I slid the zip on my black dress, and looked at myself in the mirror.
I tried not to look too long, because then I would see past the makeup, and the dark circles and permanently blotched eyes would be revealed.
I picked his dog tags off the coffee table next to me, and held the piece of him tightly in my palm.
"You ready?" Steve asked from the doorway, and I didn't turn to look at him. I knew that if I saw his face I would break. And I needed to be strong today. I couldn't let him down like this.
"Give me a minute." I croaked out
"Of course." and I heard his footsteps trailing away.
I was quiet. Everything was quiet. I could hear no birds chirp. No wind.
Silence.
Someone cleared their throat.
I turned to see Nick fury, and he walked towards me, holding an envelope with an object protruding at the bottom of it in his hand.
"Y/n. We found this. It's addressed to you. No one read it." He handed it to me, smiled and then left the room.
The sight of that handwriting. His handwriting made my eyes tear up.
I sat down on the bed,
And opened the letter.
Dear y/n,
I hope to god you never find yourself in the circumstances in which you have to read this letter, but I could never live with myself if something happened and I didn't leave you with it.
Y/n Rogers. To start this off, we need to go far back in time. Before the avengers, before the ice.
Remember the day, February 15th 1935. I was 18. We went to Coney Island. I won you the teddy from that cramped arcade. You loved it, kept it in the basket of your bike for years. You didn't care when you biked around town, and people stared at you.
It was coming up sunset. You were walking through the streets and back to your apartment with Steve, and I was trailing behind.
You laughed at something he said, and you smiled, throwing your head back so that the golden sun hit your face just right.
You turned behind to me, and smiled.
That was the moment I knew I loved you.
I thought, you really must be an angel, sent from heaven above. How could anyone even exist to be this perfect?
A few years later, I finally got the privilege to call you mine. I still couldn't believe it. I didn't think I ever would believe it. How had I, a nothing kid from Brooklyn with a scrawny blonde of a brother, caught your eye?
Fast forward a few years, when I enlisted, it broke my heart to leave you.
Coming back was such relief, to have you back in my arms again, after months. You need to know that in the time I was away, I barely slept. I couldn't- without you. I'm now realising how petty that sounds
I chuckled, through the tears falling on the page
Adjusting to new life was hard. After all hydra did, and I was forced to forget you for so long. I remember how relieved me and Steve were to be told you were still alive. We'd been mourning, truly thinking we had lost you, and it was our faults.
I had been so, so lucky to get a second chance. Because it's one more than anyone else gets.
I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't remembered me. It pained me so much to hear about Steve's encounters, that I avoided you for long.
Then you asked for answers, and it felt like the biggest brick was lifted off my chest. I thought 'I can't rush into things. She's different now. She won't think of me the same way'
And it turned out to be the complete opposite.
So, now I've basically ran through my entire life with you in a nutshell, let me tell you something.
Y/n. My second biggest regret in life is not marrying you.
I plan it out in my head every night.
We'd have it outside, like you'd always talk to me about. In the Forest, with all the nature around us.
It wouldn't be a huge gathering of people. Just family and a few friends. We never liked crowds.
We'd say our vows, and seal the deal. You would be mrs Barnes. God just writing that makes my stomach flutter
I smiled, laughing a little.
I think about it a lot. It helps me to sleep.
If all goes well, I'm going to propose to you, and you will never see this letter. And we will be married, outside in the forest around all the nature.
I can't wait to see the look on your face at the altar.
I've told you my second biggest regret, but you don't know the first.
Y/n I would've killed to make a family with you.
We'd move out of the tower. Have an apartment in the city or a house in the countryside. We'd have little mini children running around us.
We'd call them Sarah, for a girl, like you always said, after Steve's mom. And James, for a boy.
I could never argue with you when you said you wanted that to be the boys name. I tried, and when you told me to deal with it, I shut up.
Hopefully now you must know. How much I care about you y/n. How much I think about you. 24/7 of every day. You're on my mind.
You are my everything. My best friend. My biggest fan. My soulmate.
Stay strong for me. Don't you dare cry. You can't. I forbid you. Even from the grave, okay?
Now I really hate to leave you but my hand is hurting from all this writing.
I chuckled
And please god, let me see you tomorrow.
I love you.
Sincerely signed.
James Buchanan Barnes.
I closed the letter, wiping my tears, and remembered the object in the envelope.
I took it out, and it was a ring box.
I gasped, and opened it,
Inside were three rings. One, a stunning engagement with a bright red stone, vines running all over the band.
The second two, identical gold bands, one smaller than the other.
I smiled so wide, trying not to cry, and slipped my rings on my fingers. The third I kept in my palm, along with the tags.
I heard footsteps then, and I folded the letter, and put it in my bag.
I saw steve in the doorway, in a black suit.
I smiled and walked over to him.
"You got a letter too?" He asked suspiciously, and I nodded as we both smiled.
I made the decision, and took his hand, dropping the tags and Bucky's ring into his hand.
He looked at me, tears in his eyes, when he realised what they were, and went to speak, but I cut him off.
"They're yours." I smiled, as tears fell down our faces, though I quickly tried to stop them- for Bucky.
He pulled me in for a hug, and when we finally let go, he took in a long breath.
"Are we ready sis." He used my nickname, making me chuckle a little, before I stepped out of the corridor, and outside, onto the steps to where everyone was waiting for me.
"Yeah."
I took in a deep, steady breath, and felt the sun on my face
And remembering what Bucky had said about that night, I smiled.
"I'm ready."
the end