Aria's P.O.V
"Please stay with me?" Did I really say that? I buried my head into my pillow before letting out a tiny scream. Why do I embarrass myself this way? I just didn't want him to leave. It's nice having him here. At least I didn't embarrass myself further.
I removed the pillow from my head and looked at my alarm clock. It was 4 A.M. It looks like 5 hours of sleep was all I was going to get. Man, I'm really thirsty. I just have to sneak downstairs and not wake Ryder. I can do this.
I reached the top of the staircase and started to make my descent. I paused and held my breath at every creek the stairs made under my feet. He's going to wake up! Once I reached the bottom step and let out the breath I was holding out. I headed towards the living room just to peek and make sure he didn't wake up.
Thankfully he didn't. Not going to lie, he looked cute when he was asleep. He had one leg hanging off the couch with the blanket twisted around him.
Before I turned around I noticed something on the floor. A piece of paper? Don't do it Aria, don't be nosey. Screw it. Tip-toeing towards him so that I didn't wake him. I had to go around his leg which was tricky but the mission was successful. Now to see what the mystery object was.
Flipping the object over I noticed it was a picture. It looked like it was taken a few years ago. I recognized Ryder, Derek, and Erik who were all doing this weird thing with their faces but there was a fourth person in the picture that I didn't recognize. It was a girl and Ryder had his arm around her shoulder as she looked up at him with a smile on her face.
She was really pretty. With hair almost as white as snow. Her smile made her green eyes sparkle and even from the photo I can see she looked truly happy to have Ryder by her side. Why did I just get a jolt of small pain in my heart? Was I jealous? Were they together? And last but not least was she the girl that he kept mentioning?
I flipped over the picture to see if they had written their names on the back. Clearly I hadn't missed any names the first time I looked at it. Who was this girl? Does Ryder love her since he keeps her picture so close to him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ryder start to turn over. I dropped the picture and rushed back upstairs leaving my original reason for coming down here in the back of my mind.
My bed never felt so safe yet so lonely. This pain in my heart shouldn't be there. Ryder is my friend. Ryder has become one of my best friends. Nothing more. Nothing less. Right? I couldn't possibly be in love with him right?
Is this what that feeling was? It's completely different from the way I felt about Zack when I was in love with him. Plus I wasn't completely over Zack was I? All these questions were making me dizzy and getting my heart broken even more was not something I was ready for. Ignoring these feelings is for the best.
Ryder can never know. I can't lose him. Telling him that I may possibly like him or something? Just isn't worth the risk. So now I just have to act completely normal around him and pretend I never saw the picture that he carries around with him. Of some girl. Someone he could have possibly loved...or loves. Past or present.
My life was getting more and more complicated. The pain in my heart is growing more and more everyday. Though this was what I deserved, wasn't it? My punishment... my karma. To never be happy. To never be loved since I caused someone close to me to lose the one they loved?
The scream escaped me. Without meaning to let it out it escaped. Though this time my brother wasn't here to barge in my room and Ryder couldn't hear me. Thankfully I wasn't ruining their night. Since Ryder spent his trying to make me believe that nothing was my fault. Seeing that side of him. It's my favorite side of him. His caring side. Nope don't think about that. Don't think about that and how good his arms felt around you earlier.
This isn't working. Stop thinking about him. Just stop! I reached over and turned my lamp off. The urge to get out of my own head was overwhelming and It was time to try and get some sleep even if it tried to evade me.
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The sound of chirping was loud in my ears, and the sun was harsh against my eyes. My head was slightly pounding from the lack of sleep. As well as the fact that I was stressing about Ryder and for the first time since he's been staying here. I wasn't excited to see him, more scared to see him. What if he knows?
How do I avoid him? Going downstairs and grabbing something to eat was out of the question. Plus Andrew wasn't home yet. He's my ride. Wait this is stupid. Avoiding him like this? When I am not even sure if I even like him like that. Plus he hasn't done anything wrong. What if he carries a picture around of a girl? That's not my business.
Before leaving my room. I grabbed my stuff so that when Andrew gets here we can leave. There was a noise coming from downstairs. Indicating that Ryder was already awake. Since my mom was still at work and Andrew's car wasn't outside.
