He could hear Nato's angry voice from the bathroom. The kid was yelling strings of words in Bisaya and he sounded upset, but Mo Guan Shan sat motionless on the toilet seat, staring at the white wall inside the pristine bathroom.
It was cruel. He Cheng said something so cruel. He thought the guy was cool but without He Tian around, he's just another monster trampling down on everything, who didn't even care if he's hurting people along the way.
He Tian would never let people treat him that way.
Mo Guan Shan buried his face in his hands, calling He Tian's name as if he was conjuring a spell. He was unquestionably too dependent on the man now to ever consider living a life all alone, away from everyone.
He wanted to run away again. Run away from everyone and everything, go somewhere even more remote than that place, to some island without phones. Escape everything, start all over again.
Outrun the world, be a fool and chase the horizon like a dog who chases its tail, until he finds the right place for him.
But then at present, he's painfully aware of the reality that no matter where he ended up, his past and his problems would always catch up to nibble on his heels as he slept. No one could get rid of his shadow. He couldn't just keep on running away, especially if he wanted He Tian by his side forever.
Unlike him, He Tian has a brilliant future waiting for him.
"Kuya Shan, please open the door," Nato called, voice now even and controlled. It surprised Mo Guan Shan how calm he sounded even after having a shouting match over the phone.
"Don't worry, Nato. I'm not about to do anything stupid," he answered, wiping his face with his palms before he buried the heels of his palms on his eye sockets to keep himself from bawling.
"Kuya He Tian told me that even if you say something like that, I shouldn't just buy it and leave you alone on your own."
Mo Guan Shan sighed before he stood up and opened the bathroom door. Nato, who looked like he was holding in his breath, sighed in relief when he emerged.
"Sorry for making you worry."
"Uhm, I can. . .I guess I can give you a hug if you need it," Nato offered with an awkward smile. Even if he said that, he's holding his arm across his body like he's unsure of what to do next.
"We both need it," Mo Guan Shan said and embraced the boy as tight as he could. The boy stiffened but he relaxed and patted his back. It was obvious that he wasn't used to this kind of gesture. "I'm sorry. This day is a fucking disaster."
"There were slices of it that we actually enjoyed, so it's not entirely hopeless," Nato said when they separated
The boy beamed at him. "I'll try sleeping in this freakishly huge bed."
"I guess I'll do that too," Mo Guan Shan answered. He peered at his oversized watch and saw that it was still three in the afternoon but the sky outside looked dark and bleak. What shitty weather to have in such a shitty situation.
"If I really fall asleep, please don't do something that would make me blame myself for the rest of my life," Nato said in a quiet voice. He's already lying on the bed with the thick blanket covering half of his face.
"Promise. I love He Tian too much to even wanna die right now," he answered, crawling on his side of the bed. He tucked both of his hands under his head and stared at the ceiling. "Nato, I will tell you what's going on, okay? I know you're a smart kid and you'll probably understand me, but I won't take it badly if you decide it's best to not be friends anymore."
"I'll listen. Honestly, I'm also dying of curiosity, but I was holding back because you might not want to talk about it."
"Okay. So, last year, my sex videos were leaked on the internet," he confessed before he could stop himself. He decided it's better for things to come out of his mouth first than have the story reach the kid with all the important parts twisted. "It was the time after my ex boyfriend and I broke up. You can look it up and watch it. . .if you're curious."
"I couldn't do that to you, Kuya Shan. That's blatant disrespect."
"Hey, you're talking to a guy with not one, but three, sex video scandal. Respect is not something easily associated with me."
"We met as human beings first. You were nothing but decent to people, Kuya Shan. If you acted like a complete slut, I wouldn't be here today talking to you about respect. And that wasn't your fault. People shouldn't blame you for it because you were the victim."
"I could only wish for people to think like you, Nato. But most of these people online are vultures. The more you stink of rot, the more it makes them excited."
"Those girls, they looked like they were your fans. Did you become famous after that?"
"No, I was kinda famous on Chinese social media. I started my channel when I was younger, so I built up quite a good fan base. I'd do stuff like live streaming games, doing challenges, random videos and stupid shit like that. It was fun and I earned good money."
"So you have a lot of fans?"
"I did. Most were girls, because I wasn't out. These fans were generous, so I worried that if they discovered I was gay, it would end my career and they would cancel me. That's the downside of being famous, plus the fact that it made my videos spread faster than a plague."
