ONE STEP CLOSER
“Kieran, please pick up…” I begged into the phone while pushing the heavy door open with one shaking hand and my shoulder. My world had been set to light like a village in the Middle Ages would get plundered and burnt down to the ground. While coming to the Hall, I had suspected things to be bad, but not quite like this. I had nothing left, not after what I overheard from that meeting.
I sucked in a breath when I heard a click, ready to gush out everything I overheard, but instead of Kieran, it was his voicemail. For a second I didn’t know what to say or do, but then I did the only thing I could. I started crying. Tears ran down my cheeks and I didn’t bother wiping them away.
The sky had turned dark already when I exited the old building. Usually I would have hated this but right then and there, I was glad the dark would make it more difficult for anyone to see me. Absently, I pocketed my cell phone and started walking. With one foot after the other, I distanced myself from the Hall. With every step I took, I had to bite through the pain. I hurt physically and emotionally.
For years, I’d never thought I was the town’s toy, to be thrown away for something better when the right time came along. All the times I’d wondered why nobody cared…now I finally knew.
First, my birth parents didn’t want me. Now my own neighbors would ship me off to some godforsaken monster. Why had it only been Trudy standing up for me? Surely I hadn’t wronged any people in town, not intentionally at least and especially not that I could remember. Then why did no one else stick up for me? My life in Mountain River? My safety? Was I really not worth looking out for?
If only Kieran had answered his phone, I could’ve asked him to come get me. I could’ve begged him to let me stay at his place for the night and then I’d be gone by morning. I would follow Joanne’s advice and leave this town. I would leave it all behind. But for now, I had no idea what to do and absolutely nowhere to go. One thing was for sure, I wouldn’t return home.
Time had lost all meaning by the time I found myself wandering at the edge of town, near the school and the park, which were both shielded by a line of trees. Loud music came from that direction and I could see different colors light up the sky behind the tree tops. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening, but then I remembered the posters at school about the early Halloween party. A party I had no intention of attending, not back in school and not now. I hoped that by putting some space between the school and me, no one would notice my presence until I was long out of sight.
“Hey, look who’s here!”
Involuntarily, I turned in the direction the sound had come from, an action I regretted as soon as I spotted Michael and a bunch of other kids he usually hung around with. All of them had been wrapped in strands of white linen and were covered in red stains.
“It’s Seda and she came dressed up as….Seda!” All five or six of them burst out in laughter as if that was the funniest thing they had ever heard.
I huffed. If these were the children the town spoke so highly of, and the ones they wanted to keep safe by sending me away, I thought it to be very sad. These guys could rot in hell for all I cared, but no, I was the one they’d sacrifice. Trudy had said I’d get slaughtered and I still couldn’t comprehend what she had meant by that. Did they really intend on killing me? Or letting me get killed?
These morons weren’t worth my time. I had much bigger things on my mind. That was why I turned around and continued on my way. I ignored their loud laughter, their demeaning remarks and cruel jokes as I crossed the street to get away from them. At the time, it had seemed like a bright idea, but I forgot to check the street for any oncoming traffic. If I had looked up ahead instead of having my face transfixed to my feet, I would have noticed the swirling car as it closed in on me. Too late did I pick up on the nearing engine and soon I found myself face-first on the concrete. In the distance, I heard voices and car doors but I couldn’t find the energy to shout for help. I fought to stay conscious but that proved more difficult with every passing second. The sound of screeching tires came next, and then all I heard was silence. Not the driver, nor Michael or the other bystanders came over to check if I was still alive. Finding myself all alone without anyone that cared became a repeating occurrence, especially during the day I considered to be the worst of my entire life. Whatever little bit of fight I had left in me faded away ever so slowly. Soon I found myself questioning why I didn’t simply give in to the darkness. My head hurt so bad that it felt like someone was trying to split it open like a coconut. Every breath I took resulted in a stab of pain in my chest. The struggle to remain conscious no longer felt worthy if it only caused me pain. Lonelier than ever, I allowed the dark to consume me and free me of all agony.
