Chapter Sixteen
Jane was relieved the next day when her brother and Emilia seemed to be in a better mood. Emilia was no longer throwing Sebastian icy glances and Sebastian was no longer acting terribly towards Daniel. She’d seen him apologise first thing that morning and Daniel hadn’t seemed to be holding a grudge against him which Jane thought was very mature.
It was after luncheon when Emilia pulled Jane aside. She quickly pulled her into the first room that she saw which turned out to be Daniel’s study. “We are sisters,” Emilia began. “And sisters tell each other everything, I should know because my daughters share every thought that passes through their mind. Janey, I’m not blind, what is going on here?”
Jane knew exactly what Emilia was talking about. She had thought she was being subtle, but sometimes her eyes would drift to Daniel without her realising. And Emilia, as astute as she was, noticed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Em,” Jane lied.
Emilia rolled her eyes. “Oh please, Jane, I have seen that besotted look on many young girls before. Please, just tell me, does he return your affections?”
Jane’s cheeks reddened. “I’d wager he sees me as but a child. It’s quite embarrassing, really, to be thinking of him in such a way.”
“It isn’t embarrassing; the heart chooses who the heart chooses. I didn’t like Daniel to begin with but I can see he’s really changed. If he made you an offer I would approve most profusely.” Emilia took Jane’s hand and pulled her over to Daniel’s settee and sat down.
“What you speak of sounds so simple, Emilia, but Daniel has scars,” Jane sighed sadly.
“As do I,” Emilia pointed out. “But I managed to overcome my scars, surely he can too.”
Jane resisted telling Emilia that his scars were internal and somewhat worse. Emilia had endured horrible traumas in her time and Jane had no idea what it was like for her, but Emilia had never lost someone that she’d loved. “He could never love another like he loved his wife,” Jane sighed. “And I will not settle for anything less than I deserve. I should like a man like papa, he used to come home with flowers for mama and kiss her cheek. I want someone to love me without reservation ... and to be honest I don’t think that Daniel will ever truly move on from his wife.”
“We all move on from death eventually. He will when he’s ready to, and I can practically guarantee that he will see what a wonderful woman he has right in front of him when he does,” Emilia promised. She took Jane’s hand in hers and squeezed it. “You do not mind being a mother to a child that is not your own?” she asked and raised her eyebrows.
Jane smiled at Emilia. “That is something that I am not afraid of. Sabine is a beautiful girl, inside and out. I’ve only known her a short while but I feel really attached to her. When I leave I know I will miss her terribly, as much as I will miss her father.”
“It’s unconditional love between a parent and a child. From what I’ve seen they get to about eight or nine before they start to feel like adults and don’t want to play with their parents anymore. You’ve got to savour the unconditional love before you have to work for it,” Emilia sighed and leaned back into the settee. “Right now when I walk into a room they jump in my arms and I love it. I don’t want it to ever change but I know it will. If you could ever have that feeling, Janey, it would seriously make you feel complete.”
Jane wanted that, and for a short moment she wondered if Sabine would ever love her unconditionally. “Daniel asked me to be Sabine’s new governess,” she commented casually, adopting Emilia’s position on the settee.
“Will you accept?” Emilia asked.
“I don’t know. Won’t it be pathetic to sit around pining for my employer?” Jane asked.
“A little,” Emilia replied. “I don’t know what to tell you Jane, or how to advise you. I would just leave this house and allow him to miss you. That’s kind of what happened with Sebastian and I. We were separated for a time ... and Lord knows I missed him enough for the both of us.”
Jane giggled and looked at Emilia. “I know, I remember,” she teased. “So you really think I should leave?”
Emilia nodded. “If it’s mean to be, it will be,” she promised. “Whether it be in ten weeks, ten months or ten years, it’ll happen for you.”
“How can you be so cryptic?” Jane groaned.
“I’m a wife of five years and I’ve given birth to five children, I’m allowed to be cryptic,” Emilia defended herself. “But I mean every word,” she sighed. Emilia suddenly furrowed her brows and sat up straight. “Has that door always been ajar?” she asked, pointing at the study door opposite them.
Jane’s back became rigid as she looked to the study door also. As Emilia had said the door was indeed ajar. “No, you closed it, I saw you,” she hissed as she leapt up from the seat. She pulled the door further apart and stuck her head out and looked around. She could have died when she saw Daniel’s tall stature disappearing up the hallway towards the staircase. A high pitched shriek escaped Jane’s mouth as she closed the door firmly shut.
“What, what!” Emilia gasped and ran over to her as quickly as she could.
“He heard! And why shouldn’t he? We’re in his study! Oh god! Take me home, I’ll get a horse from the stables and ride all the way home to mama. Oh, I can never face him again!” Jane cried in humiliation. If only she had kept her mouth shut.
