He'd left. She's told him and he'd left, just as she'd expected he would. She shouldn't have been so surprised really; it shouldn't have felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. But it did.
She'd cried until she'd fallen asleep, and then she'd woke from a nightmare and cried some more. Then she'd got it in her head that Jordan might show up outside her door any minute and she had to leave. She'd loaded all her things into her car, and she'd even checked out of the hotel. She'd find a new hotel later. Instead, she'd gone into work. The hospital... it was safe. He wouldn't guess she was here. Hopefully.
She'd busied herself in the ER until an emergent case had come in, getting her in the OR until just now, eight in the morning. Monday. It was Monday. She needed to keep track of her days... she needed, she had to keep on top of things and not just work and lose track of time or anything. The patient has just about made it and had a long recovery ahead of them and her whole body ached, and really, she shouldn't have been back in work yet, she should've taken a few more days off to recover but she couldn't sit around and do nothing. Wait for him to find her.
She pulled off her scrub cap as she walked through the double doors, leaning forward against the wall beside the OR board, taking a moment. She needed to move, and eat something, try and sleep maybe. Take some painkillers. She groaned inwardly as she pushed herself off the wall, heading down the hallway to get to the cafeteria.
She felt alone. She'd been alone before, but now that she'd had a taste of not being totally alone, she hated it. The only person she'd felt like she could turn to, she had ruined things with. She'd told him the truth and before she could continue, he'd left. She didn't blame him. She'd put him in an awful situation, and she never should have slept with him in the first place. He was her boss for crying out loud, not that she'd known at the time.
Just as she reached the cafeteria, her pager started beeping on her hip to go see Richard. She frowned slightly as she turned on her heel to make her way there. She had no idea why he would want to see her, and she hoped he hadn't heard about her head injury that had been made obvious by the bruising and try to send her home.
She knocked on the open door and glanced in to see him sat at his desk, beckoning for her to come inside. Her hands stuffed into the pockets of her lab coat as she moved inside.
"You paged, Chief?"
"Close the door, Meredith, and take a seat," he nodded to her.
"Okay," she nodded back, turning to close the door before sitting in one of the chairs opposite his desk.
"I heard you were wandering around with a head injury," he commented, sitting back in his chair and studying her, "Have you had it checked out?"
"Oh, it's fine and I have stitches, it's just bruised, looks worse than it is," she explained, her mouth going a little dry. Omitting the truth to Richard was one thing, but if she had to explicitly lie to him, she didn't know how she would handle that.
"Are you sure you're okay to work? I'm sure if you need a day or two, we can arrange that with Shepherd..."
"No, no, I'm good to work, it was Saturday and I rested yesterday, I'm good," she gave him a small smile and a nod, hoping she was being convincing enough.
"Okay, if you're sure. How is your mother doing?"
"She's okay, I think, I was in Boston over the weekend so I'm going to go and see her later on this afternoon."
"I didn't realise you had gone back, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, just a few things and Jordan had this event for the practice he wanted me to go to," she shrugged slightly.
"Is he still looking to move out here?"
"I don't think... not quite yet, maybe, things are going good for him at the practice."
"Is everything okay between you two?"
"Things are... Richard," she sighed as she started to tear up a little bit, looking up at the ceiling a moment, "I don't think there's much of a future for us."
"Oh, Meredith, do you need to talk about it?"
"No, I just... if he calls, he doesn't know I'm working here," she took a breath, closing her eyes a moment, "He thinks I'm just here for my mom."
"Is there anything I need to know?" Richard frowned slightly.
"No, I needed to get away, that's all. I thought it would be best if he didn't know," she shrugged, her fingers twisting her watch around her wrist.
"Meredith, if you need anything..."
"I know, I appreciate that. Working helps."
"Well then, I'll let you get back to work, just come and see me, anytime, if you need to."
"I will, Richard, thanks."
She got up out of her chair and left his office, heading towards her own office, her hands shaking slightly. She could've told him. She could've just told him everything.
She sat in her desk chair, lowering her head down on her arms on the desk in front of her. She was tired, exhausted. Physically and emotionally. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. Maybe she should just call Jordan.
She dug into her bag, pulling out her old phone and turning it on, fidgeting with the phone in her hand as she waited for it to turn on. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know what to do. Derek hated her, she had no one else to turn to. The phone buzzed in her hand as a series of messages came through. She didn't want to look but she knew she probably should.
Just as she was about to open the messages, her pager went off with a 911 to the pit. Saved by the bell. She slid the phone into the pocket of her lab coat as she got up, leaving the office to head down to the ER. Her stomach still felt twisty, and she just hoped if she got stuck into work, she could clear her brain and just focus on work, surely that would stop the twisting in her stomach.
