroom my phone had charged some.
When I checked my phone, I realised that I really had slept a full day away and missed several calls and texts from Spencer.
Glancing at the mess of my room, I carefully gathered the cups and stale sandwiches, and slowly made my way downstairs.
Every step was carefully and scrupulously measured, as though I may break if the step was too large or quick. But the fragility was a protective measure of my imagination. There was no physical pain. Everything was purely emotional now.
Once safely in the kitchen, I put the cups in the sink and the food in the trash, deciding to call Spencer after missing his presence.
"Melanie!" He gushed down the phone on the second ring. "It's great to hear from you." His voice was genuine and joyful, he even sounded surprised to hear from me.
"I'm sorry I didn't answer any of your calls, I've been sleeping." I admitted.
"Yeah, I called Beth earlier to see if everything was alright and she told me that's the first you'd properly slept for over a fortnight."
"Yeah..." I sighed. "I really needed it I guess..." I sighed and chewed on my lip.
"How's your mum?"
"She's great. She's asking after you."
"Send my love please?"
"Of course."
There was a brief pause.
"Do you know if the team are on a case today?" I asked curiously.
"Yeah, I think it's Colorado this time," He explained. "But I'm pretty sure they're wrapping things up. Garcia called earlier asking after you."
I sighed guiltily.
"I miss her," I admitted. "I need out of the house. I'd like to go back to the flat and get some more clothes."
"I'll be home tomorrow evening, I'll pick you up from your dad's and we can go home together."
"Actually..." I sighed. "I was thinking of seeing Caitlyn and the kids tomorrow," I explained. "I really miss them, and maybe seeing them might lift my spirits..." There was a long pause as Spencer thought this over.
"Don't push yourself too quickly, Melly," He said delicately. "Kids are wonderful healers, but they take a lot without meaning to."
"I know," I said softly. "But Caitlyn's helped me through some pretty dark days," I gulped at the memories we shared. "Maybe seeing her might bring back some of the strength I had before."
Again, there was a pause.
"Okay, well, maybe being with the kids until I'm home tomorrow doesn't sound like such a bad idea."
*
Because I'd taken my car to work from Spencer's apartment before the Chicago case, I was left with the unfortunate fact that I'd need to get a taxi to and from the apartment.
Deciding against this, I decided to call Garcia instead of venturing outside today.
We spent a while talking on the phone. She cheered me up, that's for sure and filled me in on the case. I explained how tomorrow I was thinking of maybe seeing Caitlyn and the kids. She confirmed my thoughts by telling me that would really cheer me up.
Spencer was back tomorrow night and I couldn't wait to have him home.
Home. That was a strange thing for me.
What was it?
Was it at the apartment with Spencer? Just the two of us where we'd been living together for all of what, three days?
Or was it at the house with my dad, Beth and Jack? The four of us where I'd lived for all of what, nine or maybe ten months?
As I arranged for Caitlyn to bring the kids over the following afternoon I realised that I had no idea where home was and that I never really had.
Was home England? Was it America? Was it here with my family? Was it there where I'd been born?
I was so lost it suddenly scared me, and feeling lost wasn't a good thing to feel when everything had happened this past fortnight.
Thankfully though, I didn't have to scare myself for too long before Beth and Jack came back.
"Melanie," He smiled shyly, clearly unsure of what to do as he saw me standing in the middle of the kitchen holding a cup of coffee.
"Hey Captain," I gave a small and weary smile, setting my coffee down on the counter as Beth rushed inside the room in disbelief. "Gimme a hug then." I gushed, extending my arms to my little brother.
He laughed and hurried to me, feeling too big and grown as he wrapped his arms around me and buried his head in my neck. I sighed as I hugged him as tight as I could. I closed my eyes tight shut and basked in the safety of this moment.
"I'm sorry I haven't been much fun lately, buddy," I apologised, ruffling his hair and kissing his cheek. "I haven't been feeling too good..." I admitted sheepishly. "But I'm trying to get back to normal now." I explained, holding him at arm's length to look at him.
"We're really pleased to hear that, Mel," Beth said in a thick voice, her eyes shining with tears. "But just you take your time, okay?"
I nodded my head, resting my hand on the top of Jack's hair, making him frown and squint up at me humorously.
"I need to get better," I said matter-of-factly. "Moping around isn't doing me, or anyone else any good at all."
There was a brief pause before,
"Have you had anything to eat?" She asked, stepping forward, her hand hovering awkwardly as she thought of whether to touch me or not.
"Food sounds good," I admitted with a small smile, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around her, closing my eyes and breathing in her familiar comforting perfume. "I'm sorry Beth," I whispered. "For not being myself this past week. I know I haven't been the easiest to be around."
