When we let Gio out again and are back at Jude's, my mother and Denise are sitting in the living room having a glass of wine.
When they notice us, they turn to watch us as we walk into the room.
"Good thing you two are just coming. We have something to tell you," my mother says and Jude and I give each other a few confused looks.
After we sit down, side by side, on the couch, opposite the two of them, the two of them put their glasses on the table.
"You make me nervous. What do you have to tell us?" Jude asks, and he really is nervous. You can hear it in his voice.
"Nothing bad. We've just decided that we're going on holiday together during the summer holidays, when Jude's season is over. That's only four weeks away too and it's already booked," my mother says enthusiastically.
Okay, I have no problem with holidays. I think I would go on holiday with anyone, no matter who it is. The main thing is that it's nice there.
"Where are we going?" I ask excitedly. "To Croatia. There are supposed to be very beautiful beaches and cities there. We're going by boat across the sea for two weeks and then we'll spend a few more days in a city in a hotel." "okay," Jude finally says.
I've never really been on holiday. Just a few days here or there now and then. But never really gone for long.
"Jude, your father and Jobe are coming too," Denise says to her son, who nods in agreement.Our two mothers are engrossed in conversation again and we just sit there and do nothing.
After a while, Jude stands up and makes a head movement towards the stairs. I just nod and hope that he meant that I go up with him. If not, it's embarrassing because I'm already up and on my way.
But when, after I have entered his room, he still says nothing, I assume I have understood correctly.
I immediately lie down on his bed to bug him a bit. He hates it when someone, in street clothes, lies down on his bed.
"Hey. Get up right now. Put on something else first.", he says. "I don't have anything else.", I say a bit annoyed. "What about your T-shirt from earlier?" he asks as he walks to his wardrobe. "It's in your car. And I'm certainly not getting up to get it now. If you want to do that," I tell him and he just rolls his eyes.
"I'm going to take a shower," he says, turns around and disappears into the bathroom.Should I change my clothes or not? I have to say, sometimes I really don't understand this boy. But never mind.
I get up and go to his wardrobe. I just take something from him. These jeans are already uncomfortable.
After searching for a while, I find a pair of sweatpants and a white T-shirt, which I put on right away, before he's finished.
I quickly fold the old clothes, put them on a chair and then go back to bed.
3 minutes after the water from the shower has run out, he comes out of the bathroom, dressed again. When he sees me, he looks me up and down and grabs the back of his neck with his hand.
Why is he doing that now?
He comes closer to me until he finally sits down next to me in bed. "Why are you wearing my clothes?" he asks seriously. Huh? What's wrong with him? "You said I should wear something else. That's what I've done now," I say as I look him steadfastly in the eye.
"I can see that," he says as he looks at me again and then finally stops at my eyes.
We look at each other for a few seconds until there is a knock at the door. I turn my gaze from him and look at the door, which opens at that moment.
My mother sticks her head out. "Hello you two. I just wanted to say that I'm going home now. Leya do you need a lift?" she finally asks. "No. She's staying here today," Jude answers for me. My mum just smiles at us and a little later she is gone.
"What if I wanted to go home now?", I ask him as I cross my arms in front of my chest. He turns to me. He says nothing, which makes me a little nervous after a while.
I look at him questioningly. "I asked you a question," I say after he still hasn't answered me.
"You don't want to go home," he finally says. "What makes you so sure?", I ask him. "Why would you want to go home but change here first?" he asks back. Ah, I think he has a point.
"Maybe just because the clothes I was wearing were super uncomfortable," I say as I roll my eyes. "Yeah right.", he replies.
He seems so serious today. Normally he's always in a funny mood and makes a joke sometimes, but today, since we were at the stadium, he's different.
"What's wrong with you today?" I ask him. "Nothing, what could be wrong?" he says, his voice still serious. He doesn't even pull a face.
"You know you're my best friend and you can tell me anything and talk to me," I say to him, but he just stands up and turns away from me.
"Yeah maybe that's the problem," he says, still turned away from me.
"What, that I mean well for you and want you to tell me what's wrong with you?", I say, my voice a little louder now as I finally look up too.
He turns around. "No. That you're my best friend. It's not enough for me", he says calmly. Ouch. Does it mean he doesn't like me at all? "What does that mean Jude? I don't get it." He doesn't answer me again, just shakes his head.
If he won't talk to me, then I have no business being here. I go to the door and open it. "What are you doing? You stay here," he says. "No. I'm leaving. I have nothing more to say to you," I say and finally disappear out the door.
I am lucky and my mother is still standing in the doorway talking to Denise. I approach them both with a big smile so that they don't notice that we've just had a fight.
"Hey, Mum, I just wanted to say that I'm coming with you after all. I completely forgot that I have to do a paper on London tomorrow. I have to present it at school on Monday," she just nods and we both leave the house.
Even though she should have realised that I was lying, she doesn't mention it to me the whole car ride and when we arrive I disappear into my room so that she doesn't get another chance.
I sit down in my bed and think about what I did wrong.
Why doesn't he talk to me? What have I done to him that our friendship is no longer enough?
But before I can think about it further, I close my eyes and fall asleep.
The next few weeks go back to semi-normal. I go to school every day and see Kiara.
There is only one difference. I feel like shit because today is Friday and I haven't written or talked to Jude in 20 days.
I told Kiara all about it and she said I got it completely wrong. But I don't think so. He was clear enough for me.
I thought we were such good friends that maybe he'd get in touch or turn up, but nothing.
I just sit in my room now, alone in the dark and watch Netfix or when it's dark outside I sit on the balcony and look out over the whole city glowing in bright lights at night.
In a week we're going on holiday and I have to see him again. I'm sure it will be hard, but I won't be the person who seeks out the conversation first.
He has hurt me. I didn't know it would hurt so much, because what happened with Ella wasn't that hard either, but it's different with him.
"Leya. Look who's here," my mother suddenly says from behind me. I didn't even notice that she had come onto my balcony.
I jump up immediately. Is it Jude? Please it is him.
But Kiara comes out. Not that I have a problem with that.
"Hey." she says in a calm voice when my mother has left again. She sits down on an chair and we look together, in silence, across the city.
Kiara, thank God, is not a person who asks you 300 things at once. If I'm not ready to tell her something, she doesn't keep asking or forcing me to tell her. She just accepts it and waits until I'm ready.
The last time I talked to her about him was the same night we had a fight.
"I don't know what to do anymore. For almost three weeks, I've been thinking about him all the time. And no matter how hard I try, I can't stop." I ask her desperately.
It takes her a little while to come up with an answer.
"I understand" she finally says.
"Were you hoping it was him when I came in just now?" she asks.
I feel bad telling her that I did.
"Yes I did. But not that you misunderstand now. Everywhere I am, I hope he is there too.
Whenever my mobile rings or I get a message, I hope it's from him. And whenever there's a knock on my door, I hope he opens it," my voice gets thinner and heavier towards the end.
"I miss him," I finally say as a single tear rolls down my face.
"You know what Leya? I don't believe you just miss him," K says and I turn to her.
What does she mean?
"You love him."
In that moment, it feels like a flash of thought. I think she's right. I- I love him.
"Yes," I answer her and she just looks at me, smiling.
"I've always known it," she finally says.
"Yes yes, but what am I supposed to do now? How should I act?", I ask her nervously.
"Just act normal and try talking to him."
"I don't think I can manage to talk to him yet." "No problem. Take all the time you need," she finally says and I hug her.
"Thank you for being there for me," I say. "You don't have to thank me."