"Dr Grey, over here!"
She looked up as she entered the ER, spotting her resident calling her over to the patient she was assessing. She took a deep breath before heading over, grabbing a pair of gloves and pulling them on.
"What have we got?" she asked, pulling out her pen light to start assessing the patient.
"Jane Doe, estimated to be in her 30s, blunt force trauma to the left side of her head," the resident reported, "suspected fracture to her forearm along with suspected internal injuries."
"Okay, we need to get her down to CT, do we know if she's been conscious at all?"
"No, she was found unconscious and hasn't regained consciousness since."
"Okay, we need to get her to CT now, stay with her and page me when you get the scans," she told the resident, who she really couldn't think of the name of right now.
Her eyes looked over the patient, finding herself biting her lip as she took in all the injuries that she could see. She has no idea what had happened to this woman, but something about it made her feel uneasy. She quickly turned away, trying to shake off the feeling as she caught the elevator just before the doors closed.
"Oh," she gasped softly, realising Derek was also on the elevator, and she spoke in a soft whisper with a slight nod, "Dr Shepherd."
"Dr Grey," he nodded back, not meeting her eyes.
She turned to face the metal doors, her fingers twisting the watch around her wrist. She could feel tears started to build in her eyes as she made every attempt to keep her breathing under control. She couldn't break down in front of him anymore. She had no right to do that. She'd hurt him, and she didn't deserve his comfort, if he would even give it.
"Are you good with the Jane Doe in the ER?"
"Oh, yeah, waiting for CT to come back," she glanced back at him with a slight smile.
"Okay," he paused a moment, "the injuries looked pretty extensive."
"Yeah," she breathed, feeling a tightness in her chest.
"Makes you wonder what happened."
"I'm sure she'll tell us if she wakes up," she shrugged.
"Maybe."
"See you around," she said just as the doors opened, and she quickly escaped the confined space to head down to the ICU to check on her patient from that morning.
She could feel her phone buzzing in her pocket, and she pulled it out to answer it, not having checked who was calling, and not even realising which phone she had pulled out. She stood rooted to the spot, her breath catching as she heard the voice on the other end.
"Meredith, you finally answered. Where are you?"
"Jordan... I..." she looked around a little, realising Derek was at the other end of the hall and she moved into a storage cupboard.
"You know I'll just come and find you, so save me the hassle. Where are you? I want to talk."
"I- I'm in Seattle."
"I told you not to leave! You said you would wait for me! Why are you always lying to me?"
"I had to come back. My mom..."
"I don't give a crap about your mom, Meredith. When did she ever give a crap about you? She never wanted you to be happy, she never even came to your wedding. Why do you care so much now? Why are you even bothering? Just leave her in the home and come back to Boston."
"I can't... I can't come back."
"Why not? What's stopping you?"
"Jordan..." her pager went off and she scrambled to silence it, seeing the 911 flashing on the screen, "I have to go."
"No, stay on the phone. Why can't you come back?"
Her mind was racing. She needed to go. Her patient needed her. She had to go, but she couldn't tell him that. She couldn't tell him she'd taken this job because he'd be on the next flight out, if he wasn't already, and ready to drag her home. She needed to stall him. She needed to do something.
"Jordan, I want a divorce," the words left her mouth before she could think it through, and she held her breath waiting for his answer.
There was silence on the other end of the line, but she could still hear his breathing on the other end. A knock sounded on the door and her head shot up just as the door opened, Derek stood there and clearly about to speak.
She panicked. She pulled him inside, clearly shocking him, and really at this point she had no idea what she was doing but Jordan couldn't know anyone else was here, or any hint at where she was. She pressed her finger against Derek's lips to stop him from talking just as he was about to say something, and Jordan started speaking again.
"I told you I was sorry for the... incident. It was an accident. You can't just leave me, Meredith."
"Yes, I can," she managed to get out, "My lawyer will be in touch by the end of the week. Please just don't come to Seattle."
"Meredith you can't drop this on me and then tell me not to come and see you!"
"I have to go," she breathed, buttoning the call, her hands shaking as she turned the phone off again, her eyes closing a moment.
"Meredith," she heard Derek's voice beside her.
"CT is back, right? I need to go," she said just as her pager went off again and she went to open the door, but he moved to stand in front of her, "What are you doing?"
"Are you okay?" he asked, his hand moving to her shoulder, but she took a quick step back.
"I'm fine, but my patient won't be if you don't let me get to her," she sighed, her arms crossing over chest.
"Right, okay," he nodded, stepping to the side, "Can we talk later?"
"There's nothing to talk about," she said, opening the door and leaving the small room,
She stuffed her hands in her pockets as she made her way back down to the ER, taking the stairs this time to get there quicker. She'd wasted time speaking to Jordan and then more time had been wasted when Derek had stopped her, and it frustrated her to no end. She had a patient to get to and damn it if they were going to get in her way.