My body hurt all over; I could not name one muscle that didn’t ache when I came by. The pain wasn’t excruciating per se, instead it resembled the soreness experienced the morning after one heck of an intensive gym class at school. I lacked the willpower to open my eyes and start the day. All I needed were a few more minutes, or even hours, in bed where it was nice and toasty. A yawn escaped my mouth as I rolled over onto my other side – or attempted to. The yawn long forgotten, I winced at the pain that shot through my side.
“Are you awake?” asked a woman’s voice I didn’t recognize. Suddenly wondering who she was – where I was, I opened my eyes and blinked a couple of times to adjust to the light. Disoriented, I first took in the room. It was small, poorly furnished and the person to decorate this place must’ve been really into the color yellow. Everything was yellow. A layer of dirty yellow paint covered the walls. The fabric of the floor-length curtains was a brighter yellow. The one chair in the corner was a different kind of yellow as well. Even the sheets on the bed I occupied had been yellow.
“Are you in any pain?”
My initial, uncensored reply would have been, “Yes. This room is hurting my eyes.” But I was smart enough not to say such a thing out loud. I didn’t want to come across as rude to people I didn’t even know. The woman was the only other person in the room, I noticed. She was rather petite, but possessed a certain intimidating stance that made you second-guess messing with her.
My voice was weak, but with great effort, I found the energy to speak. “Where am I?”
“We’ll get to that later,” she replied shortly. However, when she noticed how her ignoring my question unsettled me, she gave me a warm smile. “Don’t worry, Seda. You’re safe here. Kieran will be here in a –“
“Kieran is here?”
The woman smiled again. “Yes. Yes of course. He is the one that brought you here.”
The thought of Kieran being near calmed me down. He wouldn’t have put me in danger, I reasoned with myself. Realizing I’d brought myself in an semi-sitting position, I let myself lie down again. My body wasn’t ready to sit up yet, the protest of my muscles was indisputable proof of that.
“So,” the woman spoke while readjusting the sheets, tucking me in as I had been before. “Do you hurt a lot? I can give you something for the pain.”
“My head hurts,” I admitted before placing my hand on the side of my ribcage. “And here, it hurts here when I try to move. The rest isn’t too bad. Uncomfortable? Yes. Unbearable? No.”
“Okay,” the woman nodded. “Let me get you some pills that will make you feel more comfortable then.” She turned and walked away from the bed I was in. When half of her body had disappeared around the corner where I assumed the door was located, she took a step back. Amused, she asked, “Is it okay if I let him in? Kieran, I mean.”
Despite my headache, I nodded my head yes, eager to see him and fish for answers.
“I thought so,” the woman chuckled to herself while disappearing behind that corner. “You can go in,” I heard her say. “But remember to take it easy. She still needs time to recover completely.”
A shadow grew bigger on the wall opposite the door as footsteps came closer.
“Hey,” Kieran peeked around the corner. “You don’t mind if I –“
Before he had a chance to finish his question, I’d shook my head already. Of course he could come in the room. Kieran entered the room and with only three small steps, he stood at my side.
All smiles gone, he eyed me carefully. “Are you okay?”
I shrugged. “I guess so, except for the headache and the pain in my ribs.”
“You scared the crap out of me, you know?” Kieran released a long breath and searched for my hand. When his hand found mine, he easily let our fingers entwine. “How much do you remember?”
“I don’t remem-“ I intended to say I didn’t remember much, that I had no idea what had happened to me or even how I ended up in that bed. However, as I spoke, memories came crashing down on me.
“A car,” I muttered as tears sprung to my eyes. “There was a car…they were sending me away…the Hall…Slaughtered…I…” Tears rolled down my face and I had trouble finding a way to breathe. Without knowing what I was doing, I tightened my grip on Kieran’s hand, causing his fingers to turn white. My breakdown intensified, which made it even harder to breathe, which in turn, only caused me more pain to the ribs and my head. It was a downward spiral. Between remembering how those people down at the Hall decided I wasn’t worth saving, and Michael and his friends leaving me for dead, I’d never felt more alone. And lost. I didn’t even know how long I had been there, sprawled on the concrete in pain, but I did know that it had been horrible.
“Kieran!” The woman from before spoke reprimanding while she rushed back into the room. “What did you do? Did you not hear me telling you to be careful? To keep her calm?”
