I remember it like it was yesterday. Probably because it is the same nightmare that has been waking me up every night for the past four years. Me and my twin sister are in the car on our way home from school. We are chatting nonstop about the upcoming Valentine 's Day dance for the 7th and 8th graders. We were planning to go with a group of friends from school. My mom is driving, listening us talk about what we want to wear. She takes the usual street up the hill and turns a corner into the street near the shopping centers. Suddenly a truck appears out of nowhere and T-bones our car, right where my sister is sitting. My head hits the window and I black out. The next thing I know I'm in a hospital room. I open my eyes slowly to let them adjust to the bright lights around me. I hear the beeping of machines. I have a massive headache and I feel like someone punched me in the chest. My arm is really hurting me and it's completely wrapped up in a white bandage. And I wake up.
It wasn't broken, they said. Some pieces of shrapnel flew off the car and sliced my arm. I had a mild concussion, a few bruises and a broken rib. Kelly wasn't so lucky. She was directly hit by the car and suffered major brain damage, broken bones and a lot of bleeding. Life support didn't last long, they said her brain died in the accident and the doctors took her off life support a few days later. In that time I refused to leave her side. The doctors tried repeatedly to pull me away, but I fought until they let me stay. I held her hand and stared at all the bandages and machines attached to her. I never stopped crying. I didn't want to let her go, I didn't want to lose my best friend. But, in the end, we had to agree to take her off life support. She wouldn't have been able to make it, they said. She never would have lived a normal life because of the the brain damage.
I never did attend that Valentine 's Day dance, and I never did anything outside of school since. It didn't feel right. I felt lonely and depressed always wishing Kelly was with me. I felt that part of me was missing. I dedicated my time to getting good grades. I buried myself in my school work. I studied and always kept to myself. I became the shy kid and never wanted to talk to anyone. My psychologist said that it was normal. It was my way of coping. I would one day grow out of it. That day felt like it would never come. I didn't want it to come. Four years passed and not one day went by where I wasn't thinking about her.
***
"Ηey! Where are you going?" I hear someone stop in front of me as I am walking through the hallways at school. I wrap my arms tighter around the books in my arms and look up at him. This is not the first time he's made fun of me. I don't respond. I figure that he might stop once he realizes that I just don't care. "What's the matter? Cat's got your tongue?" I try to walk past him, but he and his buddies block my path.
"Please, just let me get to class." I say looking back down at my books.
"Look at that guys, nerd's gonna be late for class. Well too bad." He pushes the books out of my hands and my papers fall out of my folder and scattering the floor of the locker bay with my other books following behind. I sigh.
"Hey! Stop that!" A voice comes from behind me.
"Why do you care?" The bully retorts.
"She's part of our group, so you better leave before I get you suspended again!" The voice behinds me threatens.
"Whatever dude. Let's go guys. She's not worth it." The boy and his group walk away. I bend down to pick up my things and the boy behind the voice bends down to help me.
"Hey. I'm Cole. I haven't seen you around before. What's your name?" He asks. I collect the rest of my things from the floor and take the papers he hands to me.
"There's a reason you haven't seen me." I say quietly and walk past him to my locker. He chases after me, his friends following behind him.
"Are you new?" He continues. I shake my head. "Then why don't I know you?" He likes questions doesn't he? I put my books away and ignore him. "Please at least tell me your name?" He pleads. I sigh.
"It's Elise. I prefer Ellie." I say.
"Nice to meet you Ellie. These are my friends Maya, Jason and Sean." He motions to the people behind him. "Which class are you headed to now?" He asks me.
"Nice to meet you." I say and then walk away to my mathematics class. I do not like being late. Everyone notices you then and thus I have never been late to any of my classes. Especially my favorite class; math. "I'm sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my books," I lie to the teacher.
The teacher nods her head and continues the lesson. I take my seat at the back of the class and begin the homework. Not a minute later two more people enter the classroom apologizing for their tardiness. I recognize them as Cole and Sean. Cole spots me and heads my direction. I scoot down in my chair not wanting to be noticed.
"I didn't know we have math together." He says happily.
"No one does." I mutter.
"Come on. You don't have to be all rude." He says jokingly. But I'm not laughing. I sigh.
"You haven't seen me before because I make sure no one sees me. I prefer to focus on studying not chatting." I say quietly. The teacher sends a glare in our direction. I roll my eyes and return to the homework. It's too easy and I'm finished before the teacher is even finished with the lesson. I pull out my French homework from last period and begin to work on it.
"Finished already? Will you help me?" Cole asks.
"It's a simple differential equation involving natural logs, how hard can it be?" I ask matter-of-factly. He looks at me with a blank expression. I pull out a sheet of paper and show him. "The derivative of the natural log of u is equal to one over u times the derivative of u. I this case the answer is one over x." I explain.