"Don't," She snapped. "Don't you dare," She said in a partially angry tone, holding me at arms length and pointing at me with a warning finger. "Don't you say that," She said with shining eyes. "You have absolutely nothing to apologise for, d'you hear me?" She rhetorically asked, casting her eyes down to Jack before immediately looking back up at me.
"What happened was not your fault, and I think you've dealt with it exceedingly brilliant, okay?" I nodded my head slowly, sheepishly chewing on my lip as tears threatened my eyes.
"Melanie I love you like my own, and I hate to see you in so much pain," She told me sadly and I looked into her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"I'd do anything to take that pain away from you," She admitted with a sniff. "And I'm so so pleased to see you out of that room and talking again," I gave a small smile and she grinned from ear-to-ear, laughing through her shining eyes and hugging me again. "I should've known that seeing Spencer would've helped you."
"I've just missed him," I whispered with a shrug. "And I know that's stupid because I haven't been moving or talking but..."
"No, it's not stupid at all," Beth sniffed, running a hand over my hair. "And I'm sure he can't wait to get back and spend some time with you." I sighed in longing and nodded my head, stepping out from the hug.
"I'm going back to the flat tomorrow," I explained before shaking my head briefly and correcting myself, "Back home I mean," I explained and Beth nodded, obviously knowing what I meant in the first place.
"I've asked Caitlyn if she'd mind 's bringing Ben and Daisy over to see me, and I'm going to stay there until Spencer's home."
"Are you sure that's a wise idea, Mel? Being in the apartment on your own?" I nodded my head and watched as Beth began pulling things from the fridge for dinner.
Jack wandered to my side and wrapped an arm around my waist, hugging me again. He was getting so big now.
"I just want things to go back to normal," I explained. "I have to act like this hasn't happened to me," I said in a small voice, Beth peering over her shoulder to see my expression as I cast my eyes down to Jack.
"I want to move on with my life and be happy. Things were going great before Chicago, I just want to get back to that." Beth turned to face me and leaned against the counter, holding onto it and watching me carefully.
After a while she smiled and pushed off the counter, taking my face in her hands and kissing my forehead lovingly.
"If that's what you think is best for you Melanie sweetheart, then we're all here to support you one hundred and ten percent."
*
As night-time rained down, I was apprehensive of what would happen.
Would I get to sleep? Would there be nightmares? If I closed my eyes, would he be there? What if I panicked? What if I couldn't sleep? What if tomorrow wasn't as good as today?
I busied myself with Jack, catching up on what had happened at school and his clubs, and watched a movie with Beth after Jack had gone to bed. I think she could tell I was apprehensive of bedtime.
"Why don't we pull the sofa's together?" Beth's voice was excited and child-like as the rolling credits appeared on the screen, my stomach jolting as I realised it was time for bed.
"What?" I turned to her in confusion.
"The other sofa?" She suggested, gesturing to the other two-seater sofa parallel to the one we were currently sat on together. "We can put it in front of this one to make one huge bed!" She said excitedly. "Get some more popcorn and watch another chick-flick?"
I looked at her seriously for a moment, really? Was she being serious?
"You mean that?" I said, a little perplexed.
"I mean, we don't have to," She shrugged, her cheeks blushing. "It's just we never get these girlie nights together."
"Beth," I said in an emotional voice. "I think that's a great idea." She grinned at me and I smiled, for the first time in what felt like a long time.
Together we moved the rug and coffee table out of the way, and swung the other sofa around so that the backs were opposite each other, the seat-pads pressed together to make one giant square of sofas.
"You make the popcorn and I'll grab the blankets!" Beth said excitedly, rubbing her hands together and hurrying for the stairs.
As I made my way into the kitchen I found myself breathing a sigh of relief.
One for the fact that I didn't have to go to bed just yet. And two for the fact that I had Beth. And she was a complete and utter godsend.
*
"Eh, guys?" Jack's voice awoke me the following morning, his laughter strong in my ears as he shoved Beth and I awake.
I peeled my eyes open to find him crouched on the arms of the sofas, staring down at Beth and I in complete confusion and awe.
"Did you have a slumber party without me?!" He gasped, and Beth and I turned to each other in complete amazement. Empty tea-cups and popcorn bowls lay on the sofa by our feet, the pair of us wrapped in blankets and pillows.
"Oops," Beth laughed, stretching into a sitting position. "I guess we must've fallen asleep after the movie."
"Sorry buddy," I said, leaning forward to ruffle Jack's hair. "Maybe next time."
After dressing and having breakfast, I felt much more refreshed and enthusiastic than the previous day; mainly because I knew I was getting to see Spencer that night. Even if it was due to be after midnight; I was still getting to see him.
"Why can't I stay with Melanie?" Jack moaned as Beth drove me over to the flat.
"Because Melanie's seeing her friends today and your Aunt Jessica is looking forward to seeing you." As a spur-of-the-moment decision, Jessica invited Beth and Jack over to the house.
