a/n: this is a part of a double update! don't forget to read 48 if you haven't!
Chapter 49
Falling asleep in Harry's arms and waking up in them was a feeling I needed to soak up while I still had the opportunity to feel it. I couldn't do that last night, however, not when I couldn't stop dreaming of the events that could occur today.
Somehow, every variation to the same dream I had ended with me getting caught. But none of them were as terrifying as the one where Harry looked at me differently.
Needless to say, I didn't have the best night.
"You aren't forgetting anything, right?" Harry asks as he opens the door with his bag hanging over his shoulder.
I shake my head, taking a quick scan around the hotel room. Other than leaving my sanity behind, I have everything else. I then step out with my things clutched to my side. "Do you want to drop the room key off at the front desk?" I then suggest. "I can take your stuff to the car and warm it up while you do that."
"I can take it after we put our things in the car," he ultimately decides and begins to move, but I stop him by touching his arm.
"I can carry your bag, Harry. C'mon, we'll just waste more time if you make two trips. I really want to beat that heavy traffic, too." Convincing him to the best of my attempt, I bite down on my lip and just hope he'll go along with it.
He heaves a sigh after a split second of pondering his options. To my luck, he takes the room key then hands his bag right over to me. "I'll be back," he then mumbles as I adjust the strap onto my shoulder.
As I watch him go, I head to the parking lot and feel relieved in the moment. I wouldn't have to explain the large duffle bag in the trunk now.
I close the trunk of the car after tossing our things in. I head for the driver's seat with my tote remaining over my shoulder. Once I hop into the SUV, I turn the car on and put dark sunglasses to shield my eyes from the peeking sun at seven in the morning. From a distance, I see Harry making his way towards the car.
He slides into the passenger seat, lightly smiling over at me with tired eyes as he buckles himself in. "Ready," he mumbles.
"Ready," I say back after setting my tote behind his seat. I then adjust myself, stepping on the brake as I put the gear shift in reverse. Just like that, I'm driving out of the resort where I constantly craved for time to stop. It was moments with him, by the beach or in our hotel room, where I found peace.
It was the kind of peace I expected to find after intense yoga or meditation. It came with his presence, instead. I'm worried things will change after today.
As much as I wanted to avoid the traffic, it was bumper to bumper towards the San Ysidro border. Through the sitting traffic, people would come up to the car windows to sell from handmade goods to food. The sight that seemed to grab the attention of Harry and me the most were the children who were selling packs of gum for a few pesos.
One kid, in particular, approached us to sell bracelets. Just as I was about to kindly turn the offer down, Harry asked, "How much?"
Because the boy spoke Spanish, I translated, "Cuanto?"
"Dos por veinte pesos," he answered, and then the boy went on to tell me how they weren't just ordinary bracelets.
To Harry, I said, "He says that his mom makes the bracelets and that the red ones with the blue beads are meant to protect you from the Evil Eye, such as jealousy and harm. Oh, and they are two for twenty pesos."
Looking at Harry, I could tell he didn't believe it, but he reached into his pocket for cash instead of the loose peso coins sitting in the cupholder. For two bracelets, Harry gave the boy way more than what was originally asked. Because of it, the boy tried to gift him more bracelets. After showing his gratitude multiple times, the boy then left.
"Give me your wrist," Harry then said to me as he loosened the string to put the bracelet on me.
"Do you think it's true?" I asked him when I put out my wrist.
"I'll believe anything if it means you'll be alright." He pulled at the red strings before tying a knot when it rested comfortably.
When he says things like that, I feel it in my chest. This time, the feeling had tightened with guilt rather than pleasure as I watched him adjust the bracelet on me. Too long, the red strings dangle from the knot. After telling me he'll shorten it later, I reached for the bracelet that he tossed into the cup holder.
"Now give me your wrist," I said.
"It's alright. Keep it in case yours gets ruined."
