Once upon a time, back in the day.....
Slickster was living in an upper flat with a room mate called Hard Ball. I had just arrived from California. Hard Ball was gone somewhere. Slick told me he was going to see his girlfriend, Bernadette. He had it bad for that girl. She was a nurse. Slick had a "Thang" for nurses at that time. He was still young blood, and he thought he was in love. He was telling me to kick back, make myself at home....There's a knock on the door.
In comes this nerdy looking young woman. Glasses, black dress, white shirt, black sweater. Little gold cross on a chain around her neck. She introduces herself as Laura. She says she works as a librarian. I notice she's carrying a small stack of records. (My intro to "Punk Rock")
Slickster tells me he met this young woman at a park. A park where we used to go to get buzz materials....We often sampled what we acquired, then sit and play guitars. He also told me on the sly, he never, Tagged It". He reminded Laura he told her he had a girlfriend. He said, "I gotta go see Bernadette, your welcome to hang out and talk with my brother if you like".
What happen next is cool as the breeze.
Laura goes into the bathroom to change. Like some kind of super hero, there was a transformation. Out of the bathroom steps this hot-ass punk rock chick. She's wearing a mini dress faded teal with wide orange stripes. Her make up is perfect baby/tramp/nerd....she now has contacts in. She let her hair down and it was quite lovely.
I'm sitting in a chair at the kitchen table. She comes over and sits on my lap. Everything she said and done I needed right then. She made my sex alive. I didn't care for being second choice, but I had a good time making her glade to be a woman, with me- at that time. When I checked out the bedroom, there were two twin beds. I pushed them together, we stayed away from the middle- as not to get swallowed by the crack. The steamy details of the "Un-holy Event" need not be dug into....that's not the story.
I clue Slick as to what went down. He plays it off like he don't care. I can tell it bugs him in some way. I make a mental note not to have sex with Laura again. I didn't quite understand it. I thought maybe he was going to keep her as some kind of spare. I don't know. She was a very cool girl, but anyone with a half of brain could tell she'd never be true to one guy. That didn't bother me. I figured we'd be friends. Slick carried on his obsession with his Blond, Italian, nurse girlfriend.
I had a little coin saved. I had a plan. I was going to rent this big old farmhouse built in 1890. It was in Detroit. On a side street across from where they make, "Better Made" potato chips. Down the street was the Faygo Soda Pop Factory. You could tell what flavor of Pop they were making from the smell in the air. The smell of potato chips cooking was also around quite often. A crazy place to be if a person was hungry. With out a doubt, Detroit was a more rural place in 1890. That house was probably part of a small farm. It had bushes we let get high all around the yard. A big Mountain Ash tree shading the front porch. Through the years someone went NUTS with roses. The yard was full of beautiful rose bushes. Really a beautiful place. We had a bar-B-Q on the front porch. A big old round red Weber. We cooked on that thing year around.
We needed this house because it was my brother's and my plan to form a rock and roll band. Which we done. We were having fun with this. Playing seedy little dives around Detroit. Honing our chops.
We knew a few different Laura's. To tell them apart we gave them nick names. This Laura was now known as Crazy Laura. Where she lived, in relation to where we lived...was quite a distance. Many miles through nasty ghetto shit. Never-the-less....she came to visit pretty often. Rick usually ducked out when she came by. Once she came by and went up stairs. Slickster made a comment on a "Reaper" jam that was playing on the radio...Then looked at the stairs where Laura went and said, "Go for it"... He was drunk on his ass. I wasn't. I don't know where he went. I didn't, "Go For It". The mother fucker put some mental block in my brain. Plus there was that mental note I had posted..........and the fact that I was her second choice. Like, "If Slickster doesn't wanna love me up, you can". Something about that I don't like. Slick hadn't tagged it. He should have. He was still hanging on to his Nurse. He didn't even bring her around. We were too weird.
The last time I saw Crazy Laura. (in person)
It was a summer day. Late afternoon in August. Kind of hot outside. A friend Kevin and I were outside. Up pulls a baby-shit green van. Like some kind of punk rock, wanna be love machine. Oh Yeah! Crazy Laura gives this semi-cool looking dude a little kiss on the cheek and gets out. The van pulls away. Laura is wearing jeans that appear to be painted on. She has a loose fitting plum colored top. She's not wearing a bra. No, I didn't notice her shoes. She had a big purse. I ask, "Who was that?" She says, "my boyfriend". I wondered if the guy knew he was dropping his girlfriend off to fuck some ghetto rock&rollers. Maybe she had him fooled into thinking she was Snow white. By this time I knew her pretty good. I was certain that the guy in the van, "got off". He wouldn't have happily dropped her off. All smiling like, It's all good, baby.
So where the fuck is the Slickster? Good question. Out chasing down a buzz, no doubt. Oh the folly of youth.
Anyway....
