Xander's POV:
My grip tightened on the glass, the hand in my pocket balling as her voice sounded out from behind me.
I'd like to think that it was just out of shock, but I knew it had more to do with preparation.
This was my first time seeing her since...
I winced at the very thought, just from scenes from that night to flash across my eyelids.
That sound of Doe's scream ringing through my ears and the picture of Layla's body hovering over hers, claws extended.
I drew in a long breath, taking another gulp of this blood in hopes that it would help me get through the night.
Help what was dormant in my body to stay dormant at such a public event.
I didn't turn to greet her, just saw Nico raise his hand in a half-assed greeting.
And just like that, that typical look of stoic uninterest came over his face.
The same face I'd get whenever I used to talk about her to him or whenever it happened to be the three of us.
The kind of 'sit back and just watch to see what unfolds' kind of attitude.
I couldn't believe myself for being surprised at the sight of it.
This was what I'd set myself up for.
Despite telling myself that Nico was my stability for the night, he didn't know that.
And in all honesty, I had no right to ask nor expect it from him.
Not with how many times he's warned me of what she wanted.
He was just keeping consistent with what he's had to deal with me before.
And if we were going off of consistency, then I can pretty much kiss any more casual conversation with Nico goodbye now that she was here.
I knew he only talked to her out of formality, and me, well... because I'm his brother.
And as he said himself, not one that he's proud of. Not anymore.
Even though the short conversation we just had, ad nervous as it made me, was the most lighthearted one we've had in a while.
Why did I ever begin to tell myself that this was okay?
That tarnishing my relationship with the person I was once so close to was worth it?
That any of this was worth it?!
That regret grew deeper and deeper, digging itself into my chest and squeezing my lungs and heart.
It felt like it was going to kill me and at this point, I just might let it.
I did, however, notice a slight confused pinch in his brows the next time he met my eyes.
The closest thing to a curious look from him I think he could muster given the circumstance.
I couldn't discern the look on my face right now, all I knew is that it didn't match the Xander I've portrayed myself as in front of him.
Her arm brushed mine as she finally reached us, a feeling that had once had me cherishing her very existence, now just left me feeling foolish.
But thankfully didn't stir anything else other than that.
I thought a touch alone would have been enough to leave me fighting with myself again, but that part of me stayed still.
The only reason I could come up with in the moment being that it was because Doe wasn't here.
That Layla wasn't a danger right now, just an annoyance.
As long as any mention of Doe didn't leave her mouth, I should be good.
That much every part of me could agree upon, and thus I was fine as I was.
Well, in that aspect, at least.
Whereas outwardly I was stiff as a board, probably just looking like a nervous little boy at his first ball to anyone looking at me.
I took a subtle sidestep before she started speaking.
"Sorry for meeting up with you late," She began, dusting off her dress as if she had gotten it dirty, "You know how preparation can get hectic last minute."
She glanced at Nico, and then me, neither of us saying anything in response.
For a very awkward amount of time.
"Anyway," She eventually broke the silence herself, "Xander, you look nice."
'Xander'
She never called me Alex when it wasn't just the two of us... and Doe.
That fact used to stir some sort of petty jealousy out of me, but now... Of all things, I was grateful for it.
I felt like even hearing that name right now would make me feel sick.
Hearing my own name...
"Thank you. As do you," I managed, speaking purely out of regulation.
Like I was just on autopilot again.
I shook it from my mind, trying to get myself to focus through all of these deploring realizations.
She did look nice...
She was in a baby pink gown that hugged itself tight to her body with small chrystals raining down from her waistline.
Her hair was just in light waves running down her back.
And yet I felt indifferent.
All it did was make me wonder what masterpiece of an outfit Doe would have put together if she had wanted to attend, and ache even further at the fact that she wasn't here.
She was amazing with that sort of thing, yet I've never seen her in a dress.
"You as well, Prince," She spoke to Nico.
He quirked up a brow at the sudden title.
It was strange to hear it when we weren't in our territories.
And if we did, it was just a sign of deep respect, even more so for the true heir.
Respect I knew that Lord Bronwyn didn't have for us. We were well aware that he despised our residence here.
In... certain instances it could be portrayed as disrespectful to the Lord, Lady, and offspring that did have royal blood in this territory.