Kieran stepped away from me, but couldn’t remove his hand from my hold, or at least not without hurting me. “I didn’t mean to. She remembered and well,” he paused and then waved his hand to me. “This happened.”
I wanted to stop crying because my hysterics caused me nothing but pain. Also, I wasn’t alone anymore. Kieran had found me, brought me here and had someone looking after me. However, even this knowledge couldn’t restrain the waterfalls. I wasn’t to be calmed down.
“Get in bed with her!”
“Mom!” Kieran gasped. “This is hardly the time to –“
“Just do it. I mean it. Crawl in next to her and hold her close.”
My instinct was to object but I could not find the words. I held no control over my body as it wept for all the pain and hurt that had been inflicted on me, now and over the past years. I was but a mere outsider, incapable of any action other than observing the chaos I caused. Through the haze of tears, I watched Kieran untangle our hands with much difficulty. Only two seconds after he disappeared from my view, I felt the mattress dip behind me. Barely even touching me, he slid one arm over my waist while the other snaked under my neck. Ever so gently, he pulled me into him. Moving me any closer would have been impossible, for there was no space left that separated our bodies. My head fit perfectly in the crook of his throat. His arms held on to me, especially tight, but without causing me any extra physical pain.
“Shhh,” Kieran whispered soothingly into my hair. “It’s over. You are all right. Everything is going to be all right.”
Not straight away, gradually, I felt myself calm down. My hysteria grew fainter, to the point where it completely disappeared. The excessive flow of tears no longer formed lakes on the pillow but instead lessened to the odd tear now and then. Even breathing became less and less of a struggle as the minutes ticked by. The peaceful feelings Kieran undoubtedly radiated had worked miracles on me, but still they couldn’t rid me of all my pain. The betrayal by the people I once called my parents pained my heart, leaving nasty lashes behind.
Quite some time passed while Kieran held me in his arms, but I couldn’t guess how much. It took me until I finally seemed to have calmed down as much as I would be able to, to notice the woman had disappeared from the room as well.
“Mom?” I questioned Kieran at the memory of the woman. Behind me, he made advances on releasing me but I reached for his arm under my neck and held it close. He understood and relaxed his body again.
“Yes. She’s my mom.” Kieran brought the arm that slung over my waist up to my hair and stroked it once. “As you can tell, she won’t take no for an answer.”
I smiled faintly. Appreciating the warmth of his body and the solace he brought, I snuggled closer to Kieran. In return, he caressed my hair once more, a feeling I could easily grow accustomed to. For several long minutes, I let myself indulge in the tranquil moment. I didn’t feel the need to speak. Being held by Kieran, I felt safe and everything seemed okay. If only for a short period of time, I wanted to allow myself to forget the harsh reality.
“Seda?” Kieran’s hushed voice vibrated through his chest.
“Hmm…”
“Oh, you’re still awake.”
“Yes.”
“Feeling better?”
I nodded. Now that he was here, everything felt better – not that I would admit such thing out loud. A question came to mind and not knowing a better way to distract my mind from wandering off into directions I wasn’t ready for, I spoke quietly. “Kieran? How did you find me?”
“Now that’s something I wanted to have a word about.” Kieran raised his head from the pillow we shared, causing my head to roll a little to the right. Kieran’s eyes met mine and he held my gaze while speaking the next words very slowly, as if to make them leave permanent marks in my mind. “Don’t you ever leave me any voicemail messages again of you crying without even a word of explanation as to why. Do you hear me? Never again. Do you have any idea how worried I was when I heard you crying and I realized you’d called me hours before then?”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled a sincere apology and wanted to look away, but Kieran cut me off and gently held my chin in place.
“Don’t be.” He sighed. “You shouldn’t be. Just…I hated not knowing what happened and you didn’t answer your phone when I tried to call you back. And then when I was on my way to your house, I saw you sprawled out in the middle of that godforsaken street and good god, I don’t think I have ever been so scared in my life.” Kieran’s thumb ran over my cheek. “Oh, that reminds me. You held this when I found you.” The warm hand released my chin before it disappeared into the pocket of Kieran’s jeans. When it returned, my silver bracelet dangled from Kieran’s fingers. “I figured I’d hold on to it for you until you woke up.”