"If it means you'll be alright, I don't need an extra one. I want you to wear it, too," I convinced, reaching out for his hand that rested on his lap. He laced his fingers with mine as I brought his hand closer from the still traffic. "Plus, we can match. Can we match?"
"Okay, fine," he whispered, a small smile forming on his face the moment I had looked over. Securing the strings, I smiled right back at Harry.
"You know what's slowly killing me right now, D'Amore?" He then asked as I lifted my foot off the brake so the car could move along with the traffic.
"Hm?"
"I haven't kissed you all morning."
Making me break into a smile, I looked away. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to climb on top of him in the morning and wake him up with kisses. But I rolled my eyes at him. "You'll survive."
"That's the thing, I won't. So, kiss me now because five minutes or thirty minutes from now aren't guaranteed."
I turned my head, looking at him after hearing what he had to say. He had a point—the next few minutes weren't guaranteed, little did he truly know. My eyes glanced over to his lips as he leans in with that crooked smile that has its effect on me every time. Quickly, I leaned in to meet him halfway.
He kissed me softly with a peck the first time. Again, he kissed me but with hunger behind it.
"Harry," I mumbled when a horn went off from the car behind us. "I have to keep—"
I couldn't stop kissing him back, even when he had cut me off while I was in the middle of saying something. As if nicotine had been lingering on his pretty lips, I just couldn't get enough.
"Oh, for fucks sake," Harry then said after parting, but it was in response to the prolonged honk. He then reached for the horn of my steering wheel to honk right back.
"Harry, no!" I laughed, shooing his hand away as I released my foot off the brakes to move forward. "They have every right to honk at us when two cars just cut in front!"
"No, it's fucking annoying that they're ruining a good— fuck off!" He shouted the last part to the driver behind and he abused the horn once more.
"Alright, enough! How do you have road rage when you aren't even driving?" I playfully scoffed while keeping the vehicle moving so that I wouldn't be aggressively tailgated after this.
"I don't know," he mumbled with a quick shrug. "but I'll stop now." Quickly, Harry leaned over the console between us and planted a kiss right on my cheek. I bit my lip over the affection I wanted to savor before it would become too late.
After almost three hours of moving in slow traffic towards the border exit, we're almost there with only six cars in front. I can see the border patrols and out of nerves, I think my palms are sweating as I grip onto the steering wheel tightly.
All of a sudden, Harry reaches for the dial and turns the volume of the radio down. He then shifts in his seat, probably uncomfortable after sitting for hours. Looking out the window, Harry tilts his head and I notice he's looking at the guards with K-9 dogs a few lanes down.
"Fuck," I slip out with my mind and fearing anxiety beginning to race. The uneasy feeling has returned only because I'm almost certain I'm going to get caught with whatever Louis is making me harbor. I then hold my breath when I wonder if that's what Louis wants. Does he want me to get caught?
"What?" Harry looks at me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing... I just— Dogs scare me." I lie again and it might be out of habit.
"I thought you loved dogs."
I frown, gripping the wheel and avoiding looking his way. "I do. Only small dogs, though."
"You weren't scared of Zayn and Sutton's dog and you said your granddad had a german shepherd—"
I break into a nervous scoff. "Stop! Just stop talking!" I snap from the sight of the K-9s coming closer, sniffing every vehicle they pass.
There's a long moment of silence from how fast the moment has changed. I didn't know how else to express my frustration but yelling at him wasn't the right way. It didn't help my case of being a liar.
"I fucking knew it," he mumbles beside me. He scoffs, shaking his head in utter disappointment.
I grip onto the wheel as my left leg begins to wildly bounce out of fear. "Knew... Knew what?" I don't look his way, but at the dogs and patrols that pace closer.
He doesn't answer me, but I'm certain he's figured me out. "Listen to me," Harry says. "If the dogs sniff something out, it's mine and you had no idea about it."
"What?"
"Just go with it, yeah? If we're pulled over, at any time and they find whatever they find, it's my crime, not yours."
"Harry, no," I whisper.