"How about your ex? Is he famous?"
"Still famous, I guess. He's also a content creator but he mainly does travel vlogs and stuff for adrenaline junkies."
"Did he leak those videos?"
"That bastard did. He took the videos on his phone and he didn't even talk to me when I tried to reach out to him and ask him why he did such a thing. After that, everything was a blur. I shut myself inside my room for several months, I tried to kill myself over and over but I just couldn't do it. I deleted my channels, deleted my accounts, and broke my phones. It was hell. I couldn't even go out without people playing those stupid videos on my face, laughing at me. My friends couldn't accept that I was a gay bitch. I had no one."
"How about Kuya He Tian? Was he famous too?"
"No idea. If he's famous then I guess on a different circle, you know, with the ritzy crowd. I didn't know him before we came here."
"I don't think I got it," Nato suddenly sat up, obviously intrigued.
"When we arrived, it was the first time we were together. I mean, we met briefly at the hospital but he left right away. That was after I attempted another suicide and almost succeeded, but he swooped in like a knight-in-ripped-jeans. Then I met him again for a minute before I jumped off a cliff and got hospitalized again. He also jumped to save me. Fucking chicken shit, I almost got him killed! I didn't even realize that before. Then he met me for a second at the hospital before he disappeared again for two whole months while I was there. When we got here he told me those two months were spent finishing up the house and preparing everything."
Nato's mouth was agape as he stared at him in disbelief. While telling him those things, even Mo Guan Shan noticed that it was like a rip-off from the plot of a cheap romance novel. He was like a cliché damsel-in-distress who needed constant saving and He Tian was nailing all his parts without losing his swag.
"Wow. You guys used to be total strangers. I can't even believe all those things happened to you like you're a character in a book."
"You said it.We were strangers. He said he liked me after watching my video. I admit I was creeped out, but I was too busy thinking about death to bother with a suspicious guy who took me to a different country after I got out of the hospital."
"I didn't even notice. I thought you guys were a couple for several years now. You both act like it."
"It's surreal, I admit. He came to my life to rescue me."
"Was being a couple an act at first? Like the movies?"
"No. We didn't act like a couple, it just happened because He Tian was so easy to get along to. I'm the one who's quite tricky."
"Did he. . . I mean, he was interested in you sexually, right?"
Mo Guan Shan shook his head, his mind full of He Tian right at that moment.
"The part of him convinced me that he's not a bad man. He didn't force himself on me and he let me take all the time I needed until I was comfortable around him. It made me like him more and more, because a patient man is way hotter than a rapist."
"Hmm," Nato shifted his eyes before he crawled under the comforter again. "I'm glad. You deserved that. You had a crazy life, but you're lucky too."
"Yeah. Even I can't believe it."
"Then what about that call from He Cheng?" Nato asked, his face a mask of indifference. Mo Guan Shan didn't pry. It's still too soon.
"He told me to stay away from He Tian because I'm a disgrace, and it's gonna ruin his reputation."
"He's an asshole, isn't he? You shouldn't believe in anyone except Kuya He Tian."
"It scares me. What if He Tian realize that I'm worth shit and fighting for what we have is---"
"He jumped down a cliff to save you when you were still practically strangers!" Nato cut him off, his eyes wide and brimming with determination that Mo Guan Shan was taken aback. This kid was way ahead of his years. He's putting things into perspective just when he was about to succumb to overthinking. "Snap out of it, man! You survived death so many times, you will survive this. Heck, I'm so glad you survived to meet us."
Mo Guan Shan bit his lip before he let out a soft laugh. He might have found a really good friend.
"I'm glad to have this privilege of meeting you too, and everyone in that place."
"I'm sure they feel the same too."
"But fuck, I blew it up. If someone from home saw my videos, they would surely recognize me."
"Kuya Shan, I can't protect you guys from the judgment of my people, but I swear I'm on your side. Even if everyone decides to hate you and make fun and disrespect you, I know my family will never let you down."
Mo Guan Shan tilted his head to look at Nato before smiling at him. The television was droning on and on in the background and the raindrops pattered on the glass window without any sign of stopping. Nato buried himself under the thick comforter and was fast asleep while Mo Guan Shan listened to him breathe.
* * *
Note:
lol uke convention.