GUILT HAD CELESTIA'S STOMACH in knots. They have been back at Hogwarts for nearly two weeks now, and she had yet to tell anyone else about the Dark Mark marring her skin.
The rest of the spring holidays had passed by in a daze. She had spent minimal time with her friends without arousing suspicion, and she worked almost on autopilot to avoid everything she could.
Draco had become more protective of her, and if her friends noticed, they didn't say anything. Usually, he would be sat beside her; in classes, meals, and while they were studying. They were practically glued together by their hips, one always trailing after the other.
She hated herself for not telling her friends, the guilt of it racking up day by day. Since when had she begun to keep so many things from them? Sometimes, when her friends would glance at her for a moment too long, she feared that they knew. That they were about to stand up and yell for the entire school to hear "Celestia's a Death Eater!" even if she knew in her heart that they would never announce such a thing.
Celestia's tip about Harry's undisclosed group had finally been followed through a couple days ago. Proffesor Umbridge had not believed her at first, most likely because her father was currently all over front pages of the Daily Prophet stating that he was rallying Death Eaters to overthrow the Ministry. In the end, her loathing for Harry won out, and she and the Inquistorial Squad — a group she had not been selected for due to her father, she assumed, but all her friends had — had caught Potter and his group of bandits red-handed.
Harry had not been the one to take the fall, however, which should not have surprised Celestia. Dumbledore had been the one to take the blame, claiming that their little group was of his doing, a small army of teenagers he was training to supposedly overthrow the government. He had disappeared, and in his place, Umbridge had become headmistress.
Celestia disliked Umbridge as much as the next girl, but she found that in a place of authority, she much preferred her than Dumbledore. Harry, however, was seething with hardly refined rage.
She was not surprised when he took out his anger on her. It was much to her astonishment, though, when he snapped at her in the Great Hall at breakfast one morning.
It had been subtle, yet entirely intentional. She arrived late that morning, having purposely slept in so that she wouldn't have to spend too much time mulling over her guilt around her friends than necessary. The fact that she was avoiding them because of her guilt, only made her feel more guilty.
"Yeah, I don't get it either, Ron. Honestly, all Slytherins are, are evil. Do you remember when—?" Harry had said it loudly as she passed, him and his posse were walking out of the Great Hall after finishing breakfast.
She should have ignored it. She knew that she should have ignored it. It was bait, yet she still took the bite. All that regret she felt for getting the Dark Mark, even if it meant the safety of her friends; that guilt she felt for keeping secrets from her friends like she never had before; that anger she felt that her father had not contacted her in over a year, not even for a birthday; it all snapped in her like a thread.
"Peter Pettigrew," said Celestia as she passed.
His head snapped towards her, confusion evident on his face. Ron and Hermione had turned to look at her too, the latter looking more worried than confused.
"What?" asked Harry.
"Ironic that you call Slytherins evil, but Peter was in Gryffindor, wasn't he? You would think that you'd consider the man who fundamentally murdered your parents to be the biggest evil; but no, kids in green are the one you're worried about," she stated.
"He's only one Gryffindor, Slytherin is full of evil," spluttered Ron, his jaw set.
"Cedrella Weasley, that's your grandmother, isn't it, Weasley? She was a Black before that, and in Slytherin too. Does you prejudice extend to family, or are you just hypocritical?" continued Celestia. Ron opened him mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "You know, I am so fucking tired of you being prejudiced towards Slytherins for no other reason than the colour of their robes, and the bloodline of their family. It's not right."
"It's not just me—" responded Harry gruffly.
"That's the problem. It's everyone in this godforsaken school. They curse you, and hex you, and they jinx you, because you are the ones that outcasted us. It is within Slytherin that you will find loyalty like no other because we understand each other like no other. In the years that this school shunned me because of my father's reputation, it was with them I found solace. Not the house dubbed kind, caring, patient, and fair. Not the house dubbed wise, intuitive, observant, and acceptant. Not the house dubbed chivalrous, valiant, trusting, and honourable. No, it was the house of ambition, power, cunning, and assertion."
