Joanna left before Sirius had woken up, only leaving a note claiming she had received an Order mission. Kate wasn't an early bird, and she didn't think Marlene would appreciate her barging in their flat in the wee morning, either. She couldn't risk going to James for this. Not yet, anyway.
But her jumper itched, her hair was dirty, and she forgot to put socks on. It was cold out and she hadn't had her cup of tea.
"Thanks for letting me stop by so early, Pete. Hope I didn't wake you up," she placed her coat on the coat rack.
"N-no worries. I couldn't sleep much, either," he shuffled about the kitchen. His hands scrambled for sugar and biscuits. The kettle was already on.
"How's your mum? Is she doing better?" She decided to sit at the table. It was the only uncluttered area in the room.
Peter responded, "Uh... My mum? Yeah, she's fine..."
"Want milk?" He brought over the tray to the table.
Had he always been that fidgety?
"No thanks. I like mine dark," she smiled as she took a sip of the hot liquid. She peered over the cup while her friend excused himself to look for something.
Standing up, she walked over to the living room. Family portraits lay scattered throughout. Smaller Peters looked timidly at her before turning back to their mother. Jo couldn't remember the last time she had seen the woman. She knew her parents had been alive then.
A pinned map fluttered from the wall. Drawing pins dotted the entire surface. Their locations seemed familiar.
She raised her voice, "Are these the Order missions, Pete?"
The marauder reappeared in the doorway, it seemed the running around drained all the color from his face.
"What--Order... Um, yes. Th-They're missions," he scratched the back of his neck.
Jo raised her eyebrows, "That's actually brilliant. It's like the one in Mad-Eye's office."
Peter only chuckled in response before offering her more biscuits.
"You know, Jo, I got called today. So I-I need to leave. Right now. I-I'm sorry you can't stay longer," he sputtered, already grabbing her coat and beckoning them towards the front door.
"Oh, alright. Thank you for the--" But the door shut in her face. "Tea," she whispered. Typical Peter.
Joanna didn't know where else to go. A drizzle began to tickle her face. Sirius would probably be awake, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette on the balcony. He would be reading the headlines of the Prophet and then throw it away in disgust once the stories got too gruesome. She could see "Another Wizarding Family's Mysterious Disappearance" sprawled in moving bold letters at the top of the rubbish bin.
If she could get some breakfast to surprise Kate and Marlene, perhaps they wouldn't kill her for waking them up so early. And she could take her time walking there. Some exercise won't be too bad, she mumbled.
* * * * *
Kate began, "Where'd you get these rowies? They're just as good as the ones your mom makes." She pointed at Marlene shoveling another forkful of eggs into her mouth.
Jo shrugged her shoulders, "It was some muggle baker's I found two streets away from here."
"You're lucky we're hungry. Or else I don't know what I would've done with you dripping water all over the floor when the sun's barely out." Marlene spoke with her mouth full.
"I am sorry about that. I was in the area when it started pouring and I didn't know where else to go," Jo apologized.
Kate snorted, "You were 'in the area'? Is that really the best you've got?"
The younger witch fumbled for words.
"What did Sirius do this time?" Marlene raised her eyebrows. She was already taking a bite out of her rowie with jam.
"What? Why do you think it has to do with him?" Jo asked, playing with the loose strand of hair over her face. She needed to wash it soon.
"You've got that look," the Scottish witch noted.
"What look?"
"That sad puppy dog look. Every time you guys fight, you both get it."
"I don't have a sad puppy dog look. Besides, he has nothing to do with this. Can't I simply visit my best friends?"
"Keep telling yourself that. But we know you're not here because you fancy giving us free food." Kate pointed her finger at her and squinted her eyes.
"That's bloody rich coming from you."
Kate inquired, "What's that supposed to mean?"
Jo hissed, "I mean you're so eager to talk about New York, right?"
"That's different," Marlene finally dropped her fork, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"Of course it is," Jo rolled her eyes then.
Kate added, "I have a valid reason for not going. I can't leave Marlene here."
"You can take her with you. And be happy, safe, and alive, " Jo sighed.
"We're not going to be cowards, Joanna," Marlene shook her head.
Jo raised her voice, "This isn't about cowardice, this is about survival. You have the option to leave."
Kate motioned all around them, "You expect me to sit back and relax in the City knowing you're all putting yourselves in danger? That's rubbish."
Jo tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill out, "You've never lost the people you love. But I--"
Kate noted, "That's a bunch of shit, Joanna. You're telling me I don't know about loss? Or the bad things that happen because of blood prejudice? Or discrimination? Do you think New York will solve all of that? Because if you think that for a second, you're being naive."
"James is all I have left. And he can die if I don't do this," Jo revealed.
"Are you blind, Joanna? You have us; this is exactly why we can't leave!" Marlene exclaimed. She seemed angry but she placed her arm over Jo's shoulder.
