"Forgive? Riki, didn't you know how painful it is for me to live like this? DIDN'T YOU KNOW HOW I BADLY WANT TO LIVE AND ACHIEVE MY DREAMS?! DIDN'T YOU KNOW I SUFFERED WATCHING THE PEOPLE I LOVE GETTING HURT BECAUSE OF MY DEATH?! "
Riki shut his eyes tightly, tears pouring down his cheeks continuously as he listened to her, lashing out to him for the very first time.
It's alright though. He accept it because he deserve this. He deserves this treatment from the spirit. What he did was unforgivable despite his reasons. There is no valid reason from what he did.
It's okay. I'll let it in.
"I TRUSTED YOU RIKI. I fucking trusted you! "
Riki bit his lips. This is the first time he heard the other cussed... And to him. It hurts. But it's okay.
He deserves it anyway.
"I'm sorry. " Riki mumbled, shaking his head while clenching his fist from how regretful he is. "I'm so sorry. "
"Don't be fucking sorry! You must planned this, don't you? Living in this house to meet me and hurt me, how could be an asshole are you?! You probably laughed at me for how stupid I am for falling for you and to be happy with you! "
Hearing this, Riki immediately shook his head vigorously. "No no no, I didn't. I just fou—"
"SHUT UP! I don't want to hear it! You disgust me. You fucking disgust me I hate you so much! "
Amber knew she shouldn't have said it. She should have sat down and calmed herself first and talk it out with the other. But she's just so angry, furious even and she felt betrayed. She's at the height of his emotions.
The person she trusted the most, cared the most was the reason why she suffered and is still suffering. The reason why she's living like this. Why she's nothing but a mere spirit.
He killed her. And it hurts.
At this moment, Amber didn't know what hurts her the most. Was it because she's dead and finally found out who killed her? Or was it because he is the one who killed her?
"N-no please don't say that. Y-you don't mean t-that " Riki begged, eyes meeting hers as his lips wobbled.
"You deserve to be in jail! You fucking should be in jail! "
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry p-please forgive me. I love you "
The spirit glared at him. Her eyes held nothing but rage mixed with betrayal and hatred. And Riki couldn't blame her for that. He deserves it but that doesn't mean it's less painful. Because it hurts.
So fucking much.
"Maybe if you turn yourself in, I'll forgive you. "
And with that, the spirit left, leaving him alone in the garden.
Riki gripped his hair and pulled it out of frustration as tears continuously streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't because of the big lump in his throat.
Maybe if you turn yourself in, I'll forgive you.
Her voice rings inside his head.
Riki is scared but he knows the spirit is right. He should turn himself in, not because she said so but because she deserves justice.
If turning himself in could make her happy and be at peace, then he will. It's okay if she doesn't forgive him. All he wanted is for her to be happy.
For the spirit to be happy.
-
Amber left.
Riki is certain to that. Because since their talk that day, he haven't seen, neither took a glimpse of her again. He doesn't even feel her presence.
At all.
But it's okay. He always reminds himself that he deserves it. The pain he is feeling right now is nothing to the pain he have caused her. So it's..... Alright. He deserve it.
The spirit wasn't in the house. Riki tried to find her but he found nothing. He waited for her but she didn't come home. And it hurts because he is now certain she left.
She left him.
Riki asked Jake if they could meet today at Sunoo's cafe and the older agreed but only in his break time which will be around two in the afternoon.
So the younger goes earlier than the said time in the cafe to talk to someone. He just hope she's there.
A sigh of relief left his lips as soon as he saw the person he was hoping to see there as soon as he entered the cafe. Sunoo's with her.
He walked towards the counter, his eyes bloodshot from crying nonstop and for the lack of sleep. Dark circles evident under his eyes and his lips were pale.
"Hey, you okay Riks? Heeseung said you're not feeling well and it looks like you're really not. " Sunoo spoke once Riki stood in front of the counter.
The ravenette faint a smile then replied with a hoarse voice. "Hyung, can I talk to noona? "
The older turned to look at his girlfriend who are glaring at the man in front of them then back to the younger.
"Why? " He asked, confused.
"I just have something to ask her. It's important hyung. "
Sunoo was hesitant at first but after Yoona talked to him and assured him that everything was fine, he let them.
And now Yoona and the ravenette are sitting down in one of the tables in the corner.
"Have you realized how much of an asshole you are? " Riki remained silent so Yoona continued. "You fucking killed my best friend! "
"I'm sorry. "
"Your sorry won't bring her back! Is she aware that you're the reason why she's gone? Why she's dead? "
The younger nodded his head, biting his lip to prevent himself from tearing up. It just hurts so much.
"I-i told her. "
Yoona stared at him, now having a clue why the other looks so dead. "What happened? "
The ravenette took a deep breath before answering. "She left. She left me. "
A moment of silence engulfed them after that. Yoona stared at him when he's staring at the table with his head down. He's ashamed.
"Did she forgive you? " Yoona broke the silence in which Riki answered by shaking his head.
"She said she'll only forgive me if I turned myself in. "
A moment of silence once again filled them. Though it didn't last long as Riki looked at the other then spoke.
"How did you know that I was the one who killed her? "
"Because you can see and can talk to her. "
The younger's brow furrowed. "I don't understand. "
Yoona sighed. "Spirits can only talk to the people who have killed them. Nothing else. "
"How did you know this? "
"I figured it out by my own experience but let's not talk about it. Why did you killed my friend? " the girl replied, changing the topic.
Riki lowered his gaze. "It's because of my selfishness. I wanted to have revenge against the person who have murdered my father. Amber was there that time, she's standing at the wrong spot and at the wrong time. But I swear, I didn't want anyone to get hurt or to get involved in it, I just wanted to kill that person who have killed my only family. " he paused for a few seconds. "I-i didn't mean to kill her. "
The woman sighed, understanding the other. But that doesn't mean that she fully forgives him for killing her best friend.
"Did you know that Amber can finally be at peace if she forgives you? "
"What? "
"The reason why she's still here is because of the grudge she's holding to the person who have killed her. And now that she knew that it's you, once she forgave you, she will be at peace. "
"I want her to be at peace, she deserves it. " the ravenette replied.
"Even when that means you'll no longer see her and be with her? Talk to her? "
Riki let out a deep sigh as he dried the stray tear that fell down his cheeks. "I love her. I love her too much to not force her to stay. She deserves to be at peace even though it hurts. "
It's indeed hurtful because Riki is breaking just by the thought the spirit, leaving him.... For good.
But it's okay, at least she'll find the peace she deserves. So it's okay...
He thought.
Not long after, Yoona goes back to the counter as Jake entered the cafe.
"Are you okay? " was the first sentence the older asked upon noticing the younger's frame.
Riki faint a smile then took a deep breath.
This is it. Amber will have the justice the she deserves.
Riki is scared but he reminded him that the spirit deserves this. She died with his own hand and he must face the consequences.
"Hyung, I know who killed Amber and the other victim named Park Sunghoon, that day. "
Jake's eyes widened. "What? Who? "
"I did, hyung. " Riki bit his lips, fighting the fear that's started forming inside him.
"I killed them. "