HADLEY
"What the hell do you want?" I have seriously had enough of this Griffin's shit. As if being an ass at the beach to both of us wasn't enough... he's now found a way to get my number?
"Just hang up the phone, Hadley." Ellis hand gently squeezes my arm in an attempt to get me to listen to him but I can't focus on anything other than this phone call.
I try to listen to Griffin, despite Ellis' protests. He says he wants me to meet up with him and I laugh in disbelief.
"No way in hell." My face is red hot from anger.
"What's he saying?" Ellis' voice is considerably louder now and it's making it difficult to hear Griffin so I just give up trying.
"Yeah, I'm not doing this right now. Have a shitty evening." I say before hanging up my phone. Ellis moves his hand from my arm to grab it and I can't even be bothered to try and get it back. He holds it next to him and shrugs.
"Well?"
"Thank you for shouting in my ear that whole time!" I say, sarcastically which only makes him more agitated. He steps back, obviously not feeling as nice as he was a minute ago.
"What do you expect me to do? Be chill? Did you give him JUST your number?"
My mouth actually drops open at his implications.
Levi jumps in as I think he knows where this conversation is going "Ellis, I think you should --"
But it's too late, I'm severely pissed off. "Are you fucking kidding me? You calling me a slut or somethin'?" My voice projects far louder than Levi's does.
"When the fuck did I say that?" He's now also pissed off at my allegations.
"You didn't have to, Bainbridge."
"Don't fucking call me that."
"You call me 'Rose' so I'll call you whatever the fuck I wanna call you."
We're full on arguing now. Pointless words getting us nowhere.
Levi attempts to step in again. "How about we all just calm down -"
"Or, how about Rose tells us why Delaney has her number."
I stand there with my arms crossed fucking glaring at him. "Let's just clarify that I don't have to tell you anything. But, just to shut you up, I don't know why. He knew my name at the beach so he obviously knows who I am."
"How the fuck?" He's shaking his head, still raging.
"Seriously, Ellis, calm the fuck down before you pop a vein." I think that's the first time I've heard Levi swear.
I take a deep breath and look at Ellis' eyes, trying to convince him. "I don't know how. I just told you that."
"What did he say on the phone?" He talks quieter now but I can still hear the animosity in his tone. I clearly take too long to respond - "Hadley, I'm not playin'."
Hadley. He must be serious.
I take a step towards Ellis. I'm not sure why but I think I'm attempting to calm him down. Somehow, I think my presence might help with that. "He asked me to meet with him, before I hung up." I say calmly. "He just said he wanted to talk to me about something."
He laughs but not in a that's funny way - more like a I'm gonna kill someone way. "Yeah, you're not going."
"Ellis, not being rude but why do you care?" Levi looks done with this whole thing.
"What?" Ellis says, rubbing his head and moving an inch closer to me. Maybe he's growing to hate the distance as much I'm starting to.
Levi shrugs. "Like, you're really mad. Why?"
"Levi, you know who he is. What he's like." Ellis seems confused on why he's the only one to feel so strongly about this situation.
"Yeah, I do but do you see me yelling and getting worked up?"
"You clearly don't care then."
"And since when did you care?" Levi's voice progressively gets louder. "Except from last night, you've not cared about one thing Hadley does. And now you're freaking out?" He scoffs. "Make up your mind, bro. Your attitude is exhausting and quite honestly, I'm fed up of it." Ellis just stares at him blankly. "I'm going to bed, I'll tell Kai to do the same. Thanks for an amazing games night -Hope you enjoyed it, Hadley." Levi rubs his eyes and walks out the room, his footsteps trailing up the stairs.
Ellis looks up at me and takes a few steps back as he speaks - "Are you happy now? You've managed to turn even my family against me." He sounds like how he did when I first met him and I don't like it.
"I literally didn't speak that whole time. Levi was talking to you, about you. Explain how that's my fault...or are you just gonna tell me that everything was fine before I got here like you always do?"
"See that's where you're wrong." He does that annoyed laugh again. "Everything was shit before you got here as well, you've just managed to make it shittier."
