It's one of those quiet mornings where the steam from your cup of tea swirls in the air before fading into nothingness. As I reach my hand out to touch it it simply swivels way, coiling around my fingers and then disappears. I wish I could go with it.
But the curel morning cold reaches for me from outside the window. I can feel time moving, shifting, rolling closer and closer to me. If only I had learned to stop time.
The corners of my lips curl up in a bitter bow. It's funny how pain can be so amusing and haunting at the same time. I have to keep myself from bursting out into... laughter or tears, I'm not sure.
Dad comes down dressed in a dark armour of black suit and sorrow. He takes a deep breath and stops in the doorway to the kitchen, looking like a knight ready for his last battle. He grips a slim silver objekt in his hands, much like tha handle of a sword and I can't help but worry that he's going to fight for me.
But the thing in his heavy hands is just a candle holder and I can see on his face that he's just getting ready to lose me. My hard shelled heart craks open as I look at him, at his sorrow.
"Your mom always wanted you to have this" he tells me as if we both aren't questioning the worth of life right now. "It's just a silver candle holder, but your mom got it from the wolf that helped deliver you. She told us that a having burning candle in the house during your first year would help keep the darkness away..." he trails off and looks away. I let my eyes fall to the floor.
"Thank you; it's beautiful" I murmur. Suddenly he looks up at me.
"You know I never believed in such things. I... We loved you, so, so much and what happened that night, and now... it's all just life. And life would have happened either way" he tries to explain but I look at him with a furrowed brow.
"Dad" I exclaim with a breathless voice.
"No, never mind. I'm just thinking about her and the past. Here." He lays it gently in my astonished hands. "Good luck today, Elmer. We both wish you the best" he wishes me lovingly but sadly, as if he's confessing a broken promise, and I don't understand if he's refering to my mother or my mate.
The air in the kitchen becomes stuffy with unsaid greif to the point where I can feel them in my throat. Yet I cannot move. Dad drinks his coffee while I stare out the window at the falling snow. How can horror be so serene?
A car breaks the stuffy silence before I hear someone knocking on the door. The former luna enters smoothly as if she was not in human shape right now. She looks at me properly for the first time ever I think, but her eyes stick to the gift in my hands.
"The preperations are all done. We are ready to recieve you" she informs me instead of asking me if I'm ready. I nod of course. It's all I can do. The mother of the alpha can not be denied. I wonder if Simon sent her because he explected me to run? The thought almost sends me laughing but I contain it and give her an obidiently shy smile instead.
"I just need a minute" I say and head for the stairs. In the split of a moment I imagine seeing something worrysome on her face but she refrains from saing anything, and when I blink her usual grim expression is back.
I gather my most important things while a strange cold descends on me. The white suit fits me prefectly but I feel everything but confident. I wonder if they will bury me in it?
I place my hand against the window I've peered out through all of my life. There will be new windows now. New mornings. New colds. I dare not ponder what kind of cold there will be in my new home. It is to much to add to my heavy chest.
My father only dares to give me a quick hug as I leave. His hands tremble against my back but he clenches them behind his own when he lets go.
"I will see you soon" he tells me with a hard ganied smile and then the luna opens the door. Mysterious snow falls slowly outside. The wind is still and it's so quiet I can hear my own breaths. The moon has filled the air with fate today.