The stairs creaked as they had last night. Yet for some reason it sounded louder than before. Could he hear each step I took? This is stupid. Stop acting like this. He's your friend. Nothing more. You don't feel that way about him.
"Hey, morning I hope you don't mind but I made breakfast." Just the sound of his voice made the hair on my arms stand up. No, stop, you don't like him.So why am I just standing there staring at him with my mouth slightly open? I don't want this. "Aria...?"
"What? Sorry, I'm fine. I kind of went into a daze there...didn't get much sleep." That was a lame excuse. I let out a silent prayer that he would just let it go. "Okay...uhm well I made pancakes." He pointed to a stack sitting on the counter. "Wait. Did you make smiley faces out of chocolate chips?"
"Yeah, I remember you telling me that your dad made those for you when you were feeling down." I can't believe he remembered that. Yup, I'm screwed. I'm in love with Ryder Bentley. Someone who I knew would never love me back. "Are you sure you're good?" I grabbed a plate of pancakes and nodded my head.
"Okay. Well I hope they taste good. It's not my first time making them but it's been a little bit. I used to make these with my mom. Minus the chocolate chips. She wasn't as cool as your dad. Cavities. That's what she was worried about. Even when she got sick. She always made sure I was taken care of."
"She sounded like a wonderful mother." He took a bite. "She was. Now tell me what you think." He was staring at me waiting for me. Hopeful look on his face. Grabbing my fork and taking a huge bite. "Wow, these taste amazing."
Which wasn't a lie. The sound of my brother's truck pulling up caught my attention. Yes, thank god. If I had to spend another minute looking at his smile and thinking about how sweet he was I was going to go crazy. Where is the bad boy that I heard so much about throughout the years? How was everyone so wrong about him?
I crammed another few bites into my mouth and jumped up to grab my stuff. "That was amazing, Thank you but I need to get to school early. See ya." Without turning around. I was gone. Running for the truck before my brother can even get out. The only crappy thing was. It was Friday. Which means that school wasn't an option in the next couple of days.
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When I arrived at school my phone went off. Reaching into my back pocket to retrieve it. Knowing who it was before even looking at my phone. Also knowing that avoiding him forever wasn't going to work and it was wrong. Just have to figure out how to get over him quickly.
Ryder: Hey, Hope I didn't do anything wrong. Or made you mad last night...
Me: No, not at all. Just tired. Anyways just got to school so see you after.
I turned off my phone and headed towards my locker to grab my books. All thoughts of Ryder haunting my brain. Haunting me a little too well since I didn't spot Zack until the last minute. "Aria, please just hear me out. That was so stupid of me. Kissing you again like that. I'm not trying to play with your heart. I swear."
"Well you could have fooled me Zack." I shut my locker after I quickly grabbed what was needed from it and walked away. That didn't stop him, nope he decided to follow me. This is starting to get old. "Aria, Please. Forgive me. I know that you don't owe me even that much and there isn't anything I can do to make it up to you but...I miss my friend." His words hit me hard.
"Yes, it's more complicated because there are feelings involved. On both our parts and confusion. Yet we can both agree that having each other in our lives is better than not being a part of it. At least...that's my feelings on the situation."
He wasn't wrong. His friendship is something that has been missed. Yes he's been a total asshat but he is standing here apologizing. The right thing would be to forgive him. Right? "Thank you, for apologizing. Yes, being in each others lives is better than nothing but...I can't fully accept your apology. Not right away. I still need time. You just have to give me some space and please. Stop kissing me!" He let out a slight laugh.
"I think that's do-able. This is probably pushing my luck but Aria, please be careful with Ryder. I can't stop you from talking to him but warning you is something I can do. It's what's owed to you. At the very least." Great two seconds into this and he's already trying to tell me to be careful of Ryder again.
"I can't go into too much detail but there was this girl and Ryder hurt her a lot. He blames me for what happened but the only person he can blame is himself and well Winter didn't deserve that. Crap...didn't mean to say her name. It's best just left in the past with everything else. Seriously though be careful."