"And how have I done that, Ellis? By breathing?" He looks pissed off by my question. "I know you're upset about whatever the fuck has happened to you - but have you ever thought that it's not my fault? I won't have you take your emotions out on me. I'm not some fragile doll that you can twist the way you want it. I'm a human-fucking-being that is fed up of being everybody's emotional punch-bag." I breathe for the first time in a while. "Don't speak to me until you've got that drilled into your head."
I start to walk towards the door when he grabs my arm and spins me round to face him again. He looks torn. "What about the hot water bottle? And the jacket? Doesn't that prove that I care a little bit?"
"Look, I'm not an idiot. I know you care. Maybe that's your problem. We were having a nice conversation until you decided to blow up."
"Yeah, because of Delaney."
"No, because of your temper mixing with your emotions. Your only response to triggers is anger. And I know I have a temper as well but I just know how to control it."
"Do I look out of control to you?" He says, his posture straightening and his shoulders broadening.
I stand there and look at him. "No -" I say. "But I bet you feel it."
He looks at me and does that stupid thing with his eyes, trying to tell me something. Just when I think he might speak up, he walks past me, out the room and up the stairs. I sit on one of the couches in the room and flop my head back on the dark leather - trying to let my lungs take a decent deep breath.
Tonight has been a disaster.
Again, the whiplash from mine and Ellis' mood swings are driving me mad. He clearly can't make up his mind on how he's feeling which leaves him acting out. But to be honest, I get it. I used to be the same, that's why I have no friends back in New York. Except from my cousin Holly, and my Aunt and Uncle, I had nobody back there. The only people I did have were like me; fucked up and angry. So we just fought fire with fire, now look where that's got us. Half of them are probably still stuck in a bad lifestyle, in prison or are probably dead. And the other half are like me - on the run from it all. My mind is attached to the thought that Griffin Delaney might possibly know the old Hadley. I've never met him in Bainbridge before and New York is the only other place I've been in my life. I pray to god that he doesn't know New York Hadley. Like I've said before, I'm hoping to slowly cut ties with all my Old Ghosts. The previous version of me is the biggest ghost of all and she terrifies me. But, I guess it's best to just bite the bullet and rip the band aid off...
So, that's why I'm calling Griffin Delaney. It's time to find out what he wants.
- - -
"Griffin Delaney?" My voice is strong but hushed. I don't want anyone to hear me on the phone to him.
"Damn, girl. Say that again." He laughs and I hold my phone tight against my ear.
"You're disgusting."
"Woah, baby girl. I was kidding, obviously." He's got this cocky, flirty vibe to him. I definitely don't reciprocate.
"Let's just make this quick. I don't know what you want from me, I don't know how you know me, I don't even know how you got my number - but I don't care. I just suggest you forget you ever saw me, delete my number and never attempt to contact me again."
"Woah, woah, woah bright eyes. Just hold on a second, now - "
"I also suggest you stop with the cheesy nicknames before I turn nasty."
He scoffs. "Okay, look. I think we started off on the wrong foot because you don't seem to like me very much."
"No, I think we started and ended this delightfully short friendship perfectly. You're clearly wasting my time - see you never." I want to take the phone off my ear but his words reach my end of the line too quickly.
"Now, I don't think you wanna do that."
"Is that some sort of threat?" I spit at him.
"No, no of course not."
"Brilliant, good bye."
"I'm sure Maynard would love to hear that his girl has randomly appeared in Bainbridge..."
I. Can't. Breath.
"I could have sworn that you lived with him in New York." He sounds so proud of my silence because he knows he's the one that's caused it.
"Did you just say..." The words barely come out. This is one subject I can't act brave about.
"Maynard? Yeah, he's my cousin. I figured I should have introduced myself when I saw you at the beach - but your boy Elliot -"
"His name is Ellis."
"Potato, Potahto. Whatever. He interrupted us before I could talk to you about Maynard. How about we continue it tomorrow?"
I hate him. He knows this is a weak point for me yet he doesn't care - that speaks volumes about what type of person he is. Which makes me wonder, do I really want to get involved with someone like him... again?
"And if I say no?"
He inhales deeply. "Then I say - Hey, siri. Call Brooks Maynard." He laughs at his joke. "The choice is yours. I'll be where we met the other night. Ten AM . Don't be late, babe."
And then the line goes flat. And it feels like my heart rate is also about to flatline too.
I'm biting down so hard on my lips but not even pain will stop them from shaking and my eyes overflow with salty liquid. I tell myself to calm down and remind myself that he's not here. He's in New York. It's over.
