It was calm. Quiet even.
Y/n wished it would just be like that for the rest of the day, but that would be asking for too much.
It was lunch, Y/n was quick to escape before any of her classmate could ask her to join them for meal which the girl always had a hard time declining unless she had a reasonably honest reason why she should not join them.
Besides, the girl did like spending lunch with them because it's more comfortable than being alone.
However, she escaped today so she could have some refresher. A time for herself as she finally sneaked into the backdoor where the forest was. She thought she needed to rest for a while before checking out on the rest of the squad.
Finding herself in a comfortable tree, Y/n sat. She pondered about a lot of things despite the argument in her head that says that she should be happy because she's no longer alone.
The brother she so much missed had come to this place and the friends she cherished were happy to see her as well. But Eren didn't seem to enthusiastic as he always was.
She inhaled deep, catching the scent of the trees around her which gave her a calmer atmosphere.
Yes, her problem right now was Eren. One of her special someone that she missed as well. His aura seemed to have... changed? And the formerly enthusiastic eyes that she loved to looked at, seemed like it belonged to a distant stranger now, lifeless and unmotivated.
It worried her to no end. Just when she thought--well, expected, that everything was falling to a place of her happiness at least. But guess not.
She wanted to talk to him. Given that chance she would probably ask a lot of questions and inquire him why he ignored her all of the sudden so she'll know what to do in the future.
And it seems like her wish came true. In the midst of her worried thoughts, she heard a zipping noise and someone landing beside her from the branch she sat from.
The girl turned towards the said person, not failing her expectation and finally saw Eren again.
So he still knew that she likes to run into a forest when she's nowhere to be seen in general, huh?
She greeted him with a smile on her face as she looked at him stood there.
"The squad is looking for you." He said in a monotonous voice which Y/n had noticed.
"I thought I'd get a bit of fresh air." She replied.
There was a moment of silence between them. The wind blew, swaying their hairs and pushing off the leaves as another set came to fall into the grassy ground.
Y/n glanced at the young man who seemed to be in deep thought. She wanted to say she missed him, but she hesitated. It felt like he'll hate what she'll say right now so she decided to stay quiet and wait.
The questions she wanted to ask so bad were sealed off of her closed lips.
Not long enough, Eren finally spoke.
"The squad finally got to exterminate all titans in Paradis." He told her.
The girl smiled again, but now feeling a pang of sadness taking over her. If she was there, she might have been able to fight alongside everyone and see the ocean together with them as well.
"You guys are amazing." She said and looked down the grass on the ground.
"It would have been better if we managed to cross the sea."
"Cross the sea?" She tilted her head confused.
His eyes hinted an unexplainable shine. It was not enthusiasm but hatred. Y/n could only wonder why. "The enemy were there." He muttered as he felt another surmount of discontent reach his face.
"Eren?" Y/n called out. Trying to reach out to him but she stopped herself thinking that he might evade and ignore her again.
"But in the end, we were sent here." He sounded quite mad, while the girl looked at him. "We were so close. Just across that sea we can finally face the enemies." He clenched his fist, which trembled with rage.
The girl felt like a lump was stuck on her throat. She folded her knees up and hugged her legs tight, closer to her. Eren's goal was fulfilled. He exterminated all the titans already but he wasn't satisfied with this progress.
"We're finally free from them. You guys already contributed to Paradis more than you can think of." She told him, trying to at least ease his mind. But it seemed that she was wrong.
"You don't understand, Y/n. If we can't reach them, then what's the point of going further? Just to be shot in this place? We were so close, Y/n. So close to confronting those people."
"Zeke is also here, Eren. He can kill anyone anytime."
"Why do I have to care about this place?" He directed a glare at her which she was not prepared for.
"Eren they are people who didn't know how to slay titans. They don't have walls." She explained.
"What of it?" He responded back.
"You clearly know what I'm trying to say. Without the squad, they wouldn't be able to survive. They are not trained." She explained.
"Why does the squad had to care, Y/n? Isn't this solely your fault?" He asked.
Y/n looked up at him confused. She was feeling odd by what he was saying, her heart was tightening and it hurt her to no end how coldly he would looked at her and speak words she never expected that would come out of his mouth.
"The only reason why we got here is because of you, Y/n. If you didn't betrayed everyone's trust with your lie and get yourself here, these damned other world wouldn't have existed."
"What?" The girl's eyes twitched, her body slightly flinched from his words. It felt like her heart was getting pierced piece by piece. "Why are you being like this all of the sudden?" She asked.
"If you didn't get here in the first place, then Zeke, Reiner or the titans wouldn't have come to exist in this place."
The girl stood up, abruptly grabbing him by the sleeves with her shaky hand. But somehow, she couldn't actually say anything back no matter how she attempted to open her mouth.
That time, she couldn't take facing her brother anymore let alone hurt him. So the last minute decision she had was to drown herself because she didn't have the courage to let Levi kill her, especially with a hesitant eyes.
Die alone, where she wouldn't see anyone's expressions. To stop the guilt. But she didn't expect that something like this would actually happened.
Thinking about it, Eren did have the right to blame.
"I'm sorry..." was all she could say.