"If we're separated and they ask, I'm your boyfriend. I brought you here on vacation. Tell them that I'm a part of Infernos-16, but you had no idea I was smuggling shit over."
"Harry—"
"Just do what I say," he interrupts, making it clear that this isn't up for debate.
At this point, he knows I lied to him. He won't even look at me and because I feel sensitive my lip quivers. "But I'm sorry," I say to him with a shaky sigh. "Don't you want to know—"
"There's no time for an explanation right now. If they arrest me and when they let you go, you leave and don't go back to LA."
Shaking my head, I can't let it get to the point where he's thrown in jail because of me. "No, because I knew about the bag and you didn't. I put the bag in the car last night. I'm smuggling it, not—"
"For once, just do what I fucking—" he pauses when his voice raises. He brings the back of his hand up to his mouth as if he's keeping himself from snapping at me further. Though he has every reason to be angry. His tone and direction shift when he says, "I'll be fine. You'll be fine, too, I promise. Look, I know you had no choice. I know exactly who put you in this damn position. Just trust me? Because we only have each other right now."
"I'm sorry," I slip out again as my throat begins to feel pain. "but I can't let you take the heat."
"Jo," he's warning me. "We don't have another choice. Maybe if you would've told me sooner then—"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. But I-I couldn't tell you! He said he was going to—"
"I know," he stresses. "So, please, just trust me."
The worst of all possible situations flashes through my head. I'm hesitant to nod, knowing it would kill me to see Harry face the consequences of my mistakes. He tells me to trust him, however, and for the first time, I do trust him. He's right when he says we only have each other and now I only trust him—with my life and more.
"I wanna kiss you, but I can't," he whispers under his breath as the line in front of us gets closer by the minute. My lips part and just as I'm about to beg for his affection, the dogs bark and my heart stops.
"It's alright, it's alright," Harry mumbles, reaching for my thigh. "Keep pulling forward."
I breathe when I quickly learn that the dogs weren't barking at our vehicle. They seemed to sniff something out in the lane next to us.
As I keep pulling forward, I catch a glimpse of the situation from the mirror on Harry's side. A white vehicle is being searched and a man is being arrested against the hood of his car. He must've had something in possession and to think it could've been us has my heart wildly over thump in my chest.
"We're next," he mumbles softly as he reaches into the pocket of his pants. "They ask questions sometimes. Remember, we're on vacation, we arrived on Friday, and we're from LA."
I'm nodding as I'm starting to have a bit of faith that this will be the only hard part. I then look down when Harry hands me his opened passport. "You're a U.S. citizen?" I ask Harry when it comes to a surprise to me.
"He made me apply," he bluntly responds and I don't have to guess who he refers to. Out of curiosity, I look down at his passport photo. His hair hadn't been as curly as it usually is. It looked flat and messy as if he'd just roll out of bed that morning, but he looked so good. Angelic, too, in all white.
"Go," he says and I panic for a split moment. When I look ahead, the immigration officer in the window is waving for me to pull forward. I swallow and reach for my passport in the cupholder.
Breathe.
I put on a smile as I come to a halt. I hand our open passports to the officer as he greets both of us. As beads of sweat trickle down my neck, the officer says, "What brought you to Mexico?"
"My boyfriend and I... We decided to spend the weekend in Rosarito."
The officer nods. He then looks at a passport. "Joelle D'Amore?"
"That's me," I say and he looks at my face for confirmation.
"And Harry Styles."
Harry lifts his hand in a small wave. "Good morning, officer," he says.
"Where are you guys traveling from?" The officer asks after confirming our identities.
"Los Angeles," I answer.
"Which part?"
I swallow from how much detail the man searches for. "West Hollywood."
"One last thing, bringing anything back from Mexico?"
Drugs, probably.
"No, officer," I say and I wonder if he can see the sweat I'm drenched in. To be fair, it feels hot out.
"Alright, you're good to go," he says when handing me back the passports. "Drive safe."
That's it?
