Peeking her head around the door, she saw Kara sprawled across her bed, the blanket weaved over her body from tossing and turning in her sleep. Lena couldn't help but relax the tension in her muscles and smile tenderly. She tiptoed to sit in the chair beside the bed. Kara was faced away from her but just watching the rise and fall of the covers was enough for Lena. Just knowing that Kara was alive and home was enough. The thought of never seeing Kara again after their relationship was left on such fragile terms broke Lena. She wanted to bring Kara back even if it was just for her to yell at her, to scream that she never wanted to see her again and to completely cut her out her life. Lena had always hated uncertainty, she liked things that were tangible, facts she could rely on. So when Kara was taken away, right when their relationship hung in the balance, it tortured her. She'd lay awake at night spiralling, constantly asking herself an endless thread of what-ifs. The sleepless nights finally caught up to her now as her lips began to tremble and she quietly cried for the first time since Kara's return. It didn't help that when Kara turned in her sleep, she saw the sweet face that had suffered so much hurt in her lifetime. Lena despised the fact that she was a part of that long list. She wanted so badly to curl up beside her, holding her in a tight embrace in some feeble attempt at making her feel safe and protected.
This desire intensified as she watched Kara shaking her head with furrowed brows, some hair stuck on her face with sweat. Lena sniffled, unsure what to do and snapping out of her emotions. She didn't even have time to wipe her tears away before Kara suddenly bolted upright with a sharp intake of breath. She rushed to the bed and sat by her side as she worriedly scanned Kara's face searching for answers. She caught a glimpse of that lost little girl that arrived on Earth. Lena's instinct was to wrap her arms around her but Kara scurried away from Lena's touch like a petrified, helpless child. The hurt displayed on Lena's face as she retracted seemed to have brought Kara out of her terrified trance as she raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "Lena?" She breathed, barely audibly, before she lunged across the bed to hug her.
"Yeah, it's me." She whispered into the blonde's hair as she stroked it. "It's okay. You're okay, you're safe, you're home." Lena held back from kissing the top of her head, burying her spontaneous desire, she didn't want to cross any boundaries or make Kara uncomfortable. So they stayed there for a while, in their most intimate embrace they've shared yet. Neither one of them willing to let go of the blissful comfort brought by the other's touch.
Eventually, albeit reluctantly, Kara pulled back. It was then that she recognised her friend's tear-stained face. "Hey," she cooed and cupped her cheek. Lena hadn't realised that she'd leaned into her palm until Kara softly spoke. "Have you been crying?"
She cleared her throat and shook her head, "no, it's okay." Lena continued, knowing Kara was not convinced by her weak attempt at hiding. "I'm just... it's really good to see you." She admitted like it was a secret, which made Kara smile wide as she brought their foreheads together.
They had both instinctively closed their eyes and Lena's heart fluttered at the novel form of intimacy. "It's really good to see you too." She whispered. After pulling away, an awkward atmosphere seemed to linger, which was apparently only sensed by Lena as Kara soon continued to speak. "I kept thinking about you," she started then shook her head as she hurriedly uttered, "in the Phantom Zone." She explained. "I was so worried you'd blame yourself for all this and I wouldn't be there to tell you otherwise. To stop you from punishing yourself and assure you that I never once resented you while I was trapped there." Luthor had kept her head down, avoiding eye contact until there was a shift in Kara's tone. "Lena, I need you to know, without a doubt, that we're good. I still trust you and I would still do anything I could to save you. I still...care so much about you and I want you in my life."
A slight chuckle accidentally escaped Lena that became delirious with relief as she realised they were both anxious about the same thing. When she caught Kara looking upset at her reaction, Lena tried to explain, "I'm sorry, it's just-" she fully composed herself. "One of the reasons I was so desperate to bring you back was because I couldn't live with not knowing where we stood with each other."
Kara nodded, smiling with understanding. "It seems we were both worried about the state of our relationship." Lena agreed and watched Kara drift into her thoughts before she shared them. "Everything feels so cloudy and uncertain right now. But if there's one thing that's unbelievably clear to me, it's that I really don't want to lose you again." She sadly admitted.
Lena's breathing hitched at the sincerity of her tone and barely managed to muster her quiet voice to respond. "The feeling is mutual." Lena reasoned that Kara's intimacy was a result of relief, seeing a familiar face and being home after her terrifying nightmare. Still, the reason why Lena took a liking to this unexpected behaviour was buried deep within, she didn't know she had craved this affection from Kara.
The conversation soon continued and Lena caught Kara up on things that, unbeknownst to her, she had already found out from Alex. However, there was one new piece of information no one else knew yet: Lena left Luthor Corp. This triggered a flurry of questions and a proud hug to congratulate her.