I had a massive suspicion that was because her house was only a five-minute drive from Spencer's apartment; meaning easy access if all things went pear-shaped.
The rain was starting to pour down as we pulled up outside.
"Alright if you need anything just call, okay?" Beth said, leaning over the console to kiss my cheek.
"I will I promise. Hey little guy," I turned into the back of the car and ruffled Jack's hair. "Make sure you eat everything you're not supposed to and drive your cousins crazy, okay?" Jack laughed and nodded his head emphatically.
"If you need us just call a cab and I'll pay."
I rolled my eyes and hugged her briefly.
"Have a good time and thanks for everything."
*
"Hey Caitlyn, this is the third call in half an hour and I still haven't heard back from you. You were s'posed to be here forty minutes ago and I'm starting to worry now. If you could just call whenever you get this and let me know what's happening, thanks."
I ended the call and went back to pacing in front of the window, Milky perched on the sill meowing at me.
I was really starting to panic now.
Caitlyn was a fanatic for schedules and organisation and punctuality. I don't think she'd ever been late a day in her life, for anything. I was beyond confused that she was late and couldn't fathom why she hadn't contacted me yet.
I'd changed into clean clothes, showered and even put on some makeup in preparation for their visit. I'd tidied and had coffee ready and was really looking forward to seeing them. I couldn't understand what was happening.
I leapt a foot in the air as loud banging shattered the silence of the apartment.
I flew to the front door, throwing it open to see Caitlyn standing dripping wet in the doorway.
"Oh Melanie!" She sobbed, throwing herself against me. Her mascara had streaked down both cheeks, her makeup melting with the rain, her hair dripping and her clothes creating a puddle on the floor by her feet.
"They're gone, they're gone!" She sobbed into my shoulder.
"Caitlyn?" I pulled her inside the apartment, searching the corridor behind her before closing the door and steering her for the sofa, her sobs completely paralysing me. "What's happened, who's gone? What's wrong?"
"Ben and Daisy!" She stuttered before breaking down into another fit of sobs.
My subconscious perked up then and reminded me that my best friend was pregnant, and in her current hysterical state, god only knows what that was doing to her body let alone her baby.
"Caitlyn, ssh, c'mon calm down, tell me what's happened, what's going on?" I asked, my stomach and insides somersaulting.
"They're gone... Daisy and Ben... Someone's taken them, they're gone Mel I don't know what to do."
"They're gone? What, when, how, what?!"
"We were g-getting ready to c-c-come here," She stuttered through her sobs. "And when I c-called them down they wouldn't c-come and when I went to g-get them, they were g-gone." She sobbed and I froze in complete shock.
Someone had taken Daisy and Ben?
"Have you called anybody?" I asked in a detached tone.
"Everyone's out looking for them."
"Police?"
"I just told you."
"Get back home." I said and ran for the door.
"Melanie!" She sobbed but I ran out of the apartment without looking back.
The Technical Analyst
"Ah my chocolate hulk, thank goodness you've made it back in one piece." I grinned as the team exited the elevator looking tired and worn out after their journey.
"Oh, baby girl am I glad to see you." Morgan grinned, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and kissing the side of my face. I chuckled and followed the rest of the team inside the bullpen, everyone making a bee-line for the coffee pot.
"Sir have you heard from Melanie?" I asked and Hotch turned to me with the hint of a smile.
"You took the words right out of my mouth, we spoke on the phone this morning," He explained. Everyone exchanged grins and sighs of relief.
"She's doing much better and is seeing Caitlyn and the kids today," He explained. "By all accounts, she's staying back at the apartment for Spencer coming home."
"It won't be the same without her." Rossi said in an empathic tone, clamping a hand down on Hotch's shoulder.
"But she isn't too far away. And this is progress." Hotch nodded, more to convince himself than us.
"Alright, let's get these reports filed and then we can head home." Rossi said with an emphatic sigh, the team dissipating for their desks.
I was on my way to the back corridor towards my office when the doors to the bullpen opened and closed and several voices silenced.
"Melanie?!" Hotch gushed, dropping his go-bag and setting his coffee cup on the desk next to him, running for the doors behind me.
I turned to see where he was running to and gasped in panic as I saw Melanie walking towards us with dripping wet hair hanging past her shoulders, makeup smudged on her beautiful face and her clothes sticking to her, completely saturated.
"Melanie, what's happened?!" Hotch demanded as I gasped and ran for her with the rest of the team following my lead.
"Melanie!" I blurted, fussing over her desperately as she caught her breath.
"My car," She breathed. "It's still here," She said. "So I had to take the metro," She explained. I glanced at the window and realised it was pouring down outside. "Daisy and Ben," She said breathlessly. "They've been kidnapped."