“Thank you,” I whispered and reached for the bracelet. The cold metal felt oddly comforting as I held it close in my hand. “Did you know my real name is Evers? As in, Seda Evers and not Seda Winston?”
Kieran nodded his head yes.
“But you couldn’t tell?” I guessed and he sent me an apologetic smile in return. I tried to turn onto my other side so it’d be easier for me to see his face. However, that innocent bit of movement caused me to suck in a breath when sharp pain shot through my side.
“Mom!” Kieran called out and was out of the bed before I could protest.
“What are you doing?” I spoke in a hushed voice, yet, before he could answer me, his mom walked in.
“She’s in pain again,” Kieran rushed to her side.
“It’s too soon to get you more pain medication,” Kieran’s mom directed at me. “Where does it hurt most?”
“It’s nothing, really. I tried to move and that’s when it hurt.”
“Hmm…Well, why don’t you get some rest?” She suggested and turned to her son then. “Kieran, your father wants to talk to you. He’s waiting for you in the kitchen.”
“Can’t he wait?”
His mom had her back to me, but whatever expression she made turned out to be effective. With a roll of his eyes and an audible sigh, Kieran turned and left the room.
“I swear,” she spoke with a dramatic grin. “That boy gives me more grey hairs than his brothers.”
“So, you’re Kieran’s mom?”
She nodded. “I’m afraid so. Now, let me have a look at your side and then I’ll leave so you can get some rest. I’m Anna by the way.”
“Seda,” I replied. “But I guess you knew that already.”
Anna inspected my side closely, which involved soft probing of her fingers and uncomfortable pain as result.
“Sorry about that,” Anna mumbled as she lowered my shirt again and pulled the sheets back up to my shoulders.
“How long have I been out,” I wondered while trying to ignore the pain.
“A little short of forty-eight hours. Kieran brought you here Thursday night and its now Saturday. We just had dinner, do you want me to bring you something to eat?”
“That would be nice,” I replied, suddenly aware of the empty feeling of my stomach. “And thank you. For looking after me.”
“Don’t worry about that. It’s the least we can do. Now, I’m going to put my two little monsters to bed and then I’ll bring you some food.”
Sleep eluded me that night, and all that left me to do was to stare at the ceiling. My stomach was still thankful for Anna’s soup and spaghetti. The painkillers did their job. The house was quiet. Sleep should have come easy but I had never felt more awake. Whatever little light seeped in through the door, it was just enough for me to make out the lines of the wooden ceiling. Like I had done earlier that day, I started counting. I was able to make out thirty-seven ceiling boards in total.
Tick…Tick…Tick…Tick…Tick…
The clock on the wall opposite the bed was getting on my nerves. Only when the room turned quiet, had I picked up on its constant ticking. The later it was, the louder the ticking – or so it seemed to me.
I sighed loudly and decided to attempt getting my mind off the clock. So, I started counting the slits between the boards. At the count of fifty-nine, the door squeaked open and Kieran peeked in the room.
“Please get that clock to stop ticking! It’s driving me insane, even more so than I already am.” I begged him in a loud whisper.
I heard him chuckle to himself as he closed the door behind him.
“Can’t sleep?” he wondered once he took the clock off the wall.
“No,” I replied quietly. I watched Kieran flip the clock and tinker at the back of it for a moment until he proudly held up two batteries.
“All taken care of.” He whispered and placed the clock and batteries on the empty bookshelf next to him.
“Finally,” I moaned and rested my head back on the pillow, welcoming the complete silence I had longed for all night.
The sound of rustling clothes reminded me of Kieran’s presence and kept me from closing my eyes. He dragged a chair over to the side of the bed and plopped down in it, lifting his feet up to the end of the mattress and left them there.
“You couldn’t sleep either?” I wondered with a faint smile.
He shook his head no. “Too much stuff on my mind.”
“Hmm… You have two brothers? Your mom mentioned them. I never even asked you about siblings.”
“There are only the twins, Braydon and Lewis. They’re four.”
“That’s kind of an age gap. But I bet you’re a great big brother.”
Kieran gloated. “There’s a difference in age alright, but well, I think it’s better this way than having siblings of a similar age. I don’t need as much attention anymore and my parents are preoccupied with my little brothers. I think it’s a win-win situation. Then again, I have to watch my every word because even the smallest cuss, they pick up and chant for days and when they do, I get all the blame.”