I finally had some insight into why they were fighting. A girl. A girl was the reason that Ryder didn't like Zack and vice versa and her name was Winter. Was Winter the girl in the photo? For some reason in my heart. I knew that she was. 'Her hair was as white as snow.' Guess it seemed fitting. "Thanks Zack, I'll be careful but don't underestimate me." He leaned in for a hug but paused halfway. Standing there leaning forward in this awkward position not knowing if a hug was too far too soon.
Leaning forward I hugged him back but in the back of my mind I wondered if it was the right thing. Plus anyone and by anyone. Little miss drama could be watching us and that would land me in some hot water. Even more than I already was in. Since she still thinks something is going on between me and Ryder.
"Time to get to class... See you later Zack." He wanted to say something. His mouth opened then closed and at first he seemed like he was going to let it go. "Let me know when he isn't there...So I can come by and chill soon." You could tell that what he wanted to really say was. "I still don't like that he's there. He should leave soon, so that I can stop avoiding coming by." Biting my lip and I nod my head gently and head off to class.
This day was just getting weird. Realizing I'm in love with Ryder and now not being sure if I still love Zack...I'm even more confused than I was earlier. Thanks Zack. All I know is that it just ends in heartbreak for me in either situation. Happiness just isn't in the cards for me. I really need you dad...I miss you.
Before I could head off to my next class I ran into Erick. Again. "Hey, we got to stop meeting like this." Ha Ryder pretty much said the same thing to me. Every time we bumped into each other. "So. I'm not sure if you have heard anything yet from Ryder but I'm going to be heading out of town with my parents and won't be back for a few days. Can you let him know when you see him?" He gave me a pointed look.
Did he know that Ryder was at my house? He couldn't have. "Yeah, Not a problem." He patted me on the head and walked away as if our conversation never happened.
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'I give you an inch and you take a mile
We make mistakes, that erase when you smile
I'm starting to feel like it ain't alright
How can you care if I don't cross your mind?'
The music fills my ears as I sit on the floor in the Gym. Waiting for the bell to ring. Emma is beside me planning out her birthday party. She's humming the song that I'm playing unknowingly. "Okay, so since it's going to be in my backyard. I was thinking maybe we should set up a dance floor in the yard and on the deck maybe have a DJ set up? What do you think?"
"Sounds like an awesome idea. Maybe you should even have a refreshment table setup on the deck instead of directly in the yard?" She let out a tiny squeal. "Yes, perfect. Okay so my mom wants to do the rest of the planning with me. So that she can keep it under control but we should hammer out who to invite soon. So that we don't have any awkward situations."
"Sounds good to me." She seemed so happy to be turning 16 soon. Freedom in her mind. She can get her license and go anywhere she wants to. As long as her parents approved. To me turning 16 means nothing. It's not something I want to celebrate. It's just going to be another day for me but my best friend is so happy about it that being excited for her was something that came naturally.
Today, Gym was easy. Alison and Cindy have left me completely alone. Well besides the occasional snickering and evil smiles but that's besides the point. This wasn't something I was used to. When the bell rings, the little sigh of relief I let out isn't there. Because that meant I had to go home and face Ryder
I'm still struggling with the whole being in love with him. Which was something I needed to talk to Em about but she seemed so chipper and I didn't want to distract her from her planning. So bottling this up seems like the best option for now. Em hugged me goodbye before we went our separate ways. She wasn't riding home with me today since her dad was coming to pick her up.
So there wasn't anyone to talk to as I waited for my brother. Guess it's time to read the new book I got. "Aria...Aria, hello? Get your head out of your book. Are you ready to go?" The sounds of my brother's voice caught me off guard. "Yeah, sorry I just got lost in there." He laughed and opened the door for me. "Let's blow this popsicle stand." He was such a dork.
When we were halfway to our house he started talking. "Oh, hey I'm gonna be crashing at Zack's again tonight. Chris is throwing another party so just gonna head out from there. Unless you want to go?" He gave me a hopeful look. Oh if only he knew how last time didn't turn out so well for me. "Yeah, one party is enough for me. Thanks though."