She'd finally scrubbed out after surgery, the patient having coded twice on the table, and was now in critical condition in the ICU. She had already decided to stay the night and monitoring Jane Doe had given her an excuse. There was something about her as well, something that made Meredith want to know more. She pulled her scrub cap off as she walked down the hallway to her office, a sigh escaping her lips as she pushed open the door. She just needed a quick break and then she'd take some charts to the ICU to work on while she kept an eye on the patient.
Just as she sat down, taking a long drink of water, a knock sounded on the door before it opened, Derek stood there, again. She set the bottle down as she looked to him, curious as to what he could want when he'd left so quickly last night.
"Dr Shepherd?"
"Dr Grey, I was wondering if you had a moment."
"Just a moment, I need to get down to the ICU to monitor my patient."
"Can't you have a resident do that?"
"I'd rather do it myself tonight."
"You should be taking it easy with your head injury," he said as he shut the door behind him.
"I'll just be charting in the patient's room, not running the ER," she resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him.
"Residents are here for a reason," he pointed out, sitting in the chair opposite her.
"I'll be fine. I have nothing better to be doing anyway," she shrugged as she grabbed a granola bar out of her desk drawer.
"Okay. And how is your head?"
"My head is fine," she said in a quiet voice fidgeting with the wrapper in her hand.
"Good. I wanted to check in with you after what happened earlier..."
"I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have... I'm sorry."
"Why did you?"
"I don't really know how to explain that."
"You could just tell me the truth," he shrugged.
"It's nothing, I just didn't need questions, or... it's fine."
"Who were you talking to?"
"With all due respect, Dr Shepherd, I don't think that's any of your business."
"I... okay. I guess I'll just leave you to it then," he nodded as he rose out of the chair.
"I need to get back to my patient," she said as she stood as well, putting the granola bar in her coat pocket before picking up the case files in front of her.
"I just... I wanted to apologise myself, I guess," he said, turning to look at her as he approached the door.
"What do you have to apologise for?" she quirked an eyebrow at him, confused.
"I left yesterday. I said I wouldn't leave, but I left and I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologise for, I get it."
"No, I overreacted."
"Dr Shepherd, there's nothing to apologise for. I need to get to my patient, so unless there was anything else?"
"I... no, that's... you go ahead," he said as he stepped outside the office.
"I'll keep you updated on the patient," she told him as she locked the door behind them.
"Thanks," he said, not seemingly going anywhere.
She shook her head slightly, turning on her heel as she made her way in the direction of the ICU again. Derek was being... strange. Last time she'd seen him, he'd been angry. He was angry and he'd walked out. Now, he suddenly wanted to apologise, and she couldn't let him. She had been in the wrong, she had lied, or lied by omission, and she wasn't going to keep dragging him into her mess.
****
A soft groan caught her attention from where she sat in a chair in the corner of the room, and she lifted her head from the paperwork in her lap to see the patient starting to wake up. She put the paperwork on the chair as she stood up and moved over to the bed, a soft smile on her face as the woman's eyes opened.
"Welcome back," Meredith murmured, "My name's Dr Grey. Do you know where you are?"
"I... ouch," the woman said with a slight frown, "I don't... no."
"You're at Seattle Grace hospital, can you tell me your name?"
"Laura, Laura Michaels I... I don't know what happened, why am I here?" she said, her voice hoarse.
"We were hoping you could help us with that," Meredith said as she grabbed a cup of water for her, "Here, take small sips."
"Thanks, I don't really remember anything," she said taking a few small sips.
"That's okay, I'm just going to do a quick exam and then you can rest some more."
Meredith took her time, checking her incisions and doing a quick neuro exam, satisfied that Laura's healing seemed to be on track. She quickly wrote a few notes down in the chart as she spoke again.
"Is there anyone we can call for you Laura?"
"No, there's... no one to call," she said, sounding a little choked up.
"Are you sure?" Meredith looked up with a slight frown.
"Yeah, I... sleep," she murmured, her eyes closing.
"Okay, there'll be nurses coming to check in now and again, get them to page me if you need anything," Meredith said as she put the chart down.
"Thank you, Dr Grey," she murmured, clearly heading off to sleep.
She glanced at her patient, still feeling something slightly off about her situation. She'd been found in a hotel room by the police who had been called by a worker who'd heard shouting and was concerned. But she'd been alone in the room by the time they got there. Her stomach swirled slightly as she thought about it, and she tried to shake it off as she grabbed her files off the chair and headed out of the room. It was 3am and she needed a nap, or maybe just coffee. And probably somewhere to live.