Though Lucien had referred to me the same way, his sounded genuine. Enough so that I didn't even think twice about it when it happened.
Her's just sounded... off.
Almost pandering in a sense.
I'm sure Nico had no issue catching on to that.
In all honestly, it was really nothing new. I just actually paid attention and saw it for what it was this time.
"I know," was his blunt response.
My lips quirked upwards as I tried to hide the sudden amusement Nico's response pulled from me.
I straightened the tie that definitely didn't need straightening again to play it off, finishing off the blood in this glass.
My eyes kept themselves fixed on the bottom of the empty cup as I lowered it, hearing Layla's laugh as she tried to play off Nico's words as if he had spoken them as a joke.
I was gonna need a lot more of this to help me get through tonight.
~~~
Doe's POV:
I know I said that I had planned on just trying to relax tonight.
I was gonna get all comfy in that bed, and actually, give myself some time to melt away into it since it was just me in here.
That was the plan, and it was a good one in theory.
It was something that I needed.
But 10 minutes into that and I felt like I was going to explode.
So instead I fell right back into my nervous habit of pacing in circles infront of the door.
I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I couldn't keep ignoring the emotions running through me.
I hadn't built up that wall yet and thus I was left to having to deal with it this way.
Leaving me to face and accept the fact that my nerves had skyrocketed ever since Xander walked out of that door.
And the right to her side.
Or I could only assume.
He'd only mentioned Nico when I brought it up. Her name hadn't left his mouth in what felt like days.
Whether it was for her sake or mine, I didn't know and didn't want to think about it.
Emphasis on want.
It didn't matter what I wanted anymore, so here I was stressing about it anyways.
Terrified at the thought of him just crawling right back to her the moment she showed him an ounce of that affection.
I'd like to think that he's changed. That he has truly put some space between them, but I couldn't be certain.
Not when she'd been doing this for so long.
When every time he's staggered from her she'd do something to put him right back where she wanted him.
And then what? What the hell would I do then?!
My nails were digging hard into the opposing bicep. It stung, but I couldn't stop.
I couldn't stop worrying, I couldn't stop quoting from our previous conversations, I couldn't stop trying to dig for logic.
Anything just to get a definitive answer of how tonight was going to end.
Trust him. You can trust him.
No, don't. Don't get yourself in that mess again.
You heard how he spoke, you know that he meant it. You know he cares.
I thought he cared before all of this.
I caught my bottom lip begin to tremble from my mental tug of war.
No... No not this again.
I deliberately halted my pacing, forcing long, deep inhales and exhales.
Why was I like this now?
What happened to the part of me who didn't let herself worry about situations she couldn't control?
She didn't get emotional. She didn't let herself get this deep in thought.
She didn't care.
What happened to her?
When did she flee and leave whatever mess I had now become behind?
Despite how much venom I put into my thoughts I couldn't find myself with 100% certainty that I wanted to be like that again.
Because back then it just felt like I was surviving. Whereas those brief moments of freedom with Xander felt like I was living.
I hadn't realized in the moment how hard I had clung to those moments, how hard I was still holding onto them in the hopes that one day I'd be able to experience them again.
With the man I could once call my best friend.
I didn't want this night to result in me losing all of that again.
I was scared. I'll admit that for once.
Just this once, because no one else was there to witness it.
It would be my little secret.
My head slowly turned to the door with my next controlled exhale, briefly hoping that he'd just walk back in now and I'd have my answer.
My head kept turning just a bit more until the phone became the item of interest.
I could just call him back.
Just to see if he was serious about coming back.
Just to see that even if he was having the time of his life with Layla, if he would still return.
He was so insistent of it...
'You're more important to me than this ball, Doe."
My gut twisted.
I wanted to just believe the words, but proof of that would be so much easier for me to swallow.
It would give me a semblance of an answer.
I took a single step towards the phone before I stopped myself.
No.
No, If I wanted proof. If I wanted a solid, undeniable answer of how this night goes for him... How Layla's grip had changed, I couldn't cut it short.
It was the easy way out but could result in only prolonging the inevitable.
I needed something more solid to put me at ease.
I lowered my head and rubbed at my eyes with an impatient, anxious groan.
This was going to be a long night.