She was aware that she had more attention on her than just the trio's. They had stopped near the entrance of the Great Hall, right in the line of sight of everyone eating breakfast. It was so cliché that if it had been anyone but Harry Potter standing in front of her, she might have laughed.
"I would tell you not to make an enemy of them, but I think it is too late. You underestimate how cunning, how self-reliant, how clever they have become while you shun them. As your allies, Slytherins would lead you to victory with a strategic plan like no other, especially if they had a Ravenclaw by their side. But as your enemy, it will be your downfall when they read your plan and counter it perfectly.
"When the time comes, you can not expect Slytherin's to stand by your side. Not when asking them to ally with you would mean betraying their family, and for what? People who had bullied them the moment the Sorting Hat decided their fate? Even then, when they are not willing to betray their family, you will call them evil and you will call them selfish, and wonder why, when the next war comes, that still, you do not have full capability to destroy this new threat. And if this new threat was Slytherin, it would only solidify you prejudism. But one thing you forget, no matter how cliché it is, is that villains are not born, but made. The next time you face one of You-Know-Who's followers, I hope you remember it was you and your predecessors who made them join Him," ranted Celestia.
Perhaps she was being hypocritical, saying that not all Slytherins were evil, when she bore the enemies to mark on her skin.
Perhaps, though, she is evil. She realises as she talks to Harry, that she would accept that fate gladly. But she will not allow him to slander every Slytherin who had done nothing but exist. Because she sees the tear-stained face of the first years after being bullied by other houses, she sees the other three houses bound together in arrays of red, blue and yellow, she hears the boo's of three quarters of Hogwarts as a Slytherin makes a goal in Quidditch. She remembers it, how they have treated her, and her house. She would not let them forget it.
"Celestia, I'm—I'm trying to understand where you're coming from but I just don't see it. Maybe Peter was a bad apple, but he is only one in hundreds. But how many Slytherins have supported Voldemort over the years?" She shook her head, as if Slytherins standing by Voldemort truly pained her. "My offer of friendship is still open, Celestia. The Slytherins are not who you think they are. They're bullies, full of self-preservation. When they betray you, I'll still be here," interjected Hermione.
"I thought you smart, Hermione, and, oh, how I hate to be wrong. You call their actions bullying, when rather it is retaliation. I will not deny that some Slytherins are relentless bullies, but do not put the blame on us, when the true bullies have band together to fill three quarters of the school to pick on the outcasted," replied Celestia.
"We do not bully. Dumbledore would never stand for that," said Ron.
They were going against her; three to one. Maybe in the past she would feel overwhelmed going against all three of them by herself. Outnumbered without Theo's calming touch on her shoulder or back, without Pansy by her side threatening to curse them, without Blaise's lethal glare pinning them to the ground, without Draco's smug remarks.
Not anymore. It may be for the Dark Mark marring her skin. It may be for the festered anger she had harboured for years. It may be for the jealousy she felt of Harry taking her father from her. Whatever it was, her own self-preservation kicked the bucket.
She knew that her friends were in the room, could feel their gazes on her instinctively. They weren't the only people looking at her either, but with everyone looking at her, she didn't spiral into a panic attack; they needed to hear this, and if it had to be from her, so be it. Celestia was not sure why her friends did not approach her, perhaps they were too shocked at her outburst, or they somehow understood her need to do this alone. Either way, she was thankful.
"Dumbledore was a shitty headmaster." More than a couple people gasped. "Years, Slytherin students have suffered bullying. But it had not just been from the students. Maybe staff have not bullied us directly, but did they ever get other students to stop? When an eleven-year-old is sneered at and called evil for wearing green and silver, where was your precious Dumbledore then? Where was your precious Dumbledore when I was told to I needed to be sent to Azkaban before I snapped and killed everyone around me? He's a manipulative, piece of shit, and when you realise that, it'll be too late."
"Snape—"
Celestia was not sure which out of the trio had spoken, but it no longer mattered. Their voices had blurred into one. She might as well have had smoke coming out of her ears.