I ask Kevin to fire up the grill. I tell him about the pork chops I took out. I go in the living room, and put a record on. Laura comes in, sits down on the couch and starts making chit-chat. She's eye-ballin' me, and she doesn't ask where the Slickster is. Then she gets up and shuts the living room door. She latches the little hook thing. I'm still standing by the turntable. Thinking about flipping through the records and deciding what I'll spin next. She says, "it sure is hot". I reply, "it's warm, but it's not too bad in here". Then she very dramatically, trying maybe a little too hard...peals off them jeans. I thought she looked kind of cool in her panties...but no, those came off too. So here she is, all bottom-less. Fur and early mourning dew. She sits back on the couch and starts this posing thing. I tell her, "I hope you wipe your butt good". The windows are open. I can here and smell the bar-b-q getting ready. I say to her, "Kevin could come in here any second". She says, "I locked the door". I see in her purse. There's a bottle of booze and a big bag of M&M's. I ask for some M&M's. She gives me a hand full. Now I had the munchies. I wanted more M&M's. She was coming on with nasty talk and all I wanted was more M&M's. Kevin was in the kitchen now. I asked her, "don't you feel at least a little foolish sitting there all bottomless, with no draws on?" Then she yells at me, "You and your brother are incestuously gay! Neither of you wanna Phuck ME!!!". Then I walked over and smacked her upside the head. Not real hard. Just enough to get her attention. She bust out crying. Screaming, "Plenty of guys wanna FUK ME!". Kevin chimes in he will gladly. She ignores Kevin and starts stomping up the stairs. As soon as she started walking M&M's were falling out of her purse. I chased down a bunch of them....five second rule. Then I could hear them....M&M's falling down the stairs. I yelled to her, "I hear one more fuckin' M&M fall I'm gonna smack you upside the head again"! (I was half joking)
Now let me make a point here. Crazy Laura was a party girl. She liked drugs and booze.
Fast forward almost 40 years. On some weird day, maybe New Years Day....I don't remember. I get this phone call at my sisters house. It's Crazy Laura. She tells me about getting married a couple times. Traveling, kids. -What I got out of it-...she never changed. Partied, cheated, one of her X's had her kids in Alaska? She said I wouldn't want to see her now. She also said she was taking care of her Ma in Warren Michigan. She sounded a little shot out. I assured her I'd give the Slickster her number.
Making my actions match up with my words I gave 'Ol Slickster Crazy Laura's number. I didn't think he was gonna call her. What the fuck kind of lowered expectation, desperation, bad craziness bullshit could make a man/woman want to hook up with some Old high on, that they really weren't even tight with????
Never-the-less...
Now Slickster lives in the south east United States. It used to be every summer he'd go up north to entertain (at least) a two month drug binge. He visits his old doctors. E-rooms, dealers....whatever. The Medicine he gets where he lives is very strong...but not exactly what he likes. Plus his family doesn't like seeing him fucked up on his ass all the time. That shit put him in rehab, not to mention a couple nut houses.
Slick stopped drinking hard liquor some time ago. When the doctors told him nine tenths of his liver was hard as a rock and he'd die if he didn't stop.
Well Ol Slickster plans to see old Crazy Laura. He's been talking to her. She's got some meds? Now these two are good old fashioned American stoners. If one makes 'em feel good....hell take two. If two makes them feel that good....try four. I type this KNOWING. Ol' Slickster almost killed me with liquid morphine. Live and learn. Slick picks up a fifth of Laura favorite booze, "Jim Beam". He stops at her house. He shares some of his meds. OOOPPpps....too much. Two shots of Beamer and some "Various, Misc., Assorted" and the Crazy drops dead. Now I personally seen the Slickster bring junkie fucks back from the brink of death. He knows CPR. This woman was in no shape to attempt partying with Slick.
So Slickster wipes the place down. Takes his fifth of Beam. (Which he brought back with just two shots missing) and quietly but quickly leaves.
One week later...
Slickster, knowing about what time it is...still can not resist calling the number Crazy Laura gave him to reach her. When someone answers, it's a neighbor. A friend that lives a coupe doors down. Seems Ol Crazy Laura can't keep a phone. Not a land line, not a cell. Slick tells the lady that answered, "Yeah, She was suppose to meet me up here. I told her I'd drive down and get her if she needed". The lady says, "Oh, we haven't seen her in a week. I'll send my 17 year old daughter down to her house and see if she's home. We've been a little worried about her". The 17 year old girl goes down to her house. The back door is NOT locked, but shut. She knocks, and hollers for her. Then she tries the back door.
Something Stinks BAD!
The girl walked in and found her OD'ed on her couch. A week old corpse. But hey, like that isn't fucked up enough. I guess 'Ol Crazy Laura was well on her way to becoming a, "Cat Lady". She had seventeen cats that ate her, "Soft Tissue". How horrifying is that? Needless to say, the young girl that found the body got her head screwed up. Hell her head might still be screwed up.
Mine is.
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