"No, that's exactly why you have to leave," Jo's voice cracked.
She couldn't risk losing them as well. But she couldn't bring herself to say that aloud. She didn't know why.
"Perhaps it's best if you leave right now," Kate resolved.
Jo gulped. Why couldn't they see her point? Why were they so stubborn?
"Al...Alright," she agreed. She painfully pulled out her chair and grabbed her bag before walking to the door. Her hand hesitated to touch the gold latch. Fingertips frozen mere centimeters from it.
"Lock the door on your way out," she heard Kate shout from the dining area.
Immediately thawed, her fingers landed on the knob and swung the door open. She was welcomed with a gust of cool air.
"Colloportus" she muttered under her breath and put her wand back inside her pocket.
* * * * *
It was still raining outside. Jo was even more uncomfortable when her chest began to tighten. She aimlessly scratched her covered neck.
No one was on the streets. The sky rumbled, but all she could hear were the arguments from before.
"We're not going to be cowards, Joanna."
"You're being naive."
"We don't know what's going to happen after. So this is the last time we'll be seeing each other for now."
"They will have to go into hiding. Officially this time..."
The world was spinning. She was thrown off her axis. She couldn't lose anyone else. No one was fine.
Her scream was muted by the rainfall and its grumbling. Her tears blended in with the rest of the water droplets on her face. Joanna couldn't lose anyone else.
She didn't know where she was headed until she recognized the entrance to the flat. And Sirius's grey eyes. It's as if she was staring at the clouds outside.
He looked at her even when moving to the side to let her in. No questions were asked. No speeches were given. Jo trudged to the bathroom and took her sopping clothes off. They were still creased from the shape of her body. But soon those would disappear like they always did.
Her sneeze indicated she had been out in the cold for too long, but she didn't care. She slunk into the shower, hoping to wash away all of her own creases that hadn't yet disappeared. The ones that were still burrowed deep into her skin. The ones that had made their way into her heart.
She didn't answer when Remus asked if she wanted lunch, instead choosing to stand still. Maybe that would smooth her out.
* * * * *
Joanna stared at the blank ceiling above her. She had been in the bathroom for hours, but sitting alone only made everything worse. Above her stretched an infinite plane of darkness for miles on end. She tried shutting her eyes again. More black. A deep breath escaped her body followed by another and another and... She was looking at the ceiling once more. But this time, it was sparkling. Her mother taught her the enchantment when she was afraid of sleeping alone in her own room without James.
"It's so... " Jo disrupted the silence.
"Beautiful?" Sirius finished.
She could feel his eyes on her, "Mum once said, if you ever think you're alone, just look up at the stars. They never leave."
She listened to the faint exhales he was taking.
"I'll never leave," Sirius whispered.
Her heart almost burst. What was she supposed to say? That he probably didn't mean it? He could leave right now and avoid getting killed. He could find someone who wouldn't stay up all night looking at some childish illusion. Someone to live with in France forever and not worry about family troubles.
Jo turned away, focusing on the twinkling fixture instead.
He grumbled, "Don't do that..."
"What?" She meekly asked.
"I thought we were past this," Sirius propped himself up against the headboard.
She lied, "I'm trying to sleep."
He looked down at her, "You know, you don't have to keep everything to yourself."
"But I-I don't even know where to begin. I'm only a burden."
"What makes you think you're a burden? Am I making you feel like one?" Sirius questioned with a concerned tone.
She huffed, "It's not you... it's me. I'm always dumping everything on you. You shouldn't--"
"Dumping everything? Love, I don't understand."
"All I give you is danger and death and darkness. You shouldn't have to be with me for that."
He rolled his eyes, "You've gone mental if you think that'll work on me. Danger? Death? That's life, it's not you."
"But everywhere I go... My parents are dead. My brother has to hide so his family doesn't get killed. Your brother is dead. If it wasn't for me, he might still be alive. And you wouldn't have gotten hurt and risked your life," she gesticulated.
He placed his hand on her cheek, "None of this is your fault. Besides, I know what I signed up for. I didn't join the Order on a whim. I didn't leave my house to get a laugh. I don't... I don't love you for you to leave me now." He didn't falter his stare one bit. It was slightly intimidating had she not memorized it already.
"I've been too selfish, Sirius. I shouldn't be tying you down."
"What do you mean tying me down? You're not," he sounded resolute.
She pointed out, "It's been one challenge after the other, you don't have to get involved with this."
"I don't back down from those. I won't."
She met his eyes, "I... I... I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose anyone else."
He grinned, "You won't lose me. I promise."
She countered, "Don't make promises you can't keep."
His grin did falter, though, while he let reality sink in. "I've made it once and I'll do it again because I intend on keeping it forever, Joanna."
She shifted toward him, "Really?"
"Really," he said.
She whispered, "Pour toujours."
"Pour toujours," was his echo.