"Okay. Well let me know if you change your mind. You know, go wild. You are only a kid once you know. Can't be the goody-two-shoe all your life." He winked at me. Yeah, he definitely is a dork. "In all seriousness though. How's Ryder doing?" That surprised me. "Uh, he's doing okay. You know, just going through some stuff."
"Yeah, he's a really cool dude. I mean he has to be cool since he's making my favorite little sister smile." This caused me to roll my eyes. "I'm your only sister but yeah he's cool. And before you ask me if anything is going on between us there isn't anything. Okay?"
"I wasn't thinking that. Still I'm glad to see you like this. Anyways. I'll see you later sis. If you end up wanting to come tomorrow let me know." This was the part I was dreading. This wasn't something I could avoid. Giving my brother a quick hug. I got out of the truck. "Bye bro."
The front door was growing bigger and bigger as I approached it. Yet I've never felt so small. Time to face the music. I opened the door and heard the sound of the tv playing. Although the sound of it pausing caught my attention. "Hey, Sorry didn't mean to interrupt." He was sitting on the couch. His hair was messy like he had been running his fingers through them, stressing over something. "Hey, uhm I just wanted to apologize about last night."
Two apologies in one day. I'm on a roll. "Ryder, you didn't do anything wrong. I promise." He smiled and patted the spot next to him. "Well wanna watch a movie with me." The idea of sitting close to him made my heart jump and hurt a little at the same time but if I don't he might think that something is wrong. "Sure, but I hope you don't mind if I do my homework."
"Yeah, Not a problem. Let me know if you need any help. You know I'm sort of a genius." That caused me to snort as I sat down next to him and reached for my homework. Usually I hated homework but this was a welcome distraction. As much of a distraction as I could get. Sitting on the couch next to Ryder.
His knee kept bumping into mine. Causing me to look at him every time it did. It made me think of the few times his arms were around me. How they felt. You can tell I hadn't gotten far in my homework. "Are you hungry? We have some leftover pizza if you want?"
"Yeah, that sounds good. Let me help you." He wasn't giving me the chance to say no. The silence was deafening as the plates clinked together. "Don't heat mine up. Remember I like it cold." I squinted up my nose and handed him his plate. "Enjoy your grossness." He wiggled his eyebrows at me. Instead of sitting down we just kind of stood there. Eating our pizza at the kitchen counter.
"Aria...I know that you're saying everything is fine and that it's not something I did. It's just this feeling won't leave me. It's like I did something and I'm not sure why. But I miss your smile." He was standing in front of me. It happened so fast. He took the plate out of my hand and sat it behind me. "Aria..."
He was looking into my eyes as if he was searching for something. Whatever he was searching for it seemed he found it. He reached up and grabbed my face with both of his hands. "I miss your smile." I didn't get a chance to say anything before his lips met mine. This was the second time this week someone had kissed me.
Although this time I didn't pull away, instead I deepened the kiss. He didn't seem to mind at all because one of the hands he was using to hold my face found its way to the back of my neck as he held it there before tangling his fingers through my hair. This kiss felt amazing. It was different from Zack's kiss. This one felt right. It sent a tingle down to the tips of my toes and made me feel like I was floating. This one made me realize that I didn't feel the same way about Zack anymore.
I didn't want this kiss to end and he didn't seem to either. He pressed me against the counter lightly. As I wrapped my arms around his waist. This was a kiss that could last forever and I wouldn't mind it. Eventually we pulled away. Both breathing heavily while staring into each other's eyes. He smiled at me and ran his fingers through my hair again. The urge to tell him was strong. Almost too strong. This was the moment I knew for sure that I loved him but something stopped me.
There was a look in his eyes. It was gone in a flash but it almost looked like regret. Contradicting the smile on his face. I really hoped that it was my imagination. Maybe just me being cautious after what happened with Zack but Ryder wasn't him. So It had to be because I couldn't go through this again. Ryder leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Making any doubt leave my mind. We both went back eating our pizza and sharing small smiles. Yes, this is definitely different from my experience with Zack. This one felt right.
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As we are approaching the last few chapters I would love to read everyone's favorites scenes and who they ship.
See you soon Xoxo - Nighty <3