"How'd you explain that so easily?" He asks me.
"I told you it's simple." I shrug.
Over the next few weeks, I periodically help Cole with his math. I begin to form relationships with the rest of his friend group. We sit near each other at lunch when I'm not in the library and I even accept an invitation to go see a movie with them. I had never been so close to anyone and I had never been able to friendships in school. At least not since Kelly died. I find myself thinking about her on the way down to the cafeteria one day after my class. I blindly pick up my lunch and a bag of popcorn and head to the check-out line. I feel a tear hit my cheek, but I ignore it and keep my head down. I try to focus on my next assignment for class instead, but my thoughts keep turning to the accident and I can't stop. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump. I look up at Cole standing right beside me in line as I wait in line.
"You okay?" He asks. I wipe away the tear on my cheek and nod. I can tell he's not entirely convinced, but he's learned not to push the issue with me. Over the past few weeks I've thought about Kelly just around the time he finds me. The first time he asked if I was okay, I was really mad. The other times I just avoided the topic. Now if I don't answer, he just brushes aside the topic. He knows that I can be touchy on the subject. "Anyway, i was wondering if you wanted to come to the auditorium with us?" He says.
"No, thanks, I have to study." I say. He takes my books from my hands.
"You can skip this one period. Come on it'll be fun."
"But-" I try to come up with an excuse.
"Never mind, I'm not giving you a choice. Maya said I should, but you're way too stubborn. You're coming with us." He says rapidly.
"But I--" I try again, but he interrupts me.
"Nope. I'm not leaving your side either, so pay for your food and come with us." I pay and he leads me down the hall toward the auditorium. His friends are all on stage singing Counting Stars.
"We," he spreads his arms wide, turns to face me, and walks backwards down the aisle, "are the drama geeks." he says proudly. I slightly chuckle at their nickname and set my things down on a seat. "Come on up and sing with us." I shake my head and pull out a book. "Nope." He takes the book from my hands. "Come on. Just relax. I promise, your grades won't falter."
"I don't have a choice do I?"
"Nope. Come on. Have a little fun for once."
"Reading is fun." I point out.
"No. Have a social life." He grabs my arm and pulls me up on stage. "What's your favorite song?"
"Um, Wake Me Up by Avicii."
"Ok. Ready guys?" he says. Everyone nods and we all begin to sing together
Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
but I know where to start
You tell me I'm too young to understand
You say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
that's fine by me.
I hear one voice drop out of singing but the rest of us continue. I'm almost tempted to drop out as well, but I continue.
So wake me up when it's all over
when I'm wiser and I'm older
Another voice drops out.
All this time I was finding myself
and I didn't know I was lost
So wake me up when it's all over
when I'm wiser and I'm older
Another voice and me and Cole are doing a duet. I almost stop but he continues. I really get into the song.
All this time I was finding myself
and I didn't know I was lost
I tried carrying the weight of the world
but I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
but I don't have any plans.
Wish that I could stay forever this young
not afraid to close my eyes
life's a game made for everyone
and love is the prize
Cole's voice drops out and It takes me moment to realize i'm singing alone
So wake me up when It's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
all this time I was finding myself and I--
I fade out at that part and completely stop singing.
"Why'd everyone stop?" I ask. Everyone is staring at me jaws dropped. I want to shrink away. Suddenly the nerves of singing alone hit me and I do not feel well.
"You're amazing!" Maya yells. I look up at her.
"What?" I'm taken aback.
"You're an amazing singer." Sean says. "Sing something else."
I shake my head. They urge me to continue and I finally relent when pretty much the whole group pleads with me to sing another song. I decide to sing Demons by Imagine Dragons. When I finish, all four people are clapping nonstop. I let a shy smile appear. I never thought I was good at singing. I don't think I ever gave it much thought. Cole pulls out a business card and hands it to me.
"Saturday, I'll be at my dad's recording studio. 11 am. Come if you want. It'd be great if you'd be able to record something for us. Any song you want. You have two days to prepare. How about it?" I take the business card and study it.
"I'll have to see." I say apprehensively.
"If you do come, tell the reception your name and that you're my friend, they'll tell you where to go."
"Thanks." I say.
***
I sit at my desk with my history papers spread out. The business card is sitting at the corner. I glance at it every once in a while, not sure whether to come or not. I focus back on my studying and I hear a knock on the door. My mom walks over to my desk.
"Hey. What's this?" She picks up the card.
"A business card for a recording studio. My friend wants me to record a song."
"What song?" She asks cheerfully.
"I don't know." I say.
"I know how much you like writing. How about you write a song?" I never thought of that.
"It can be about anything you want." I look at the picture of me and Kelly sitting on my desk. "Even about her." I nod my head slowly. "Anyway do what you want, I was just going to see if you wanted lemon chicken for dinner."
