"I close my eyes, thinking that there is nothing like an embrace after an absence, nothing like fitting my face into the curve of his shoulder and filling my lungs with the scent of him." Jodi Picoult, Keeping Faith
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XL.
Though Susanna had spent much of her life away from Ashwood House, having boarded at school and lived in London from the age of seven to nineteen, she was still wholly used to the grandeur that was the grand foyer. It did not occur to her to look up at the painted ceilings and the crystal chandelier than hung overhead, even if she had been away from home for months.
Upon observing her companions, however, Susanna faced yet another reminder at just how privileged her life had been. This was the worldliness that she had craved, and she was seeing it in the wonder and awe of Amélie and Belle, and even Captain Whitfield. Alex, who had been a guest the last time he was here, was a little more reserved, though Susanna could see the hesitation in his eyes. He was nervous, and rightly so. Susanna was as well.
"I cannot think of the English words quickly enough!" Belle remarked in French, keeping her astonished voice quiet. "This is magnificent!"
But she did not hold Susanna's attention for long as the sound of her brother heavy, desperate footsteps on the stairs all but stopped. Adam had stopped as Grace had appeared on the landing, her hands bearing fistfuls of her petticoats as she had run towards Adam's voice from wherever she had been.
Susanna suddenly felt as though she was intruding on a private moment as both husband and wife took in the sight of the other after such a prolonged absence.
"Thank God you are alright!" exclaimed Grace, keeping hold of her skirts as she hurried down the last few steps before throwing herself into Adam's arms.
Adam gripped hold of Grace as though she was the single entity responsible for keeping him alive. He buried his face in her hair as he lifted her off of her feet. Susanna could have sworn she saw her brother's shoulders shudder, as though he was crying, or at least holding back tears. A large pang of guilt once again filled her stomach in knowing what Adam had sacrificed to help Susanna.
Adam did not release Grace for long, only enough to place her on the step above him before he kissed her senselessly, and that was when Susanna knew she needed to look away. Instead, she found Alex's dark gaze, and she smiled at him reassuringly, pushing away her won nerves.
"Perhaps they are the example, you know?" he murmured.
"What do you mean?" asked Susanna.
"When it is love, real love, nothing else matters," he concluded quietly. "Nothing else should matter."
Susanna felt the heat in her cheeks as she smiled. It meant a great deal to hear Alex utter such words. She knew that they were both realistic, and well aware, about the struggles that they would undoubtedly face, but what they had to remember was that they had gone into the belly of hell to find one another, to be with one another. To endure all that and let something come in the way of it would be like laughing in God's face as he gift wrapped one's soulmate.
"Susanna!"
Susanna's head snapped in the direction of her name, before she saw Grace hurry down the stairs, closely followed by Adam. Susanna heard the sound of Grace's heels run across the marble floor before she swiftly ran into her sister-in-law's open arms. Tears were running down Grace's face, and Susanna quickly felt the wetness on her own cheeks as she hugged Grace.
"Thank God for you both!" Grace whispered, her voice hitching with emotion. She pulled away and cupped Susanna's face, inspecting her with her wide, cornflower blue eyes. "Look at you! Look how tan you are! And such freckles. I hardly recognise you." Grace suddenly sobbed again, and she quickly pulled Susanna back for another hug. "You scared me half to death!"
"I'm sorry!" Susanna said earnestly. "I am sorry. We never planned to. I never planned to, and Adam is not to blame for anything. I am certain he explained everything in his letters home. But I couldn't stay. I had to go, I had to try."
"No, no, I know," accepted Grace, nodding. "I know. I could never have lived with it if another choice had been made. I certainly know you would not have been able to either." She pulled away and wiped her eyes with her sleeve, not caring a wit for the lack of decorum in company.
"Grace, darling, where are the children? Are they in the nursery?" Adam asked, the desperation and eagerness in his tone very evident.
"Oh, they are in the garden with your mother," Grace replied, sniffing. "They have been out for a little while now so they should be along soon. Lily's walking now, you see."
Such a simple response struck Adam like a slap across the face, and Susanna bit down on her lip.
"She's ... Lily's walking?"
Grace seemed to read her husband's face immediately, and she placed a hand on the side of his face. "Perrie asks for you every day."
Oh, God bless Perrie. God bless Grace. Susanna felt wretched.
This did appear to bring Adam some temporary comfort as he realised that they were not alone in the foyer, and that several strangers, to Grace, looked on.
"Forgive me," he asked as he cleared his throat. "How terribly rude of me to leave you standing there without an introduction. "Grace, you remember Mr Whitfield."
Grace offered Alex a warm smile. "Mr Whitfield, of course. I could never forget."
Alex stepped forward awkwardly to bow to Grace. "Your Grace, forgive me –"
"No, please," Grace interjected, holding up her hand to silence him. "There is no need. I am so sorry for what happened to you, and I cannot express how pleased I am that you have found your way back here safely."
Alex nodded, his shoulders relaxing a little. "I thank you, Your Grace," he said gratefully.
"No 'your', just 'Grace'," she corrected with a smile. "I have a feeling we are to be better acquainted very soon, so it is only right."
Susanna was suddenly grateful for her tan appearance, in hopes that it disguised at least some of her blush.
Alex did not reply. He smiled at her, before bowing his head again. Susanna wondered if he would ever feel as though he could address Grace so informally. He addressed her in that way, after all.
"Alright, Susanna did help me with this," Adam uttered to himself. "Captain Whitfield, Madame," he then said to Amélie, before adding, "Madamoiselle," to Belle, "je vous présente ma femme, la Duchesse."