“Hey Kieran,” I suddenly remembered what he’d said to me a couple of days earlier. “You were right. The sight of you in pj’s at your house doesn’t bother me.”
Kieran raised an eyebrow. “You say the most random things sometimes.”
“I can’t help it. One minute I’m still with the conversation, the next, I have seen or heard something and well…I say something random. But yes, continue. You were talking about your brothers. Are they a lot like you?”
“My mom says not. I have been told I was kind of a ruckus and according to my mom, Braydon and Lewis are much nicer.”Kieran said amused, using air quotation-marks when he said the word nicer. “But still, Mom had trouble keeping them quiet today as they never stopped sneaking off to this room. They never made it any farther than the stairs though. My mom has eyes like a hawk.”
“I don’t think your mom will let me leave this room anytime soon. But, you know, you should bring them around sometime tomorrow. I sure could use a little entertainment. Have you ever taken in account how maddening yellow this room is?”
Kieran made a face.
“Oh crap. You didn’t pick it, right?”
A mischievous grin formed on Kieran’s lips before he spoke amused. “No, no. Don’t worry. You didn’t offend anyone. I was just kidding. In my defense, you made it too easy for me. You’re right though, about the room being too yellow. I don’t know whose idea it was. It must have been someone who was like, really into the color. It has been like this for as long as I can remember.”
“The yellow I can handle – with some effort. That clock on the other hand made me want to rip out my own hair.”
“I could see that.”
Just then, my eyes fell on the bracelet I had placed on the bedside table.
“Remember a few hours ago? You said you knew my real family name was Evers.”
“Hmm.”
“Does that…” I hesitated. I wanted to know the answer so badly, but had no idea if I’d like the answer as much as I hoped. “Does that mean you know my parents?”
Kieran was silent for a few moments, leaving me to lift my head a little to see if he hadn’t fallen asleep. His eyes were still open, but he appeared to be in deep thought.
“If it’s something you can’t tell, I’ll be totally bummed but I’d understand.” I let him know, a little reluctant because I really wanted to know the answer.
Kieran shifted his feet and rubbed the back of his neck. He turned my way and just stared at me for a few seconds.
“I don’t know how much I can tell. I think there are some things you shouldn’t get to hear from me. But yeah, I know your father.”
“You do?”
“I’ve met him before.”
“You have?”
Kieran nodded his head a slow yes. Any pain was long forgotten at the realization I was once again, one step closer to finding my birth parents. I scooted in an upright position, utterly ignorant to the pain this caused me. Excited as ever, I couldn’t contain my smile.
“What’s he like? What are my parents like?”
Kieran moved around in his seat, awkwardly scratching at his collarbone as he spoke. “I don’t think I should tell you too much, but not telling you anything just seems so cruel.” Kieran paused.
Eager to learn something about the people I had been wanting to meet for over a decade, I signed for him to continue.
“Fine, so… I only really know your father. He’s an okay guy, if you ask me. He just has been through a lot. I think he’d be thrilled to meet you.”
“I can meet him?” I practically shrieked in my excitement. Kieran quickly put his finger to his lips, telling me to quiet down.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “But when can I see my parents? Do they know I’m here? Do your parents know them? Oh my God! I’m going to meet my real parents! I can’t believe it. After all this time!”
“Keep it down a little,” Kieran said quietly while waving his hand to get my attention. “Trust me, you don’t want to wake my mother. Anyways, my dad left after dinner tonight. He’s going to inform your father that you’re staying with us.”
“How long? How long until they’re here?”
“I don’t know. It might take my father a good few hours to get to yours and then they have to come all the way back. My guess would be tomorrow night or maybe the day after.”
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A/N: Thanks for reading! If you noticed any mistakes, feel free to point them out so I can correct them.
I wrote most of this story (up to chapter 12) in November during nanowrimo and every time I go back to these earlier chapters to edit and upload them, I find myself really enjoying what I read. To those wondering, I'm currently writing chapter 16 and I think there'll be around 20 chapters by the time the story is finished. Of course, I'm beyond biased, but I hope you enjoy the story too and consider it worthy of your time :)