"Thank you, officer," I say, but in a whisper from how breathless I feel.
Harry takes the passports from me as I release my foot off the brakes. Merging towards the exit, my shaky hands grip the wheel again.
"Hard parts over," Harry assures. "That's it. We made it through."
"That's it?" I ask again but out loud and for further confirmation after the scare I had.
"That's it. Now merge to the 805 and I'll tell you when to pull over, okay?"
"Okay."
The radio remains silent as I safely drive over the bumpers and onto the busy freeway. With thoughts overbearing and loud in my head, I sniffle because the situation I am in is not completely over. I've yet to face the aftermath.
"Take the next exit," Harry instructs and again, I nod. "Then take a left."
I do as I'm told. After taking the exit, I follow his direction of making a left. He then tells me to head straight down the road.
We reach an empty parking lot of a beach and I pull into it as I decelerate in speed. Before I even begin to park, Harry takes off his seatbelt and the SUV beeps because of it.
"Now tell me everything, D'Amore. From the beginning."
Finally parking, I take my seatbelt off. The damage is done so I might as well tell Harry everything. "Louis and Liam approached me the day after we came back from Vegas," I begin, finally meeting his eyes that don't look as vibrant as they have all weekend. "They made me get in their car and from there Louis offered me a job... a job for money, five hundred thousand to be exact, but I said no. Then, he said I didn't have a choice. He threatened to tip the police about what really happened to August."
He looks away with a scoff.
"And then... then he told me not to tell you or there'd be consequences. After that, over the past month, he's been wiring me money, a lot of money for doing little tasks that led up to this one."
"What else?"
"Um, the morning you came by to see Sage after she spent the night at my place, Louis had told me the job he wanted me to do in detail. He specifically wanted me to take a trip to TJ and that I was responsible for getting there and getting my hotel room. He told me that on the very last day at ten P.M. there would be a drop at the door. I had to take the bag to my car and not open it."
"That's where you went last night," he confirms to himself and then sighs. "So you don't know what's inside of the bag?"
When I shake my head, Harry is quick to get out of the car. He heads for the trunk to see it for himself and I'm afraid to follow him. My feet force me out of the car anyway and instantly, the salt air breezes through my hair.
I approach Harry as the trunk door of the SUV flies open. He spots the bag that doesn't belong and he drags it towards him. I hold my breath again the moment he begins to unzip the bag.
He pauses, looking down with an expressionless face. Then he reaches in, ruffling his hand inside and all I could hear is scrunching plastic. "Candy. You just smuggled about ten kilos of candy and not coke." Harry looks over at me, lifting a bag of packaged Mexican candy as proof.
"What?" I choke out.
"The fucker played you." Harry drops the candy back into the bag that never had any illegal goods in the first place.
"What?" I should be relieved, but I remain in shock over the fact that I was played. "What the fuck do you mean he played me?"
"He was testing your loyalty, D'Amore. He wanted to see if you were willing to risk it all and prove you could get the job done."
"What for?!" I'm breathing heavily and it's anger that's boiling up the blood in my veins.
"Most likely to—" He pauses and he scoffs again. It's as if something has clicked together in his mind. "It has to be why Dante hasn't killed you. He wants to turn you into an Inferno, maybe as a big fuck you to your granddad. He wants control over you."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me... Please say you're kidding. I-I don't want to be an Inferno! I want nothing to do with any of this!" I bring my hands up to my face and I groan when rubbing at my eyelids. "So, what you're saying is... they wanted to basically see how far I would jump?"
When he nods, I can't control the rage that fires me up. "Motherfucker!" I yell, but not at Harry. I rush for the car door and swing it open when I search my tote bag for the burner phone Louis had given me. So angry and tired, I grab the phone and roughly throw it to the ground. With a grunt, I step on it to smash it into pieces underneath my shoe.
"Woah, woah, wait!" Harry tries to stop me but it's too late. The phone is in pieces and I'm heaving jagged breaths. "Did Louis give you that phone?!"
