Jennie
"And I love you too, Lali. So much."
There is no doubt.
They are engage.
And they love each other.
It wasn't my intention to eavesdrop their conversation. But I want to confirm if they are really engage. Turns out they really are.
There's this shooting pain inside of my chest. I different kind of pain and that I am not familiar with. It's like its the first time I felt this. Its like a mixture of regret, hurt and I guess jealousy.
If this was it, this will be the first time I'm getting jealous. I've never been jealous before. And I am jealous to the fiancée of my ex girlfriend.
That should be me.
It should be me.
I should be the one hugging her, and kissing her. I should be the one saying I love her. With all my heart. That should be me she's holding. If I didn't fucked up us, that should be me.
I guess Justin Bieber is laughing at me right now. His song keeps on playing in my mind and I badly wanted it to stop because... because THAT SHOULD BE ME LISA!
The way you look at her, its the same way you look at me before. The way you simply show your care, it's the same way you did to me. Why Lisa?
Why do you have to leave me?
Funny how I am still questioning her for leaving me, when its clear as ice why she did. Jisoo is my living conscience that everytime I see her, it reminds me of the pain the Lisa is hiding to me. The pain that I failed to noticed. Or rather choses to ignore.
I was afraid back then. I was afraid to lose the dream I worked hard for. I was afraid that people will know about our relationship and both of us will start crumpling down. I was trying to protect both of us.
I became a slave of my own dream. I neglect her.
Worst, I lost her.
But I can't deny the fact that I still love her. I never love anyone else but her.
Think Jennie, think.
I may not deserve her. But I deserve a second chance.
"I want her back."
"Uh. What?" Jisoo said, stopping her hands while flipping the pages of the schedule. I sigh deeply before turning my back on the glass to ceiling window of the agency building. Yes I want her back. I'll definitely win her back.
"Lisa."
"What about her?" She replied cocking her brow.
"I want Lisa back."
Jisoo stood from her swivel chair. Her face shows disapprove my decision. "Jesus Jennie. Where are you getting this? Are you sick?" She approached me, placing her palm on my forehead. I swatted her hand, stepping back to fully face her.
"Of course not unnie. I know what I am saying. I can't take the fact that Lisa is with someone else. I can't deal with my jealousy. I am jealous with everyone she's with. I've never felt this way before." I said gripping my chest. The pin is exhilarating.
"Are you forgetting that you are the reason why she's with someone else now?"
Rolling my eyes, I sat on the swivel chair opposite to hers."I know, I know. You don't have to slap it to me everytime."
"Then stop this nonsense Jennie. This isn't a Lisa comeback project. This is you moving forward."
"Jisoo I can't. I can't just sit here and watch them loving each other."
"You're being selfish again Jennie."
"I know. But this time I am going to be because I love her and I want her back to me. And I am not asking for permission." I said firmly. I was selfish before. And I am not the type of person who is always up for competition. But this time I am willing to compete for her.
Jisoo remained quiet. She studied my face and the I heard her sigh. "How about your career? What if this goes out?"
I never thought about my career. The consequences. All I know is I want Lisa back. "I'll deal with the consequences. I am not a trainee anymore unnie. The rules only apply to trainees." Jisoo clenched her teeth and walk towards the window. Her arms crossed. "Why are you so irked about me wanting Lisa back?"
"Because this is wrong Jennie!" This time her voice higher than her normal one. She stroke her hair multiple times, clearly she is not pleased with my decision.
Standing up my chair, I face with determination. "What could be so wrong me wanting her back? I know what I did before. I never denied any of it. But this time don't you think I deserve a second chance? A chance to prove to her I made a mistake and that I still love her?" Jisoo watched my outburst. Examining my every face. She became silent once again before sitting back on her chair. "Unnie I love her. You know that." She breathe out facing the window again.
Second later, Jisoo face me, pulling my hands to hers. "Jennie, she's engage with someone else. She is engage with your friend."
"I know, I never forget that. But they are not yet married. I still have a chance. Please don't kill my only hope to fight for her." Jisoo looked at my now crying state. I am taking all my chances just to take her back. She stood up from her chair and went straight beside me hugging my head that is rested now on her stomach.
"I'm so sorry Jendueki. I'll promise I'll stay with you. No matter what."
~
Jisoo
This is ridiculous.
I did not sign up a contract for ruining an engagement.
It's like stealing. But Jennie called it winning back. She's crazy. I know. But she's like a sister to me. Whatever mistake she had done in the past, I know she deserve a chance.
I understand her. She is stock with career and her lovelife. I know how much she loves the Thai girl. She's just torn with her life right now. Her relationship with Lisa can ruin her hardship. She don't want that. Nobody wants that.
I always told Jennie that she choses her career.
But to be honest? No.
Lisa choses it for her.
Lisa left not just because of pain. But because she don't want Jennie to choose between her and her career life. So Lisa decided to left. At least that's what I thought why.
I've heard all about her pain. Her sorrow. How she misses the Korean everyday. How everything changes. But she can't complain. And she will never complain. That's how much she love Jennie. She is willing to hide all the pain.
I guess that moment wasn't theirs. Fate was not on their side that time.
Or maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Jennie learned by her mistakes when Lisa left. She learned her lesson. But she was a mess for three whole years. She almost cried every night. Wishing that Lisa is back. She cried even when she's asleep calling for her name.
A lot of guys dare to win her heart. Many famous artist showed interest to Jennie. But they didn't know that Jennie wasn't interested with any guys. Her heart was solely owned by none other than the famous photographer now, who is engage with the girl I am admiring.
Roseanne.
Fortunately I wasn't in deep shit like Jennie now. It's just so unfortunate that the only girl I've noticed is engage with my friend.
That girl is extremely outstanding. From the moment she step inside the conference room, I won't deny my attraction to her. But only Jennie can noticed it. She know me too well.
"So where are we going again?" Speaking of the angel, Rosie is with me right now. Jennie asked me to kidnapped this girl so she can talk to Lisa. And what am I supposed to do with this? Just hearing her Australian accent makes me weak. Jisooos!
"Let's grab some lunch." I said looking around the area. Rosie and I are walking along the streets near our project location.
"I already had, with Lisa."
"How about coffee?"
"I'm not into coffee." I saw from my peripheral that she crossed her arms, eyes darting to may direction. I was walking a little ahead of her so that she won't see my nervous state.
Damn you Jennie and your comeback project!
"Milk tea?" I tried. But I never heard any. Instead, Rosie was now standing in front of me now.
"Seriously Jisoo. Where are we going?" Her eyes are scrutinizing every corner of my face. I can feel some beads of sweat running on my nape.
What should I say? Come on, think Jisoo. Think! You are smart!
Why of all time I have to be so dumb!
"I uh -" her left eyebrow raised. Signaling me to continue.
"I-" stop stuttering! You're smart.
"I like you!" See? You're smart... Fucking asshole smart brain!
Rosie's jaw drop at my words.
Oh Mother earth swallow me now.