Emilia muffled a giggle with her hand before disguising it as a cough. “How is this a bad thing?” she asked.
Jane’s eyes widened as she glared at Emilia. “How is this a good thing?” she hissed.
“Well now he knows how you feel about him. You’ve given him the opportunity to think of you romantically. It’s perfect,” Emilia assured her.
Jane groaned and sat down on the floor. “Did you fall when you climbed out of the tub this morning?” Jane growled bitterly. “I need to leave this place; I will not be able to look him in the eye ever again. I’m perfectly content in being a spinster, just let me die in peace!” she exclaimed dramatically.
“Come now, Janey, it is not the end of the world,” Emilia tried to make her feel better.
“It is, I may as well dig a hole in the ground and live there,” Jane sniffed.
“Perhaps he didn’t hear anything. Maybe there is a draft in the house and it blew the door slightly open,” Emilia suggested hopefully.
Jane rolled her eyes and groaned loudly. “I seriously doubt that. He’s probably going away to rehearse his speech when he demands my leave from Southerby.”
Emilia scoffed in disbelief. “Janey, honestly, you’re overreacting. What say you and I go on a horse ride? Let us ride over to Kassandra’s house. We can take Sabine and Kitty ... Little J and Annie are too young to ride just yet.”
Jane liked that idea. If she was speaking honestly she liked the idea of being away from the house. “Alright,” she agreed. “You get the girls and I’ll ready the horses.”
Daniel couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. As soon as he turned the door handle on his study door he’d heard the voices of Jane and Emilia talking about him. He’d heard from Jane’s own mouth that she was very fond of him, that she had romantic ideas about him.
He stole away to the second floor and walked down the first hallway towards the gallery. He closed the door behind him and went to stand before Eleanor’s portrait. She smiled at him, or at least she was smiling slightly in the portrait, like she was teasing him, as if she knew something he did not.
Could he love Jane as much as he loved Eleanor? Jane ... she confused him. She was so bright and happy and warm, she knew how to cheer him up and she had completely repaired his relationship with his daughter all on her lonesome. Daniel looked forward to seeing her face every morning at breakfast; it made him feel like he could do anything if he heard her laugh in the morning.
What was holding him back was his wife. He studied Eleanor’s face as she stared out of the painting. Bedding the willing women in the ton had not made him feel like he had been committing adultery ... but entertaining such thoughts about Jane ... it felt real, it felt right. But how could it be right to marry another? If Daniel had paid attention to Eleanor all day, if he’d called the doctor sooner then she may have been saved. Moving on and being happy with another ... he didn’t deserve that.
Knowing that he couldn’t be happy with another, that it wasn’t right, didn’t stop the happiness and relief that he felt knowing for sure what was going on inside Jane’s head.
He had to speak to her. Surely speaking with her would clarify everything for him. He left the gallery in search of Jane. He made his way down the hallway and stairs swiftly before arriving at his study but it was empty.
“Where have they gone?” Daniel asked himself softly. He looked down either side of the halls before he spotted Mr Short carrying a silver tray with the mail on top of it. “Mr Short!” he called out.
The butler turned around and saw Daniel coming towards him. “Milord, the mail was just delivered,” he said formally.
“I’ll read it later,” he said quickly. “Did you see where Miss Alcott and Lady Ethridge went?”
Mr Short nodded. “Yes, sir, I believe they went for a horse ride into town to visit Mr and Mrs Rowley. They took Lady Sabine and Lady Kitty with them,” he replied.
“Right,” Daniel sighed. It was just his luck. “Thank you, Mr Short; if you could leave the mail on my desk in the study I would be grateful.”
“Very good, milord,” Mr Short bowed his head and disappeared into his study.
Daniel decided to venture outside and wait for the two women and two children to return from their expedition into town. If he was waiting for hours he didn’t care. It would give him time to think about what to say to her.
From where he was sitting outside he could just see the roof of the stables. He leaned back on his elbows and looked up into the sky. It was perfectly clear, unusual for England, but it was. The sun was lovely and warm and the wind was a refreshing temperature. He didn’t know how long he was lying there but all of a sudden he heard Sabine’s terrified voice screaming his name.
“Papa!” she cried. “Papa!”
Daniel’s head whipped around to see Sabine sprinting towards him from the direction of the stables. He stood up and ran to her, catching her in his arms.
“What is it, Sabine?” he asked desperately. “Are you alright?”
Tears streamed down Sabine’s face as she nodded. “It’s not me, it’s Jane!” she wept and took his hand and began to drag him in the direction of the stables. “The horse threw her off and there’s so much blood. Papa, I think she’s dead!” she sobbed. “She isn’t moving!”
Daniel felt an ominous sensation consume him. He couldn’t let another woman that he loved leave him.
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Okay, so how much do you hate me? Be honest, I can take it ;)
Regardless of the ending, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's about to get real drama filled!!
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