He didn't say anything for a few seconds before he decided to speak again. "You've even gotten weak. I guess you've been living well." He sarcastically emphasized, taking another hit to her chest.
Yes, she has been rather living well. This place saved her.
"While we were working hard to slay all the titans. And when we were finally one step closer to the real goal, you just have to interfere."
"I didn't mean to." She nearly croaked. "I didn't know this was going to happen. If I knew, I..." if she knew, then what? She would've stabbed herself to death?
"If you knew, what?" Eren scoffed. "Kill yourself in a different way?"
She looked down again while he pulled his sleeve which she was holding. Y/n nearly tripped because of that, nearly causing for her to fall, but the young man was quick to push her harshly that she hit her back on the tree.
"Eren--"
"I guess it's time we end this stupidity." He cut her off.
"What?"
"You became so different, Y/n. The real Y/n that I know isn't this pitiful and useless. It was already to the point that it's hateful."
The girl frowned. There are things that she can take, but there are also things that have gone too far that she cannot tolerate. "You were the one who was clearly changed. Why are you being insensitive?"
"From your lie, you gave both Reiner and Bertoldt some time not to get caught." He started. "Us, who believed that you were who you claimed you were being the colossal titan, let our guards down. Do you know how many died because of that? You should have thought about consequences of what you did, Y/n. You killed a lot of soldiers because of that lie."
"I..." I didn't have a choice. Y/n remembered Reiner's words that she didn't want to listen to. The same words that she wanted to say right now but she stopped herself.
Eren was right. He had all the rights to say that to her and she couldn't say anything back because no matter what, it was life that's at stake. And because she didn't want her brother and friends to die at that moment, she chose.
Either ways, no matter which path she would've chosen that time were going to have a loophole that included a lot of lives at stake.
"Let's not talk like this anymore." He said.
When no more words were said between the two, Eren decided to leave while Y/n remained on that tree, trying to hold herself back from threatening tears.
She quickly jumped down on the ground and as soon as she landed a sob involuntarily escaped her lips and tears made its way out of her eyes.
She sat down on the grass and hid her face to her knees feeling very much defeated. So tired and broken.
Just how many times had she given up but still couldn't even say her surrender. It was so tiring, but she needed to repent and this is probably one of those karma from the conscience that is eating her.
It was so damn painful that she couldn't breathe.
Meow...
Y/n heard the soft voice of a kitten but didn't lift her head. She could feel the soft fur rubbing itself to her legs which was very fluffy.
Meow...
Meow.
Meow..
More cats followed and gathered around her, making the girl to finally raised her head up to see the blurry images of someone standing a meter away.
Deliberately wiping her tears, Shinso's image finally cleared up in her sight, but the tears that didn't stop escaping her eyes made the image blurry again.
"I'm sorry..." she buried her face again after croaking continuous apology, her apologies held all pain and the heave of Eren's words.
It was all her fault. The chaos of titans threatening this world was because she survived on that river from the very beginning.
"I'm sorry..."
Warmth. As she cried, a pair of arms made its way around her shoulders and secured her with what warmth the person could give.
Shinso didn't say anything but remained still, feeling her trembling figure in his hold. It broke his heart seeing how vulnerable this strong girl was.
He kept quiet as he heard it all. He wanted to speak but decided not to interfere and simply listened to how the conversation turned into an argument, an argument that revealed the truth and the truth that sent her to a breaking point.
Y/n Ackerman is indeed strong and very charismatic. But that word was just the outer shell that patches up her build up guilt that kept killing her inside everyday and every second of her life.
Shinso and the stray cats that were with him remained by her side while she cried quietly, trying her best not to be heard by anyone, not wanting to be found.
Only the gen ed student heard her sobs and he felt terrible not being able to comfort her properly. He didn't know how nor any close friends he could ask for help with.
He could ask Mr. Aizawa as he was his mentor, but he doubt he'll say a good advice. And he couldn't leave Y/n in this state either so he decided to just embrace her, soothe her back while the cats try to lessen her stress.
He knew Y/n's outburst was nothing simple. As someone who uses stretegical conversations and psychological methods for his quirk he can tell.
"Y/n... just know that what's happening in this place, is not your fault." Shinso softly told her. "It's not your fault. I know it's not, it never were." He soothed her hair, gently caressing it while she cried.
But he continued speaking.
"You saved hundreds of people. Without you here, what could have happened?" He said. "And don't take the blame for something that you didn't even do. It's not in your control to stop something that you are not even aware of."
Just why did that guy have to hurt her this much?
She didn't deserve to be emotionally stabbed like that!
Unnoticed by him, green eyes watched from a distance. His eyes showing evident of regret, sadness and guilt. His body desperately wished to go back there and comfort her but he stopped himself.
He clenched his fist, his nails digging through the lines of his palm.
Sooner or later, Y/n will forget about this.
He didn't deserve someone as amazing as her. She deserved someone better than the hatred and revenge consumed person that he has become.
.
So I'm actually hesitating if I should publish this. But then again, I wanted some drama... so, my hand slipped and published it. Lol
Let's give others a chance, there will still be Eren fluff later so don't worry. They just broke up... and... er... the author just wanted drama.
Bye~