Or so I thought - but it looks like the old ghosts are back and better than ever.
- - -
ELLIS
"I'm just surprised you asked to meet me!" Mallory sits back in the booth opposite me, studying my every move. "It's only been almost a month since you've been back."
We sit in our usual back booth of the Diner and talk over dirty fries. I thought it was about time.
I sigh. "Come on, Mal."
"I'm teasing you, El." She laughs and then gives me a small smile. "I miss you. We all miss you." I don't respond so she continues. "You're just always busy or tired - or completely unavailable these days."
"I know, and I'm sorry. There's just been so much going on, I -"
She cuts me off, clearly not wanting to listen to how I actually feel.
"I met Hadley the other day."
"You did?" I cross my arms because I'm not sure what she's about to say.
"She's nice." She doesn't sound genuine. "Pretty eyes." I know she means that, though, but you'd be stupid to pretend like she isn't stunning.
"She's always available if you wanna take her out on a date, Mal." I try to make light of my own thoughts and pretend like I didn't just admit to myself that she was stunning.
"Oh Jesus, Ellis. You know that's not what I meant." She hesitates before speaking up again. "What's it like, living with her?"
"Fine." I shrug.
"Okay, and do you two get along?"
"Are you my counsellor?" I don't know why I'm so annoyed by her interrogation.
"You two are both so defensive, god."
"What do you mean?"
"Maisey told her to stop drinking at the beach and she literally said 'Are you my mom'..." She laughs. "She's a private person, I guess." I don't like the way she said that. It's like she's insulting her in a nice way but it would still sting.
"Well, maybe don't meddle in other people's business?"
Her eyebrows furrow and she cocks her head. "Woah, are you defending her?"
"No."
"Yes, you are." She wriggles in her seat like she's all excited. "What are you not telling me?" She can read me too well is the problem...
"I tell you everything, you know that." I say trying to reassure her, it's partly true.
She laughs. "Okay, well, enough boring talk. Are you meeting up with The Lakers soon or what?" The Lakers is another nickname for our friendship group. Fucking stupid but it makes me feel like I'm eighteen again when I hear it so I never complain. "We all wanna go to the movies soon, like old days."
That doesn't sound too unbearable... "Yeah, maybe." And I smile at her.
She looks at me, her head slightly tilted and looks as if she's grieving. "El, are you sure you're alright? Ever since you've been back you seem so...distant."
I nervously rub the back of my neck. "The Army is quite intense, Mallory. I guess I've just changed a bit."
"Liar, the past times you been on Home Leave you've been the same old Ellis."
Her comment stings my heart because I know I'm not the same after this time. I don't need her and her outspoken ways to make me feel more shitty than I already make myself feel. "Are you forgetting I had a bomb explode next to me and fucked up my leg and happiness?" My tongue is sharp and the people on the table nearest to us look over. One of them even eyes my leg to see the damage I was talking about. God, I hate everyone.
"No, I didn't forget." She's speaking quietly, I obviously embarrassed her. "I just didn't wanna bring it up, if you didn't."
I breath shakily. "Thank you for not bringing it up - but please bear it in mind. It's not been easy."
The next thing I know she's sliding into the booth next to me and wraps her arms around my neck. I hesitate as I hug her back, unsure if I feel differently as well as act it. Am I a complete different person? Have I lost myself all together?
"I'm sorry." She says, and she really does sound hurt.
"You're fine, Mal." I say and I squeeze her tight.
"You're my best friend, you know that?"
I smile into her shoulder. "And you're mine, unfortunately."
She pushes me back and I laugh. "What?! You love me!" She exclaims.
"Right - are we going to order burgers now like we planned or?"
"Yeah, yeah. Let's do it." She grabs a menu and starts talking about what she's gonna order but I just look at her. She, too, seems different this time. She seems to care less even though she still asks, I can tell that there's a lack of warmth to her words and that she cares more about the dramatics of it all rather than the trauma.
I guess I'm not the only one who's changed.