"Snape treats Slytherins the way Gryffindors are favoured by others. He gives us more points in Potions because you earn them easily in other classes, whereas other teachers are reluctant to give us points unless absolutely necessary. You're blind. If you think Hogwarts is fair, you're blind. Pureblood, mudblood. It wouldn't matter if you didn't force our hand. If you didn't blame our parents actions on us," she interrupted.
Harry opened his mouth to respond, a comeback resting on the tip of his tongue. She did not give him a chance to speak.
"Call me evil. Deem me a traitor. Make me your villain. It might have taken me this long, but I realise it now. If I can not be better than you, I vow to you that I will become so, so much worse."
No one spoke. The entire Great Hall had turned to look at the group some time during Celestia's monologue. Everyone was looking at her; yet, in that moment she did not care because they were really looking at her for the first time. She could sacrifice her anxiety, be willing to endure panic attacks if it meant that they listened.
So what if she bore the Dark Mark. So what if they were exactly right about her. They can attack her, rip her to pieces, steal her father, but accuse hundreds of students who had done nothing but be loyal to her throughout the past five years?
Draco, Blaise, Pansy, and Theo were her family through and through. But so was the rest of the Slytherin house. She would let no one insult her family, even if she was being hypocritical in their defence.
She realised, as she glanced at the staff table — who were all looking at her as well, that she did not care if there would be any punishment for what she just said. If she got a detention, got suspended or expelled, she did not care. If she got kicked out of Hogwarts, it would not matter. She would not stay in a place that shamed her for the colour of her clothes any longer if they forced her out.
Though none of the teachers moved nor spoke. None yelled at her to meet them at their office immediately, or striped points from the Slytherin house. They simply just stared at her. Just like all the students were. As if they had never seen her before, like she had smashed through the roof and was declaring herself a gift from God.
She could not stand another minute in that room. Not because of their stares, but because she feared that if she stayed another moment looking at Harry Potter's face, she would do something she would regret.
She turned, pushing the large doors of the Great Hall open and leaving. She was going to skip her classes today, O.W.L's be damned. She wanted to turn around and flip them off but decided against it so she would not appear immature, deciding to give them the middle finger mentally instead.
Celestia made her way back to the Slytherin common room purely by muscle memory. Anger flowed off her in waves, her jaw clenched so tightly that her face was beginning to ache. She wanted nothing more than to punch a wall or hex someones face off.
Entering the common room, she was extremely thankful to find it empty. First period was due to start any moment. She had left for breakfast with only a couple minutes for a short breakfast, and now more than ever was she thankful that she had decided to skip out on breakfast. If there had been anyone else in the room, she would have exploded.
"Celestia!" Theo yelled, and she spun around to find him following her into the common room. "What's up with you?"
"What's up with me? Did you seriously just ask me that? Was what I said wrong?" seethed Celestia.
"Of course it isn't wrong, CeCe. And even if it was, I wouldn't argue with you on it. You know that," said Theo softly, attempting to soothe her anger.
"Then what did you mean?" she asked, trying to reign in her anger.
"Don't play that game with me," scoffed Theo.
Celestia rolled her eyes. "I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm going to go rest."
She made her way towards the girls dormitory, not wanting to get in a row with her friend. She only made it a couple of steps before Theo spoke again.
"I'm really worried about you, you know? I know that you know that you can come to me with anything, along with the rest of the group, yet you haven't. You've started avoiding us too. You're keeping something from us," accused Theo.
She turned around to face him, walking backwards as she responded. "You're making something out of nothing. Everything is fine, Theo."
He took large strides forward, stopping only a couple centimetres away from here.
"You forget that I know you better than anyone, darling. Somethings happened, and you've kept it from me," continued Theo.
"I told you, Theo, everythings fine—" she tried to take a step away, but he wrapped a hand around her left forearm.
Her entire body locked in on itself. Every muscle was tensed, and her face had dropped. The heat of his hand on top of her Dark Mark was like an entity on its own. She was wearing the school robes, he couldn't see the mark himself, but her own knowledge of it made her heart beat rapidly.