"Yeah that's fine." I say. When she leaves I close my books and pull out a notebook and set out on writing a song about Kelly. I want the first song I sing to be dedicated to my best friend.
***
For the next two days, I make sure to complete my homework in school so I have time after school to work on my song. Whenever I work on it, my cheeks are stained with tears but I don't care. On Friday I practice a few times in my room to make sure it's ok. If it's not, I have a few other pop songs I want to perform. One of the times I sing, my mom enters my room with tears in her eyes. She pulls me into a hug.
"How was it?" I ask.
"Amazing." She says. "She would love it."
***
Saturday morning my stomach is in knots. I am so nervous. I hop in my car anyway and plug the address into my GPS. The studio is about half hour away. When I reach there, I follow Cole's instructions and am led into a room where I find Cole and two other people. One of them I presume to be his older brother by the similarities in their facial structure. The other older-looking man I presume is their father. I notice that he and Cole have similar eyes.
"Ellie! You came!" Cole walks over to me. "Let me introduce you to my dad and my brother Roger."
"It's nice to meet you." I say shyly. I shake their hands.
"Is this the shy girl you keep going on about?" His dad asks laughing. I blush. "From what I hear, you're an amazing singer. Ready to perform for us?" He asks me. I freeze.
"Do you have a song you want to perform?" Cole asks me.
"I was actually wondering if I could perform a song I wrote. If not, I have a few other songs." I say pulling out my piece of paper. "I know how the tune goes, I'm just not good with writing notes." I say quietly.
"No problem. I'll listen to it after words and write the music." Roger says. "Cole here and play the guitar, so later we'll add that in." He reassures me.
"Go into that room over there. Let us know when you are ready, and sing to your heart's content." He leads me to the room. I put the paper onto a music stand and nod for them. Cole's dad motions for me to begin. I sing my song and by the end my eyes are filled with tears that I can't hold back. I can't read Cole's expression but he gives me a thumbs up and I walk back out.
(AN: Sorry guys, I won't be writing a song for now, I may write it later and add in it.)
"Are you okay?" He asks me.
"Yeah." I nod. "I always cry when I sing that song." He wipes the tears from my cheeks.
"Who was that about?"
"My twin sister."
"I didn't know you had a twin sister." He says quietly. "What happened?"
"We were in a car crash. She suffered several critical injuries and died later in the hospital. I made it out with a scar." I say lifting up my sleeve to show him what's left of the gash that I had in my arm. He pulls me into a hug.
"I'm so sorry."
"It was a while ago. I wrote that song for her."
Roger and his dad come up to me shaking my hand and telling me I did a good job. I would never have expected this. Roger took me aside and offered me a deal.
"Is it okay if, once we get the accompanist added to the song, we put this on iTunes and perhaps a few radio stations? I think you can make it big. So does dad. Maybe once I get the music down, I can get you to come back, rerecord the song with Cole, we can fine tune it, and get it out there. How's that sound?" I was shocked. I would never have though that this would be happening.
Cole leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Say yes." I begin to nod rapidly.
"Yeah, uh yeah sure. Woah." I stutter excitedly.
***
3 months later
I pace back and forth getting ready to go on stage. This is my first concert. Ever. And me? I'm a nervous wreck. I hear the crowd outside chattering and cheering. Ever since Kelly's song made it into the top charts, I've been working on writing new original songs and performing them with Cole. I've learned to balance school and my new career. I was offered a tour deal last week, but I only agreed to do it in my summer vacation. Last month my first album was released. I named it Missing You, the same name as my first song. And now I am here, getting ready to perform on stage with Cole.
"Quit pacing, Ellie. You're gonna be fine. You've practiced on this stage before."
"Yeah but not with so many people. Wait, how are you not nervous? It's your first concert too"
"I've got my girlfriend on stage with me." He nudges me slightly. I blush.
"You're on in thirty seconds," one of the crew says.
"Ready?" Cole asks.
"Ready." I say. "You?"
"Ready as I'll ever be. I'll be right here with you." He says.
"And now. In their first live performance, give it up for Ellie McMillan and Cole Jackson!" I take a deep breath and listen to the cheers in the crowd. I move my feet, one in front of the other until I am center stage in the spotlight. Cole sits on the chair right next to me. He smiles and encourages me to talk.
"Hi." I say into the mic. The crowd bursts into cheers. "I'm going to start by dedicating my first song and the concert in all, to my twin sister and best friend. Kelly. Unfortunately she is no longer with us in body, but I believe that she's still here in spirit." The crowd cheers again. A picture of us when we were younger is projected behind me and I begin to sing Missing You with Cole right by my side.
Two hours later, I sing my last song. I wrote it soon after I got the news of my song being in the top charts. It was about breaking out of my shell and making it big. I end my first concert with four simple words.
"I love you Kelly!"