HADLEY
I slept on the idea of reuniting with Griffin again and obviously decided the stupid option was best. I've put on my usual comfy attire - gym leggings, crop top and Ellis' black zip up. I did wash it and intended on giving it back but it just hasn't happened. I told Levi that I was going on a run. He seemed okay with it seeing as Bainbridge is a safe town but he just told me not to wander off to the south side again- how ironic, that that's exactly where I'm headed. There's no way in hell that I'm telling Ellis because he would just stop me from going and avoidance doesn't help with anything.
I drive down south and reach the road by the beach, it's only then that I hesitate and wonder whether this was the right thing to do. I sit in the car for twenty minutes, what is taking him so long? Was this all just a joke to him? I continue to wait to see anyone walk along the beach or pull up because I'm not leaving until I get answers. My phone buzzes and it's a text. Ellis.
'Levi said you're out for a run? You okay?'
I reply, 'Yeah, just needed to get out.'
'If you're running then why's my old car gone?'
I didn't think that part through very well, clearly. Just as I'm about to reply, I see a figure jump out of a beat up car. It's him. He walks down to the sand and waits. I get out the car, shove my phone in my jacket pocket and then put the car keys in between my knuckles, better to be safe than sorry right. I get out the car and take a few steps so that I'm a few away from him - then I wait for him to notice me.
"Hadley." He turns around and takes a step closer.
"Don't be late." My fingers are making air quotes, mocking him.
"Had some shit to do." Did he just... yawn?
I roll my eyes. "Right - let's just cut to the chase - you're Maynard's' cousin."
"Unfortunately. I hate that little rat."
I didn't expect that. Assholes usually like other assholes.
"Right, okay. So, what's the catch. Why am I here?"
"Other than the fact that you're shit scared I'll tell Brooks - I need your help."
I shake my head at him. "You're a piece of shit, I'm not scared of him."
"Say what you want, we both know what Brooks is like -" He looks me dead in the eye. "I don't blame you for being scared of him." His sentence sends shivers cascading down my back.
"Are you saying that you're scared of him?" I decide to divert and turn the conversation back around.
"Ew, no. That kid is nothin' but a hindrance to me."
I snap back at him. "I'm not here for a chat. Why do you need me?"
He does this fake sad sigh - "I wish I could tell you now, but I need to know I can trust you. Especially if you're hangin' around with Elliot -"
"His name is -"
"Yeah, I know his name. I literally do not care." What the fuck is his problem? "Like I was saying, he is a little bit of a liability. I'm afraid he'll mess up my plans."
I slowly shake my head in confusion, waiting for him to elaborate - "Plans...?"
"I'm going to take down Brooks Maynard." He gives me a devilish smile. "And you're going to help me."
I stand there and just stare at him. No - I don't want to see that man ever again. I don't want to put myself through that shit again. Don't make me. I don't want to.
"What? No I'm not? I never want to see him again." I can't help but leave traces of panic in my words.
"You don't really have a choice --"
Panic quickly turns to self-defense mode. "Look, you don't know shit! Do not ever talk to me about him again. I don't want to help you - I don't want to talk to you or him."
He looks really mad. "If you don't help me then --"
"I'm not your fucking puppet." I'm shouting now and I'm glad there's no one around because I'd probably cause a scene.
"Can you just calm -"
"I won't do it. I'm not." My words are as sharp and clear as glass.
I watch his anger turn to frustration as he sees me walk away from him, just to make my point clearer. I only take five or six steps before he screams at me.
"I'm gonna call him!" He screams after me. I stop dead in my tracks. "I will. And I'll tell him you're here." His voice is different now. He means this. This isn't a threat. I swallow hard and try to take a deep breath in through my nose. "Unless...you meet me at Lakes Diner tonight. That gives you some time to come to terms with the fact that you don't really have a choice unless you wanna go back to New York." The worst part of all of this is that he's right. "If you're not there by Nine PM then I'll assume you're already packing your bags."
I let a single tear fall from my left eye and I don't have the energy to even wipe it away. Instead, I slowly turn around and with all the malice of the world in my voice I say..."Go to hell."