"You flinched a couple weeks ago when I tried to hug you. You just tensed under my touch. Say the word, and I'll never touch you again. Tell me stop touching you, that I did something to make you afraid of me and uncomfortable by me. I'll cut off my own hand if that makes you happy, but you've got to tell me," he pushed.
Her entire body was still locked, but her face softened. It wasn't his fault. She knew that. Yes, Nightmare Theo had scared her. Yes, she had tensed when he touched her Dark Mark. But neither of those things had to do with him. He has done nothing to make this reaction come out of her. It was her fault, not his.
"Theo, it's nothing to do with you. You've done nothing," Celestia tried to explain.
"I knew it," he said.
Then he yanked the sleeve of her robe up, exposing her Death Eater mark to him. She jerked back, but his grip on her arm was steel. He stared at it, and she waited on bated breath for him to say something, anything.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
She gulped. "I—"
"Since when did we keep secrets from each other, Celeste? Merlin knows I'd burn down the world for you, yet you won't even tell me this?"
"It's nothing," gritted Celestia.
"Nothing? Nothing? I don't give a shit if you're a Death Eater, but what I do care about is that you tell me. You don't have to do this alone," said Theo.
She hated herself for tearing up. She had needed to hear those words aloud, because no matter how many times she told herself that, it never got through.
Having noticed her swift change from anger to dejection, he loosened his grip and tugged her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist, placing her head in the crook of his shoulder. He wrapped one arm around her, using his other hand to cradle her head. He spoke his next words softly. "Did they force you to do it?"
She let out a shaky breath, a couple tears wetting his neck. "It was my choice."
"Okay," he hummed. He didn't sound angry or confused. "What does he want you to do?"
"He just—He just wants information on the ongoings of Hogwarts. Nothing much." Her voice was quiet and timid as she spoke, a way Theo had never heard her speak before.
"You're not doing this alone," said Theo.
"But—"
"My dad wants to me to get the mark as soon as I turn sixteen. I've tried everything to get out of it. If getting the mark means I get to help you, then I'll do it," he interrupted.
She tensed against him. "Your birthday is in a couple weeks."
He mhmed against her hair as if it was a casual piece of conversation. He was rocking her slowly, and she took the moment to embrace the feeling of safety she felt with him.
"Don't do it for me, Theo. Do it because you want to, or if you get it because they force you, then fine, work with me. But if you do this for me and only me, I'll never forgive myself," she said quietly.
He did not respond for a couple moments and she worried that he might deny her terms. Instead he nodded slightly, and she allowed herself to relax.
"Promise me that you'll be careful around him," uttered Theo.
"I promise," she sniffled. "You're my best friend, you know that?"
"I thought Pansy was," he said.
"She's Pansy, that's different," she said, offering no further explanation.
"You're my best friend too, but don't tell Blaise," he echoed. She smiled against him. They were silent for a couple moments, basking in each other's embrace before Theo spoke again. "Let's get you into bed before you combust from stress, anxiety, sadness, and anger all at once."
"That's impossible," said Celestia, pulling away.
"Do you know anything about anatomy?" he questioned.
She paused. "No."
"Neither do I, but we should probably take a precautions in case you do implode."
AUTHORS NOTS
i wrote this really late again (no surprised there) so im sorry if the fights cringy and the writings just bad in general </3
i really need to get a move on cause we're 20 chapters in and yet we're still in order of the phoenix. expect chapters to pick up pace from here on out.
for those of you that remember or found me via tiktok, it was because i had made one of those silly y/n insert tiktok POVs. in honour of one year of dracotok (WTF HOW HAS IT BEEN A YEAR???) i made a recent tiktok that you can see in the link below. kinda cringe kinda weird but i wanted to show you guys anyways cause it made me kinda sad.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZSJvEVEu4/
once again, i hope you're all enjoying this story. your comments make my day and let me know that you're enjoying it, so please keep commenting :) remember to vote and let me know what you want to see in the future!
yours,
beths.