I take a step back, pushing my flying hair out of the way as I say, "Yeah. He told me I had to answer it every time it rang. It's how he communicated with me."
"Fuck," he mumbles. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
I watch Harry begin to pace with hands roaming his curls. "What?" I frown.
"They know. They fucking know! They know I'm with you... They heard everything. Dante knows— He knows I lied to him now. Everything I told you, they know now. Fuck!" Harry's panicking. Up until now, he was calm about the situation.
"What do you mean?"
"That fucker gave you that phone to spy on you. It wasn't just for calls, D'Amore, so this changes everything. I'm fucked! No, I'm dead."
I shake my head, watching him curse as he continues to pace. "Harry, I'm—"
"Let me think," he sharply interrupts so that I wouldn't say anything else. Though, I don't think I can remain quiet.
"I'm sorry," I apologize, sniffling when my anger has quickly dissolved but has turned into pure sadness. "I couldn't tell you. I was... I was so scared."
He stops and turns to look at me when there was a crack in my voice. "Hey... Hey, I know," he coos and slowly begins to walk towards me. "It's okay. Sit down?"
Harry takes my hands as he directs me to have a seat in the open trunk. He stands in front of me and then lets go of my hands to touch my face instead. He's wiping the tears that had spilled from my eyes. "I'm sorry," I whisper to him this time.
"Stop. You did nothing wrong, Jo."
"I should've told you, but Harry—"
"It's alright. Listen to me, you felt like you had no choice. There was no way Louis was going to rat us out about August... He'd get killed for snitching. He was just trying to scare you. Fuck, this is all my fault. I tried to protect you by keeping you in the dark, but obviously, that wasn't the way to go."
I listen to Harry, frowning to think this was all a game and all a part of a stupid initiation. Though, the chance of being recruited into a gang wasn't what bothered me the most. I expected Harry to be furious at me. After licking my lips, I ask, "So, you're not mad at me?" I look up at him, feeling my lip quiver as he strokes at my cheek.
"No... How could I be mad at you?"
I close my eyes, feeling better to think Harry doesn't hate me for lying to him. I lift my hands to hold his waist so that I can feel him a bit closer. "Then... Then what happens next? If Dante knows you lied and if I broke Louis' rules, what happens next?"
"There's only one thing to do." He wipes the incoming tear, not letting it race down my cheek as he looks at me. "We leave together and don't look back. Just me and you, yeah? To Paris like we once talked about."
The idea sounds thrilling when I can so vividly see us there together. If I could relive the moments we had together in Mexico, I would take the chance in a heartbeat. That's if things were simple and easy. So, I shake my head.
"What do you mean no?" He whispers and he almost looks defeated.
"Louis knows where my parents live. That means Dante knows, too. I have to see them. My mom hasn't returned any of my calls since you've told me about the Angelos. So, I need to go to Seattle, Harry."
"Alright, alright," he whispers, not shutting down my wish as he seems to search for a way to make it work. "I have to ask you a question."
"What?"
"You said Louis has been wiring you money. Have you touched or spent any of that money?"
I look down, beginning to nod again. "I used it to rent this car and for the hotel, to pay my rent, and to buy a new phone. Why? Should I have not touched it?"
"He's been wiring you that money to frame you for fraud. It's what they do. They plant shit so they can use it against you someday."
"I-I didn't know what else to do. I had no money," I begin to explain but he hushes me.
"Don't worry. I'm not going to let that happen to you," he assures me. "Okay?"
I'm compelled to nod again when our gaze in each other's eyes does not break. "Then what are we going to do?"
"Listen, we don't have much time. If they were listening, they're going to look for us. So, here's the plan. We're going to Seattle. You're going to see your parents but we have to go to LA first."
"But I thought—"
"We need some help. If there's anyone I trust besides you, it's Zayn. He's gonna help us fall off the grid. From here on out, cash transactions only."
"So we're driving to Zayn and Sutton's right now? What about the car? I have to return this car."