Grace was not fluent in French, having only attended the church school in her youth, and so she appeared a little lost as she knitted her fingers together in front of herself. "Welcome," she murmured, before pursing her lips together, seemingly worrying that she had said the wrong thing.
Captain Whitfield bowed, while Amélie and Belle nearly fell to the floor in deep curtseys.
"Oh, do tell them there is no need," urged Grace bashfully.
Susanna obliged, and uttered to Amélie and Belle that Grace was not the sort of mistress would demand that they fall at her feet.
"Please, Your Grace," Alex interjected, looking to Adam, "do you mind if I introduce them?"
Adam shook his head.
"Your Grace, let me introduce Belle Desjardins," he gestured to Belle. "We met aboard ... the ship," he paused, and Grace nodded with realisation, "and I have assumed responsibility for her."
"I have been teaching Belle English," added Susanna, "so she will be able to understand you for the most part."
Grace certainly startled Belle when she reached out for her hand. Belle seemed to instinctively flinch away, and Grace apologised immediately.
"Forgive me."
"No, I am sorry, my lady," Belle apologised in her accented English. "I am not ..." she searched for the word. "Quel est le mot?" she uttered to herself. "Used!" she suddenly exclaimed. "I am not used to ..." she trailed off, but she extended her hand.
Grace recaptured it. "Of course not. You are welcome here, Miss Desjardins, and you are safe here." She smiled at her warmly.
"Thank you," replied Belle softly. Susanna did not have to wonder if Belle had never known safety before in her life. It was easy to deduce that the answer was no. Susanna prayed she found peace here.
"Your Grace, allow me to introduce Captain Alexander Whitfield, my father."
Captain Whitfield bowed once again, and Grace did her best to hide her shock at the news. Susanna did not miss that her eyes darted in between Captain Whitfield and Amélie, the latter of whom she could only predict would be Alex's mother.
"It is an honour to meet the woman the duke speaks so fondly of," remarked Captain Whitfield.
"I am flattered, Captain. Though I am certain there is a story or two here and I will be most anxious to hear it later."
"Finally, please allow me to introduce my mother," said Alex softly, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Amélie Archambeau."
Amélie did not curtsey again, though she did not flinch away from Grace's kindness as Belle had. Grace was quick to show Amélie friendship through her actions, the same as she was quick to understand that this woman would not understand her words.
The front door was still open, and the attention of all in the foyer was quickly captured by the sounds of quick little footsteps running up the stone stairs. These steps were soon followed by a familiar voice.
"Hurry, ladies," Cecily urged. "I do not recognise those carriages. I certainly know your mother was not expecting anyone, and I want to know who these uninvited guests are. The rudeness, I tell you! Calling upon a duchess without even the decency to wait for an invitation! You would never be so presumptuous, would you, Perrie?"
"No, Grandmamma!" sang Perrie as her little head appeared as she ascended the steps, shortly before her full body came into view.
Goodness! Susanna had imagined that Lily would change in the time that they were away, but she had not imagined that Perrie would change so! She looked like a proper little girl! Of course, she would be four in September! Gone was any hint of baby in her cheeks. She was slender and beautiful, just like her mother.
Nobody could have stood between Adam and his daughter then, as he practically tunnelled through the party to reach Perrie. The moment Perrie laid eyes on Adam, she squealed with excitement. "Papa!" she cried.
Adam scooped her up into his arms and cuddled her tightly, just as Perrie wrapped her arms around her father's neck.
"Papa? What are you –" Cecily came into view then, ascending the steps while holding the hand of Lily, who was, indeed, walking.
She wasn't a baby anymore. Not at all. She was a toddling little one with shoulder length dark hair and brilliant blue eyes, visible even from where Susanna was standing.
"Adam?" gasped Cecily.
"We're home, Mother," replied Adam, barely paying her attention for a moment before he knelt down, Perrie still in his arms, wanting to collect Lily as well. Susanna could see Adam's eyes positively searching Lily's face, memorising every new detail as he took in how much she had changed.
But Lily's eyes widened, and terror filled her little face as she stared at the man who was reaching for her.
And then she screamed.
Susanna felt it like a knife to the heart. By the look on Adam's face, Susanna knew that he felt it, too.
Perrie covered her ears with her hands and exclaimed, "Silly Lily! It's Papa!"
It did not take long for Cecily to find Susanna, and immediately she saw the look of pure relief on her mother's face. While Susanna was still nervous, and she knew that Cecily was not the type of woman to let things go, she was still her mother, and Susanna was pleased to see her.
"Susanna!" cried Cecily. "Susanna, thank God!" Cecily moved quicker than Susanna had ever seen her before. She soon embraced Susanna tightly. She was quickly comforted by the familiar scent of her mother's perfume, which she had never before thought would be a source of comfort before. Susanna felt a sense of security with her mother, which only served to remind her of just how many dangerous situations she had found herself in during her journey.
"Mama!"
Cecily kissed Susanna on both cheeks before cupping her face in her hands. And then all appearances of relief faded, and she saw her mother's eyes fill with ire. "I could kill you!" It was then that Cecily realised the extent of the gathering in the foyer, as she locked eyes with each one of their guests. "I will kill you," she amended through clenched teeth.
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I am soooooo beyond sorry for the wait for this chapter!! Last week I had issues with my lactose intolerance, basically ate dairy and was suffering so my own fault. Weird time for me, I know, but I had my second covid vaccine today and wanted to get this chapter up before any of the side effects kicked in. I think I have the beginnings of a fever now so I'm glad I got this done.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! And I hope you are safe and well and have had a good week xx
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