┌────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────┐
HALF A HEART
└────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────┘
✎ summary : after the mission in aster dell, saul thinks the best thing for you is for him to leave.
✎ warnings : ANGST ANGST ANGST, mentions of stabbing, blood and cuts & signs of panic attack. pls lmk if i missed anything!
✎ word count : 1.k
❏ author's note : i suck at summaries BYE,, so uh this is a bit of an au, after the whole aster dell thing, saul stabs sky's father bla bla bla. this was actually so fun to write might do a part two LMAO i love pain </33 hope yall like this <3
──── ・。.・゜✭・────
IT WAS A DAY LIKE NO OTHER. You were waiting for your fiance to come back from his classified mission. When you heard the door you jumped in excitement but the moment he stepped foot in the house you knew something was wrong.
"What happened?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows as your face full with confusion.
His eyes had lost its light, he looked so tired, he didn't wear is signature smile that makes butterflies appear in your stomach, he didn't greet you with a kiss and he was uncharacteristically quiet.
You noticed his trembling figure so you quickly made your way to him. You placed a hand on his arm, and the sudden contact made him flinch.
Your heart broke at his reaction. "You okay?" you asked again, "Hey talk to me sweetheart." but he didn't say anything.
The sight of his partner with a sword in his chest haunted his mind and he was so fucking scared if you'd see him as a threat when you know what he did.
His shirt was covered with dirt and grime. He had a few cuts of his face and he smelled like ashes. The bags under his eyes were red, it looked like he was crying. But before you could ask him more questions he stormed towards your guys' bedroom.
It startled you with his sudden movement so you waited a few seconds before following him.
When you got there, he already took out two bags that originally were used for a vacation. Some of his clothes were thrown in the bag and some of them fell onto the floor.
"What are you doing?"
You quietly asked, you were sick of asking questions that were never answered but you needed to keep trying. He started to move to the closet grabbing an arm full of his clothes and stuffing it in the bags.
You were so confused, your mouth was closing and opening, as you felt tears stung at the corner of your eyes. What was he doing?
"I'm talking to you." your tone was stern but you both could hear the shaky-ness of it.
He finally stopped what he was doing and turned around meeting your glossy eyes.
"Can we talk about this first?"
"There's nothing to talk about." he mumbled. His eyes met yours just as fast as it averted to something else in the room.
You scoffed in disbelief, "What the hell does that mean? You waltz in here, pretending like I don't exist, start packing and then you had the audacity to say that 'there's nothing to talk about'? "
Your hands were making weird gestures, trying to get your point across and you finally took a deep breath, calming yourself. "You're not going to leave me right?"
Saul lowered his head, staring at his feet, still not answering your question.
After an awkward long painful silence he finally said, "I can't do this."
"What-"
The sight off him taking of his engagement ring made a lump form in your throat. You can tell his hands were shaking, hesitating on pulling it off but he still did. It made your stomach drop as your breathing became choppy.
"I'm sorry."
Your sadness replaced itself in anger as you snapped, "You're sorry?! What? I don't even get an explanation? After everything?"
He didn't reply to your question, only choosing to stare at his ring, that was placed on the bed. You took a deep breath and aggressively wiped the tears that went down your cheeks.
"I genuinely thought you're my person." you confusedly mumbled.
The countless of days where you guys would cuddle up together, talking about kids and buying a house in the countryside. All of the mornings where you would discuss names for your kids that would always end up in a friendly wrestling match because one didn't agree on a name. Plans about a garden wedding.
It was all for nothing.
"You deserve better than me." he mumbled, finally looking into your eyes. His heart broke when he saw the tear that escaped your eye.
"Isn't that for me to decide." you stated in a more softer tone. "Please don't go." you begged. The sniffles that hit his ears makes him want to bring you into his arms, telling you that everything's okay.
But he can't.
He won't.
"I have to, you'd be safer." he said, looking directly into your eyes. You could feel the pain reflecting in them, the battle his mind was having and the fondness he still held every time he looked at you.
He looked at you like you were the full moon clear in the night sky.
"What does that supposed to mean?" you confusedly asked. It didn't make sense.
"I can't risk hurting you."
He knows deep down he never will. He would never in a million years, in his wildest dreams hurt you like that.
"What do you think you're doing right now then?"
That hit him like a truck. What was he doing right now? He continued to convince himself that you'd be better off without him. Convincing himself that leaving the person he loves most is a good decision.
You numbly nodded your head, "It's stupid how I actually thought that you'd stay."
And with those last words, he closed the door and left, taking half of your heart with him.
Your knees became week as reality sets, making you dropped down onto the floor.
He actually left.
Your fiancé left.
Ex-fiancé?
How are you going to explain this to your family and friends?
"Oh! He just left with no explanations, breaking my heart and my soul at the same time!"
Sobs wracking your frame, tears coating your cheeks, your vision was blurry and all you felt was endless pain. Your breathing starts to become more shallow and you know a panic attack was coming. So you tried to regulate your breathing, pulling your knees to your chest.
Saul didn't leave as soon as the door shut, so he could hear the first sob you let out. But he couldn't take it anymore so he quickly rushed to his car. Throwing his bags in the back as he sat down at the driver seat, sudden hot white anger flooded him.
Your sobs echoing in his head, the broken look on your face was printed in his mind.
How could he hurt you?
He made you cry.
How could he?
The only thing that made his life brighter.
The only thing that kept him going.
He lost it.
He started banging the steering wheel in anger as he let out heart wrenching screams and sobs.
The both of you lost half of yourselves that night, and you weren't sure if you're going to get it back.
「 ⋆⛧* hana's note 」
so........
how yall feelin?......
IM SORRY OKAY IM SORRY
i will probably maybe possibly make a part two but no promises cause my writing game is weak af rn ;)
sending loves to yall my beloved <3
^^^ this is yall rn don't play
- love hana
5sept2021