I whip around and at first it's more of a fast walk but my legs need to leave this space quicker than my brain can catch up. I break out into a run and don't look back at the beach. As I reach the car, I fumble into my pockets for the keys...where are the keys? My eyes catch sight of something silver in the drivers side footwell and I peer through the window. You've got to be kidding me... I must've dropped the keys before getting out. This car locks automatically after five minutes of being stationary, so basically I'm fucked. Shit. One tear falls again, then another... and suddenly the floodgates crumble beneath the pressure of the water behind them and I am bursting at the seams with tears, frustration, anger... and fear. I turn around and let my back slide down the side of the car as I break into my hands. My breathing isn't working as it's supposed to, my heart rate is far too high but at the same time I feel as though my heart has stopped working. My whole body is giving out and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Life really keeps slapping me round the face. Every time I think I've fixed everything, it all falls beneath my feet. Every single time. It's not a bad life, it's a bad day - A good friend once told me that. But when shit like this happens every single day, and those days seem to take up my whole life, I wonder how long it'll be until the good ones come in and make my life a little better. How long until it changes the tsunami of the bad days and by adding a shower of good ones. Then again, what difference do cold raindrops make to a sea of boiling water? It doesn't. There's no possible way that even the coldest of raindrops - no sorry, teardrops could make a difference to the burning flames I bare. They could never put out a fire that big. A drop in the ocean. That's all the rare good days will feel like.
I feel something cold prick my shoulders and I take a break crying to look up. It's raining.
"Are you fucking KIDDING me, God?" I scream at the sky like I'm crazy, maybe I am. "Is there even anyone up there?!" I go back to crying in my hands and allow the rain water to camouflage against my tears. They merge and suddenly I feel as though the universe is crying with me. Maybe it feels guilty for putting one-too-many hurdles in my path - but at the same time maybe it's crying because it knows it's too late now. There's nothing that could help how I feel or nobody whole could change my mind about my outlook on life.
I consider walking but my legs are shaking, weak and cold. They'll probably give out before I make it back to the house. I pull out my phone and search for the letter L in my contacts.
- - -
I get into the car, soaking wet and shaking and Levi instantly starts to panic. He was already worried because of how inconsolable I was on the phone - I could barely get a word out but he managed to grab the important parts - Get me. South beach. I'm sorry.
"What's happened? Are you alright?" He grabs my shoulders and tries to steady me. "Hadley, breathe..."
I try to match my breathing to his in attempt to gain a normal rhythm.
He continues. "Is there a reason you were over this side of town again? I told you that it's -"
"You... you can't tell Ellis because h-he'll freak." I squeeze the words out.
"Why would he freak?" Levi's voice is calm but serious.
I sigh before I tell him because I know it was a reckless thing to do. "Because I just met with Griffin Delaney."
He holds his breath. "Gri -Griffin? Like on purpose?"
"He knows something! "I blurt the words out to try and cover my tracks of stupidity. "I needed to try and talk him out of it but he didn't listen, I -" I begin to shed tears again because I'm angry for putting myself in these situations, even though they're quite unavoidable.
"Knows something? About what? Has he threatened you?" Levi's voice carries worry.
"No, he hasn't. He's just... He needs my help with something in return." It's not all lies.
"So he's blackmailing you?"
"It's... a favour for a favour. I just don't don't know if I can hold up my end of the deal."
Levi starts driving now, shaking his head.
"Hadley, what the hell? The Delaney family are seriously sketchy and I really don't want you to get hurt."
"He's not going to hurt me, Levi. He just wants my help with something and if I don't help him then I'll have to move again. He has connections to my mom, it's how he knows me. If she finds out I'm here then -"
He doesn't know the outcome but he can clearly tell that it's not good. "Fuck, Hadley. Fuck." He breathes deeply and runs his hands over his hair. "You really have to go through with this?"
"If I wanna stay here, then -" I shrug. "It'll be fine. It's just another load of shit I don't need to deal with... and you can't say anything to Ellis!"
He looks wary - "Do you know how upset he would be if I lied to him? I mean, maybe he can help -"
"What? No! You can't tell him. He'll manage to annoy Griffin and then the whole plan will be ruined. I can't go back to New York, Levi."
He thinks before he agrees, Ellis' trust must mean a lot to him. "Fine. But the minute something goes wrong -"
"Okay, deal." I rest my forehead onto my hands. "But it won't go wrong. It can't."
He shoots me a look as if to say I hope you know what you're doing and then rubs my back briefly with one of his hands. We don't say much the rest of the way home. I'm sat thinking about how I'm gonna get out of this mess and Levi's driving, wondering how I got myself into it to begin with.