They were both relaxed on the bed and Lena had briefly took pride in successfully distracting Kara from her nightmare. That was until Kara spoke up again with a solemn tone. "How do you do it?" She asked, seemingly mystified and Lena looked back at her expecting her to continue. "You're no stranger to hardship. The pain, the trauma and all the ugliness that comes with it." Kara tilted her head with intrigue. "Yet you can somehow don a mask with your chin up, shoulders back and glow with the confidence of a-"
"Fighter?" Lena offered and Kara nodded, awestruck by the strength of the woman before her.
"How do you pretend everything is okay, that you are okay, when..." Kara began to trail off, her gaze falling on her hands as she fiddled with the sleeve of her jumper. "When you feel like you're crumbling apart?"
Lena let out a single dry chuckle, "years of practise." She smirked, but that soon turned into a sad smile when she noticed the failed attempt to cheer her friend up. She inhaled and opened her mouth about to say something but she reconsidered with a sigh when she caught Kara's helpless eyes genuinely asking for advice. "Look, Kara, you may have hidden your identity for years, but you're not good at hiding how you feel. And you shouldn't be. I had to fight. If I didn't pick myself up, no one else would. I didn't have the luxury of leaning on anybody for support. But you do. Hell, you have options! And no shortage of them, at that. You have an incredible family who will support you no matter what. You don't ever have to go through anything alone." An awkward silence descended as Lena narrowed her eyes trying to figure out Kara, who was sat absorbing everything she said. "You know... you can add me to that list of options too, right?" She anxiously asked before asserting, "you know you can always talk to me."
"I know. I just- I can't or I don't know how." Kara forced out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know."
"Hey, you need time. And that's okay. Don't be so hard on yourself." Lena pulled her in for a hug and it was as if she was the only thing holding her together. "You're the most resilient person I know, Kara. You will get through this." Lena was relieved to feel her nod against her.
"Could you please do me a favour?" Kara asked, pulling back. She proceeded to beg Lena not to say anything to Alex and explained how she sensed her sister's guilt and devastation after opening up to her. "I really don't want her to worry, so please, don't tell Alex about this?"
"About what?" Lena responded simply with a playful smirk which coaxed a grateful grin out of Kara. Freshly energised, Kara got up to shower after Lena lightly teased about her odour and Kara feigned offence, maturely responding by throwing a pillow at her. They giggled like misbehaving children as they soon found themselves battling in an impromptu pillow fight. Their shrieks and laughter unsurprisingly woke Alex up, and although her face conveyed nothing other than joyful desire to join in, she urged Kara to go get ready for their little party. Grateful for her friends, Kara knew the celebration would be a welcome distraction from the hell that replayed in her mind. As she left, Lena reflected on how easily she slipped back into place with Kara and she started to think that Alex was right. Maybe their relationship was headed toward something better than what they had before.
The party was soon well underway and Kara was delighted to be surprised by the decorations and all of her favourite foods. The lively atmosphere was filled with laughter as jokes were told, stories were exchanged and way too much food was consumed. J'onn would often chuckle to himself as he watched Brainy strategically swerve around any balloons, and manoeuvre as if he triggered a laser security system. Alex would beg Zor-El to tell more embarrassing stories about Kara, claiming it was a requirement since her blackmailing material was getting old. But perhaps most notably, every now and then Kara and Lena shared stolen glances, which never failed to make Lena's heart skip a beat.
Lena had slipped away from the group to refill her drink when she turned around and jumped at the sight of a figure towering over her. Recognising it was Zor-El, her face softened and she rested her hand on her racing heart as she composed herself. "My apologies, I didn't mean to scare you."
She smiled and shook her head, "that's alright Zor-El, I was in my own little world." She had planned to rejoin the group, but when Zor-El crossed his arms and leaned against the kitchen counter, she deduced a conversation was imminent. She stood next to him, hands wrapped nervously around her glass as she awkwardly sipped her drink waiting for him to speak.
After agonising silence while Zor-El savoured the view of Kara laughing along with her friends, he finally spoke "You care for my daughter?"
Lena was taken aback for a second until her gaze landed on Kara and she smiled lovingly. "I- yes. Yeah I do, we all do." He smiled and nodded approvingly. "I learned a lot about myself since she's been gone. Handling my emotions better, self-love and self-worth, you know, nothing big." She lightly laughed at her own joke. "I even briefly convinced myself to accept Kara's forgiveness. But now that she's here..." Lena paused, admiring Kara's brilliant smile and the way she lit up the room despite everything she had been through. Then she winced at the memory of the pain she had caused her, both directly and indirectly. "I still feel unworthy of her forgiveness. Unworthy of her. I've started to forgive myself for a lot of things, but I don't think I could ever forgive the way I hurt her."
Zor-El studied Lena, noticing a conflict within her and hummed thoughtfully. "It is my belief that in order to forgive, you must understand. So, ask yourself, do you truly understand the reasoning behind your behaviour?"
Before Lena could respond, Kara waved in their direction with the excitement of a child at a fairground, "Dad! Come over here, you have to try these, they are the greatest food to ever exist."