"Don't worry about returning the car. I'll take care of it, but yes. Yes, we're going to Zayn and Sutton's." He lets his hands fall from my face, but I don't groan about the absence when he takes my hands in his instead.
After a light squeeze of my hand, Harry brings my knuckles to his lips to softly kiss them. Something as sweet as that was enough to erase the stressors I was drowning in. "And then we're going to Seattle?" I whisper for clarification.
He nods. "Everything's gonna be fine," Harry then tells me when he might sense the fear and worry that twists in my belly.
"Again, I'm so—" I'm cut off mid-apology by the force of his kiss. I'm taken aback, but I don't hesitate to grab onto his face and kiss him back. With his hands on my waist, I lean back comfortably as I fiercely tackle his lips with my own. I didn't know how much I needed to feel his warmth and affection until I felt it. Though, it shouldn't come to this much of a shock when I've learned, over the weekend, just how addicted I am to the man.
"I never—" He parts from my lips and releases a soft pant. "never want to hear you apologize for something that isn't your fault. I'm not mad at you, darling. I'm fucking pissed, but not at you."
I pull him into my body for a hug rather than a kiss. I close my eyes tightly as my legs lock behind his waist. I'm then lifted off my seat on the trunk and he holds me in his arms. I hum from the soft kisses he leaves in a trail against my neck.
We've both made mistakes. We've both lied to each other and have shown our ugliest sides under the pressure of being controlled. Being angry would be a waste when we need each other now more than ever.
I then pull back, loosening my hold around his neck, but I remain lifted off the ground in his arms. I swallow when a sudden thought sends chills to run through me. "You think they know about Sage?"
"Don't worry about that," he says softly, and just as I'm about to frown, he continued to talk. "Even if they know, she's safe. She's with her mum and there's no way we'll be linked to her disappearance. I was careful."
His eyes silently assure me to relax. I take in a deep breath and sigh softly after finding only a brief moment of serenity. "You said we don't have much time... We should get going, don't you think?"
He puts me down slowly and when his hands are off my body, he heaves a painful sigh. "Yeah, but I could really use a cigarette right now."
"Then smoke—" I pause when it's barely hit me that I haven't seen Harry smoke all weekend. I didn't even whiff the lingering scent on him once. "Wait—"
"I quit smoking," he confirms and steps closer to the open trunk to dig his hand into the duffel bag filled with candy and not drugs.
"You quit smoking?"
"No big deal. S'not that hard," he tells me, but with a cocky grin. I'm taken back to the memory of a conversation we had in a Denny's when he stubbornly claimed quitting drugs isn't that hard. Looking at him, I can tell he struggled with quitting his bad habit more than he'd like to admit.
I watch Harry tear the wrapper off a chili powdered lollipop then plop the candy right into his mouth. Not even a split second later, he's frowning and taking the candy out of his mouth. "Why the fuck is it spicy?"
I let out a laugh and step close to take the lollipop from him. "It has a layer of chili powder. It's supposed to be sweet like mango after." As I take the lollipop into my mouth to finish it for him, I say, "Mm, it's really good."
He hums right back, grinning at me as he then digs into the pocket of his pants. He pulls out his phone. "Before we go, give me your other phone. We have to trash them."
I want to frown, but I know it would be irrational for me to complain about tossing my new phone when there are bigger issues to worry about. Though, tossing my new phone meant tossing the pictures I captured and wanted to keep. Regardless, I give it up when I fish it out of my back pocket.
Harry takes my phone as I suck on my lollipop. He drops it onto the sandy ground and with his foot, he positions it behind the wheel. "Get in the car. I'll drive so we can get the hell out of here."
I close the trunk and huff over the change of events that have occurred. Albeit I should be relieved, the pessimistic part of me tells me things will only get worse. As long as I'm with Harry—as long as he's on my side—I have to believe it when he tells me we'll be alright.
—
thank you for reading! i missed y'all.
love,
mila!